Body Image and Relationships

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Replies

  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
    pfft figures. Yeah you could totally do better.

    And you should totally do better. Unless he wants to pay for your skin surgery and recovery time, I suppose. In which case you could consider it, although if I were you I'd just walk away.
  • CantStopWontStop92
    CantStopWontStop92 Posts: 165 Member
    You deserve a whole lot better. I'm sorry OP:( It seems silly but physical attraction plays a big role in the dynamic of the relationship. If that person is really invested in you, they'll make you feel like the hottest thang since sliced bread. The guy I'm seeing right now looks like a photo shopped, younger, ripped Antonio Banderas. Just about fell over when I met him. This guy could get any girl he wanted, but he is constantly reminding me how pretty he thinks I am, how awesome he thinks my body is, blahblahblah. I'm very much aware that I'm not where I want to be yet physically, but in a relationship I don't need to hear constant critique. Demand better of your partners OP, it's their loss, not yours, if they can't accept you.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member

    I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

    Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

    I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

    Sorry to hear that you feel bad about yourself, having achieved so much.

    BUT - wth was with the pushing? I can understand what was said was hurtful, but YOU said you "pushed & pushed" for it. Why did you not just let it lie?

    If you were dating someone who wore their former belly as a skirt but they "pushed & pushed" for an explanation of why they sensed you were less attracted to them than they could be, what would you say?

    I don't think you should ditch this person, or be concerned about it being 4 months of dating and not banging yet.

    I do think you should chill out and try really hard not to let your insecurity get in the way.

    Or possibly lay off dating until you are in a really confident headspace.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member


    More importantly, why have you waited 4 months and had no sex yet??

    I am finding all the posts where people are saying '4 MONTHS and no SECHS?!?' pretty funny - what happened to getting to know someone outside the bedroom first? Some of the best bedroom experiences I ever had, I knew the person for years previously.
  • mcliff1975
    mcliff1975 Posts: 3 Member
    Run, Run, Run......... if she's already making you feel less confident at 4 months, imagine having to listen to hear complain about it 20 years from now.
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
    *Update*

    I finally ended things. I miss him a lot but it was a necessary step to preserve my dignity and self-respect. How can one be in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to bestow acceptance. I do feel lonely now, and I miss the fun times we had seeing old movies together and just the companionship in general. But clearly I needed to get out of that situation.

    Every day that passes I feel a bit stronger. He had really hurt my self esteem a lot.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I'm glad you left him. Good for you!! :-)

    I hope you will find someone who is not only a great partner but also loves your body!

    btw...this from a woman who was not that physically appealing to her obese ex husband but is like the dream girl of her super hot fit husband who couldn't keep his hands off her, even at the same weight as before. And now, with saggy skin from losing 99 lb.

    It can happen!! :-)
  • Jennvandemark
    Jennvandemark Posts: 179 Member
    I am glad you stood up for yourself and not letting him hurt you anymore. I am sorry you are lonely :frown: . I hope you find someone soon who will love every part of you. You seem like a very nice guy the next one is going to be darn lucky to catch you. :flowerforyou:
  • FrenchMob
    FrenchMob Posts: 1,167 Member
    Heck, if my wife of 11 years would have told me something like that I would have told her to GTFO of my life NOW, never mind a 4 month relationship.
  • bf43005
    bf43005 Posts: 287
    You made the right choice by leaving. That person clearly didn't care about the person you are and only saw the outside. So what happens as you get older and wrinkle. Yes a relationship should have physical attraction but without the emotional connection it wouldn't last, and would you really want it to? Don't let it hurt your self esteem. You clearly have been making great choices in your life and this was just one more of them. I'm sure you will find someone who absolutely loves you with loose skin, saggy butt, or smelly feet LOL! And you will look back on this person and laugh at how you even thought for a second that they could hurt your self esteem!
  • tula1980
    tula1980 Posts: 54
    Good for you. You've lost the weight because you've realised that your worth the time and effort, so hold out for the partner who's also going to treat you like your worth the time and effort.

    I have to say I've dated a few guys in my younger years who I really enjoyed spending time with but just didn't didn't fancy in that way, I can't imagine any situation which would have actually pointed out body parts like that and said exactly what I didn't like about it! Sounds to me like your worth WAY better than him! Onwards and upwards!
  • JimDandy4
    JimDandy4 Posts: 19
    you need to bounce, bro. you are soaring and she sucks.
  • MaxxieTibbyMom
    MaxxieTibbyMom Posts: 16 Member
    I was going to write something logical but I have to agree with the majority of the response, it is time to call it quit. You can find another one, it just means the best is yet to come. If you cited word-by-word what this person said, I have to say it is rather mean. It is not something I would say to anyone, not even my most disliked co-worker. Have you ever asked why s/he still stays with you if s/he does not find you attractive? Then what exactly does this relationship mean to her? To you? Maybe s/he just wants to get out of the relationship, so be the big one and pull the plug....for both of your sakes. Just remember, the best is yet to come, and you deserve to be with someone who will appreciate you from inside out!

    Your homework for the day - look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say, "I deserve to be with someone who will find me insanely attractive as I am right this moment" 10 times, let me know what happened.
  • earvizu92
    earvizu92 Posts: 320 Member
    Bye bye.........:huh:
  • jkandktmom
    jkandktmom Posts: 1,010 Member
    You're with the wrong guy.

    It's really this simple. The right person will love you inside and out. It is tough to be alone but I imagine it's tough to be with him as well. (((HUGS)))

    Edited because I read your response: I'm happy to read your update. You deserve so much better. The lonliness will pass- unfortunately it happens slowly, but it does pass. :flowerforyou:
  • TropicalFlowerz
    TropicalFlowerz Posts: 1,990 Member
    Oh My goodness!!,never settle...ever! Leave now,hold your head up high,& keep it mov'in!! She is mean and shallow...you deserve better, you'd be doing better just being on your own! Best wishes!
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    *Update*

    I finally ended things. I miss him a lot but it was a necessary step to preserve my dignity and self-respect. How can one be in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to bestow acceptance. I do feel lonely now, and I miss the fun times we had seeing old movies together and just the companionship in general. But clearly I needed to get out of that situation.

    Every day that passes I feel a bit stronger. He had really hurt my self esteem a lot.

    You did the right thing. You will find someone who will love what you are, inside and out.

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