Spanking your kids yes or no?

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  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Spanking did nothing but make me fear my mother and father. It also just made me be more sneaky when it came to behavior that MAY result in said spanking. In other words, it taught me NOTHING. I don't plan on spanking my kids and I consider it a lazy way of dealing with an unruly child. I have also seen my relatives take it too far, like into child abuse territory. So anything that can go that far is a no-go for me. I've watched many episodes of Super Nanny and prefer her method of discipline.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 8,998 Member
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    I believe that there is no good reason ever to hit any child. If the only way you can control your child is by violence or your first reaction is to ht your child when they have done something wrong, it means you have lost control.

    Spanking has shown to have numerous negative long term effects.

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-me-in-we/201202/how-spanking-harms-the-brain

    Spanking gets quick results, but it doesn't reduce the undesired behavior. In addition to detrimental physiological effects, it may also inflict lasting emotional damage that inhibits the learning process. Physical punishment undermines trust between parent and child and breeds hostility toward authority figures."

    "According to the report, spanking may reduce the brain's grey matter, the connective tissue between brain cells. Grey matter is an integral part of the central nervous system and influences intelligence testing and learning abilities. It includes areas of the brain involved in sensory perception, speech, muscular control, emotions and memory."

    To the people that like to quote the bible as an excuse for their poor parenting skills, please think of a rod that a shepherd would use for his sheep (an ongoing metaphor in Christianity).The rod is used to guide the sheep, not to beat them.

    I can't believe that so many people think that it is ok commit act of violence towards children.

    Yet there are many children and adults who were smacked in moderation as children who are not hostile to authority and do not have trust issues.

    Just because people use smacking does not mean it is the only way they can control their children or it is their first resort - any more than parents who use time out, or removing TV privileges or any other discipline tool use that as their only way or as their first resort.

    I have no issue with posters who have chosen not to smack - but some of the melodramatic posts about abuse and laziness are just ridiculous.
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
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    I just love how the non-spanking advocates refer to it as "hitting". I've always found that funny. A swat on the behind is not going to damage any child. What damages children is having a parent who gets angry at them and then takes that anger out on the their backside. Or wherever the strikes land. That would've messed me up, too. That's why many people say spanking shouldn't be done in anger.

    And as for the "spanked kids are bullies"..........lol! Alrighty then! Everybody wants to say that spanking as punishment is causing children to be violent. Anybody watched "children's" cartoons lately? Or seen what kind of video games children are allowed to play. But I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

    I just love how spanking advocates say that taking your hand and moving it with force and impact towards a child's body isn't called hitting.

    Please read up on studies on effects of spanking before you claim no harm.

    Look up how Sweden implemented a law against spanking in 1979 without the country developing into a nation of violent, disrespectful criminals.
  • Scott2ndGradeTeacher
    Scott2ndGradeTeacher Posts: 147 Member
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    I think kids need discipline with appropriate consequences. Spanking is a possible option for extreme offenses, but should only be used as a last resort and not the first rattle out of the box. If it used, it should be meted out unemotionally and not in the heat of the moment.

    See also: discipline vs. somebody losing their mind at Wal-Mart and whomping their kid
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    I just love how the non-spanking advocates refer to it as "hitting". I've always found that funny. A swat on the behind is not going to damage any child. What damages children is having a parent who gets angry at them and then takes that anger out on the their backside. Or wherever the strikes land. That would've messed me up, too. That's why many people say spanking shouldn't be done in anger.

    And as for the "spanked kids are bullies"..........lol! Alrighty then! Everybody wants to say that spanking as punishment is causing children to be violent. Anybody watched "children's" cartoons lately? Or seen what kind of video games children are allowed to play. But I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

    I just love how spanking advocates say that taking your hand and moving it with force and impact towards a child's body isn't called hitting.

    Please read up on studies on effects of spanking before you claim no harm.

    Look up how Sweden implemented a law against spanking in 1979 without the country developing into a nation of violent, disrespectful criminals.

    Sweden is also raising a bunch of kids that do not respect authority and are becoming a nation of narcessitic and selfish brats... but that goes deeper than not spanking their kids.

    http://sg.news.yahoo.com/fears-brat-ocracy-child-centred-sweden-032211547.html
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 8,998 Member
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    I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

    Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

    There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

    There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
    They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

    I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

    However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

    Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

    I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

    My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

    I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

    Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

    Of course I am not - that is just silly.
    Once they are 20 or 45, they are not my responsibility to raise, they are grown adults by then.

    By 10 or 15 most parents have moved on to other tools - discipline is an evolving thing.
    Just like I would not use time out for a 15 year old either.
  • Snow3y
    Snow3y Posts: 1,412 Member
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    Spanking? that's just wrong.

    Hitting them for discipline? Yes.
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
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    beatass.jpg
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    And as for the "spanked kids are bullies"..........lol! Alrighty then! Everybody wants to say that spanking as punishment is causing children to be violent. Anybody watched "children's" cartoons lately? Or seen what kind of video games children are allowed to play. But I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

    And here we go with the "it's TV and VideoGames' fault!" argument........You should look up the episode of "Penn and Teller's Bullsh*t" where they take a child who plays violent videogames and they have him shoot a REAL gun. Guess what? The child gets really upset after shooting the real gun and cries. In other words, violent videogames DO NOT make children violent. I used to watch pretty violent cartoons as a child. NEVER did I feel the need to go hurt another child because of it. In fact, I'm the least violent person I know and I also love playing videogames where I have to use magic to blow things up.
  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
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    I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

    Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

    There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

    There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
    They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

    I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

    However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

    Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

    I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

    My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

    I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

    Yes it is relevant. Your job as a parent is to teach your children how to behave and handle a situation. You hit them when they do something wrong. They think, when someone does something I don't like, I hit them. So that's what kids do then parents are shocked when their kid hits another kid. Then the parent spanks their kid and says "you don't hit".

    Well that cleared it up. You hit me because I did something wrong but it's wrong to hit people.

    I teach my daughters it's wrong and not acceptable to hit someone you love or to let them hit you, inspired by the situation I grew up in. I don't want them to ever think it's ok and acceptable for someone who says they love you to also hit you and say " I do this because I love you"
  • biggsterjackster
    biggsterjackster Posts: 419 Member
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    I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

    Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

    There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.



    There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
    They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

    I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

    However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

    Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

    I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

    My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

    I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

    Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

    Parents probably only spank defense less younger children. The young ones don't go to the police to press charges.
  • misstaylorann2013
    misstaylorann2013 Posts: 1
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    My only rule... NEVER spank angry. Explain why you are spanking them. I don't think there is anything wrong with it.. if you treat more as discipline than punishment, again DO NOT SPANK WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY.... step away for a moment if you are frustrated take a breathe then come back and explain why it is happening. That way there is no confusion and there is never the thought in your brain "I hit her/him really hard and took out my anger physically". There is a wrong and a right way for sure. It should hurt there feelings more than there but.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 8,998 Member
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    And as for the "spanked kids are bullies"..........lol! Alrighty then! Everybody wants to say that spanking as punishment is causing children to be violent. Anybody watched "children's" cartoons lately? Or seen what kind of video games children are allowed to play. But I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

    And here we go with the "it's TV and VideoGames' fault!" argument........You should look up the episode of "Penn and Teller's Bullsh*t" where they take a child who plays violent videogames and they have him shoot a REAL gun. Guess what? The child gets really upset after shooting the real gun and cries. In other words, violent videogames DO NOT make children violent. I used to watch pretty violent cartoons as a child. NEVER did I feel the need to go hurt another child because of it. In fact, I'm the least violent person I know and I also love playing videogames where I have to use magic to blow things up.

    I think violent cartoons and TV shows do affect a child's behaviour.
    Many parents and educators, whether they agree with smacking or not, think this too.

    You may not be violent as a result of it but I guess that n = 1 study can be discounted the way other posters are discounting the ' I was smacked as a child and I am ok' posts.
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
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    I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

    Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

    There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

    There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
    They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

    I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

    However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

    Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

    I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

    My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

    I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

    Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

    Of course I am not - that is just silly.
    Once they are 20 or 45, they are not my responsibility to raise, they are grown adults by then.

    By 10 or 15 most parents have moved on to other tools - discipline is an evolving thing.
    Just like I would not use time out for a 15 year old either.

    You used the word discipline and the word means "to teach". Spanking is punitive. It does not teach a child what acceptable behavior looks like. It makes them conform to avoid the pain the parent metes out.
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
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    Many parents get angry - particularly with each other. But be careful, your anger can have huge effects on your child's personality. Angry parents should never spank a child because it may turn into a beating.
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
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    I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

    Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

    There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

    There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
    They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

    I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

    However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

    Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

    I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

    My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

    I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

    Yes it is relevant. Your job as a parent is to teach your children how to behave and handle a situation. You hit them when they do something wrong. They think, when someone does something I don't like, I hit them. So that's what kids do then parents are shocked when their kid hits another kid. Then the parent spanks their kid and says "you don't hit".

    Well that cleared it up. You hit me because I did something wrong but it's wrong to hit people.

    I teach my daughters it's wrong and not acceptable to hit someone you love or to let them hit you, inspired by the situation I grew up in. I don't want them to ever think it's ok and acceptable for someone who says they love you to also hit you and say " I do this because I love you"


    As a retired teacher and parent educator, I think the children in your care every day (especially your daughters) are very lucky.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    Every child is different. I was spanked and I've never been to jail, never been in a physical altercation, don't have any mental issues, graduated top 10% of my class. My son was spanked and grounded. He's very well rounded, will graduate in the distinguished program of his high school and is currently ranked #10. He doesn't have emotional issues that any other high school student that works, with a girlfriend of 3 years, and maintains a high GPA wouldn't have.

    Just my experience.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 8,998 Member
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    I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

    Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

    There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

    There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
    They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

    I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

    However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

    Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

    I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

    My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

    I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

    Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

    Of course I am not - that is just silly.
    Once they are 20 or 45, they are not my responsibility to raise, they are grown adults by then.

    By 10 or 15 most parents have moved on to other tools - discipline is an evolving thing.
    Just like I would not use time out for a 15 year old either.

    You used the word discipline and the word means "to teach". Spanking is punitive. It does not teach a child what acceptable behavior looks like. It makes them conform to avoid the pain the parent metes out.

    We will have to agree to disagree .

    Part of discipline is punitive. Not all of it.
    Discipline is about teaching,yes.

    IMO this can include light smacking.
    Yes it makes them conform - if it makes a 3 year old conform with not running on the road or trying to pull the TV down or similar, that is fine by me.
  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
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    I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

    Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

    There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

    There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
    They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

    I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

    However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

    Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

    I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

    My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

    I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

    Yes it is relevant. Your job as a parent is to teach your children how to behave and handle a situation. You hit them when they do something wrong. They think, when someone does something I don't like, I hit them. So that's what kids do then parents are shocked when their kid hits another kid. Then the parent spanks their kid and says "you don't hit".

    Well that cleared it up. You hit me because I did something wrong but it's wrong to hit people.

    I teach my daughters it's wrong and not acceptable to hit someone you love or to let them hit you, inspired by the situation I grew up in. I don't want them to ever think it's ok and acceptable for someone who says they love you to also hit you and say " I do this because I love you"


    As a retired teacher and parent educator, I think the children in your care every day are very lucky.


    That is one of the best compliments a person could ever give me. Thank you, I work really hard to better myself to be able to do better.

    And I did just see you edited your post :flowerforyou:
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    Interesting youtube...

    http://youtu.be/WcO48w5Xcvo

    O.o
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