Ladies, how do you feel about being a stay at home mom/wife?
Replies
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Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.
I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.
How did I know this would come up? You don't support me, honey! My husband pays his fair share of taxes. I don't agree with the tax rules at all. It makes no sense for people to get thousands of dollars that they didn't earn. But we don't get the huge tax returns that some get. We aren't on any kind of government support, either. Just thought I'd mention that before it came up.0 -
It's what I plan on.0
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I would be bored stupid :sad:0
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I never understand the bitterness that these types of threads bring out. If you choose to work, that's great. If you're in a position where you can stay at home with your kids, and you choose to do so, that's great. We are not all the same and our goals, aspirations, dreams, and circumstances are all quite different. Learn to appreciate that difference.0
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OP: The narrow-minded bigotry toward SAHM's here underlines the fact that being employed isn't a panacea for bitterness, envy, and sloppy thinking.0
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To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.
raising a child is being a productive member of society.
I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.
I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.
this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.
And there are mums who work and have partners who also do the laundry, meals,shopping etc - people divide the household work as well as the paid work, you know.
I give credit to all parents who are are doing a good job bringing up their children - whether one or both have paid jobs, one is a SAHP, whatever combination they are doing that works for them.
There isn't a one-size-fits- all formula for this - everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different.
I have been a SAHM for periods of time, up to 3 years at a time. I certainly don't think I was setting a lazy example for my children or not contributing to society. I didn't think I was wasting my qualifications either, just postponing using them for a time.
That worked for me and now I am working 4 days a week and that is right for me now.
Let everyone make what decision works for them without condescending judgement if it is different to our own decisions, I say.0 -
That's the way it should be. A wife should be at home raising the children. Keeping the household running smoothly. Have dinner ready when the Master of the domain retunrs from work. She should be meeting him at the door, with a welcoming home kiss, in her best housedress, wearing a string of pearls and holding a martini in one hand and the paper in the other. JUST LIKE JUNE CLEAVER !!0
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It didn't work like that when I was a SAHM, road dog.0
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I never understand the bitterness that these types of threads bring out. If you choose to work, that's great. If you're in a position where you can stay at home with your kids, and you choose to do so, that's great. We are not all the same and our goals, aspirations, dreams, and circumstances are all quite different. Learn to appreciate that difference.
^^^^0 -
That's the way it should be. A wife should be at home raising the children. Keeping the household running smoothly. Have dinner ready when the Master of the domain retunrs from work. She should be meeting him at the door, with a welcoming home kiss, in her best housedress, wearing a string of pearls and holding a martini in one hand and the paper in the other. JUST LIKE JUNE CLEAVER !!
:laugh:
I think that only ever happened on television.0 -
That's the way it should be. A wife should be at home raising the children. Keeping the household running smoothly. Have dinner ready when the Master of the domain retunrs from work. She should be meeting him at the door, with a welcoming home kiss, in her best housedress, wearing a string of pearls and holding a martini in one hand and the paper in the other. JUST LIKE JUNE CLEAVER !!
:laugh:
I think that only ever happened on television.
We all know that Father knows best.0 -
Nothing wrong with being a stay at home parent if you can afford it (whether Mum or Dad), probably great for the kids too until they hit school age, however what do you mean by stay at home wife? If that just consists of doing lunch with other wives and getting my nails done, and being a domestic servant to my husband when he's not working I think I'd rather drive a screwdriver into my eye.
However if by stay at home wife you'd be doing something productive or creative from home because you don't need two regular incomes, that would be cool. But the idea of just being a kept women who's goals were to just look nice, I would just feel like a piece of property or a dependent with a parent if I wasn't making some form of productive contribution, but that's just me.
Hats off to all the stay at home and working parents though. Raising children does not seem like a cake walk. xxxx0 -
That's the way it should be. A wife should be at home raising the children. Keeping the household running smoothly. Have dinner ready when the Master of the domain retunrs from work. She should be meeting him at the door, with a welcoming home kiss, in her best housedress, wearing a string of pearls and holding a martini in one hand and the paper in the other. JUST LIKE JUNE CLEAVER !!
:laugh:
I think that only ever happened on television.
We all know that Father knows best.
LOL honestly that's my ideal life!0 -
Blessed.0
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God forbid if we have children, he gets to stay home and raise them. I'd lose my mind as a stay at home wife, I can't even take a holiday without going away, I can't cope. Soooo bored.0
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Wow so many harsh judgments in this thread..and to the people saying stay at home mom's are "lazy" how dare you! my mother WORKED her *kitten* off keeping the house running, she made sure all the bills were organized and paid, she cleaned everyday all day long, she ran errands and helped my father with his business. She is not a lazy person and not all stay at home mothers are!0
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I feel great about it actually. Obviously, there are pluses and minuses to every situation. But, for MY particular kids, they have truly benefited from me staying home with them.
I gave up a very well paying job. And in doing so, I gave up a lot of my own personal independence. There are days when I wonder what if??? But the truth is, MY children needed ME. I know this, because I did in fact go back to work for a very short time, a few years ago, and all hell broke loose.
Like many things in life, you really don't know how something is going to work out, until you are in the midst of it. When you are raising children, you do the best you can. Every day. Whether you stay home with your kids, or you go to work at a job outside of the home, there is no definition of ideal, or perfect. You just make it work, as best as you can.
As an aside, I really dislike it when I see/read women putting each other down, when it comes to this topic.0 -
That's funny opie, because I'm not a father, but I'd like to be a stay at home father one day if it's financially able with my wife. And if I ever have children I would want to be there to raise them. What do you think?0
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I feel great about it actually. Obviously, there are pluses and minuses to every situation. But, for MY particular kids, they have truly benefited from me staying home with them.
I gave up a very well paying job. And in doing so, I gave up a lot of my own personal independence. There are days when I wonder what if??? But the truth is, MY children needed ME. I know this, because I did in fact got back to work for a very short time, a few years ago, and all hell broke loose.
Like many things in life, you really don't know how something is going to work out, until you are in the midst of it. When you are raising children, you do the best you can. Every day. Whether you stay home with your kids, or you go to work at a job outside of the home, there is no definition of ideal, or perfect. You just make it work, as best as you can.
As an aside, I really dislike it when I see/read women putting each other down, when it comes to this topic.
Wonderful for you! Also, I agree. Why do women have to tear each other down? it's sad. We need to support each other.0 -
That's funny opie, because I'm not a father, but I'd like to be a stay at home father one day if it's financially able with my wife. And if I ever have children I would want to be there to raise them. What do you think?
If your wife is okay with it then sure! whatever makes you both happy. My uncle is a stay at home dad, and my aunt and him love it. She works a really good job and is able to make 100,000 a year so their 3 kids are well taken care of. It all boils down to if you have the money or not.0 -
For the past year I have been home with my kids, 15 and 12. I love having more time with them. Also attending all those school and sports activities you most often miss out on when you are working. My husband works 7 days a week so he appreciates all that I do around the home and yard chores. I do volunteer work so I still get adult social interaction.
So if you have the opportunity, and when those little ones arrive, do what your heart tells you. No regrets.0 -
If you can afford it then do it! I was a stay at home mum for 7 years when my 3 children were little and only went back to work when my youngest started nursery because we needed the extra income. I loved being at home with my children and even though they are grown up now two of them still live at home I would still love to be at home.0
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I am not going to read all the replies but I will answer from personal experience. My ex wanted me to stay home with our kids. He was a latchkey kid and wanted our children to have all that you described~ a mom at home when they got home from school and there when sick etc. Honestly I hated it. Not so much because of the children but because of my marriage. He would come home and turn around to go out with his buddies practically every night and on weekends. I had 3 kids in the span of 7 yrs and lost one along the way so was always having toddlers around. He refused to pay for daycare, preschool or even full day kindergarden. I would have KILLED for some adult interaction and missed having a little extra pocket money that I didn't need to account for. He made a decent living and we could afford for me to stay home. I know that is a blessing. He grew to resent the financial burden of taking care of me while I sat around 'doing nothing' When he left me for another woman {how cliche 10 yrs my junior} I had been unemployed for so long that I was unable to find a job. The economy had just tanked and I wasn't able to fight him for custody, the house anything due to lack of personal funds.
I am now remarried and still stay home with the kids. I haven't held a job in 19 yrs. I watch my grandkids {step kids child} and love it. I cannot imagine going to work. I am too used to being a homebody. My current husband comes home and spends time with me and the children. He really appreciates my staying home and considers it hard work… maybe not physically but emotionally to not have alone time and to be patient etc for children all the time regardless of it I am sick etc. We cannot really afford for me to not be working. My current husband makes significantly less than my ex did. But I am so used to doing without and sticking to a strict budget. If you have a good support system and you are willing to put your kids above the desire for a new lipstick OR your spouse earns enough then sure.
fwiw my daughter was so sad at the idea of going back to work after a year and then after a few months of working again said she couldn't imagine not working because of the intellectual challenges and camaraderie. There is only so much Barney and a toddler can give you conversation wise.0 -
and having scrolled up and seen the woman putting others down for choices … at the ex's office parties people's eyes would glaze over and they would move on quickly when I said I was a homemaker
and a close friend whom I met once a week for lunch made some snarky comment when I had to cancel a lunch for a parent teacher meeting.. the first time I had not been available in 4 yrs at her timetable… I believe it was : if you can fit me into your busy schedule how about X date
I swear people think I sit around watching soaps and eating bon bond. Alas there are no soaps anymore >>squints>0 -
I didn't like it. I was bored and missed seeing people.
I know some great SAHM/wives who do amazing projects, home school their kids and are very productive.
It's up to you.
Have you considered part-time?0 -
I think its a personal choice for each person, if you can afford it and feel your children will benefit from you being at home all day then do it if not then work.
I've had friends who took 2-3 years off work for the first few years of their childrens lives and couldn't wait to get back to work for some independance financially and adult company but I also have some friends who have opted to be a stay at home parent there is just as much work when you are at home as there is when you are working.
Personally if I had kids and could afford it I would stay at home because I'm think I would get too stressed having to run around in the morning school runs etc and then head to work and then head home in the evening and do more work ie. cleaning, dinners etc. I am sure people's partners would help so it would be less stressful but for me it would be too much but in saying that I dont have kids and it doesnt look like I am winning the lotto anytime soon so if I do have kids I will have to work.
I always loved coming in from school to see my mam there it felt secure but its up to everyone...each to their own as they say.0 -
To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.
raising a child is being a productive member of society.
I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.
I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.
this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.
No, it's not a job, jobs are paid, but is is work. However, it's not a competition. Maybe get back to us when you've done either, or preferably both, then perhaps your criticism will have some relevance to the discussion.0 -
I was a SAHM for 3 years, and loved it..... I was lucky though because I still had an evening part-time job (really to keep my skills current, and for adult conversations). The most difficult part was that my hubby didn't realize just how much work it was. He would come home and get upset because dinner wasn't on the table and ready to eat at 6 on the dot, and the house wasn't spick and span. Having 2 children in the house and taking care of them and teaching them was my main priority.
Have no illusions about it.... it is a TON of work, but when you see your children thrive, it definitely makes it all worth it! To this day, my 22 and 19 year old still use their manners, please, thank you, excuse me, etc.... that is a total pay-off!0 -
In the 1950s women were told to stay at home and raises kids or they were bad moms.
In 2014 women are being told to work outside of the home or they are told that they're lazy.
Has anything really changed?
Wasn't the idea that people be allowed to live their lives the best way they can?
Or did we just switch ideologies but carry the same holier than thou attitude?0 -
Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.
I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.
Yes yes yes!!!
And THANK YOU for bringing this up...(tiptoes away softly)0
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