Ladies, how do you feel about being a stay at home mom/wife?

Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.

I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.

How did I know this would come up? You don't support me, honey! My husband pays his fair share of taxes. I don't agree with the tax rules at all. It makes no sense for people to get thousands of dollars that they didn't earn. But we don't get the huge tax returns that some get. We aren't on any kind of government support, either. Just thought I'd mention that before it came up.

I would be bored stupid :sad:

OP: The narrow-minded bigotry toward SAHM's here underlines the fact that being employed isn't a panacea for bitterness, envy, and sloppy thinking.

That's the way it should be. A wife should be at home raising the children. Keeping the household running smoothly. Have dinner ready when the Master of the domain retunrs from work. She should be meeting him at the door, with a welcoming home kiss, in her best housedress, wearing a string of pearls and holding a martini in one hand and the paper in the other. JUST LIKE JUNE CLEAVER !!

I never understand the bitterness that these types of threads bring out. If you choose to work, that's great. If you're in a position where you can stay at home with your kids, and you choose to do so, that's great. We are not all the same and our goals, aspirations, dreams, and circumstances are all quite different. Learn to appreciate that difference.

^^^^

That's the way it should be. A wife should be at home raising the children. Keeping the household running smoothly. Have dinner ready when the Master of the domain retunrs from work. She should be meeting him at the door, with a welcoming home kiss, in her best housedress, wearing a string of pearls and holding a martini in one hand and the paper in the other. JUST LIKE JUNE CLEAVER !!

:laugh:

I think that only ever happened on television.

We all know that Father knows best.

God forbid if we have children, he gets to stay home and raise them. I'd lose my mind as a stay at home wife, I can't even take a holiday without going away, I can't cope. Soooo bored.

I feel great about it actually. Obviously, there are pluses and minuses to every situation. But, for MY particular kids, they have truly benefited from me staying home with them.

I gave up a very well paying job. And in doing so, I gave up a lot of my own personal independence. There are days when I wonder what if??? But the truth is, MY children needed ME. I know this, because I did in fact go back to work for a very short time, a few years ago, and all hell broke loose.

Like many things in life, you really don't know how something is going to work out, until you are in the midst of it. When you are raising children, you do the best you can. Every day. Whether you stay home with your kids, or you go to work at a job outside of the home, there is no definition of ideal, or perfect. You just make it work, as best as you can.

As an aside, I really dislike it when I see/read women putting each other down, when it comes to this topic.

For the past year I have been home with my kids, 15 and 12. I love having more time with them. Also attending all those school and sports activities you most often miss out on when you are working. My husband works 7 days a week so he appreciates all that I do around the home and yard chores. I do volunteer work so I still get adult social interaction.
So if you have the opportunity, and when those little ones arrive, do what your heart tells you. No regrets.

I am not going to read all the replies but I will answer from personal experience. My ex wanted me to stay home with our kids. He was a latchkey kid and wanted our children to have all that you described~ a mom at home when they got home from school and there when sick etc. Honestly I hated it. Not so much because of the children but because of my marriage. He would come home and turn around to go out with his buddies practically every night and on weekends. I had 3 kids in the span of 7 yrs and lost one along the way so was always having toddlers around. He refused to pay for daycare, preschool or even full day kindergarden. I would have KILLED for some adult interaction and missed having a little extra pocket money that I didn't need to account for. He made a decent living and we could afford for me to stay home. I know that is a blessing. He grew to resent the financial burden of taking care of me while I sat around 'doing nothing' When he left me for another woman {how cliche 10 yrs my junior} I had been unemployed for so long that I was unable to find a job. The economy had just tanked and I wasn't able to fight him for custody, the house anything due to lack of personal funds.

I am now remarried and still stay home with the kids. I haven't held a job in 19 yrs. I watch my grandkids {step kids child} and love it. I cannot imagine going to work. I am too used to being a homebody. My current husband comes home and spends time with me and the children. He really appreciates my staying home and considers it hard work… maybe not physically but emotionally to not have alone time and to be patient etc for children all the time regardless of it I am sick etc. We cannot really afford for me to not be working. My current husband makes significantly less than my ex did. But I am so used to doing without and sticking to a strict budget. If you have a good support system and you are willing to put your kids above the desire for a new lipstick OR your spouse earns enough then sure.

fwiw my daughter was so sad at the idea of going back to work after a year and then after a few months of working again said she couldn't imagine not working because of the intellectual challenges and camaraderie. There is only so much Barney and a toddler can give you conversation wise.

I didn't like it. I was bored and missed seeing people.

I know some great SAHM/wives who do amazing projects, home school their kids and are very productive.

It's up to you.

Have you considered part-time?

To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.

raising a child is being a productive member of society.

I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.

I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.

this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.

No, it's not a job, jobs are paid, but is is work. However, it's not a competition. Maybe get back to us when you've done either, or preferably both, then perhaps your criticism will have some relevance to the discussion.

In the 1950s women were told to stay at home and raises kids or they were bad moms.

In 2014 women are being told to work outside of the home or they are told that they're lazy.

Has anything really changed?

Wasn't the idea that people be allowed to live their lives the best way they can?

Or did we just switch ideologies but carry the same holier than thou attitude?