Spanking your kids yes or no?

I'll bite too!
My siblings and I got spanked. We all turned out just fine. We've all graduated college, attained our MS degree, and, <GASP>, we all spank our own children.

I will add that my spouse is a K-6 teacher. On occasion, when I visit her classroom, I can tell which children have absolutely no discipline at home vs the one's who do. Unfortunately, 90% of the time, it is a single-parent situation.

I was raised with spanking because as a child I was literally unaffected by these bullsh*t punishments of "time-outs", grounding, letter writing. Additionally, spanking wasn't always effective either. In my early teens, a spanking became a joke and closed fists would have to have been used for the same result (hello DCFS). My parents then moved to punishments of manual labor; breaking cement bags with the sledge, hauling dirt piles with a shovel and wheel barrel, moving telephone poles/railroad ties or relocating a huge stack of cement blocks from one side of the yard to the other. Yes, my father had access to and (in my mind) acquired these items for the soul purpose of punishing me ... and I love him for it.

I don't think spanking a child is the answer. I'm always fascinated by the parents that say - "I never spank in anger". What message does that send a child? I'm going to hit you now that I'm not angry.

Here's a thought for you: As an adult, if you do something wrong at work - can your boss clock you and then move on? Can your neighbor come over and hit you for letting your dog tear up his flower bed?

There is no logic in looking at children as though they are not people, too.

There is no logic in this argument - sure, my boss or my neighbour wouldn't hit me if I was doing something wrong - but they are not responsible for raising me so that is irrelevant.
They also wouldn't enforce my bed time or supervise my TV watching or put me in time out or dock my pocket money or any other thing that parents appropriately do to their children.

I know some parents have decided not to use smacking and that's fine by me.

However, I think smacking, used sparingly, can be an appropriate discipline tool. It is not the only tool and it does have to be used in moderation.

Obviously belting, whipping etc are not ok - but light smacking, used sparingly, is not that at all.

I agree with posters that saying light smacking is abuse is trivialising to all those children who were really abused.

My point was that we treat others in our world with respect by not resorting to physical means. Why is a child any different?

I don't see how your example proves your point though - the comparison to your neighbour or your boss doesn't really work.

Of course it does. A person is a person - regardless of their age or how they are related to you. Your child will still be your child when they are 10, 15, 20, 45. Are you going to continue to spank them at these ages because they are "your responsibility to raise"? I doubt it.

Of course I am not - that is just silly.
Once they are 20 or 45, they are not my responsibility to raise, they are grown adults by then.

By 10 or 15 most parents have moved on to other tools - discipline is an evolving thing.
Just like I would not use time out for a 15 year old either.
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You used the word discipline and the word means "to teach". Spanking is punitive. It does not teach a child what acceptable behavior looks like. It makes them conform to avoid the pain the parent metes out.

I think people forget they are not raising children, you are raising adults. You are teaching them how to behave as adults. They learn how to handle situations from their parents first. The biggest influence in their behavior is you. So yes, again, using the adult scenario is relevant.

So by your logic, we shouldn't use other techniques on children that we wouldn't use on adults - such as time out, restricting TV, etc.?

I know we are raising adults - actually I have raised 3 children to adulthood.
But they develop from children to adults and our techniques evolve as they do so.

In a sense I do. If some adult is behaving in a way that I don't feel is right, such as lying, cheating, abusing, etc I may have to give them a "time out" as in not spending time with them for a while or ever. I wouldn't go up and hit them just because I don't like what they are doing but I may not associate with them depending on the degree of the action and my morals.

Yes, we could sit here and dissect every little scenario but I will not be responsible for my children in their adult years. It will not be my job to punish them any longer. Hopefully they will have learned life will do that with consequences to their actions. I hope that I can still offer advice when they need it, but I am one of those parents that I will always love my children, I hope to always be there as support for them but yes, in some situations if it is in their best interest and in mine I will disassociate from them until they are acting respectfully i.e. a time out meaning for a period of time and hopefully not forever.

There are many things I do for children that I would never do for a capable adult. That's why children have adults in their lives to care for them and fully capable adults have themselves. I do for children what they cant until they can and hope I have done my job to give them valuable life tools

I grew up learning to fear the "chancleta" if any of us kids ever got out of hand.





Most of the time my Mom or grandmother wouldn't even have to use it, as the threat of the chancla was enough to scare us straight.

At 10 I thought it cool to just leave a store with a candy bar. I got the Chancla. I never took anything without asking or paying ever again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYviBsqwwzE

This is a topic that is contriversial and very near and dear to my heart. I DO whole heartedly believe that spanking has a place in disciplining children. I firmly believe that this is what is wrong with many of the young adults today they NEVER learned there are repurcussions for bad behavior so there was no INCENTIVE to behave or act in a civil manner. I am sure there will be a lot of people dissagree but it is MY opinion. I have 3 children. All now 18 to 21 years of age. They All were parented and learned right from wrong, they All had a spanking and they are all well adjusted young adults that learned right from wrong. All three have never been in jail, done drugs. They all hold down good jobs and are attending school because they were PARENTED!!!!.
I believe that spanking has its place. I believe that it reinforces a parents desire to have their children learn proper behavior and that there are consequences for bad behavior. I do not believe in ABUSE. When I did have to spank my kids. They knew WHY they were being punished and knew before it happened what was expected of them. I never used anything other than my hand to spank them and as a rule the bad behavior was not repeated. They have not grown up to be abusive to others or animals and have treat others with respect and most importantly they respect themselves. They do not feel ENTITLED to anything and work hard for what they have and work hard to KEEP it. They are also NOT afraid to take chances and assume responsibility for their actions and decisions.
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Yes but who raised these "young adults today"

I doubt you spanking your child occasionally resulted in respectful adults. I am sure it came from them seeing your actions and as you said, parented and doing a good job on it and not pointing the finger blaming everyone else. Whether you spanked or not, you did more than that.

Its not so much that a light swat on the butt is so horrible, its that some people believe thats all they need to do as a parent and their job is done.

To any who say that thing's "Were never like this when we were kids and spankings were common. Kids had respect!"

Let me quote Socrates:

The counts of the indictment are luxury, bad manners, contempt for authority, disrespect to elders, and a love for chatter in place of exercise. …

Children began to be the tyrants, not the slaves, of their households. They no longer rose from their seats when an elder entered the room; they contradicted their parents, chattered before company, gobbled up the dainties at table, and committed various offences against Hellenic tastes, such as crossing their legs. They tyrannised over the paidagogoi and schoolmasters.

That's someone from 400BC complaining about 'the kids these days have no respect'. The world hasn't changed all that much, but your perspective on the world has.

Spanking did nothing but make me fear my mother and father. It also just made me be more sneaky when it came to behavior that MAY result in said spanking. In other words, it taught me NOTHING. I don't plan on spanking my kids and I consider it a lazy way of dealing with an unruly child. I have also seen my relatives take it too far, like into child abuse territory. So anything that can go that far is a no-go for me. I've watched many episodes of Super Nanny and prefer her method of discipline.

I used to think exactly the same way. Then I had kids.

Never EVER a reason to hit a child ... it's lazy parenting and abusive. Whether they survive or not is not the point.

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

I like this a LOT. :flowerforyou:

I do not agree. I love my son with all of my heart. I live by the bible it encourages to not spare the rod. I do not agree with beating a child but a spank on the butt when out of line is not abuse and it's not lazy parenting. if it was abuse, dhs would arrest people who spanked their children. in fact, dhs says as long as there are no bruises, spanking is not abuse in the state I live in. Your opinion is your opinion, but please do not consider a parent lazy for spanking. I've tried those "time outs" take a way game time and it did not work. I spanked my son's butt for something he did over 3 months ago and he hasn't had another spanking yet. I spank him b/c i love him and I dont' want to see him hurt (he ran in the street and the word "No" didn't work) i think the lazy parents are the ones who do nothing when their children are acting out and their chidren curse them out and hit them. I've never seen that with a child who was spanked!!