need some help from pervy looks!
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Girl, enjoy it! You've worked for it, you've earned it. Now, smile and walk away. Or stay and chat if you want, but just enjoy it all the same.0
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So, If a guy isn't attractive, his looks are auto magically taken as creepy. Looks from a hot guy make you feel good about yourself and that's welcomed...?I don't understand the question.
Pretty much this.
As my body has gotten better, my clothes have gotten tighter, and my *kitten* wiggles more than ever. If I DON'T get a least one pervy look each time I'm out it's classified as a FAIL.
You're hot, guys want to check you out. Maybe even some girls. Enjoy it!
This, although working with the public, I do get the difference between enjoying the attention and feeling like I want a shower. I've discovered that comes down to my feelings about the guy giving the looks - if he's good looking, the attention is welcome. Creepy old dude - not so much.
When a guy is old enough to be my father stares, then promptly comes over and gets into my personal space, yes, he's creepy. Same thing if I would otherwise find him hot. Do not get into my personal space without invitation.
Now if you can look, and keep going on about your day, or stop and talk but at least respect my space, it's welcomed.0 -
You've lost weight? Awesome, now you'll just have to deal with some stuff that comes with it. . There's a difference between an appreciative look (which whether you like it or not YOU'VE DONE TO A CUTE GUY) and a full out creepy look. I bet you're just beautiful and these guys just have to look. When I see a gorgeous girl (and mind you, I'm a straight girl) I have to look. It's like admiring a piece of art and thinking: "What a masterpiece."
Learn to take it in stride if it's appreciative. It's a compliment to all the hard work you've done. I think sometimes there's a certain kind of double standard. Guys are thought to be pervy when they look at girls, though when GIRLS are full out checking out guys it's considered okay?
I'm pretty busty, and I always wear T SHIRTS. I hate tight or provocative clothes and my friends constantly tell me that with my boobs, it's a crime! :laugh: Anyways, I was talking to one of my guy friends, and he kept glancing down! I mean, I was wearing a t-shirt with no words on it, so I knew it wasn't like I had funny image to look at or something. He just wasn't looking at my eyes, but my chest. It was very uncomfortable. But being in high school, and having one of the biggest busts, I do get stared at sometimes. It's inevitable. Human nature I guess. I've learned to deal with it!
It's probably just overwhelming to you, and that's okay. Good luck on your journey! :flowerforyou:0 -
I've lost some weight and noticed a few glances from the opposite sex but cannot help but still feel self concious! i cannot stand these looks as i wear baggy clothes and still get these looks. is there a mantra you use or some self help book ..?
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's hard to tell from one post, but if this may go deeper than a little awkwardness, you may want to try talking with someone. If that's not something you need, try reading up on body language and carrying yourself assertively. Even if you aren't buying it, as you do it, you will often feel a little more confident anyway.
You own your body, you own your sexuality. There is nothing to feel ashamed of or apologize for. You have a normal human body and have a right to be out in the world with it. Every piece of you has some function, some purpose, and the parts of you that attract others are playing their role in the world too. See your body for what it does, not as a source of embarrassment or judgment. Once you accept yourself, the looks of others won't have so much power.
Of course, this advice does not apply to when someone is stepping over the line. We can't control whether people admire our appearance (or car) but we have a right to say something when they violate our boundaries. But I get the sense that you are bothered by being noticed, which is why I emphasize to focus on your right to exist normally as others do.0 -
Man this is my first time looking through this forum after signing up...you guys are tough!
I can totally understand where the OP is coming from...if someone is coming from a place where they were always overweight/never checked out by anyone when you first loose the weight and then suddenly 'bam' everyone is staring, ogling, and scanning you over like a piece of meat it's incredibly unnerving and can be uncomfortable! I remember my first month after being at/close to my goal weight and getting ogled at totally threw me off balance. It was just something that had never happened to me before and while I thought I would like it...and I did if I was wearing something nice on purpose...when it happened every single day it got really overwhelming. I started just wearing hoodies and sweats because I just wanted to go back to 'normal' where I could just be me, do my thing, and mind my own business.
So the answer to the question would be... it just takes time to get used to it and tell yourself that it does't really matter what others are doing.
Part of the reason was when I lost all that weight I just felt really raw and vulnerable. So just surround yourself with some true friends who love you for who you are and not what you look like and just give it time. Don't eat over it and just keep busy doing what you need to do. Enjoy your life and your success!! It's something to be proud of!
No need to immediately jump on her case and put her down for feeling that way. It's new, scary, and perfectly normal.0 -
Im sorry, i lost weight so i can feel good about myself, im not the kind that likes to dress up and show cleavage and whatnot, i guess i just need a tougher skin, its just the looks tat make ur skin crawl like someone undressing you, idk,
I hope you don't take this the wrong way but have you thought about talking to a therapist? There's a big difference between a man ogling me to the point where I feel threatened and a man noticing me. I rarely noticed men noticing me when I was 200+ but I did notice some creepers leering at me. Now that I'm getting in better shape I notice more men noticing me and there are still creepers leering. It doesn't happen all the time. Not even often. If you're noticing it enough that you're that uncomfortable, you're either smoking hot and need to talk to someone about body image issues, or you're just really unlucky and run into lots of creeps. I'm betting it's the former.0 -
Smile and say thank you. You're getting a compliment. Get used to it! You worked hard.0
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It sounds like you might be suffering from social anxiety. Believe me, people are not looking at you nearly as much as you think they are. Perhaps you should talk to someone about this.0
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How do you know the looks are "pervy"? Maybe they are just looks? Maybe people are just being friendly? Make eye contact. Smile. Maybe say "hi". Then look away and go about your business.0
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Labeling men perverts for looking at you is not fair. Maybe you can get some help with insecurity. Men and women will look at you because you look great. Are the women perverts also?0
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Stay at home and never go outside...problem solved0
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OP I came in here originally intending to make a joke but have decided to give a serious answer instead. At my heaviest, while I still received some attention it wasn't very often, or at least I didn't notice it because I was so miserable with my own insecurities that I interpreted every single look as one of those "Omg she's so fat" stares. Now that I've lost some weight, I do receive quite a bit of male attention. I have social anxiety/body image issues so it's a bit unsettling and makes me feel awkward sometimes as I am not used to it, but I've mostly learned to take it as a compliment and smile in thanks unless it's blatantly disrespectful.
More often than not it's a look of admiration and approval and I can promise you not every look you receive is pervy.
I really recommend talking to someone (I do and it's helped me!), as they can probably help you get through issues you most likely never even knew you had.
Best of luck to you!0 -
Send them to me. I don't mind pervy looks.0
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I don't understand the question.
Either do I... But then again only one who's ever looked or talked to me at the gym was an old guy about 60 and he just wanted help off a machine :ohwell:0 -
It's a new experience and you need some confidence. That's all. How about this: Tell yourself that you are receiving admiring glances because people notice how toned and fit you are. They're trying to figure out what exercise you're doing, but don't want to seem forward. Good? When you wear baggy clothes, people wonder why that awesome gal is dressed like she's homeless and are doing a mental "What Not To Wear" assessment. It's a head game.0
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If this is a reference to me, I don't recall ever saying anything to you or her,,commenting to something you said or she said, doing anything that would put me in your personal space or hers,
So, If a guy isn't attractive, his looks are auto magically taken as creepy. Looks from a hot guy make you feel good about yourself and that's welcomed...?I don't understand the question.
Pretty much this.
As my body has gotten better, my clothes have gotten tighter, and my *kitten* wiggles more than ever. If I DON'T get a least one pervy look each time I'm out it's classified as a FAIL.
You're hot, guys want to check you out. Maybe even some girls. Enjoy it!
This, although working with the public, I do get the difference between enjoying the attention and feeling like I want a shower. I've discovered that comes down to my feelings about the guy giving the looks - if he's good looking, the attention is welcome. Creepy old dude - not so much.
When a guy is old enough to be my father stares, then promptly comes over and gets into my personal space, yes, he's creepy. Same thing if I would otherwise find him hot. Do not get into my personal space without invitation.
Now if you can look, and keep going on about your day, or stop and talk but at least respect my space, it's welcomed.
You made an argument that doesn't hold water and now you are trying desperately to save face!0 -
It sounds like you might be suffering from social anxiety. Believe me, people are not looking at you nearly as much as you think they are. Perhaps you should talk to someone about this.
Came in here to say this. Even if you are getting a lot of looks they shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable to the point where you feel the need to hide in baggy clothing.
I actually have LESS anxiety now than I did before I lost weight. Back then I was miserable because I thought everyone was looking at me because I was fat. Nowadays I rarely if ever notice anyone checking me out (people usually have to tell me someone was appreciative) and I feel much much better in public. Good luck OP.0 -
<----Trains to be stronger, dresses to be comfortable doing whatever activity I'm involved in and appropriate to the weather, and shows cleavage if I happen to be wearing a tank top. It's as if I hardly consider other people at all. Mostly because I don't.This is what I don't understand about women. You exercise and train to look sexy, drss sexy, show cleavage and then complain about getting "PERVY LOOKS"0 -
I'm going to have to agree with a lot of the people offering sympathy. If you've been hurt by someone and made to feel self-conscious about your weight (say when you were young), it can have real and lasting negative effects.
Please consider seeing a therapist. I'm willing to bet your issues with self-image and how you perceive yourself have way more impact than a couple glances from strangers. Self love and acceptance isn't always easy.0 -
Assuming that the OP wasn't joking/trolling.
Looking at attractive people and wanting to have sex with them is literally in our DNA and is the only reason why you even exist. Getting offended at how Life reproduces itself is ridiculous, at best.0 -
Yesterday I stopped at a supermarket and was puttering around my car. Three different men nearly crashed into me checking out my *kitten*. One of them stopped and told me my *kitten* was super hot. I gave him a high five.
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complaining about turning heads? I wish that I could turn more of them! Should take it as a compliment unless they start stalking you or something lol0
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If this is a reference to me, I don't recall ever saying anything to you or her,,commenting to something you said or she said, doing anything that would put me in your personal space or hers,
So, If a guy isn't attractive, his looks are auto magically taken as creepy. Looks from a hot guy make you feel good about yourself and that's welcomed...?I don't understand the question.
Pretty much this.
As my body has gotten better, my clothes have gotten tighter, and my *kitten* wiggles more than ever. If I DON'T get a least one pervy look each time I'm out it's classified as a FAIL.
You're hot, guys want to check you out. Maybe even some girls. Enjoy it!
This, although working with the public, I do get the difference between enjoying the attention and feeling like I want a shower. I've discovered that comes down to my feelings about the guy giving the looks - if he's good looking, the attention is welcome. Creepy old dude - not so much.
When a guy is old enough to be my father stares, then promptly comes over and gets into my personal space, yes, he's creepy. Same thing if I would otherwise find him hot. Do not get into my personal space without invitation.
Now if you can look, and keep going on about your day, or stop and talk but at least respect my space, it's welcomed.
You made an argument that doesn't hold water and now you are trying desperately to save face!
I'm talking about in real life. Working in the public, it's a daily thing to have people choose to get into my personal space. When you are inches away from me, and I have zero choice but to be polite, I freaking hate it.
Online, if I don't want the attention, I can simply choose to ignore you.0 -
I don't mind it and a lot of women don't. I appreciate it, actually.This is what I don't understand about women. You exercise and train to look sexy, drss sexy, show cleavage and then complain about getting "PERVY LOOKS" I disunderstand the whole concept of wanting to look, dress and feel sexy only to have guys NOT look at you. Help me understand!
Am I wrong for not understanding or am I misunderstanding what kind of help the OP is asking for?
But one thing you should be aware of is that a lot of women who become obese -- who are emotional eaters and things like that -- have been victimized. It's very common for sexual abuse and rape victims to gain a lot of weight as a way to hide from that kind of attention. I don't know if this is the case with the OP, but if so, those looks to her are more than just men appreciating that she looks nice. They're sinister and scary from her perception.
But even women who were never victims, if they were heavy their entire lives and never received that kind of attention, they aren't used to it and don't know how to handle it.0 -
This is what I don't understand about women. You exercise and train to look sexy, drss sexy, show cleavage and then complain about getting "PERVY LOOKS" I disunderstand the whole concept of wanting to look, dress and feel sexy only to have guys NOT look at you. Help me understand!
Am I wrong for not understanding or am I misunderstanding what kind of help the OP is asking for?
Men look, women know it...and you can accomplish this without be pervy...maybe it's your snowboard....next caller...0 -
Yesterday I stopped at a supermarket and was puttering around my car. Three different men nearly crashed into me checking out my *kitten*. One of them stopped and told me my *kitten* was super hot. I gave him a high five.
SAME!!! My wife is getting upset at the guy's commenting to my face though.
(sarcasm for those of you who are slow on the up take) 0 -
No to all of this. The reality is that you were always getting looks. You just now feel good enough about yourself to interpret them as "Hey, I wanna shag her" looks, whereas before you assumed everyone who looked at you was judging you. And that's if you even allowed yourself to notice them at all. Perception is reality.0
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They're probably wondering why some hot chick is covering her body up with baggy clothes.
Comes with the territory, get use to it.0 -
I thought most women, post weight loss, with newfound body confidence, wanted to turn heads and be appealing to the opposite sex. Many NSV posts are directly correlated to this. I don't get it. It's basic human DNA. The human male is predisposed to looking for a human female. The brain (most times the tiny one hidden in the jeans) is constatnly searching for the mate to procreate with, as part of basic human desire. Men are finding you attractive and checking you out, upsets you. I promise, if by chance I ever pass you on the street, I will close my eyes.0
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:huh: :huh: :huh:0
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