Spanking your kids yes or no?

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  • jlmuise25
    jlmuise25 Posts: 45 Member
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    I was spanked, but very rarely. It was one of those when it was an absolute necessity type of things. Now, there was ONE time that I was slapped across the face so hard my nose bled and I was...... I believe I was about 6/7 years old at the time. I still haven't forgiven my father for that, but that's a whole other story. I was also slapped in the face ONCE by my mother for a comment I made about my stepdad and it was an honest to goodness misunderstood comment. What I had said isn't what I meant. I believe I was about 12-ish at the time. She realized what I was trying to say years later and apologized for it. (I said something about him not being my "real" dad and she took it the very way that I didn't mean it. I meant he wasn't blood.)

    Now onto my parenting the two that I have. My husband and I have very RARELY spanked our kids (6 and 2 years). It only happens when we have exhausted all other means. Neither of us have ever spanked any other parts of their bodies other than bums. I believe it is extremely degrading to slap someone's face. We NEVER spank if/when they are being "violent." It's that age old, "Don't respond to violence with violence." If they are being "hands on" we make a very big deal about how badly it hurts and that hands are the VERY LAST RESORT.

    As some others have stated, every child is different and how they are punished affects each child differently. How they are praised also affects each child differently.
  • nmncare
    nmncare Posts: 168 Member
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    Don't have my own kids.. so don't really have a personal opinion.

    However.. My dad used to spank us if we were really bad. But only really bad. I can count on one hand the amount of times I was spanked. And none of us ever stepped out of line because we knew there would be consequences. I also have a great relationship with my Father. So it worked for us!
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    My parents never hit/spanked me and I turned out... Lol!!!

    J/k I ended up fine but my mom has this disappointed look she gives us if we did something wrong and that's worse than any physical pain.

    disappointment is very effective and definitely still works for me and I am 30. But they also spanked me when I was too young to understand a verbal punishment but usually the spanking was for doing something that could have hurt us like sticking a fork in a light socket kind of stuff. I didn't get spanked often because after once or twice I shaped up and the threat was enough.
  • chispaza
    chispaza Posts: 153 Member
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    I didn't read this whole thread because honestly I get a little intense about things like this so I'm just going to give my opinion to the OP.

    I don't agree with spanking. It doesn't make sense to me and I think that it teaches the child that hitting is an acceptable way to solve a problem and there are numerous studies that show the harm in it. I was spanked as a child (by loving parents who in no way abused me) but I don't agree that it is an effective form of discipline (I would say that it is punishment, not discipline). Discipline means "to teach" and I don't think spanking is effective in teaching children in a long term way. I think it teaches children to behave out of fear of punishment rather than teaching them to behave because they want to and because it's what is right. And it teaches them to not get caught. So, while it may be effective in behavior modification in the short term, I think there are better ways to teach a child.
    People often think that no spanking = no discipline and that is not the case. There are plenty of disciplinary tools that can be used to help guide your child and that nurture the parent/child relationship.

    Look into positivediscipline.com and the blog of the same name at http://blog.positivediscipline.com/.

    ahaparenting.com is also a great resource.

    Also, the kids that I know that misbehave the most are the ones that are on either end of the spectrum.....either there is absolutely no discipline at home or they are constantly being smacked because that is the only "disciplinary" action their parents use.
  • eddiesmith1
    eddiesmith1 Posts: 1,550 Member
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    I'm older than a good number of the responders, Not only was I spanked (not often though) I also got the Strap and the Cane in school . I wouldn't inflict the latter on any child, I'd only Spank a child old enough to understand the punishment and discussion as to why. Younger children I see no issue with the swat on the backside (for instance when they are in the middle of a tantrum to get their attention, not a hard hit)
    I will say that in general I've seen a decline in how well behaved children are over the years and I would link that to parenting that fails to hold them accountable more than the lack of physical discipline. Sorry but at least until they are adults your child is not your friend. Most people I know growing up had a healthy respect for their parents and some fear of dissapointing them (a few who were abused feared them period not good)
  • MrsG31
    MrsG31 Posts: 364 Member
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    To any who say that thing's "Were never like this when we were kids and spankings were common. Kids had respect!"

    Let me quote Socrates:

    The counts of the indictment are luxury, bad manners, contempt for authority, disrespect to elders, and a love for chatter in place of exercise. …

    Children began to be the tyrants, not the slaves, of their households. They no longer rose from their seats when an elder entered the room; they contradicted their parents, chattered before company, gobbled up the dainties at table, and committed various offences against Hellenic tastes, such as crossing their legs. They tyrannised over the paidagogoi and schoolmasters.

    That's someone from 400BC complaining about 'the kids these days have no respect'. The world hasn't changed all that much, but your perspective on the world has.

    I am not giving my opinion one or another on here today....just wanted to say I thought the above was awesome! "Those darn kids, crossing their legs!! And chatting in front of company!!"
  • MrsG31
    MrsG31 Posts: 364 Member
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    Spanking did nothing but make me fear my mother and father. It also just made me be more sneaky when it came to behavior that MAY result in said spanking. In other words, it taught me NOTHING. I don't plan on spanking my kids and I consider it a lazy way of dealing with an unruly child. I have also seen my relatives take it too far, like into child abuse territory. So anything that can go that far is a no-go for me. I've watched many episodes of Super Nanny and prefer her method of discipline.

    I used to think exactly the same way. Then I had kids.
  • RichardAshley39
    RichardAshley39 Posts: 110
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    I always find there more affective ways, the dreaded naughty step always works for my two
  • sallie46
    sallie46 Posts: 10 Member
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    I"m with the majority who say NO. It is far too easy to have spankings turn into abuse. Besides, what are you teaching your children but 'I will physically hurt you' if you don't do what I say. I was spanked/beaten with objects and hands by my mother, who should have known better, and all it did was leave lasting anger and resentment. I had bruises on my butt that took weeks to heal once. When she married my stepfather his heart to heart talkings-to (about character, life choices, peer pressure, etc.) did far more good.

    Teach your children that there are rules and consequences in all forms of life. Make the consequences tied to the infraction and be firm. These days, lack of phone/allowance/social life is very effective.


    My daughter is now almost 28, got lots of lectures and no spankings and is a wonderful person.

    Nuff said.
  • beernpizza2
    beernpizza2 Posts: 553 Member
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    Spanking did nothing but make me fear my mother and father. It also just made me be more sneaky when it came to behavior that MAY result in said spanking. In other words, it taught me NOTHING. I don't plan on spanking my kids and I consider it a lazy way of dealing with an unruly child. I have also seen my relatives take it too far, like into child abuse territory. So anything that can go that far is a no-go for me. I've watched many episodes of Super Nanny and prefer her method of discipline.

    I used to think exactly the same way. Then I had kids.

    I agree, I had kids and my views changed a lot. Also, I think Super Nanny works, because some kids will listen to other people before they'll listen to their own parents. I always listened to my coaches and teachers and even other family members before I listened to my parents.

    ETA: I don't spank my child, it doesn't work for her.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    Spanking did nothing but make me fear my mother and father. It also just made me be more sneaky when it came to behavior that MAY result in said spanking. In other words, it taught me NOTHING. I don't plan on spanking my kids and I consider it a lazy way of dealing with an unruly child. I have also seen my relatives take it too far, like into child abuse territory. So anything that can go that far is a no-go for me. I've watched many episodes of Super Nanny and prefer her method of discipline.

    I used to think exactly the same way. Then I had kids.

    I agree, I had kids and my views changed a lot. Also, I think Super Nanny works, because some kids will listen to other people before they'll listen to their own parents. I always listened to my coaches and teachers and even other family members before I listened to my parents.

    I was always better behaved when I spent the night at a friend's house, too. I'd always offer to help in the kitchen and do dishes willingly at someone else's house, but I hated it at home. :laugh:
  • lmmathis86
    lmmathis86 Posts: 223 Member
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    Okay here is my 2 cents. I was spanked and I turned out fine.I was spanked for doing things like calling 911 and hanging up....having a spit fight with my brother and lying. I was sent to my room or made to stand in a corner for smaller issues. I believe a parent should only spank once they have calmed down. If you cant do that then dont spank. My parents would send us to our room the come in to spank after ten minutes or so.
  • usersnamestaken
    usersnamestaken Posts: 1
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    I was spanked as a child and I do not feel like my IQ or my life has suffered from it. All of you who say that "the studies show" need to stop and think. For one, is it a biased study to prove a point, what are the conditions of the study this is a cultural study and since each home has different circumstances and each person within a home is different, there are so many variables that an accurate study would be almost impossible...I have seen kids that were not spanked correctly (i.e. only then they had acted up so much that they finally pushed the last button and so out of anger and frustration their parent spanked them teaching them that they can still get by with what they want, they just need to make sure they know how far they can go. Also, this isn't teaching them ANYTHING for their benefit, it is just a reaction of your frustration.) and I have seen kids (like me!) who have been spanked and had super great relationships with their parents, have no childhood regrets or issues with authority and ummm... yeah... I am not a violent person *at all* :). ( I get pretty worked up about anything violent makes me really sad!) I have also seen some non-spankers turn out well when they had a consistently defined method of discipline, and I have seen some turn out absolutely terrible! The issue here is not method. It is consistency with a method, which is the hard part! For anything to be effective you have to mean what you say, say what you mean. I was never spanked when a parent was mad. They never counted, they on rare occasion gave a "second chance." I had cause-and-effect very clearly defined for me. That is what kids need and what they really want! They have to try to push buttons because that is how they learn, by exploring. Think about it! This whole topic is really irrelevant. The real question should be- to be consistent or to be a "nice parent" by giving your kids "chances." They know good well how to listen and not listen. Do not give chances! YOU be in control of the situation...if they find out you mean what you say and they can believe you when they are young they will listen to you when they are older too.
    P.S. To all of you people who are saying stuff about the negative effects of spanking- you have basically insulted those of us who have turned out just fine and smart (3.77 college graduate speaking-not genius but a "lower IQ" either) and 'non-thuggie", as well as our parents, and I resent that! ( I will assume you just weren't thinking for the sake of peace.)
  • lavaughan69
    lavaughan69 Posts: 459 Member
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    Both my kids were spanked at one time or another and they've turned out just fine, no violent tendencies. My husband and I were very strict about instilling good behavior, respect and manners before age 6 (before they went to school). We never had to spank beyond that age, we switched to taking things away or time outs/groundings. Before responding to this question I asked my girls if they had much of a memory of being disciplined and neither of them formed any negative memories of it, they just knew that if they misbehaved badly that there were consequences. Let me add that my kids have also thanked me for setting limitations as they watch their spoiled rotten friends turn into nasty teenagers that swear at their parents and shop lift. A little discipline early on goes a long way.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    Okay here is my 2 cents. I was spanked and I turned out fine.I was spanked for doing things like calling 911 and hanging up....having a spit fight with my brother and lying. I was sent to my room or made to stand in a corner for smaller issues. I believe a parent should only spank once they have calmed down. If you cant do that then dont spank. My parents would send us to our room the come in to spank after ten minutes or so.
    I remember, "The dreaded 10 minutes" you wait as you can vaguely hear your parents discussing your fate, LOL
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    I was spanked. Usually with a belt. If we got aspanking, we deserved it. It was not often, but my Mother was the disciplinarian.

    I had three daughters and, other than smacking their hands, because they wer reaching for something that might burn or harm them, I only had to spank my middle daughter once. They all turned out great. The thing is, though, they lived within the boundairies set for them.

    I am not adverse to spanking, though, if it had been necessary. There were rules in our house and they WERE going to be followed.
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    Okay here is my 2 cents. I was spanked and I turned out fine.I was spanked for doing things like calling 911 and hanging up....having a spit fight with my brother and lying. I was sent to my room or made to stand in a corner for smaller issues. I believe a parent should only spank once they have calmed down. If you cant do that then dont spank. My parents would send us to our room the come in to spank after ten minutes or so.
    I remember, "The dreaded 10 minutes" you wait as you can vaguely hear your parents discussing your fate, LOL

    Or being told when out in public that you would get it when you got home and you spend the whole drive home just praying mom or dad would forget. Mine rarely did.
  • chispaza
    chispaza Posts: 153 Member
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    Never EVER a reason to hit a child ... it's lazy parenting and abusive. Whether they survive or not is not the point.

    We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher


    I like this a LOT. :flowerforyou:

    I do not agree. I love my son with all of my heart. I live by the bible it encourages to not spare the rod. I do not agree with beating a child but a spank on the butt when out of line is not abuse and it's not lazy parenting. if it was abuse, dhs would arrest people who spanked their children. in fact, dhs says as long as there are no bruises, spanking is not abuse in the state I live in. Your opinion is your opinion, but please do not consider a parent lazy for spanking. I've tried those "time outs" take a way game time and it did not work. I spanked my son's butt for something he did over 3 months ago and he hasn't had another spanking yet. I spank him b/c i love him and I dont' want to see him hurt (he ran in the street and the word "No" didn't work) i think the lazy parents are the ones who do nothing when their children are acting out and their chidren curse them out and hit them. I've never seen that with a child who was spanked!!

    The bible does not encourage spanking your child. The rod was an instrument used by a shepherd to protect and guide his sheep, it was not used to hit them.
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
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    On the topic of waiting before using spanking as a form of discipline, does anyone else remember this show? I can still remeber the little song. :)

    Wait Until Your Father Gets Home
    http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi702611737
  • Masalamommy
    Masalamommy Posts: 16
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    Here's my standard on that : if I wouldn't do it to an adult then it shouldn't be done to a child. All you are doing is teaching them to be more aggressive,solve problems by hitting and a fear of you that can last a lifetime. It puts an emotional distance between you as a parent and your child. People who say they never hit their child when they are angry are LYING they only hit their kid when they are angry.You are showing your child here I cannot control myself. Then you go around and say oh don't hit that other kid.Come on.
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