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MyFitnessPal Community

Ladies, how do you feel about being a stay at home mom/wife?

WhisperAnne

I'm not a mother, but I'd like to be a stay at home wife one day if it's financially able with my husband. And if I ever have children I would want to be there to raise them. What do you think?

Replies

Marcolter

Same as I do about stay at home Dad. Equal opportunity folks. If you have kids and they are in school what are your choices.

100toloose

It's really great reading all these opinions. I know it isn't ideal for every woman and that's okay. Whatever works out in the end for each of us is what matters. Right now I enjoy making my own money and being responsible. Who knows if I'll even like staying home. It's just a conversation I've had with others.

I have done both. However- and again everyone is different- I love to work and be around adults.
I love my job and may be that is the reason ... I also love love love my kids... They are the reason for me to be alive and function..
So,make your own wise choicr when you are ready..I got really depressed when I stayed home with my first one and I did not have anything to do between housework and changing diapers. So ,I know for me : work is the way to go...

ambascom

This was a topic my (now ex) boyfriend's mother and I got into once. She was a stay at home mom for a really long time (I believe around 18-20 years) and I was raised with both parents working. She (and her son) had a difficult time understanding why women would give up staying at home with their children to have a career. In her case, they were financially stable enough for her to stay home and raise their 4 kids. My parents weren't financially stable and required us to be in day care or have babysitters after school. I went into day care at 6 weeks old and to be honest, I enjoyed it. I got to socialize with kids my age and made me value the time I had with my parents more.

That being said, for me, I'm a worker. I was raised to be independent and that includes being finacially independent. I have a degree in writing and if it were possible, I would LOVE to stay at home and be a writer while raising my kids. But the realistic side of me knows I would crave adult conversation, so I would need some time to myself (in the form of a job). I'm waiting to hear from grad school for library science as my career path. I suppose if I had a dream world, I would work part time at a library and spend the rest of the time raising my kids and writing. The best of both worlds

JenniCali1000

I love it and I hate it. I've had the big career and sacrificed time with my son, but when my daughter was born years later, I became a sahm and will be until the youngest child goes to pre-k. So I guess you could say I've been in both situations. The bottom line, and I think everyone would agree with me on this, is that I will never regret the time spent with my kids. It's irreplaceable and priceless.

ravengal

OP: I was at home with my children for thirteen years. I would not recommend doing the same. Should you decide to re-enter the workforce, your intelligence, ambition, work ethic, and motivation will be called into question. While I found a decent-paying entry level job at a large company that I like well enough, there are many people who are prejudiced against women who choose not to participate in the work force. Be forewarned!

Shellitz

I wouldn't have been a stay at home wife - I enjoyed working and have been so proud that the both of us have worked so hard together to prepare our life and our home and our finances enough that I was able to stay home for nearly a year, and now only have to work a couple of days a week.

It's just a fabulous time for the world that both technology and workplace laws allow many of us to do both. Flexible hours (and the right to have them), logging in to offices remotely, online based home businesses...it really lets us enjoy our children while they are young (and it goes so very quickly) without too much financial pressure placed soley on one parent, as all parents are equally important to their munchkins!

Ely82010

OP: I was at home with my children for thirteen years. I would not recommend doing the same. Should you decide to re-enter the workforce, your intelligence, ambition, work ethic, and motivation will be called into question. While I found a decent-paying entry level job at a large company that I like well enough, there are many people who are prejudiced against women who choose not to participate in the work force. Be forewarned!

I agree with the above poster. Lots of young wizards are now in the workforce with fancy degrees that are willing to work for less

I also always wondered what would happen if the husband decides to take off, or if some health issues or disability made him impossible to earn a living. I loved my independence and the fact that I also contributed big time to everything that we now have, and that because I also worked out of the house we were able to help our kids when they needed the help, and I secured my old age with my savings.

But we need to do what we think that is best for us. For me, it was getting my degree while the kids where at school, working, and getting to be independent and self sufficient. I don’t regret a thing.

mjones6599

I would like to be a stay at home mom, but I dont think that's possible. My body is completely wrong

bperkins, won't you reconsider?

kristarablue2

Being a stay at home mom was such an honor and a privilege. It was something I would never trade, financially it was not a fun thing but worth every single moment. I am not going to lie, I think staying home is more difficult than working. I have done both and going to work was easier for me, maybe not for others, but for me it was, staying home was hard emotionally at times. But man you only get that privilege for a short time, if you can at all, I would encourage you to try

craftywitch_63

I stayed home with my kids, in fact, I homeschooled them, although now that all of my kids are adults, I work outside the home. My daughter works outside the home. She and her husband work different shifts so someone is usually there with my three year-old grandson, and my six year-old grandson is in school all day.

I'm thankful for the time that I was able to have with my children but it isn't always feasible. I have a sneaking suspicion that if my daughter stayed home all day with my grandsons I would get many emotional calls from her during the day!!!

Kids are pretty adaptable. If you have the temperament and desire to stay home with them, do it! It's a very rewarding experience. If you do not have the temperament or desire, though, be careful about the daycare situation and they'll turn out just fine.

neandermagnon

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

wozkaa

It's funny how some preferences change over time and how some decisions are made by factors beyond our control. Life isn't scripted.

Oh yes. This.

bearkisses

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

momtastic2014

If you have hobbies you really are obsessed with then sure. It is nice to be able to do what you want all day, but I miss being social, getting out more, and the structure.

19TaraLynn84

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

So, have you ever been a SAHM?

bearkisses

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

So, have you ever been a SAHM?

no, because i plan on being a mom who also puts the bacon on the damn table! there are so many cons of being a SAHM and I honestly can't believe how many people are in support of it, what a lack of ambition, way to **** on all your dreams and set a lazy example for your kids

not to mention it is so hard to re-enter the work force, so good luck with that.

19TaraLynn84

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

So, have you ever been a SAHM?

no, because i plan on being a mom who also puts the bacon on the damn table! there are so many cons of being a SAHM and I honestly can't believe how many people are in support of it, what a lack of ambition, way to **** on all your dreams and set a lazy example for your kids

not to mention it is so hard to re-enter the work force, so good luck with that.

Hey, we put the bacon on the table! Literally! Really though, why so much hostility toward something you have no clue about?

As for setting a lazy example, not hardly in this house! My children see me run around all day doing things for them, their father, our home, and for our church. I'm sure there are some lazy women who sit around all day and watch soaps. But I'm not one of them. If our husbands don't mind earning all the money, why should that bother you or anyone else?

mgmlap

when we first adopted...my husband stayed at home since I was the major bread winner. He went back to work..and I have stayed home off an on because of layoffs--I hated it!!...

I am now up when they go to school..I come home ask about their day..cook dinner and have family meals...being a SAHM is great for some..but not for me...

doughnutsndeadlifts

OP: I was at home with my children for thirteen years. I would not recommend doing the same. Should you decide to re-enter the workforce, your intelligence, ambition, work ethic, and motivation will be called into question. While I found a decent-paying entry level job at a large company that I like well enough, there are many people who are prejudiced against women who choose not to participate in the work force. Be forewarned!

This.

d_Mode

I was a stay-at-home Dad and I loved it. Just wish I could get paid better.

DamePiglet

Personal choice I was a stay at home mom for years. It was a choice I made and for me it was the right one for me and my family. If you can do it and that's what you want then go for it.

Are you me??? Lol!!! This is exactly what I was gonna say!

smileygurl92687

I work part time, but i consider myself a stay at home mom. I like having a simple job that i can go to a few times a week for about 5 hours and talk to adults. I am taking care of things, but in a completely different way. We live modestly since i don't work full time, but its how we want to live. I am with my kids most of the time and i love it. But i also love stepping away to work or the gym for myself.

MinMin97

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

So, have you ever been a SAHM?

no, because i plan on being a mom who also puts the bacon on the damn table! there are so many cons of being a SAHM and I honestly can't believe how many people are in support of it, what a lack of ambition, way to **** on all your dreams and set a lazy example for your kids

not to mention it is so hard to re-enter the work force, so good luck with that.

As you continue to talk, you continue to show your ignorance. "Raising children is not a job"??? LOL Worth of a woman is in how much money she can make??LOL Unbelievable. How sad.

DamePiglet

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

So, have you ever been a SAHM?

no, because i plan on being a mom who also puts the bacon on the damn table! there are so many cons of being a SAHM and I honestly can't believe how many people are in support of it, what a lack of ambition, way to **** on all your dreams and set a lazy example for your kids

not to mention it is so hard to re-enter the work force, so good luck with that.

Are you speaking from personal experience or just choosing to be condescending?

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I could not do it. I literally went back to work 2 weeks after my daughter was born. I was lucky that she could come with me and that my husband works from home 65% of the time.

Rosytakesoff

We all have to do what works for us. I did it for over a year. It wasn't for me. I derive a lot of my identity from my working life, and my husband always thought I was bored so he would have me doing stupid tasks and time wasting errands for him. Plus, I personally hated not having one cent of my own. But that is only MY experience. There are lots of women and some men who stay home with their children and find it the most wonderful and rewarding experience ever.

I don't look down on those that stay at home or those who work. Life is hard enough as it is.

mcjmommy

I stay at home and I love it. My husband and I were married 11 years before we had kids. We both worked full time to pay for his college (I already had a bachelors degree) with the eventual and mutual goal that when we were ready to have kids, I would stay home. After he was done with school, we still waited another 8 years to have kids because we knew we'd be going to one income.

My oldest is almost 7 and I have a preschooler. I think it's great being able to work in their classes at school and go to field trips and special events. I wouldn't choose to go back to work while they are still at home. For our family, the extra money wouldn't offset the satisfaction that I get from being more involved.

I doubt that I would have left my job if I wasn't getting ready to have a baby though. I think that is a completely different mindset and I don't think my husband requires that much of my undivided attention

redheadmommy

It is so weird that somebody wants to be a stay at home WIFE. Like trophy wife? Hell, no!

I understated wanting to be a stay at home MOTHER. SAHM has vital role in society and I totally support that idea if that what you and and your SO want that. I stayed home for almost a year with both kids and it was wonderful. I wish I could have stayed for one more year. However, I would personally would not stay home for extended period of time though. It is just not mentally challenging for me.
I understand to stay home until you have small kids, but I just do not see the point after the kids are in school. Maybe it is different in different places, but here school starts 8:30 am and finishes 3:30 pm, and it is like 3:45 by the time kids get out. I think a 6 hr workday type of job is ideal for that situation, and you will not miss a second of your children life. What most people do around here is have one of the parent work early shift like 7 am to 3 pm, while the other work later like 9 to 5. Whoever works from 9 takes the kid(s) to school and the other one picks up the kids from school. I think it is good, because both parents are involved and have a one on one time with the kids every single day.

For me the ideal situation would be SAHM until our have a child under 2 yrs old. 4 hr work when i have kids between kid age 2-5 , and 6 hr workday until the oldest is 12, and full 8 hr after that.

wozkaa

Well there you go, OP:

Whatever you choose, you will have people judging your decision, and thinking they know better but haven't been in your situation.

Do what works for your circumstance - some people love it, some don't some would have done it differently. You just need to be able to tell the naysayers to go shove their judgements. :-D

DamePiglet

Well there you go, OP:

Whatever you choose, you will have people judging your decision, and thinking they know better but haven't been in your situation.

Do what works for your circumstance - some people love it, some don't some would have done it differently. You just need to be able to tell the naysayers to go shove their judgements. :-D

This.