Why is this girl doing this to me? (Girll help)

Options
12357…12

Replies

  • saree2013
    saree2013 Posts: 17
    Options
    I am sorry to say this; but Wake up smell the coffee!
    You are an easy target. You are nice, kind and sweet.
    You have no problem shelling out bucks and listening to her ramble on.
    Of course she is not interested in you in any other way, Why because you are
    life a "brother" or a family member. Because you will be there no matter what.
    You will never ignore the texts, you will continue to give cash when needed, also
    you have no problem talking to her for hours on in.
    Her new love interest is probably opposite of you, you know not as available. IDK
    Anyway, don't do what you have been doing because clearly it is not working in you favor.
    Switch it up, ignore her, ask her for cash, and lastly when you two talk try to talk mostly about you.
    Good Luck!

    You, are amazing! I lived my life like this guy, until someone like you told me the truth.

    Haha. The sad truth is there are so many men out there that are this way. Who do you blame him or her?

    Edit: *winning a losing game*

    If she had deceived him, I would say her, in his own words, she seems to have been brutally honest. As far as myself, it was a constant "why is HE doing this to ME. I am so good to him blah blah blah." I blame myself, everything that "he did" I allowed.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Options
    Grow a pair and move on. She's not into you, she's never been into you, she never will be into you. Period.

    You fell into the classic friend zone way of thinking. Women aren't vending machines you put niceness into until sex comes out. Plenty of women are well aware of this behavior and happy to capitalize on it. Some are also just as naive as you are and don't realize that your 'niceness' is your idea of courting.

    You lost the money and time, they're not coming back. But you can still salvage what's left of your dignity by moving on. Just like weight loss, you'll look back and wish you started today.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
    Options
    RUN RUN RUN from this woman as fast as you can!!!!!!!
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
    Options
    Looks like she had great connection with you, but no attraction, so she made up some bs to say no to you!
    Now she know you are crazy about her and might be using you based on that.
    You are only going to hurt yourself more! If you are thinking, she likes me so much! She might fall in love one day, not going to happen or you might be better off of it did not!
    Try keeping some distance from her! Slowly ignore her calls and text and keep your mind busy with some other activities
  • RosaliaBee
    RosaliaBee Posts: 146 Member
    Options
    Great post.
    You fell into the classic friend zone way of thinking. Women aren't vending machines you put niceness into until sex comes out. Plenty of women are well aware of this behavior and happy to capitalize on it. Some are also just as naive as you are and don't realize that your 'niceness' is your idea of courting.
  • p4ulmiller
    p4ulmiller Posts: 588 Member
    Options
    friendzone-level-99-10960.png
  • sarahertzberger
    sarahertzberger Posts: 534 Member
    Options
    she's totally using you, I really hope you aren't still giving her money and paying for everything for her.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Options
    Move on, unless you want to continue to be used. Spend time with other girls, other new friends.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Options
    Edited: I've just read your OP again a little more carefully.

    You need to get a grip mate and move on.

    If anything I think you're the problem here, not her...
  • fitterpam
    fitterpam Posts: 3,086 Member
    Options
    She sounds immature. She enjoys the attention and that she can crook her finger and you come running. Since you can't change her, it might be looking to see how the experience can change you.

    I don't like the term "used". She actually gave - she gave you a sense of feeling needed, feeling wanted and feeling connected. Gave you the taste of it (as a friend) and then took it away. Those feelings of being needed, wanted and connected trigger certain chemicals in the brain. I really think that's what you're missing - you're not missing her. So how can you use this to help change yourself?

    Bottom line - she has made it clear that she is not connected to you in a way that would indicate something more than friendship. She also made it clear that it will not happen. You are still harboring hope that someday she will change her mind - that is what has to change. She wants you to be happy - but it sounds like you're reluctant to find someone else because maybe....one day......You need to find other things (hobbies, interests, friends) that can help trigger those feelings and chemicals - that's the best way to get over a broken heart. Recognize that she's not perfect - that everyone is complex and capable of doing things to their friends. Ask her not to discuss relationship matters with you - it only serves to associate her with the things that you shouldn't be associating her with. This is where I think she is displaying the most immaturity - by bringing up her boyfriend and stuff with you, she's forcing you to think of her as someone's girlfriend.......I don't know many compassionate women who force their friends to do things daily that they are not comfortable with just so that they can have someone to listen.

    Brace yourself though, it will likely mean that she'll want to find a "real" friend who can listen to her complaints. And that is okay.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    Options
    You can be someone's friend without being used. Just don't pay for things. She obviously does not want a relationship with you, but if she wants to be friends, why not?
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Options
    Than my dad's passing away.

    Your priorities and focus are off, making you an easy target.
    I still really care for her but she really hurt me a lot and I kinda feel being used.

    Doesn't seem to me you're confused at all.
  • RosaliaBee
    RosaliaBee Posts: 146 Member
    Options
    You can be someone's friend without being used. Just don't pay for things. She obviously does not want a relationship with you, but if she wants to be friends, why not?

    Yeah, he just needs to stop paying for stuff in order to try to 'win' her affections.

    I don't see her doing much that's terribly wrong really. She obviously enjoys his company, talking and socialising with him. It's OK to want to spend time with a friend without wanting to be intimate with them. She's been honest about not wanting a relationship with him - even if she did tell a white lie in order to try to let him down gently. She obviously genuinely really likes him, considers him like a brother and wants to help him to find a proper girlfriend too, so she's not messing with his head in a mean way.

    And as for the focusing on her new boyfriend when they were newly together, doesn't everyone do that? It's what happens.
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
    Options
    The only way to get over her is to cut her out of your life. Tell her she has to find a new place to live. You have got to mentally give up on any hopes you have for a relationship with her. Good luck.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
    Options
    Why is this girl doing this to me?

    Because she is selfish and immature. She knows that you're doing all of this out of love and she doesn't mind taking advantage of you because it profits her. Hopefully that changes the way you see her.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    Options
    This is what white knighting get you..............nothing.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    Options
    If a girl is even remotely physically attractive, make your move on her IMMEDIATELY. Never fall into a friend zone with anyone who are physically attracted to. It is best to let women know what you want right away. If they are good with it, so be it. If not, their loss.

    Get her out of your life ASAP.
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
    Options
    Did she ask you to do all that for her, or did you volunteer? When she mentioned money woes, did you jump in to help solve them, or did she ask you first?

    You can enjoy deep conversation with someone without wanting to be intimate with them. You can appreciate someone's company without being sexually attracted.

    I think she is immature, and perhaps oblivious. Not evil. What you can try is to be a friend. Stop paying for things, stop doing her running around, and stop being an enthralled audience. Treat her as you would your male friends. Expect friendship from her and see what she does. If she truly values your friendship, and only friendship as she's stated she's NOT into you, she will still be there.

    ETA: This is only if you actually want to be her friend and not her boyfriend. If she only wants your money and time, then good riddance.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Options
    I don't see her doing much that's terribly wrong really. She obviously enjoys his company, talking and socialising with him.

    Actually neither do I after having read the OP a bit more carefully as I said above.

    It seems they were friends and enjoyed each others company. He developed feelings for her. She declined the relationship. He reacted very badly to this (he felt worse than when did after his Dad passed away. Seriously? I don't even...) which she probably felt bad about. She distanced herself.

    She then probably missed his friendship and got back in contact. He continues to show signs of being very hurt. She therefore talks about her boyfriend to ensure he doesn't live in false hope. She also tries to hook him up with other girls. He continues to mope and creates a thread about it.

    Admittedly some of the things she is doing doesn't sound terribly classy (not paying back the loan promptly) and the way she is handling it sounds a tad crass (talking about the price of condoms.)

    However, I don't think the OP is really a victim here despite that.
  • slimster1970
    slimster1970 Posts: 65 Member
    Options
    At least you lost 10lb in the middle :-)

    Always a positive!

Categories