Spanking your kids yes or no?

Expect_The_Worst · February 2014

By the very definition of spanking; it IS Corporal Punishment.

In any event, the punishment should always fit the crime AND the punishment should have a consequence to the offender that actually has an impact. If child doesnt pickup their toys after being asked or told 10 times, I dont think a spanking is in order; you probably want to take away the toys for awhile.

For some kids, spanking or beating them will do nothing; so that form of punishment is no good. After awhile, a kid gets beat so many times all they do is wait for it to be over and dont even really know what it is they are being hit for, just that its happening again and their parents are d|cks. For other kids, all you have to do is spank them one time and theres usually never a reason to ever raise a hand again. The fear alone is enough to send them running in the corner for a self imposed time out.

For another kid, it might be taking away a phone, or computer so they cant communicate with their friends. Because not talking to their friends for 1 week of their life is absolutely the most devastating thing on the planet.

Like with health and fitness, you have to find what works for you and your kids.

And as always, everything in moderation. Too much of anyone thing is well, you know ..... irresponsible, abusive, counterproductive etc.

paperpudding · February 2014

I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

Parents probably only spank defense less younger children. The young ones don't go to the police to press charges.

The sort of controlled light smack on the bottom stuff would not have any grounds for pressing charges.

beachlover317 · February 2014

I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

Of course I am not - that is just silly.
Once they are 20 or 45, they are not my responsibility to raise, they are grown adults by then.

By 10 or 15 most parents have moved on to other tools - discipline is an evolving thing.
Just like I would not use time out for a 15 year old either.

You used the word discipline and the word means "to teach". Spanking is punitive. It does not teach a child what acceptable behavior looks like. It makes them conform to avoid the pain the parent metes out.

We will have to agree to disagree .

Part of discipline is punitive. Not all of it.
Discipline is about teaching,yes.

IMO this can include light smacking.
Yes it makes them conform - if it makes a 3 year old conform with not running on the road or trying to pull the TV down or similar, that is fine by me.

A 3 year old is not old enough to make responsible decisions. That's why they have parents. At this age, it is OUR responsibility to make their world safe for them. When their cognitive skills grow, they can understand the danger of running in the road. Until then, spanking will not keep them safe.

I will agree that we have to raise our children as we see fit. I appreciate this discussion with you. It refreshing to disagree without all the contentiousness that we normally find here. Have a good day.

devil_in_a_blue_dress · February 2014

I really can't imagine causing my child physical pain to teach her a lesson. What is that really setting her up for in life? To accept that sometimes people hit you and mistreat you because they love you. I don't think it's "abuse" in the outright sense -- but I don't think it's a wise practice if you want your child to treat you well in your later years when you have become the child. People deserve to treated with respect and compassion --- and above else, in a way that doesn't humiliate and shame them. There is enough of that in the real world -- why have it at home?

My parents (who I am very close to) tried spanking a couple times -- I still remember them those instances in an extremely negative way. I am sure there are children who grew up to feel differently about being spanked -- and they will be different in their parenting. And that's ok. What's important is that parents agree on the issue and understand that spanking has a very fine line, so tempers have to be checked and controlled.

PinkyFett · February 2014

I slapped my girls' mouths a couple of times because of what came out of them. Let me tell you, they never said it again.

dgirllamius · February 2014

No. I was never hit as a child and I know right from wrong.

It's not even legal here anyway, regardless of whether I thought it was okay or not.

ladymiseryali · February 2014

And as for the "spanked kids are bullies"..........lol! Alrighty then! Everybody wants to say that spanking as punishment is causing children to be violent. Anybody watched "children's" cartoons lately? Or seen what kind of video games children are allowed to play. But I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

And here we go with the "it's TV and VideoGames' fault!" argument........You should look up the episode of "Penn and Teller's Bullsh*t" where they take a child who plays violent videogames and they have him shoot a REAL gun. Guess what? The child gets really upset after shooting the real gun and cries. In other words, violent videogames DO NOT make children violent. I used to watch pretty violent cartoons as a child. NEVER did I feel the need to go hurt another child because of it. In fact, I'm the least violent person I know and I also love playing videogames where I have to use magic to blow things up.

I think violent cartoons and TV shows do affect a child's behaviour.
Many parents and educators, whether they agree with smacking or not, think this too.

You may not be violent as a result of it but I guess that n = 1 study can be discounted the way other posters are discounting the ' I was smacked as a child and I am ok' posts.

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/08/27/in-new-study-video-games-not-tied-to-violence-in-high-risk-youth/58934.html

PghPensFan69 · February 2014

Every child is different. I was spanked and I've never been to jail, never been in a physical altercation, don't have any mental issues, graduated top 10% of my class. My son was spanked and grounded. He's very well rounded, will graduate in the distinguished program of his high school and is currently ranked #10. He doesn't have emotional issues that any other high school student that works, with a girlfriend of 3 years, and maintains a high GPA wouldn't have.

Just my experience.

Well according to some research (not yet produced) posted by another member, you and your son are probably bullies. Just like me, my siblings, my nieces & nephews, and my daughter.

beachlover317 · February 2014

I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

Yes it is relevant. Your job as a parent is to teach your children how to behave and handle a situation. You hit them when they do something wrong. They think, when someone does something I don't like, I hit them. So that's what kids do then parents are shocked when their kid hits another kid. Then the parent spanks their kid and says "you don't hit".

Well that cleared it up. You hit me because I did something wrong but it's wrong to hit people.

I teach my daughters it's wrong and not acceptable to hit someone you love or to let them hit you, inspired by the situation I grew up in. I don't want them to ever think it's ok and acceptable for someone who says they love you to also hit you and say " I do this because I love you"

As a retired teacher and parent educator, I think the children in your care every day are very lucky.

That is one of the best compliments a person could ever give me. Thank you, I work really hard to better myself to be able to do better.

And I did just see you edited your post :flowerforyou:

I edited to include your daughters. I have the upmost respect for parents that realize that when the underlying message in spanking is 'I do this because I love you' the repercussions can be detrimental. I hope that you can involve yourself in a mentoring program and mentor new educators. :drinker:

ETA: rephrased some wording.

joleenl · February 2014

I think spanking is fine as a last resort. IMO the trick to disapline is to be consistant and follow through. I used spanking for my daughter but because I was consistant and followed through usaully the count down threat was enough. She knew what would happen on 3. I only spanked my daughter maybe 3 times in her life. My daughter was very well behaved but not because she got spanked but because I was consistant and followed through on punishments. She learnt to fear consquences of bad bahavior.

TripleJ3 · February 2014

I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

Of course I am not - that is just silly.
Once they are 20 or 45, they are not my responsibility to raise, they are grown adults by then.

By 10 or 15 most parents have moved on to other tools - discipline is an evolving thing.
Just like I would not use time out for a 15 year old either.
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You used the word discipline and the word means "to teach". Spanking is punitive. It does not teach a child what acceptable behavior looks like. It makes them conform to avoid the pain the parent metes out.

I think people forget they are not raising children, you are raising adults. You are teaching them how to behave as adults. They learn how to handle situations from their parents first. The biggest influence in their behavior is you. So yes, again, using the adult scenario is relevant.

paperpudding · February 2014

I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

Of course I am not - that is just silly.
Once they are 20 or 45, they are not my responsibility to raise, they are grown adults by then.

By 10 or 15 most parents have moved on to other tools - discipline is an evolving thing.
Just like I would not use time out for a 15 year old either.
[/qu

You used the word discipline and the word means "to teach". Spanking is punitive. It does not teach a child what acceptable behavior looks like. It makes them conform to avoid the pain the parent metes out.

I think people forget they are not raising children, you are raising adults. You are teaching them how to behave as adults. They learn how to handle situations from their parents first. The biggest influence in their behavior is you. So yes, again, using the adult scenario is relevant.

So by your logic, we shouldn't use other techniques on children that we wouldn't use on adults - such as time out, restricting TV, etc.?

I know we are raising adults - actually I have raised 3 children to adulthood.
But they develop from children to adults and our techniques evolve as they do so.

Lesa_Sass · February 2014

Well, according to my own scientific study over the last 45 years, I will say that children I know that have been spanked (not beaten) have been better behaved than children who were not.

I also find it amusing that several parents I know that do not spank brag about how good their children are and how they have not needed to spank. These kids are horrible and one in particular I will not even allow in my home and he is 12. They do not blame the child for anything they do, but make up excuses for them. Now I do not know if this is due to not spanking, or the simple fact that they are incapable of seeing where their child is a brat or not. In many cases, I do not think the parent is able to stick to a consequence because it is tougher on the parent to do so. IE, little Johnny is in trouble so no movies or xbox for a week, well then that means the parent is going to actually have to spend time with the brat.

Spanking or not, the most important thing a parent has to do is to stick to holding their child accountable. Setting boundaries and making them suffer consequences is their duty to this world and the child. Now I would have rather been spanked 10 times instead of not being able to see the series finally of The Bionic Woman with the Big Foot. That was 35 years ago and I am bitter to this day.

helsbelshms · February 2014

I believe this is personal choice and no amount of studies or arguments will change my mind. If a child does something seriously wrong, then I see nothing wrong with a quick smack. If smacking is your only form of punishment, then you have no control over the child and they will play up more. If you use it only in extreme circumstances, it's just the shock they need to realise how serious their actions were.

I was smacked as a child (probably less than most as the threat was enough to stop me) and I also had a ruler over the knuckles at school in Australia. At 15 living back in the UK, I actually told my mother that I thought schools should use the ruler punishment over here because it sure as hell stopped me from doing it again!

All children are different, as are all parents. I do not believe physical punishment caused me any harm whatsoever, in fact I am the only person in my family with a degree and my brother has a high powered job. My cousins however, were not smacked and have no focus, barely finished school (2 didn't) and just scrape by. My parents made it clear what my boundaries were, yes I tested them, but I knew what the consequences were if I went too far. On my personal experience, smacking has had more of a positive effect than a negative one.

I don't believe time outs are effective, there's no punishment there, just hope that they will think about what they did. I've got news for you, they aren't thinking about what they did, they are thinking about how to get away with it next time! Just the same way as a child who is smacked will be thinking the same thing.

Smacking shouldn't leave a mark, shouldn't be used daily or even weekly and definitely shouldn't be more than a 2 second sting. If smacking doesn't work, then there is more wrong with your parenting than having to rely on smacking.

Oh yeah, I know this is slightly off topic, but your children are not your friends. They don't have to like you, they just have to love and respect you. They will grow up to understand why they were punished and become more rounded if you don't treat them as your equal. They have equal human rights, but aren't born understanding right from wrong, they need someone to teach them, reprimand them when they are naughty and protect them when they are scared. This is what I believe is the main problem with children these days.

wolfsbayne · February 2014

Every child is different. I was spanked and I've never been to jail, never been in a physical altercation, don't have any mental issues, graduated top 10% of my class. My son was spanked and grounded. He's very well rounded, will graduate in the distinguished program of his high school and is currently ranked #10. He doesn't have emotional issues that any other high school student that works, with a girlfriend of 3 years, and maintains a high GPA wouldn't have.

Just my experience.

Well according to some research (not yet produced) posted by another member, you and your son are probably bullies. Just like me, my siblings, my nieces & nephews, and my daughter.

Probably, but I nor he has bullied anyone...well, maybe his younger soon to be step-brother :laugh: But, you know, sibling rivalry and stuff. The younger one loves it when my son wrestles with him or sneaks around to assault him with the nerf gun :bigsmile: The younger one gives just as much, though. lol

TR0berts · February 2014

Serious question: what do you do, if you attempt to give your child a "time-out," but (s)he says, "F you - I ain't taking no f'ing time-out?"

Do you try to give them two time-outs? Do you lock them in a closet? What?

GeorgieLove708 · February 2014

I've gone in waves with spanking. At first I was dead set against it. I'd read the studies straight through and knew it wasn't worth it. And we stuck to it for a long time. My kids are only 15 months apart and for a little while there while they were toddlers I was getting frustrated with the discipline we were using not working. I justified it because "I was spanked and I turned out fine." In retrospect I should have stuck with what we were doing, but being a 22/23 year old mom home with 2 toddlers 24/7 while my husband worked overnights and slept all day I had just worn myself so thin that I gave up my convictions hoping for better results. What I got was the opposite. Spanking did not work. Spanking made their behavior worse and strained our relationship. We have since switched back to other discipline (which varies depending on what happened) and the change is extreme. I regret ever trying spanking in the first place, but at least now I know for sure it does not work.

jasonsdragon · February 2014

This is a topic that is contriversial and very near and dear to my heart. I DO whole heartedly believe that spanking has a place in disciplining children. I firmly believe that this is what is wrong with many of the young adults today they NEVER learned there are repurcussions for bad behavior so there was no INCENTIVE to behave or act in a civil manner. I am sure there will be a lot of people dissagree but it is MY opinion. I have 3 children. All now 18 to 21 years of age. They All were parented and learned right from wrong, they All had a spanking and they are all well adjusted young adults that learned right from wrong. All three have never been in jail, done drugs. They all hold down good jobs and are attending school because they were PARENTED!!!!.
I believe that spanking has its place. I believe that it reinforces a parents desire to have their children learn proper behavior and that there are consequences for bad behavior. I do not believe in ABUSE. When I did have to spank my kids. They knew WHY they were being punished and knew before it happened what was expected of them. I never used anything other than my hand to spank them and as a rule the bad behavior was not repeated. They have not grown up to be abusive to others or animals and have treat others with respect and most importantly they respect themselves. They do not feel ENTITLED to anything and work hard for what they have and work hard to KEEP it. They are also NOT afraid to take chances and assume responsibility for their actions and decisions.

Spanking your kids yes or no?

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