A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
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You can blame the woman all you want, but she wouldn't be trying so hard if he wasn't giving her a reason. Your man sounds like a dog. He's being all lovey dovey and "faithful" with you because he knows your watching. Once you start relaxing, he'll be back to his wandering ways.
For crying out loud, have some respect for yourself! Find yourself a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You're a human being...not a doormat!!!0 -
Be glad it is over. And make sure to keep it that way. Exes are exes for a reason.
I also don't know all the details, but if that girl was single, she has every right to go after who she sees fit. Single guys have every right to go after women in relationships. In fact, many of the best quality women are never truly single, so guys have it harder. Many jump directly from one guy to another. When things are on the wane with one guy, they start dating around, pick the best option, and break up with the old bf once they have secured a new guy. Some aren't as deliberate as that, but often have a line waiting for them once they become available and might be on the market for less than a month. This is why when a guy hears "I have a boyfriend", it is utterly meaningless. In theory, we need to dig deeper and see if you are really happy with things. I'm not one usually to pursue someone who says this, because even if they have a boyfriend, she should make it known that she is making herself available to me.
OP-I looked at your profile pic. You seem to be a pretty woman who should have no trouble finding a man if you have the right mindset and attitude. But you should not tolerate what that guy did to you, and have no contact with him or that girl. They are out of your life now and you are better for it.
lolwut?0 -
Looks to me like you got what you wanted...he left. No you are mad because if followed your demand he left because what you really meant to say was..."it is over maybe let me think about it" Consequences...he has his and you got yours. End of story and relationship move on.
lessons learned:
1. be careful what you wish for it might happen (this time it did)
2. Once is a mistake, twice is payback.
3. Relationships end when trust is gone.
Best luck in your next relationship. You and her deserve better - though in all justness he kept a friendship going that you were not aware of and told her the truth. So he deserves better also. Hey I am just since life is never fair and your first encounter with the doctor should have told you that.0 -
Thank you I agree with you and have actually signed up to see a counselor to work out MY relationship issuesI am going to go against the crowd here and say that the issue isn't ALL him. If you are kicking him out and breaking things off, only to change your mind the next day, then you have some issues of your own to work on. It may be that neither of you are mature enough to be in a committed relationship at the moment, or maybe you just aren't right for each other. Either way, strong, healthy relationships are NOT this dramatic.
easier than to deal with reality0 -
Oh darlin', my heart breaks for you after reading all of that. All I can say is that I made the mistake of staying with a person like that for 4 years, even married him. Reading through your situation gave me that empty feeling in my stomach that I used to have constantly with my ex-husband. It's an awful feeling that no human being should EVER have to experience, it's almost unexplainable.
When people say people don't change... They really don't. He can promise you to the moon & back, then he'll do it again. You'll be on an endless loop of meaningless promises. If it's not this girl, it'll be another.. And another.. And anot... You see where this is going.
Save yourself the heartache, babycakes. He's seriously not worth your time.0 -
1. white space - read up on it.
2. he CHEATED ON YOU.
3. He did it AGAIN.
4. He conversed with this girl EVERYDAY for MONTHS.
5. She may have slept with your man, but she's not the one who has to answer to you - HE is. He is the one responsible, so hold him accountable and leave him.0 -
Not to be a **** but those text messages you read...the ones you said he had ignored...don't you think he is smart enough to go through and filter out/delete his messages that are self incriminating? Kind of make it look like she is crazy and stalking him. You can easily do that on most phones (delete a single message out of a conversation.
and most importantly:
Boyfriends/Girlfriends are made to be fired until they are not. This is 5 months in? I could see you working this out if you have several years of marriage/and/or kids in the picture. BUT 5 months. I mean com'on. How do you REALLY see this playing out for yourself?0 -
I believe he is the one with a commitment (supposed) to you, this girl may have issues but you mean nothing to her. I think until you place the blame solely on him, nothing will change. It is not about that girl, its about him wanting attention and having a back up plan for when things get rough. Yes the girl is pathetic but you are only dating, if you were married than she would be a home-wrecker, but again it is the mans fault. When you accept that, then you can work on your relationship, until then he is just the poor guy that his women got mad at and he fell penis first into the first available insecure woman. He has no fault so why would he take responsibility.
If you do forgive, which is possible, it will be really hard and at that point you need to just let it go. Bringing it up will only hurt the relationship. The hardest part is if you can not trust him then you can not have a relationship, it just won't be real.
ETA: forgot about the 5 month thing....ditch the loser, 5 months is a small price to pay to learn a lesson. Damn the guy can't keep it in his pants for even a single season. There are better men out there. Plus sorry but 5 months and cheating pretty much the whole time...he doesn't love you. You don't even know each other in a committed relationship so how could he and how could you, maybe the idea of him is lovable but not who he really is.
I also agree that you way of dealing with relationship may not be the best, but when the going gets tough his first thought is another woman, that isn't good in anyway.0 -
Yeah, I think you may be right and this is the moral of the story- Thank youWow, Long message!
Lets see if I got this right, your bf of 5 months, who you told to get out and that you were leaving, slept with someone else during the time you were 'not together'.
The answer is really simple:
1. Stop telling him to leave
2. Or mean what the heck you say and kick him to da curb.
Just one old man's opinion.........0 -
lolthatsmylifecrank (minus the cheatingpart)Be glad it is over. And make sure to keep it that way. Exes are exes for a reason.
I also don't know all the details, but if that girl was single, she has every right to go after who she sees fit. Single guys have every right to go after women in relationships. In fact, many of the best quality women are never truly single, so guys have it harder. Many jump directly from one guy to another. When things are on the wane with one guy, they start dating around, pick the best option, and break up with the old bf once they have secured a new guy. Some aren't as deliberate as that, but often have a line waiting for them once they become available and might be on the market for less than a month. This is why when a guy hears "I have a boyfriend", it is utterly meaningless. In theory, we need to dig deeper and see if you are really happy with things. I'm not one usually to pursue someone who says this, because even if they have a boyfriend, she should make it known that she is making herself available to me.
OP-I looked at your profile pic. You seem to be a pretty woman who should have no trouble finding a man if you have the right mindset and attitude. But you should not tolerate what that guy did to you, and have no contact with him or that girl. They are out of your life now and you are better for it.
lolwut?0 -
Oh darlin', my heart breaks for you after reading all of that. All I can say is that I made the mistake of staying with a person like that for 4 years, even married him. Reading through your situation gave me that empty feeling in my stomach that I used to have constantly with my ex-husband. It's an awful feeling that no human being should EVER have to experience, it's almost unexplainable.
When people say people don't change... They really don't. He can promise you to the moon & back, then he'll do it again. You'll be on an endless loop of meaningless promises. If it's not this girl, it'll be another.. And another.. And anot... You see where this is going.
Save yourself the heartache, babycakes. He's seriously not worth your time.
Agree (and sorry this happened to you)0 -
On a more serious note:
One of my friends did exactly what that evil witch did, oh and then she married him! Why? She thought he was the greatest man ever and therefore did everything she could to make him hers.
I did this. Due to various reasons we were together but not. I was splitting with my husband and he did not want to be involved. I knew he wanted a relationship not something part time and while I was still dealing with my own situation he met someone. I then split with my husband and you bet your life I did everything I could to get with him. We are engaged now we have lived together for 2 years and he means the absolute world to me. He was mine first anyway!0 -
Seriously? you kicked him out. Don't push like that when you aren't serious. He should have stayed with the other girl AFTER the second time you kicked him out. Sometimes paybacks are a b*@$%. If you didn't want him to find another place to sleep you should have let him sleep on the couch. And you kicked him out when he was drunk and so he had to go back out to his car and drive drunk yet again, smart move. Was he right in sleeping with someone else, not at all.
I used to just let him sleep in the chair where he fell asleep and locked my bedroom door so he didn't come in there when he did wake up.0 -
:noway:0
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You can blame the woman all you want, but she wouldn't be trying so hard if he wasn't giving her a reason. Your man sounds like a dog. He's being all lovey dovey and "faithful" with you because he knows your watching. Once you start relaxing, he'll be back to his wandering ways.
For crying out loud, have some respect for yourself! Find yourself a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You're a human being...not a doormat!!!
Agree. Dump him. Once is bad enough; twice means he has no respect for you at all. This is a no brainer.
She is at fault if she knew he had a gf.
He is more at fault. No one forced him to sleep with her. I don't care what problems you are all having or have had. He made the decision to go out and sleep with someone twice.
One poster mentioned that the fact since you kicked him out repeatedly, he had more reason. Sorry but that's stupid.
Just because you guys were fighting, did you go and sleep with someone else? No? Didn't think so. BS excuse.0 -
so let me get this straight...
he sleeps with her twice when he really really wants to be with you, but because you got angry his response was to run to another woman and sleep with her....
he really really really wants to be with you BUT he still keeps her on the side, engaged in text, just in case you know....just in case...
and he still talks to her...even though he really really really loves you...
yeah...i am not buying it...
she's his plan b.....maybe even his plan c....
but a guy that has a plan b, knows, deep down inside that this isn't working for him...
and he either loves the sex, the fun or whatever it is that keeps him hooked right now, too much to call it quits.
you, my dear, are his plan A.
men with plans, people with plans...they change plans...
the girl is not the problem...the man is.
so....what happens when you get married, and you have kids, and then have a fight.....he sleeps with who then?
cause you know it's gonna happen. you KNOW.0 -
My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.
Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.0 -
There is one glaring thing that sticks out to me OP. Does the BF in question rely on you for money and have no job or bank account or cash of his own and no family nearby? Because I am curious as to why he did not simply go to a hotel or families house if he still held a flame for you during these spats. Also you might not want to go around throwing him out all the time. At least not anymore if you decide to keep him. It's dirty pool and plays right into her hands. IMO if you guys are having REGULAR arguments that do not involve cheating there is no justification in you throwing him out like that. It's presumably his home too whether he has a job or not, and that's not really a fair or healthy way to have normal disagreements with someone. IMO, and IME.0
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If he knew you were being persistent in reading his messages, all he would have to do is like one said delete the ones that make him look bad. That's why at the end it was so forth coming with them. He already got rid of them. Come on, wake up. He may be a dog be he isn't stupid. If he's that conniving, he knows how to lie. Stop being played!0
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Not to be a **** but those text messages you read...the ones you said he had ignored...don't you think he is smart enough to go through and filter out/delete his messages that are self incriminating? Kind of make it look like she is crazy and stalking him. You can easily do that on most phones (delete a single message out of a conversation.
and most importantly:
Boyfriends/Girlfriends are made to be fired until they are not. This is 5 months in? I could see you working this out if you have several years of marriage/and/or kids in the picture. BUT 5 months. I mean com'on. How do you REALLY see this playing out for yourself?
^^This. Yep, he probably wouldn't let you see the text messages (like you said) until he COULD filter them.
& thanks Ninguneado77. I'm in a much better place now with my forever-husband. It's funny what you have to go through to know when you actually have a good one.0
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