How would/do you handle this?

I do want a divorce. But I'm also old fashioned and know she can't financially handle being on her own without my income. I truly know the feelings are gone.as for the kids i also know that its not worth it to be in hell for the kids i feel like I'm stuck

People change/grow apart, that happens. You have to get that conversation STARTED. It appears your wife may be the dominate one and she controls the conversations. If she gets upset when you mention divorce then try to have the long overdue conversation that goes like this:

1. I am not happy/we are not happy
2.Where do we stand/where do we go from here
3.Living arrangement
4.Custody arrangement
5.Spousal,child support
Now that's the dramatic version. The practical approach would be to take some "me" time, take a break from the marriage.
Tell your wife I am backed in a corner and I don't like what we have become. I don't want to hurt you in the process but this is NOT healthy for the family. Explain you are still there financially and you will continue to be a wonderful father. But the marriage either needs work or to end. If anything you two need to (((COMMUNICATE))) a.s.a.p

Good luck!

^^^ THIS!

I forgot to mention the kids. There are kids that are totally affected by this

For me the worst part of my parents divorce was their marriage!!!
Dont be selfish and put your kids through unhappiness. Divorce isnt that big a deal. They will deal with it. Just act like freaken adults when dealing with one another and don't make your divorce and all the drama that comes with a split up, their problem.

I'm glad, yet sorry that divorce isn't a big deal to you.
Glad you weren't horribly impacted, yet sorry you don't value it more.

Depending on the age of the children, dumping mom for a new & improved model is CERTAINLY a big deal.
We might be late in the game for 'acting like an adult'

Oh your words are so true.. But I must add that it was more the fighting and drama that came out of their animosity towards each other that impacted me than the actual splitting... If parents handle it properly and still treat their ex spouses with respect and decency the children are spared a lot of confusion and hurt.

And yes I don't hold any value on marriage anymore. It doesn't MAKE people stay together, that takes hard work with each individual.

I didn't realize there was another person involved, but that definitely shows its a bit late to be decent!! Shame on you OP!!
Kids aren't as stupid as you think. I knew about the other women and I was still in Primary School! It took me a long time to realize that all men aren't stinking cheaters..

I wish people would just THINK about what they are doing to those around them before taking action because of basic human needs. (the need to ****)

Must be nice for some to have all the answers, my guess is they haven't been where the op is. It's a sad, dark, lonely and confusing place to be. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My advice,do everything you can to make it work then try harder and if that doesn't work be the best dad you can be and a great ex husband. I wish you well, it isn't easy.

I have. The difference is, I didn't have someone waiting in the wings when I was in that dark place. My husband wanted to work things out, I didn't. We also started marriage counseling and are still together and happier now than we've ever been in the 23+ years we've been together. A marriage can be repaired if you are willing to try, but it can take a lot of work.

I'm glad you were able to repair your marriage, that is the ideal outcome but not always possible.

OP, from the little you've posted, YOUR marriage is what YOU'VE made it. You chose to let it become something you hate by not trying to work it out. You chose to not communicate. You chose to allow yourself to become involved with another woman without consideration for your wife, whom you loved enough at one point to make vows to . Now you're choosing post your dirty laundry on the interwebz. Frankly, I think you're a narcissist who makes bad decisions.

But that's just my opinion, a random person on the interwebz.

ETA: To answer the original question, I'd seek marriage counselling and ditch the woman on the side. So long as she's there, you've given yourself an excuse. My guess is that your wife doesn't even know what's going on or why, so communication and counselling. You've probably felt under appreciated or something to that affect, let it build over time and latched on when some other woman paid attention to you instead of telling your wife how you felt.

Sounds toxic. Get out, get a restraining order. It will be difficult on the kids at first, but they will be better off with their parents apart, than if you are together and in an unhealthy relationship.

I stayed with my husband for years and was completely unhappy. I finally found the strength and courage to leave earlier this year. Our divorce should be final very soon. We have a 17 year old daughter. It's hard on her, and because she is "older", she can understand a little better than she would have if she was younger.

I think there is a large chunk of this story missing in order to put it into context. :huh:

You mean, like her side.... and the truth? The missing 2 sides of the story?

yes, but even aside from those, think there are some details left out of what we're reading..

Also...in your head the grass is greener on the other side with the poor girl you are stringing along....but think about this....if you did this, cheating, WITH her...then lets say ya'all get together....don'tch'ya think you'll go slut around with another shiny new girl when you get sick of her too? :brokenheart: :huh:

^^^^Fixed it for ya

So, OP is married, he is all over the forums telling ladies how nice their *kitten*' are and that he would bang them. He states that his wife is psycho and that he can not stand her anymore, and also admits that there is another woman.



Pfffft! GROSS!

So, OP is married, he is all over the forums telling ladies how nice their *kitten*' are and that he would bang them.

Where did this come from?

The OP has a pretty low opinion of his wife and it will take some work to get over that - once you have a negative view of something it's easy to keep reinforcing that by noticing other things that annoy you. It's a difficult frame of mind to get out of.

I feel sorry for the wife, it can't be fun for her either. She's probably concerned about divorce for the sake of the kids - maybe she needs to think about herself too and move on with her life.

Good luck OP and family, hope it ends well for everyone.

Okay, who has the Michael Jackson popcorn gif?