Ladies, how do you feel about being a stay at home mom/wife?
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For the past year I have been home with my kids, 15 and 12. I love having more time with them. Also attending all those school and sports activities you most often miss out on when you are working. My husband works 7 days a week so he appreciates all that I do around the home and yard chores. I do volunteer work so I still get adult social interaction.
So if you have the opportunity, and when those little ones arrive, do what your heart tells you. No regrets.0 -
If you can afford it then do it! I was a stay at home mum for 7 years when my 3 children were little and only went back to work when my youngest started nursery because we needed the extra income. I loved being at home with my children and even though they are grown up now two of them still live at home I would still love to be at home.0
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I am not going to read all the replies but I will answer from personal experience. My ex wanted me to stay home with our kids. He was a latchkey kid and wanted our children to have all that you described~ a mom at home when they got home from school and there when sick etc. Honestly I hated it. Not so much because of the children but because of my marriage. He would come home and turn around to go out with his buddies practically every night and on weekends. I had 3 kids in the span of 7 yrs and lost one along the way so was always having toddlers around. He refused to pay for daycare, preschool or even full day kindergarden. I would have KILLED for some adult interaction and missed having a little extra pocket money that I didn't need to account for. He made a decent living and we could afford for me to stay home. I know that is a blessing. He grew to resent the financial burden of taking care of me while I sat around 'doing nothing' When he left me for another woman {how cliche 10 yrs my junior} I had been unemployed for so long that I was unable to find a job. The economy had just tanked and I wasn't able to fight him for custody, the house anything due to lack of personal funds.
I am now remarried and still stay home with the kids. I haven't held a job in 19 yrs. I watch my grandkids {step kids child} and love it. I cannot imagine going to work. I am too used to being a homebody. My current husband comes home and spends time with me and the children. He really appreciates my staying home and considers it hard work… maybe not physically but emotionally to not have alone time and to be patient etc for children all the time regardless of it I am sick etc. We cannot really afford for me to not be working. My current husband makes significantly less than my ex did. But I am so used to doing without and sticking to a strict budget. If you have a good support system and you are willing to put your kids above the desire for a new lipstick OR your spouse earns enough then sure.
fwiw my daughter was so sad at the idea of going back to work after a year and then after a few months of working again said she couldn't imagine not working because of the intellectual challenges and camaraderie. There is only so much Barney and a toddler can give you conversation wise.0 -
and having scrolled up and seen the woman putting others down for choices … at the ex's office parties people's eyes would glaze over and they would move on quickly when I said I was a homemaker
and a close friend whom I met once a week for lunch made some snarky comment when I had to cancel a lunch for a parent teacher meeting.. the first time I had not been available in 4 yrs at her timetable… I believe it was : if you can fit me into your busy schedule how about X date
I swear people think I sit around watching soaps and eating bon bond. Alas there are no soaps anymore >>squints>0 -
I didn't like it. I was bored and missed seeing people.
I know some great SAHM/wives who do amazing projects, home school their kids and are very productive.
It's up to you.
Have you considered part-time?0 -
I think its a personal choice for each person, if you can afford it and feel your children will benefit from you being at home all day then do it if not then work.
I've had friends who took 2-3 years off work for the first few years of their childrens lives and couldn't wait to get back to work for some independance financially and adult company but I also have some friends who have opted to be a stay at home parent there is just as much work when you are at home as there is when you are working.
Personally if I had kids and could afford it I would stay at home because I'm think I would get too stressed having to run around in the morning school runs etc and then head to work and then head home in the evening and do more work ie. cleaning, dinners etc. I am sure people's partners would help so it would be less stressful but for me it would be too much but in saying that I dont have kids and it doesnt look like I am winning the lotto anytime soon so if I do have kids I will have to work.
I always loved coming in from school to see my mam there it felt secure but its up to everyone...each to their own as they say.0 -
To each their own, but it is absolutely not for me - I spent way too long getting an education and building a successful career to give it up. And I want to be a productive member of society, I would not be ok with my husband supporting me and not contributing myself.
raising a child is being a productive member of society.
I find it weird that society would view being a stay at home parent as not contributing. Raising the next generation is a vitally important job. Also it's weird if someone who gets paid to look after other people's kids, e.g. nanny, nursery nurse, gets a high social status because he or she is working (as in getting a salary) while someone who does the exact same thing but with their own kids and not getting paid for it, is considered to be "not contributing" and looked down upon by others.
I'm cool either way, re stay at home parent, working parent(s)... whatever works for the family (and no reason why it has to be the mum that stays at home if the dad wants to and she wants to work) - I also think a lot more people would be stay at home parents if they could afford it.
this all feels like a crazy joke. Raising children is not a job, it is part of the family cycle. Yes, it is hard work but I think SAHM seriously give themselves WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT, when there are moms who work...and still do the laundry, make the meals, grocery shop, change the diapers, play with toys, clean up, blahblahblah. Now those moms I give much credit to.
No, it's not a job, jobs are paid, but is is work. However, it's not a competition. Maybe get back to us when you've done either, or preferably both, then perhaps your criticism will have some relevance to the discussion.0 -
I was a SAHM for 3 years, and loved it..... I was lucky though because I still had an evening part-time job (really to keep my skills current, and for adult conversations). The most difficult part was that my hubby didn't realize just how much work it was. He would come home and get upset because dinner wasn't on the table and ready to eat at 6 on the dot, and the house wasn't spick and span. Having 2 children in the house and taking care of them and teaching them was my main priority.
Have no illusions about it.... it is a TON of work, but when you see your children thrive, it definitely makes it all worth it! To this day, my 22 and 19 year old still use their manners, please, thank you, excuse me, etc.... that is a total pay-off!0 -
In the 1950s women were told to stay at home and raises kids or they were bad moms.
In 2014 women are being told to work outside of the home or they are told that they're lazy.
Has anything really changed?
Wasn't the idea that people be allowed to live their lives the best way they can?
Or did we just switch ideologies but carry the same holier than thou attitude?0 -
Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.
I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.
Yes yes yes!!!
And THANK YOU for bringing this up...(tiptoes away softly)0 -
OK, here's my 2 cents worth of opinion...From a values perspective, if you can afford to stay home and raise your children the way you want them raised, then by all means do so! I firmly believe that if you have children, YOU should make the commitment to raise them, not work to pay someone else to raise them! If you can't do this financially, then the next optimal situation is to work part time while they are in daycare/school if you can.
I was widowed with a 3 year old son when I met the woman I believed was the next "one". Before we married we discussed, and agreed upon this very topic. I was an executive making well over 6 figures. She was in healthcare, earning about a 3rd of what I was earning. AFTER we married, she did a complete 180 and refused to stay home with the children, and work "per diem". Since I don't believe in divorce, I decided to stay home and raise the children. Because I was financially "frugal" I saved and invested well all those years I woked, which afforded us the ability to maintain our lifestyle despite losing my income and only having my wife's income. The decision for me to do this, has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, and I have had many! There have been financial struggles from time to time (the last several years under the current president have been difficult economically for everyone), but with careful planning and budgeting we've managed quite well.
One child launched to college this year. the other is a sophmore in high school, so I'm almost done! LOL! I have worked part time on and off over the last 8 years, and during that time I also went back to school (on-line) and earned an advanced degree which enabled me to launch my own business! I have been the one to go to parent-teacher conferences, I've been the class Dad, chaperoned field trips, coached sports teams they were on, taken them everywhere they had to go, and let me tell you, spending the summers with them, coming up with activities that engaged them, hikes, day trips, bike rides, museums, beach trips, etc. was a blast!
In closing, my philospy is that as parents, one of our most important jobs is to make memories for our kids. I know that when they're older, and I'm gone, the majority of the memories they have growing up with me will be fond ones!0 -
Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.
I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.
Yes yes yes!!!
And THANK YOU for bringing this up...(tiptoes away softly)
Are each of you and your husband making $225,001 or more a year? That's the top marginal tax bracket for 2013 for married filing separately.
If not, then you're not paying enough federal income tax to "support" anyone.
The reality is that many people structure their lives based on income potential and tax rates, and for many it's not worth having two earners in the household. This tax game works many ways.0 -
Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.
I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.
Yes yes yes!!!
And THANK YOU for bringing this up...(tiptoes away softly)
Another way to look at it…. you're paying the money back into the system that came out of other people's checks when you were a child and young adult. Paying for the tax credits your parents claimed by virtue of having you, for the schools you attended, the teachers, the staff, the books, materials, buses, utilities, all of that. You're also having money taken out of your checks to cover the elderly who decided not to have kids and are now in the care of the system because they have no family to help foot the bill in their twilight years. Your taxes also go to students claiming education credits who may not be earning any money. Bottom line: we all pay taxes and all of us are having money taken out and "redistributed" in some way, but we do so knowing that we are reimbursing the money spent on us and investing in those who are going to be helping to pay for us in the future when they start reimbursing the system.0 -
seeing as I only work twenty hours a week at nights I feel like I am practicly a housewife. I like keeping up the house and making sure we have meals and clothses clean,etc. it gets a little boring and I have too much time on my hands but right now while I am losing the weight, my husband tells me that he doesn't want me to work more hours and I should "treat this like my second job" I love him for that. IT isn't all its cracked up to be. You got to still put in your fifty fifty part but if you arentn working or are working less then you are the one who is expected to keep up the house stuff. That gets annoying sometimes when you want a break. Better get you a man who makes good money. I guese.0
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It's a personal choice and nothing wrong with it. My mom stayed home all throughout my childhood and it was great having her there. I don't recall suffering because of the one income (my dad was a teacher; in Canada they make a pretty good salary). A bit difference in Canada as we get a year's maternity leave so by then, most of my friends were ready to go back to work. I think if you can live comfortably on one income why not. Daycare is sometimes so expensive it's not worth it.0
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I admit, I'm very old fashioned. I would love taking care of the home and family while my husband worked. I know with the conomy so bad that it's not as common for women, or men to stay at home. My uncle is a stay at home dad while my aunt works. And you know what? they love it. So I guess if one spouse has a good income then it's possible.
as long as you aren't living paycheck to paycheck and have a savings on top of daily and monthly needs then yeah its okay. but if you want to get anywhere in life you got to work for it. its really nobody's business what you do as long as your future hubby is okay with it.0 -
I was a stay at home mom and wife until my children went to school.....I actually took in kids to help with money and that way I could stay home......It doesn't last forever.....mine are now 17-13-10 . I am not regretful for spending that time ,they grow very fast.....now I have time to do what I would like to ....I work fulltime now and enjoy my job!0
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I'm a stay at home mom. I have two boys. I like it because I'm always there for them. I wouldn't like someone else teaching. things like numbers or the alphabet. I get to see their first from first tooth to their first school day. I would be crushed if I had missed out on it. It does get pretty lonely I don't have many friends they left me after I had my first child. There isn't anyone I can talk or hang out with. my husband is always working. Overall I'm happy0
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In the 1950s women were told to stay at home and raises kids or they were bad moms.
In 2014 women are being told to work outside of the home or they are told that they're lazy.
Has anything really changed?
Wasn't the idea that people be allowed to live their lives the best way they can?
Or did we just switch ideologies but carry the same holier than thou attitude?
I like you.0 -
Here's the elephant in the room for me: I work and I support stay at home moms financially. I don't receive a Child Tax Credit. I don't live with a man who receives an Earned Income Credit ($43,038 ($48,378 married filing jointly) with two qualifying children in 2013 is the cap). Yet, money is taken out of my check and redistributed to those with children via Child Tax Credits and sometimes Earned Income Credits for married households even if the moms are not paying into the tax system.
I don't have any moral issues with SAHM's but I do have a financial issue with wealth redistribution from my household to yours.
Yes yes yes!!!
And THANK YOU for bringing this up...(tiptoes away softly)
Another way to look at it…. you're paying the money back into the system that came out of other people's checks when you were a child and young adult. Paying for the tax credits your parents claimed by virtue of having you, for the schools you attended, the teachers, the staff, the books, materials, buses, utilities, all of that. You're also having money taken out of your checks to cover the elderly who decided not to have kids and are now in the care of the system because they have no family to help foot the bill in their twilight years. Your taxes also go to students claiming education credits who may not be earning any money. Bottom line: we all pay taxes and all of us are having money taken out and "redistributed" in some way, but we do so knowing that we are reimbursing the money spent on us and investing in those who are going to be helping to pay for us in the future when they start reimbursing the system.
And I like you.0
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