Honesty About How You Lost Your Weight
Replies
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She's not really lying. She IS on a low carb diet. Weight loss surgery is not a magic pill, people who get surgery can still gain weight if they eat small amount constantly all day. They still have to do all the same work that everyone else has to do to lose weight. It sounds like you are jealous of her success.0
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What she should have said...
...is none of my business.0 -
The way I have been able to loose the weight and keep it off is really by just making better decisions overtime. I have tried so many diets thought the years and I would loose the weight and then gain it all back. This happened to me a lot though the years. It wasn't until a few years ago that I really started to teach myself how to actually take care of my body. That is when I started to see the weight come off and it wasn't from dieting. I have still had to make a few adjustments along the way to see what works for my body. Recently I did a bit of an over hall and the weight just started to come off and it's continuing to come off. I also don't have craving like I use to and if rarely decide to eat junk food because it makes me sick.
This is what I do these days. The majority of my diet is dark leafy green veggies. I can't express over and over again how much of a difference this makes and I see people having a hard time loosing weight all the time when they are in their calorie range. It's not just about calories, but are you actually giving your body the vitamins and minerals that it needs. So yes the majority of my diet is veggies. I also eat lean protein such as chicken, turkey, and lean beef or eggs. I also will use plant based protein powder sometimes. But I don't go overboard. I also eat healthy fats like avocado, minimal nuts and seeds, and cook with coconut oil. Lastly I control how many starchy carbs I eat. Carbs are not a bad thing and you need them to function, but you can get a lot of your carbs from veggies.
This has done wonders for me. I rarely count calories anymore and feel satisfied and don't feel like I am missing out. Also the weight is still coming off. I hope this helps. You will get there and don't give up.0 -
In private, I would talk to her and say that you aren't comfortable with her lying to people about how she lost the weight. I wouldn't call her on it when she does it though, maybe she is struggling with embarrassment over having to have the surgery? I can't imagine that it would be an easy decision to make and it is also personal information as well. She is under no obligation to tell anyone that she meets or causal acquaintances how she lost the weight.0
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I'm working my *kitten* off, lifting, boxing, doing yoga, biking (I was running until my knee started acting up), and I'm proud of that. I have no issue telling people that, and how I started watching what I ate, but didn't starve myself... even allowed myself cookies, ice cream, wine, pancakes, bacon, etc.
Those who are dishonest typically are insecure/ashamed of others' reaction. But it doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. She's an adult. She's made her bed. Worry about you.0 -
As someone who had gastric bypass, I can understand why she might not want to tell people about this choice. It is a very personal decision, and not everyone feels the need to share. It is also very difficult to explain rapid weight loss when you don't want to say, "I had bariatric surgery." So, taking that reason off the table leaves her to tell only the other things she is doing to lose weight.
Truthfully, if she had bariatric surgery - she is in fact eating very low carbohydrates and next to no fat/sweets. I think telling a partial truth is very different than lying when it is no one else's business in the first place. What we chose to disclose to others is our own business. Being put on the spot sometimes leaves us with very little choice.
I was/am not shy about telling people I had gastric bypass, and I have been incredibly successful in the last 4 years (losing well over 200 pounds and keeping it off). HOWEVER, since having my son I have lost 37 pounds. When someone asks me how I lost that weight you bet your *kitten* I tell them I worked hard - counted calories & exercised. Am I lying because I don't disclose that I had bariatric surgery?0 -
But it doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. She's an adult. She's made her bed. Worry about you.
Thank you -- Agree ^^ 100%0 -
I lost weight the "old-fashioned" way...diet and exercise, BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with surgery, if you truly need it to start exercising and implement a healthy lifestyle.
I think some people do view surgery as a "quick fix," and judge it. I think this in turn causes some people who have had surgery to feel self-conscious about it.0 -
I have enough vices of my own to try to micromanage or obsess about anybody's morale compass.0
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I'm often less than honest about how I lost my weight because I tend to undereat due to time constraints, screwed up hunger signals, and lingering anorectic tendencies. I talk about my goals when people ask me how I lost the weight, because I don't want to encourage anyone else to eat 1000kcal/day of mostly vegetables. I am constantly trying to do better and meet rather than fall short of my calorie goals; that's what I talk about (as well as balancing macronutrients, staying hydrated, getting more exercise) rather than admitting I'm not quite eating enough.0
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Maybe her surgery is nobody's business but hers?
I'm instinctively a truthful person, I think most people are when confronted with a direct question. But to be frank, if someone asks you a personal question, there's no reason to feel obliged to tell them whatever it is they want to know.
It's taken me a long time to figure this out. And a lot of salespeople ringing my phone and knocking on my door to realise that just because someone asks you a personal question, you're not obliged to tell them sh1t.0 -
I'm working my *kitten* off, lifting, boxing, doing yoga, biking (I was running until my knee started acting up), and I'm proud of that. I have no issue telling people that, and how I started watching what I ate, but didn't starve myself... even allowed myself cookies, ice cream, wine, pancakes, bacon, etc.
Those who are dishonest typically are insecure/ashamed of others' reaction. But it doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. She's an adult. She's made her bed. Worry about you.0 -
I'm working my *kitten* off, lifting, boxing, doing yoga, biking (I was running until my knee started acting up), and I'm proud of that. I have no issue telling people that, and how I started watching what I ate, but didn't starve myself... even allowed myself cookies, ice cream, wine, pancakes, bacon, etc.
Those who are dishonest typically are insecure/ashamed of others' reaction. But it doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. She's an adult. She's made her bed. Worry about you.
I totally agree. It is NONE of my business and I DO worry about me. We are Christians and setting others up for failure is what really bothers me. Her "lying" let's others believe that if they "cut their carbs" they too will have her success. SO not true. The real reason she lost weight and lost it so quickly is because she now only has 20% of her stomach left. Eating 300 calories a day or less is what got her to where she is. Yes, it's true that the surgery enabled her to eat so little. SO ... all of this being said, she should own what she did, be proud of herself but BE HONEST about how she did it. Don't set others up for failure because simply following a low carb diet won't make you lose over 100 pounds in 5 months. Enough said.0 -
I had the Gastric Sleeve. I was and still am very honest about it. When I was making the plans to be out of the office for my surgery I told everyone in the office and all the branch managers I supported what I was doing. My decision to do this was a 5 year process. I did my research, I knew this was the only way for me, so I was and am very comfortable talking about it. And I think it's stupid to try and hide weight loss surgery. Everyone knows when you start losing a huge amount of weight fast what you did. I mean, come on! I am 2+ years out from surgery and still have 75 pounds to lose and let me tell you, it is really slow now. But the truth is the surgery was the best thing I ever did for myself and I am still happy to talk about it. It's not for everyone, but it is for me and I'm proud of my decision.0
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I would see right through a response like that. Don't think others that know her enough, buy that she (only/just) stopped eating carbs. Anyway, let her live in imaginary world.0
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Yeah, totally gotta admit that if I knew someone like your sister who was (as I see it) blatantly lying, it would really bother me a lot. I would not "call them out on it" in front of others, but I would have a *little* loss of respect for that person and I'd probably comment to them privately (depending on the relationship).
I do think it is fine if someone doesn't want to disclose the details as it's a personal matter. But to lie is quite different, in my opinion.
Sort of a different topic, but I also find it rather irritating when someone has weight loss surgery and chooses to gloss over any negatives about it. Because of a former job I held in the disabilities field, I met many people who had (long ago and very recent) botched gastric bypass, sleeve, etc, and have SERIOUS medical problems stemming from those surgeries. Meanwhile, I've only known a couple of people in my personal life who have had similar surgeries and while they experienced some pretty bad side effects too, they usually present it to others like it was very easy & wonderful. I think maybe this happens due to there being some stigma about it. I dunno. But it bugs me.
(I haven't had anything like that myself, just talking about the people I've met and spoken to about it)
I 100% agree with this. Are you going to talk to her about it?0 -
I'm a very private person, so I can understand why your sister "lied" about her very private medical procedure. It's nobody's business. These days, I would never ask someone how they lost weight - unless they're on this site. They could be sick for all I know. Not my business.I am struggling with lying issues when it comes to being truthful about how you lost your weight. My sister recently underwent a gastric sleeve surgery. In 5 months time she lost over a hundred pounds. Obviously people see the weight dropping off of her and wonder how she did it. I believe in being honest and would have said that I had gastric surgery. She simply smiles and says she lost it following a low carb diet. SO not true. What she should have said is that she had 80% of her stomach removed and because of this she ate 300 calories a day for months and THAT'S how she lost it.
Just wondering what any of you would have done and your feelings about being dishonest in how you lost your weight. OK or not OK?0 -
Honesty may be a good policy but it is also none of any one's business and if people want to ask intrusive and invasive questions, I see no reason to give them all the gory details of what I'm going through with my surgery. I have no intention of lying but at the same time, just as I don't tell people the specifics of how I am not in debt, I am not about to tell them the specifics of how I lose weight.
Its flat out rude to ask questions like that. To say that she's lying because she doesn't want to answer may not describe the entire picture. A lot of people feel shame because they had surgery. You can feel like a failure, like you didn't do it the 'right' way. For her or for others like her, it could bring up a host of issues they are still dealing with themselves.
It is terribly judgmental to decide with blanket statements that some one is lying when it may be as simple as refusing to tell every one with a nose problem the details of your life.
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I'm working my *kitten* off, lifting, boxing, doing yoga, biking (I was running until my knee started acting up), and I'm proud of that. I have no issue telling people that, and how I started watching what I ate, but didn't starve myself... even allowed myself cookies, ice cream, wine, pancakes, bacon, etc.
Those who are dishonest typically are insecure/ashamed of others' reaction. But it doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. She's an adult. She's made her bed. Worry about you.
I totally agree. It is NONE of my business and I DO worry about me. We are Christians and setting others up for failure is what really bothers me. Her "lying" let's others believe that if they "cut their carbs" they too will have her success. SO not true. The real reason she lost weight and lost it so quickly is because she now only has 20% of her stomach left. Eating 300 calories a day or less is what got her to where she is. Yes, it's true that the surgery enabled her to eat so little. SO ... all of this being said, she should own what she did, be proud of herself but BE HONEST about how she did it. Don't set others up for failure because simply following a low carb diet won't make you lose over 100 pounds in 5 months. Enough said.
She isnt setting anyone up for anything. I too am a Christian and to be honest, I am struggling to find the Christ in your post? You are looking at a splinter while you have a plank. Put down your stone and perhaps show some compassion. You sound somewhat jealous honestly.0 -
It is NONE of my business and I DO worry about me.
That's not how you're acting about it. If you truly accepted that it is none of your business, you wouldn't be posting about it behind her back like this.
What you are effectively doing here is spreading gossip about your own sister.
ETA: Agree with the above poster - this smells of jealousy.0 -
I'm really torn on this issue. On the one hand, I don't think lying is the way to go. On the other, I hate that people feel it's perfectly acceptable to ask really intrusive questions and readily expect an answer. I don't think your sister has any obligation to explain her medical conditions and the care she chose with anyone. If I were in her shoes, I'd simply say that I followed a plan prescribed by my doctor. No one really needs to know that that plan included surgery.
This. If you ask a question that's none of your business, you're not entitled to any answer, true or not. If somebody asks me how I lost weight, it's totally fair for me to say it was carried away by leprechauns.0 -
Honesty may be a good policy but it is also none of any one's business and if people want to ask intrusive and invasive questions, I see no reason to give them all the gory details of what I'm going through with my surgery. I have no intention of lying but at the same time, just as I don't tell people the specifics of how I am not in debt, I am not about to tell them the specifics of how I lose weight.
Its flat out rude to ask questions like that. To say that she's lying because she doesn't want to answer may not describe the entire picture. A lot of people feel shame because they had surgery. You can feel like a failure, like you didn't do it the 'right' way. For her or for others like her, it could bring up a host of issues they are still dealing with themselves.
It is terribly judgmental to decide with blanket statements that some one is lying when it may be as simple as refusing to tell every one with a nose problem the details of your life.
Yeah, some people have unbelievable nerve. I too am a very private person. Very closed. But I was raised to be nothing but polite to people and answer questions truthfully like a good girl should. Sometimes I will tell blatant stories just because it's no one business to question the way I live my life.0 -
Maybe she's afraid of people's reaction to it. (Not that it makes it ok to bs everyone.)
If anything, help her to see that there's nothing to be ashamed of. She doesn't have to lie in order to keep it quiet. She could just smile and say she lost it by putting in hard work.
this0 -
I totally understand your annoyance. My ex had gastric bypass last spring. He's lost 90 lbs since around April. My son has lost 60 lbs over the past year by watching what he eats (he's 17) all on his own. I've lost 60 lbs since last December by counting calories and exercising. This is all to say that I do resent the comments on how "good" he's done at losing weight. However, I am not responsible for his responses to people although I won't lie if someone asks me about this weight loss.0
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Why would someone ask you about his weight loss? I think that since he had surgery, that becomes something that you shouldn't disclose, especially since you aren't even together anymore.I totally understand your annoyance. My ex had gastric bypass last spring. He's lost 90 lbs since around April. My son has lost 60 lbs over the past year by watching what he eats (he's 17) all on his own. I've lost 60 lbs since last December by counting calories and exercising. This is all to say that I do resent the comments on how "good" he's done at losing weight. However, I am not responsible for his responses to people although I won't lie if someone asks me about this weight loss.
Also, I think that the fact that you felt the need to mention that you and your son lost weight without surgery is the reason that some people are shy about letting others know that they had weight loss surgery. You may not have meant to come off as judgmental, but, you did. :happy:
:laugh: I'm gonna use that one.This. If you ask a question that's none of your business, you're not entitled to any answer, true or not. If somebody asks me how I lost weight, it's totally fair for me to say it was carried away by leprechauns.0 -
I still fail to see where this has any affect on you. All I see is you worrying about others.I'm working my *kitten* off, lifting, boxing, doing yoga, biking (I was running until my knee started acting up), and I'm proud of that. I have no issue telling people that, and how I started watching what I ate, but didn't starve myself... even allowed myself cookies, ice cream, wine, pancakes, bacon, etc.
Those who are dishonest typically are insecure/ashamed of others' reaction. But it doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. She's an adult. She's made her bed. Worry about you.
I totally agree. It is NONE of my business and I DO worry about me. We are Christians and setting others up for failure is what really bothers me. Her "lying" let's others believe that if they "cut their carbs" they too will have her success. SO not true. The real reason she lost weight and lost it so quickly is because she now only has 20% of her stomach left. Eating 300 calories a day or less is what got her to where she is. Yes, it's true that the surgery enabled her to eat so little. SO ... all of this being said, she should own what she did, be proud of herself but BE HONEST about how she did it. Don't set others up for failure because simply following a low carb diet won't make you lose over 100 pounds in 5 months. Enough said.
ETA do I detect a hint of anger, and just a bit of jealousy?0 -
I did not mean to sound judgmental. My annoyance is because it is HIM. I thought that might be part of the OP's unspoken thought process. I know a number of people who have had the surgery but don't act sanctimonious about their weight loss. In answer to the question as to why people ask me; we were together for 28 years and still attend the same church for our son's benefit. And, people are just plain clueless. :-)0
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Fixed that for ya. :laugh:In answer to the question as to why people ask me; we were together for 28 years and still attend the same church for our son's benefit. And, people are just plain nosy. :-)
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If it makes her happier to say she followed a low carb diet - whatever. It's not like she's misleading people and saying, "Oh! I didn't do anything!" and you have a group of people stuffing themselves thinking they'll have her results. I know a woman who also lied about her surgery so I'd imagine that it's a common thing; perhaps embarrassment because it's regarded as a "fat people" surgery; or perhaps ashamed they couldn't do it the hard way. Either way, she has to live her life. It'll bite her booty when she gets into a conversation with someone about it and can't hold her own. Personally, I lie about how I lost weight (veganism) - simply because it's not worth the arguments and 10,000 redundant questions ("Where's your protein?", "You can't do that it's unhealthy", etc). I lost weight to make me happy, not to become a professor of veganism :P. Maybe they feel that saying they had that surgery would spur on more grief than its worth. When people ask me about weight loss, I give them VALID DIET ALTERNATIVES. "I cut back on calories", "I exercise more", "I cut out fried foods, white foods [potatos, bread, pasta, whatever], etc"0
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I so thought this said, "I'LL bite her booty..." :laugh: :laugh: :sad:It'll bite her booty when she gets into a conversation with someone about it and can't hold her own.0
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