need some help from pervy looks!

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  • zealey77
    zealey77 Posts: 104
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    This is what I don't understand about women. You exercise and train to look sexy, drss sexy, show cleavage and then complain about getting "PERVY LOOKS" I disunderstand the whole concept of wanting to look, dress and feel sexy only to have guys NOT look at you. Help me understand!

    Am I wrong for not understanding or am I misunderstanding what kind of help the OP is asking for?

    Totally this. I love that Larry David line when a beautiful woman is sitting next to him wearing a low cut dress and push-up bra. He can't help but look and she moans at him for doing so. He says 'oh sure, you wore that dress so I'd look at your shoes, yeah?'
  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
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    I don't understand the question.


    Pretty much this.


    As my body has gotten better, my clothes have gotten tighter, and my *kitten* wiggles more than ever. If I DON'T get a least one pervy look each time I'm out it's classified as a FAIL.

    You're hot, guys want to check you out. Maybe even some girls. Enjoy it!

    This, although working with the public, I do get the difference between enjoying the attention and feeling like I want a shower. I've discovered that comes down to my feelings about the guy giving the looks - if he's good looking, the attention is welcome. Creepy old dude - not so much.
  • lexcoulstring
    lexcoulstring Posts: 386 Member
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    Same here. Don't understand the question
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
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    You'll always get stares if you're a guy, girl, w/e and are in decent shape. I even wear hoodies in the warm weather 1) I like the way it feels 2) I don't get bro's trying to compete with me.
  • HDHogger
    HDHogger Posts: 764
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    I don't understand the question.


    Pretty much this.


    As my body has gotten better, my clothes have gotten tighter, and my *kitten* wiggles more than ever. If I DON'T get a least one pervy look each time I'm out it's classified as a FAIL.

    You're hot, guys want to check you out. Maybe even some girls. Enjoy it!

    This, although working with the public, I do get the difference between enjoying the attention and feeling like I want a shower. I've discovered that comes down to my feelings about the guy giving the looks - if he's good looking, the attention is welcome. Creepy old dude - not so much.
    So, If a guy isn't attractive, his looks are auto magically taken as creepy. Looks from a hot guy make you feel good about yourself and that's welcomed...?
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I don't understand the question.


    Pretty much this.


    As my body has gotten better, my clothes have gotten tighter, and my *kitten* wiggles more than ever. If I DON'T get a least one pervy look each time I'm out it's classified as a FAIL.

    You're hot, guys want to check you out. Maybe even some girls. Enjoy it!

    I agree with this. To the OP...I would bet that people have been checking you out WAY before now, it's probably just more noticeable now as you appeal to a wider range of your audience ;-)

    I really think that is the case most of the time.

    While it's a different kind of look, I also notice that straight women are checking me out now, sizing me up like competition. As a size 3X I didn't get that very often but as an XL I get it constantly. It seems like half the women I meet size me up and look at my body. I think a lot of it is women who want to immediately assess whether every other woman is heavier or thinner than they are, and so forth. While I've never done that myself, I know a LOT of my friends confess to doing that subconsciously. So there's another potential "issue". It is weird getting used to that but you do...
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    "Approval" isn't necessarily pervy.
    Sometimes I'm a little self-conscious about my body. It sounds like that's what you're feeling, too.

    I think you should choose to be happy and realize you can't change others, only yourself.
  • MarioLozano16
    MarioLozano16 Posts: 319 Member
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    Man up
  • JohnsElan
    JohnsElan Posts: 81
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    You should NOT have to tolerate pervy behaviors from anyone. Arguments to the contrary are simply outrageous. If someone is behaving inapproprately, CALL THEM OUT. If one has a modicrum of decency they will be shamed and discontinue the behavior. If not, they need phsycological or administrative intervention.
    http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/how-to-stand-up-to-a-creep
  • dumb_blondes_rock
    dumb_blondes_rock Posts: 1,568 Member
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    I equate my success with weight loss and fitness with the expanding number of dudes who would "hit it" ....the greater the number, the more success.

    In all honesty, I dont mind, unless the dude is being obnoxious about it and has to say something atrocious, but if I see a guy I think is good looking I stare, so I would expect similar from a dude who though I was attractive

    You should try not showering and wearing a moomoo, then people would look at you in a complete non sexual way.
  • Kidostud
    Kidostud Posts: 307 Member
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    Girl, enjoy it! You've worked for it, you've earned it. Now, smile and walk away. Or stay and chat if you want, but just enjoy it all the same.
  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
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    I don't understand the question.


    Pretty much this.


    As my body has gotten better, my clothes have gotten tighter, and my *kitten* wiggles more than ever. If I DON'T get a least one pervy look each time I'm out it's classified as a FAIL.

    You're hot, guys want to check you out. Maybe even some girls. Enjoy it!

    This, although working with the public, I do get the difference between enjoying the attention and feeling like I want a shower. I've discovered that comes down to my feelings about the guy giving the looks - if he's good looking, the attention is welcome. Creepy old dude - not so much.
    So, If a guy isn't attractive, his looks are auto magically taken as creepy. Looks from a hot guy make you feel good about yourself and that's welcomed...?

    When a guy is old enough to be my father stares, then promptly comes over and gets into my personal space, yes, he's creepy. Same thing if I would otherwise find him hot. Do not get into my personal space without invitation.

    Now if you can look, and keep going on about your day, or stop and talk but at least respect my space, it's welcomed.
  • enchromaticc
    enchromaticc Posts: 33 Member
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    You've lost weight? Awesome, now you'll just have to deal with some stuff that comes with it. . There's a difference between an appreciative look (which whether you like it or not YOU'VE DONE TO A CUTE GUY) and a full out creepy look. I bet you're just beautiful and these guys just have to look. When I see a gorgeous girl (and mind you, I'm a straight girl) I have to look. It's like admiring a piece of art and thinking: "What a masterpiece."

    Learn to take it in stride if it's appreciative. It's a compliment to all the hard work you've done. I think sometimes there's a certain kind of double standard. Guys are thought to be pervy when they look at girls, though when GIRLS are full out checking out guys it's considered okay?

    I'm pretty busty, and I always wear T SHIRTS. I hate tight or provocative clothes and my friends constantly tell me that with my boobs, it's a crime! :laugh: Anyways, I was talking to one of my guy friends, and he kept glancing down! I mean, I was wearing a t-shirt with no words on it, so I knew it wasn't like I had funny image to look at or something. He just wasn't looking at my eyes, but my chest. It was very uncomfortable. But being in high school, and having one of the biggest busts, I do get stared at sometimes. It's inevitable. Human nature I guess. I've learned to deal with it!

    It's probably just overwhelming to you, and that's okay. Good luck on your journey! :flowerforyou:
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    I've lost some weight and noticed a few glances from the opposite sex but cannot help but still feel self concious! i cannot stand these looks as i wear baggy clothes and still get these looks. is there a mantra you use or some self help book ..?

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's hard to tell from one post, but if this may go deeper than a little awkwardness, you may want to try talking with someone. If that's not something you need, try reading up on body language and carrying yourself assertively. Even if you aren't buying it, as you do it, you will often feel a little more confident anyway.

    You own your body, you own your sexuality. There is nothing to feel ashamed of or apologize for. You have a normal human body and have a right to be out in the world with it. Every piece of you has some function, some purpose, and the parts of you that attract others are playing their role in the world too. See your body for what it does, not as a source of embarrassment or judgment. Once you accept yourself, the looks of others won't have so much power.

    Of course, this advice does not apply to when someone is stepping over the line. We can't control whether people admire our appearance (or car) but we have a right to say something when they violate our boundaries. But I get the sense that you are bothered by being noticed, which is why I emphasize to focus on your right to exist normally as others do.
  • RideRunRepeat
    RideRunRepeat Posts: 54 Member
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    Man this is my first time looking through this forum after signing up...you guys are tough! :/


    I can totally understand where the OP is coming from...if someone is coming from a place where they were always overweight/never checked out by anyone when you first loose the weight and then suddenly 'bam' everyone is staring, ogling, and scanning you over like a piece of meat it's incredibly unnerving and can be uncomfortable! I remember my first month after being at/close to my goal weight and getting ogled at totally threw me off balance. It was just something that had never happened to me before and while I thought I would like it...and I did if I was wearing something nice on purpose...when it happened every single day it got really overwhelming. I started just wearing hoodies and sweats because I just wanted to go back to 'normal' where I could just be me, do my thing, and mind my own business.

    So the answer to the question would be... it just takes time to get used to it and tell yourself that it does't really matter what others are doing.

    Part of the reason was when I lost all that weight I just felt really raw and vulnerable. So just surround yourself with some true friends who love you for who you are and not what you look like and just give it time. Don't eat over it and just keep busy doing what you need to do. Enjoy your life and your success!! It's something to be proud of! :D

    No need to immediately jump on her case and put her down for feeling that way. It's new, scary, and perfectly normal.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    Im sorry, i lost weight so i can feel good about myself, im not the kind that likes to dress up and show cleavage and whatnot, i guess i just need a tougher skin, its just the looks tat make ur skin crawl like someone undressing you, idk,

    I hope you don't take this the wrong way but have you thought about talking to a therapist? There's a big difference between a man ogling me to the point where I feel threatened and a man noticing me. I rarely noticed men noticing me when I was 200+ but I did notice some creepers leering at me. Now that I'm getting in better shape I notice more men noticing me and there are still creepers leering. It doesn't happen all the time. Not even often. If you're noticing it enough that you're that uncomfortable, you're either smoking hot and need to talk to someone about body image issues, or you're just really unlucky and run into lots of creeps. I'm betting it's the former.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    Smile and say thank you. You're getting a compliment. Get used to it! You worked hard.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    It sounds like you might be suffering from social anxiety. Believe me, people are not looking at you nearly as much as you think they are. Perhaps you should talk to someone about this.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    How do you know the looks are "pervy"? Maybe they are just looks? Maybe people are just being friendly? Make eye contact. Smile. Maybe say "hi". Then look away and go about your business.
  • GEMMA_2014
    GEMMA_2014 Posts: 81
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    Labeling men perverts for looking at you is not fair. Maybe you can get some help with insecurity. Men and women will look at you because you look great. Are the women perverts also?

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