Action offends the inactive

I wouldn't typically consider someone offering you food or a treat sabotage. Perhaps in some cases it is if you have the misfortune of being friends with someone truly manipulative and deceitful, but generally, people like giving food to others because it's a nice thing to do. Especially when you've taken the time to cook and prepare something yourself, it feels good to share it with others.

^This. Exactly.

Also something to consider - for those who have friends & family "sabotaging" your efforts - how long have you had those relationships? And how long have you been overweight and/or unfit? Think about it - that co-worker at work who likes to bring you baked goods. How many times have you said they were fantastic? Suddenly you don't want them anymore. That give & take was part of your relationship with the coworker. They like you and showed their affection through treats, and you reciprocated with gratitude. Win-win. Or take the best friend - maybe for the last ten years you & your best friend have been hanging out on Friday nights with pizza, wings & beer. You both had fun TOGETHER. That time spent was part of your relationship. Or - mom makes you double fudge chocolate cake for birthdays and holidays - and has done so ALL your life. It's her way of saying she loves you. She spent hours making it from scratch with fancy swirls and chocolate curls.

Suddenly you don't want that anymore? You can't just unilaterally change the nature of a relationship and expect everyone to 'get it' and be on board. You're taking something away from THEM too! Relationships aren't all about you. Maybe instead of getting so angry at people for being non-supportive, stop and think about why they feel the way they do. Maybe they just miss the friend they used to have.

Sorry - but like a couple of others have said - the OP's comments kind of bother me. I am ALL for getting healthy and inspiring others to do so. But that doesn't mean others want to hear it, nor is it your right to expect them to listen. The "in-your-face" approach rarely works with anyone, and frankly I feel more sympathy for the bewildered, angry friends that got left behind in the wake of healthy makeovers.

And, that's the best way to be, but, if you can't be that way, then do it to spite "them." Lol!

Boooo don't spite your coworkers or family or friends.

Keep in mind that people who have never actively tried to lose weight (and many that have actually), don't always have the knowledge that "we" have.

Yeah my Mom offers me sweet snacks when I visit her. She isn't a saboteur, she is a Mom born in the 40s who doesn't really have a grasp of basic nutrition. Lot's of people just don't get it.

I don't think people should be so quick to assume sabotage, when ignorance is probably a far more likely reason.

Oh, god. You.Just.Don't.Get.It, do you?

It's a mindset to fuel your motivation. Nothing more. And, basic nutrition? I ate everything I wanted to eat and still lost weight. It has nothing to do with nutrition. It has everything to do with the people who do not understand your goals, do not understand what it takes to get there, but who will try to make you feel bad when you won't partake in something. Literally, as I was writing this, my co-worker brought an iced oatmeal cookie in for me to try a bite...but we have birthday cake for her today, which is what I want, and she still pouted (yes. literally pouted) when I said, "no, thank you" to her.

Saboteurs exist. Some knowingly. Some not. Some are just being nice. The point is to learn how to say "no" when you know you need to and continue on the path towards your goals. There is strength in knowing how to establish and enforce boundaries. That's the point.

Why would you want the mindset of... people hate me, they want to see me fail, they're trying to ACTIVELY make me fail, they're just jealous, as a mindset to fuel your motivation?

I mean, if that works for you, then hey - all the power to you.

I prefer to be motivated by things like... I'm stronger than I was yesterday. I can run faster, box harder, do more stairs, plank longer. I'm growing and learning and becoming a better me. And even if my family or friends don't always get that, it doesn't bother me... because I am not doing it for them, or in spite of them.

I am doing this for ME.

:huh:

WHY does this HAVE to be a black and white issue? Do all people who try to feed me want to see me fail. NO. I never said that.

Just because I've used spite as ONE form of fuel to motivate myself, it doesn't mean that I haven't used positive forms, as well, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

But, if you need me to be less dynamic in my thought processes, I'll try to choose one side and stick with it. (Psssh!)

Seriously, a month ago, I was arguing the opposite on this same topic. I understand the gray area. The purpose of THIS topic was to help with motivation, not whine about "haters."

Oh, god. You.Just.Don't.Get.It, do you?

It's a mindset to fuel your motivation. Nothing more. And, basic nutrition? I ate everything I wanted to eat and still lost weight. It has nothing to do with nutrition. It has everything to do with the people who do not understand your goals, do not understand what it takes to get there, but who will try to make you feel bad when you won't partake in something. Literally, as I was writing this, my co-worker brought an iced oatmeal cookie in for me to try a bite...but we have birthday cake for her today, which is what I want, and she still pouted (yes. literally pouted) when I said, "no, thank you" to her.

Seriously? "A bite?" It's her birthday, she's happy, celebrating - she wanted to share. What's so wrong with taking a bite of a cookie? You couldn't take a bite of a cookie because YOU wanted cake instead? It's HER birthday!

Sorry, but I don't get it. I understand making goals for myself and doing my best to stick to those goals. But I can't imagine being so rigid in my beliefs that I couldn't take a bite of a cookie, especially if I knew it meant I would hurt someone's feelings over it. I understand fitness & health is a priority for you, but you're going to be pretty lonely on that island of yours. It's her birthday, for crying out loud. Couldn't you just be her friend for five minutes and celebrate with her? Choose some OTHER time to have a conversation about YOUR goals. Today, wish her a happy birthday, eat the freaking cookie, tell her it's good, then do a little extra exercise tonight if you are THAT bothered by the calories.

Good grief. I hope for everyone ELSE'S sake that no-one tries to get you a cake on YOUR birthday!

And, that's the best way to be, but, if you can't be that way, then do it to spite "them." Lol!

Boooo don't spite your coworkers or family or friends.

Keep in mind that people who have never actively tried to lose weight (and many that have actually), don't always have the knowledge that "we" have.

Yeah my Mom offers me sweet snacks when I visit her. She isn't a saboteur, she is a Mom born in the 40s who doesn't really have a grasp of basic nutrition. Lot's of people just don't get it.

I don't think people should be so quick to assume sabotage, when ignorance is probably a far more likely reason.

Oh, god. You.Just.Don't.Get.It, do you?

It's a mindset to fuel your motivation. Nothing more. And, basic nutrition? I ate everything I wanted to eat and still lost weight. It has nothing to do with nutrition. It has everything to do with the people who do not understand your goals, do not understand what it takes to get there, but who will try to make you feel bad when you won't partake in something. Literally, as I was writing this, my co-worker brought an iced oatmeal cookie in for me to try a bite...but we have birthday cake for her today, which is what I want, and she still pouted (yes. literally pouted) when I said, "no, thank you" to her.

Saboteurs exist. Some knowingly. Some not. Some are just being nice. The point is to learn how to say "no" when you know you need to and continue on the path towards your goals. There is strength in knowing how to establish and enforce boundaries. That's the point.

Why would you want the mindset of... people hate me, they want to see me fail, they're trying to ACTIVELY make me fail, they're just jealous, as a mindset to fuel your motivation?

I mean, if that works for you, then hey - all the power to you.

I prefer to be motivated by things like... I'm stronger than I was yesterday. I can run faster, box harder, do more stairs, plank longer. I'm growing and learning and becoming a better me. And even if my family or friends don't always get that, it doesn't bother me... because I am not doing it for them, or in spite of them.

I am doing this for ME.

:huh:

WHY does this HAVE to be a black and white issue? Do all people who try to feed me want to see me fail. NO. I never said that.

Just because I've used spite as ONE form of fuel to motivate myself, it doesn't mean that I haven't used positive forms, as well, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

But, if you need me to be less dynamic in my thought processes, I'll try to choose one side and stick with it. (Psssh!)

Seriously, a month ago, I was arguing the opposite on this same topic. I understand the gray area. The purpose of THIS topic was to help with motivation, not whine about "haters."

I wasn't saying it had to be black and white, and by all means, you do what you need to do to get through your workout. To get you to your goal.

Sometimes I build myself up (yay you got this, you can do it), sometimes I smack talk myself (cmon you weakling, don't be a quitter).

I just wanted to point out that it doesn't have to be about "them"

I completely agree that very few things in life are black and white, and there are some people that DO want to see you fail. (My sister may fit into that category). But still, I prefer to try and focus on not tearing down others in my quest (I tear myself down more than enough).

To each their own.

I wasn't saying it had to be black and white, and by all means, you do what you need to do to get through your workout. To get you to your goal.

Sometimes I build myself up (yay you got this, you can do it), sometimes I smack talk myself (cmon you weakling, don't be a quitter).

I just wanted to point out that it doesn't have to be about "them"

I completely agree that very few things in life are black and white, and there are some people that DO want to see you fail. (My sister may fit into that category). But still, I prefer to try and focus on not tearing down others in my quest (I tear myself down more than enough).

To each their own.

:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: to MireyGal76 - for this and the earlier fantastic post on this thread. It's amazing how many problems self-resolve, or never even materialize, when you just do your own thing and don't worry about it. And how the behavior of others so often reflects one's internal state.

Oh, and just for sjohnny...

I keep reading this trying to decide if the author is serious. I really don't see people in my life offering me food, or expressing concern, or asking me to skip a workout as them being out to get me. Nor do I think that anyone else really cares enough about my eating and fitness plan that it would make them feel bad about themselves or that they do feel bad about themselves and their choices. Maybe I just lucked out in the friends and family department.

This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.

Lol! It's not THAT literal or that obvious. It's a mindset. In some cases, these people actually do exist, and most do it subconsciously. However, most people are pretty happy to just not care what you're doing/not doing, or you're just good enough at ignoring people that it isn't a problem.

Well crap! Maybe I need to look harder for the jelly sabotagists since it's a KNOWN FACT that they are EVERYWHERE tryna subliminize me into staying in bed and eating sticks of butter wrapped in twinkies.





ETA: LOL crabs.

Argh, now I want sticks of butter wrapped in twinkies!

And, that's the best way to be, but, if you can't be that way, then do it to spite "them." Lol!

Boooo don't spite your coworkers or family or friends.

Keep in mind that people who have never actively tried to lose weight (and many that have actually), don't always have the knowledge that "we" have.

Yeah my Mom offers me sweet snacks when I visit her. She isn't a saboteur, she is a Mom born in the 40s who doesn't really have a grasp of basic nutrition. Lot's of people just don't get it.

I don't think people should be so quick to assume sabotage, when ignorance is probably a far more likely reason.

Oh, god. You.Just.Don't.Get.It, do you?

It's a mindset to fuel your motivation. Nothing more. And, basic nutrition? I ate everything I wanted to eat and still lost weight. It has nothing to do with nutrition. It has everything to do with the people who do not understand your goals, do not understand what it takes to get there, but who will try to make you feel bad when you won't partake in something. Literally, as I was writing this, my co-worker brought an iced oatmeal cookie in for me to try a bite...but we have birthday cake for her today, which is what I want, and she still pouted (yes. literally pouted) when I said, "no, thank you" to her.

Saboteurs exist. Some knowingly. Some not. Some are just being nice. The point is to learn how to say "no" when you know you need to and continue on the path towards your goals. There is strength in knowing how to establish and enforce boundaries. That's the point.

Why would you want the mindset of... people hate me, they want to see me fail, they're trying to ACTIVELY make me fail, they're just jealous, as a mindset to fuel your motivation?

I mean, if that works for you, then hey - all the power to you.

I prefer to be motivated by things like... I'm stronger than I was yesterday. I can run faster, box harder, do more stairs, plank longer. I'm growing and learning and becoming a better me. And even if my family or friends don't always get that, it doesn't bother me... because I am not doing it for them, or in spite of them.

I am doing this for ME.

:huh:

WHY does this HAVE to be a black and white issue? Do all people who try to feed me want to see me fail. NO. I never said that.

Just because I've used spite as ONE form of fuel to motivate myself, it doesn't mean that I haven't used positive forms, as well, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

But, if you need me to be less dynamic in my thought processes, I'll try to choose one side and stick with it. (Psssh!)

Seriously, a month ago, I was arguing the opposite on this same topic. I understand the gray area. The purpose of THIS topic was to help with motivation, not whine about "haters."

I wasn't saying it had to be black and white, and by all means, you do what you need to do to get through your workout. To get you to your goal.

Sometimes I build myself up (yay you got this, you can do it), sometimes I smack talk myself (cmon you weakling, don't be a quitter).

I just wanted to point out that it doesn't have to be about "them"

I completely agree that very few things in life are black and white, and there are some people that DO want to see you fail. (My sister may fit into that category). But still, I prefer to try and focus on not tearing down others in my quest (I tear myself down more than enough).

To each their own.

Ok, yeah...I was a little frustrated there. Sorry about that.

I totally get (now) what you're saying, and I DO agree. I have had people at the office really pressure me to "eat this cake" or "just this one donut," and be quite persistent about it. So, in THOSE cases, I see it as something that's wrong with them. Spite usually comes in handy when I've just had a really difficult relationship with someone, such as with my ex husband...because it WAS personal. I don't tell ANY of these people how I really feel. I just do what I came to do and move on. How ridiculous would that look to tell someone you "know" what they're "trying" to do?! Lol!

Oh, god. You.Just.Don't.Get.It, do you?

It's a mindset to fuel your motivation. Nothing more. And, basic nutrition? I ate everything I wanted to eat and still lost weight. It has nothing to do with nutrition. It has everything to do with the people who do not understand your goals, do not understand what it takes to get there, but who will try to make you feel bad when you won't partake in something. Literally, as I was writing this, my co-worker brought an iced oatmeal cookie in for me to try a bite...but we have birthday cake for her today, which is what I want, and she still pouted (yes. literally pouted) when I said, "no, thank you" to her.

Seriously? "A bite?" It's her birthday, she's happy, celebrating - she wanted to share. What's so wrong with taking a bite of a cookie? You couldn't take a bite of a cookie because YOU wanted cake instead? It's HER birthday!

Sorry, but I don't get it. I understand making goals for myself and doing my best to stick to those goals. But I can't imagine being so rigid in my beliefs that I couldn't take a bite of a cookie, especially if I knew it meant I would hurt someone's feelings over it. I understand fitness & health is a priority for you, but you're going to be pretty lonely on that island of yours. It's her birthday, for crying out loud. Couldn't you just be her friend for five minutes and celebrate with her? Choose some OTHER time to have a conversation about YOUR goals. Today, wish her a happy birthday, eat the freaking cookie, tell her it's good, then do a little extra exercise tonight if you are THAT bothered by the calories.

Good grief. I hope for everyone ELSE'S sake that no-one tries to get you a cake on YOUR birthday!

For some people, taking a bite of something could send them in a uncontrollable downward spiral. I know that if I took a bite of a cookie, it would no longer be a bite. It was be the consumption of a whole cookie. Plus cake. And then whatever else I binge on for the day.

But, I suspect comments like your are a latent jab at "personal responsibility" more than having to do with the people you surround yourself with. I agree with personal responsibility. We should all take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions. Interestingly, the day that I decided to believe as the OP does, was the very same day that I took responsibility for myself and didn't let others stand in the way of my weight loss efforts.

I just adore it when people pretend like they've always been perfect, which makes me wonder why they came HERE, in the first place? I mean, most of us come to MFP because we need help, or support, or both. Just sayin'...

No I think it's more like a jab at the mentality that, "I am so important that everyone's behavior is all about me."

This. My world seems to lack the totes jelly haterz that everyone else complains about.

Agreed to this.

I definitely see value in the advice of the OP, and agree with the sentiment...

But, I have never had anyone like that in my life - at least not yet. Most of my circle has been supportive, those who aren't actively supportive have been quiet but never actively working against me.

+1

Besides, the crabs pulling the others down - pretty sure they're trying to get out, too.

And frequently, the overweight person saying 'oh, just one <fill in high calorie food> won't hurt' is only speaking the thoughts that are keeping them from losing. Not necessarily trying to prevent you from achieving your goals.

Not to say there aren't nasty people out there who will deliberately try to screw you up - but hopefully they're not your friends. And you probably already knew they were like that if you know them at all. I doubt it just emerged when you found a new goal.