EXTREME weight loss & divorce

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  • beautybeyondmyskin77
    beautybeyondmyskin77 Posts: 66
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    My physician told me that the divorce rate is like 85% higher when one spouse has lost a significant amount of weight.

    Here is my perspective being that I am the one on this journey:

    My hubby has been with me since I was a Sr. in HS. I've always been the "fat" girl. Even though I was a twirler and in band, weight never bothered me. After the birth of our daughter, a few major sugeries, a personal home problem and the death of my Nana, PawPaw, Daddy, then my Mom all in the course of 2 years I kept ballooning up. Eating was my comfort. And, I seriously didn't think I LOOKED like I did. So, when seeing my "before" pic taken at the waterpark for Christmas (almost 3 yrs ago), I said enough was enough.
    I could not have said this any better!!! Im going thur the same with my husband!! I have been with this man since I was 14 years old , we have 3 children together and there has been no other man that I could ever feel the way that I feel for him ... my weight lost journey has been on health and building my confidence level up NO WOMAN should be 200 pounds unless you are super tall !!!! I want to maintain a healthy me 1st and for most, and I want to stand beside him as his complement , his stronger half!!! I so understand your battle at first!!! ((((HUGS )))))
    He was happy that I was doing it the "right way". No pills, surgery, fad diets, or eating disorders. When I was around the 50 lbs lost mark, I started actually WANTING to wear makeup, fitted clothes and do my hair. It was that point that I had to deal with HIS insecurities that I was doing it to attract men or wanna leave him. Which wasn't the case. I felt more confident that I was doing something right for a change and didn't wanna hide behind the "frumpy girl" look. It took a lot of agreeing to disagree conversations referring to the change of my outward appearance for him to realize that I was doing this because I felt better about myself and that I wanted HIM to be proud of me and be proud of the woman he had standing by his side.

    I'm not gonna say it was easy, but it was worth it to keep reassuring him that I wasn't on a mission to leave him just because the outward Tiffers changed. I'm still the same girl. Just look a little bit different.


    That's my story and I'm glad to have gotten it off my chest.

    ~Tiffers

    edited to add: my husband has always been between 140-155 lbs.
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  • beautybeyondmyskin77
    beautybeyondmyskin77 Posts: 66
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    Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!:wink:
    My physician told me that the divorce rate is like 85% higher when one spouse has lost a significant amount of weight.

    Here is my perspective being that I am the one on this journey:

    My hubby has been with me since I was a Sr. in HS. I've always been the "fat" girl. Even though I was a twirler and in band, weight never bothered me. After the birth of our daughter, a few major sugeries, a personal home problem and the death of my Nana, PawPaw, Daddy, then my Mom all in the course of 2 years I kept ballooning up. Eating was my comfort. And, I seriously didn't think I LOOKED like I did. So, when seeing my "before" pic taken at the waterpark for Christmas (almost 3 yrs ago), I said enough was enough.

    He was happy that I was doing it the "right way". No pills, surgery, fad diets, or eating disorders. When I was around the 50 lbs lost mark, I started actually WANTING to wear makeup, fitted clothes and do my hair. It was that point that I had to deal with HIS insecurities that I was doing it to attract men or wanna leave him. Which wasn't the case. I felt more confident that I was doing something right for a change and didn't wanna hide behind the "frumpy girl" look. It took a lot of agreeing to disagree conversations referring to the change of my outward appearance for him to realize that I was doing this because I felt better about myself and that I wanted HIM to be proud of me and be proud of the woman he had standing by his side.

    I'm not gonna say it was easy, but it was worth it to keep reassuring him that I wasn't on a mission to leave him just because the outward Tiffers changed. I'm still the same girl. Just look a little bit different.


    That's my story and I'm glad to have gotten it off my chest.

    ~Tiffers

    edited to add: my husband has always been between 140-155 lbs.
    [/quote]
  • diligentjosh
    diligentjosh Posts: 274
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    This is just my experience, but I have been somewhat of a chubby chaser all my life. That could be due to my overweightedness, however what I have learned is that fat people have less of a sex drive, and eventually the sexual appeal will lose its value. I cannot quote any research on this, as I have stated, this is just my personal opinion. I believe that because fat people are less flexible, and sex is like yoga in a way, it is a big reason why the sex dies out. The fat people cannot get into various positions, or do different things. If one person gets skinny while the other one is still bigger, eithe male or female, the sex appeal will diminish in part because of this. But typically speaking (there are always exceptions), fitter people enjoy sex more and keep the fire longer. If the fat person cannot "keep up" with the fitter, this will expose many other issues, as the person will search for faults. It is human nature, I believe. Of course, with age, this can all change, as biological interest in sex decreases after a certain age.

    I am not a therapist, or any type of professional. This is just what I have seen in my family as well as my personal relationships.

    I am editing to say that there are many factors in the way this goes. If the two are intimately connected, the bond will be stronger and the chances are greater that the attraction will have a chance to rebound. On the other hand, if that is not the case, it will be accentuated by the lack of sexual connection.
  • LilMissImperfect
    LilMissImperfect Posts: 82
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    My husband is a normal weight, while im 200 LBs overweight. I never tried to do anything about my weight til recently (and he never had a problem with my weight the entire relationship), but since losing weight ive noticed he acts bitter and suspicious of me. He's said he thinks im trying to lose weight for someone else, not for myself. I dont get it.
  • devotion1
    devotion1 Posts: 1
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    Its interesting to hear this discussion because I am in the situation where I believe MyFitnessPal contributed to the divorce. Note I'll say contribute because I'm not stupid enough to believe it was the only reason -- though I will over-simplify it for some people and say "My (soon to be ex) wife lost 80 lbs and lost her mind."

    While that's not the only story, it is true that when one side loses a lot of weight their body image changes -- and if the other side is not as supportive (or just feels the same before and after the weight change) -- then that person might find more on MyFitnessPal than just support for the weight loss. And then its like a rock rolling down a hill, gathers more momentum when the first person is set on a new lifestyle (which is really how MyFitnessPal works) while the other person is a little oblivious in the old way.

    I don't believe she started down this path in an effort to leave, but we were both a certain way before MFP, and now she's a different way. I will change for different reasons. Now I am changing for the future, exercising twice a day, eating a lot less. I still don't believe in the MFP way of hyper activity logging, and obviously with my own situation I will always look at MFP and weight loss as something that helped create the biggest hurt in my life, but... gotta move on.
  • newguynow
    newguynow Posts: 5
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    I have been married for 15 years.

    When my wife and I met we were both obese. We had the fact that we
    loved to eat and sit around the house and watch TV
    and be sedentary together. I mean, its a common interest, right?

    I lost 150 lbs about 11 years into our marriage. My wife did not.

    At first she tried and attempted to get more active as I increased my activity, but
    she could not keep up. I tried to slow down my pace to keep her involved but she
    would just get frustrated.

    I am worried because she is now always asking if I still love her and still find
    her attractive. WHICH I DO. But, these are new questions and worries she never
    had before.

    And, I am doing more things without her like jogging and skiing and other things to
    keep the weight off and we don't share the same foods anymore because I eat much
    healthier than she does.

    Sometime I feel if I regained the 150lbs she would be much happier. But, I would not. I did
    not try to create a wedge between us but I think I have done just that.
  • dpbace
    dpbace Posts: 5
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    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!
  • KatherinesRiver
    KatherinesRiver Posts: 128
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    I think in some cases, the marriages end because as the person getting healthy starts to raise their self-esteem, they suddenly realize that they don't need to be putting up with what they've been putting up with. Once that confidence is raised and you start respecting yourself, you start to notice more that your partner perhaps doesn't, or isn't treating you well.

    This happened to me.

    So true, so very true!!!!!
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!

    Ummm. Awkward
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!

    Ummm. Awkward
    Indeed!!

    Also I might actually marry somebody for a box of doughnuts right now! omnomnomnom!

    I sensed somebody talking about baked goods but beyond that relationship threads...

    W6BKhbE.gif
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
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    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!

    IN.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    bump well this could get interesting:smokin:
    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!
    Wow strong first post!:huh:
    Even stronger second post:sick:

    ETA: Where is the context for calling someone out for cheating, and the *kitten* comment seems like you are venting some personal issues once again with little context.

    You seem angry, did somebody hurt you or are you riding some imaginary high horse?
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
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    bump well this could get interesting:smokin:
    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!
    Wow strong first post!:huh:
    Even stronger second post:sick:

    ETA: Where is the context for calling someone out for cheating, and the *kitten* comment seems like you are venting some personal issues once again with little context.

    You seem angry, did somebody hurt you or are you riding some imaginary high horse?

    Oh my :noway: I'm so in to see where this is going
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    This is apparently quite common, but I think it happens for many reasons.

    1. The person that has lost weight becomes more confident in themselves, and perhaps issues within the relationship crop up that they weren't willing to face before.

    2. The other partner is jealous and/or unsupportive.

    3. Paranoia - the other partner is convinced that when all the weight is lost and their husband/wife is essentially more attractive, they will find someone else.

    4. Differences in interests arise. The person making changes discovers exercises they like, new friends that like said exercises, and a gradual divide begins.

    5. Food can be a big part of a relationship. No more ordering takeaways in front of the TV. No more meals out 4 times a week. Perhaps you don't eat the same dinners any more. Routines change.


    I would like to think that if any relationship broke up because one person lost weight, that there were either issues there to begin with they simply weren't right for each other. It's all about compromise - from both sides.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!


    Oh wow.

    This-is-gonna-be-good.gif
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
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    In because, well.....


    funny-gifs-when-a-couple-fights-and-she-says-how-small-it-is1.gif
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!

    Shots fired

    ...over a year later
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    My extreme weightless happened after divorce. I look better now than ever. And he hates that. To bad, so sad for him.
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
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    my husband was NOT supportive of my weight loss. he has never been very active and has no idea about nutrition, but he also is NOT overweight. He says he loved me the way I was and wanted to know WHY I needed to change. 3 months ago, I left him. We are divorcing. We were married for 4.5 years and we had our issues, but him not supporting me in something like losing weight, was a HUGE eye opener!


    I guess it had nothing to do with the fact that you were cheating on him!!!

    Shots fired

    ...over a year later

    MJTHRILLERdance.gif
  • catchtheislands
    catchtheislands Posts: 25 Member
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    Some people change and some people do not.

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