being undermined

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  • AlwaysInMotion
    AlwaysInMotion Posts: 409 Member
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    What the feck, OP? I said this statement below...
    This may not be the best place for you to find that emotional support you need, but there are support resources available to you if you seek them out.

    ... because there are some really GREAT weight loss and diabetes management & support groups available both on the Internet and in most communities - way better than what you'll get here on MFP. And perhaps the OP might get really valuable assistance from these groups - i.e., people who have been through exactly what she is dealing with.

    Thanks for taking that 180 degrees the wrong way. Good luck to you. In earnest.



    no no no that was NOT directed AT you, you just said what i was thinking. i'm sorry it got mixed up.

    Oh, geez! Running amok, running amok. We (you and I) are OKAY!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • Amandawith3kids
    Amandawith3kids Posts: 367 Member
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    hehe i'm not used to how things quote on here. sorry bout that.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    It sounds like your mom is just being a mom...not trying to sabotage you. Just say no if you don't want it. My mom always brings me treats when I am sick.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
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    She's your mom. Be point blank honest. No donuts or ice cream in this house. Thanks!

    That's not good advice IMO. No kid of mine will tell me what I can and can't stock in my house. You don't want it? Don't eat it. I have 7 people in my house and we have a huge variety of foods here. Furthermore, if I went to my daughter's house to care for her and help her with her 3 kids while she is sick and she rudely told me what I can and cannot bring, I'd tell her to grow up, quit being a brat and take care of herself.
    This^^ She isn't undermining you, she's treating you like the child you are acting like. You choose what goes in your mouth, no one else. Take responsibility for your actions; including the fork to mouth action.

    bit over the top response
    i guess it would stop the obesity rate though
    How is being responsible for your actions over the top? And yes when people stop blaming other things for their food choices the obesity rate would improve. I am the one responsible for my successes and failures. The same is true for the general population.

    ETA: OP there are always days where even the most dedicated people have slip ups, it is one day and good luck on the rest of your journey.

    your comments re acting like a child are over the top. taking responsibility is what we are all here trying to do.
  • AlwaysInMotion
    AlwaysInMotion Posts: 409 Member
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    hehe i'm not used to how things quote on here. sorry bout that.

    In case you haven't noticed by now - we've got all kinds here on MFP. Good and bad. Try not to let the negative/rude ones get to ya. (What am I saying? They get to *everybody* now and then.) And figuring out quotes? Wait til you try to embed your first animated cat gif...
  • Amandawith3kids
    Amandawith3kids Posts: 367 Member
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    oh nooo..no cat gif's LOL the ONLY reason i'm even on the forum at all, is because i'm sick. if i spend to much time on forums (or any internet something or other) i tend to get addicted, so i stay away. as soon as i'm feeling better from whatever illness i have, i'll be back to real life, but while i'm chilling on the couch trying to get better, its ok.
  • AlwaysInMotion
    AlwaysInMotion Posts: 409 Member
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    oh nooo..no cat gif's LOL the ONLY reason i'm even on the forum at all, is because i'm sick. if i spend to much time on forums (or any internet something or other) i tend to get addicted, so i stay away. as soon as i'm feeling better from whatever illness i have, i'll be back to real life, but while i'm chilling on the couch trying to get better, its ok.

    For you! And me, too... :heart:

    7e2a361e9d7817ec2432a9b20348291d.jpg
  • Amandawith3kids
    Amandawith3kids Posts: 367 Member
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    god yes! i gotta drag myself into the kitchen and start supper. and the kids are fighting again.
  • MickeyBoo
    MickeyBoo Posts: 196 Member
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    I tend to find with my mum and my hubby who both offer up treat options regularly, that if just say No thank you they will either say no worries and walk away or will sometimes push it again because it's what *they* really want and don't want to feel guilty for indulging on their own.

    If they push again I just say 'I'm trying to lose weight, not stay fat so no thank you, if you want it, you eat it' and that's the end of it. I've only ever had a handful of arguments with my mum about what and how much I was eating, and got accused of being anorexic eating 1600cal a day :/ when I was close to my lowest weight last time around as the smaller I got the more insecure she felt. But when I called her on it she stopped.

    As a mum myself it's natural instinct to nurture when your kids are sick, if your mum struggles with food and it's been her go to for you as a child when you were upset/sick then that may be why she's pushing it on you more at the moment.
  • terrainstar
    terrainstar Posts: 16 Member
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    I have had many people in my life who "undermine" unintentionally. The way I deal with it now is by asking myself if I really want the food offered, can I have it later, or not at all.

    I know I can choose to eat anything at all that I want and that makes it easier to say no. No one can deprive me of anything I want and no one can make me eat anything I dont want. The choice is always mine.

    I have the control and that makes it simple to make the right choices. Often if I think I want something I will say to myself, I will have some "after" After I finish this post, after I finish the laundry, after I make the bed.... Before I know it the day is done and I didn't have the food nor miss it in any way.
  • Fishshtick
    Fishshtick Posts: 120 Member
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    Enough of the self-sufficient sanctimony or 'she's just being a mom' BS. It is just plain hogwash to say that you can't expect the people around you to respect your requests or that moms are somehow helpless to control themselves. Everyone of us asks people in our lives to change their behavior a bit for us every day and they do the same of us. That's called social behavior. It would be different if you were telling your mom she could not have ice cream. You're just asking her to not cram it in front of you. You shouldn't have to put up with that if you really have asked her to not do it. It's called respect, and being a parent is not an excuse to act disrespectful to your grown kids. Our society tolerates many passive aggressive and codependent behaviors by parents that are not healthy and would not be tolerated in other relationships. I'm not saying your mom is a bad person, but if she really is shoving food at you when you ask her not to she is acting badly and probably feels entitled to do so because of people perpetuating a demeaning myth that parents are somehow like little kids that can't control their emotions and behavior. Confronting your mom about this is far from disrespectful on your part. Your mom is a grown woman and you should treat her like one by telling her that her lack of willingness to accommodate your simple request is disrespectful to you. If she can't bring herself to support such a minor request then you need to question if there is a deeper issue at play here.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    She's your mom. Be point blank honest. No donuts or ice cream in this house. Thanks!

    That's not good advice IMO. No kid of mine will tell me what I can and can't stock in my house. You don't want it? Don't eat it. I have 7 people in my house and we have a huge variety of foods here. Furthermore, if I went to my daughter's house to care for her and help her with her 3 kids while she is sick and she rudely told me what I can and cannot bring, I'd tell her to grow up, quit being a brat and take care of herself.
    This^^ She isn't undermining you, she's treating you like the child you are acting like. You choose what goes in your mouth, no one else. Take responsibility for your actions; including the fork to mouth action.

    bit over the top response
    i guess it would stop the obesity rate though
    How is being responsible for your actions over the top? And yes when people stop blaming other things for their food choices the obesity rate would improve. I am the one responsible for my successes and failures. The same is true for the general population.

    ETA: OP there are always days where even the most dedicated people have slip ups, it is one day and good luck on the rest of your journey.

    your comments re acting like a child are over the top. taking responsibility is what we are all here trying to do.

    Someone said to be "point blank honest" with her mother and proclaim a police state of no junk food in her own home. I suggested that was a bratty way to deal with one's own mother.

    Everyone over the age of 18 living in any household has every right to have whatever type of food they would like to have. Now, I do understand OP being concerned for her mom if she's making bad choices for herself, but again, you can't change anyone. If people make accommodations for you because you'd like them to, consider that a huge gift. The moment you set an expectation there - that people will change their behaviors as you want them to - you are setting yourself up for disappointment and struggle. You can ask her to keep the junk food out of view, in her own cupboard or a special place in the house (except, well, ice-cream would of course have to go in the freezer lol) but recognize that being accommodating to those kinds of requests may take time and a long-term show from you that you're serious about the changes you're making.

    If you have ever made a commitment to weight loss that even you didn't stick to, you can't expect people to take you seriously unless you show you're serious and stick to it no matter what.

    You can do it. But it starts with owning your choices. I'm not sure who on this thread is an athlete who's never had a weight problem, but most of us have had this struggle. I know that for me it was only when I owned all my decisions - including how I move and what I stick in my mouth - that I found success.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    Um develop self control or...

    TUWKfbd.gif
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
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    Everyone over the age of 18 living in any household has every right to have whatever type of food they would like to have.

    Presuming they pay for it, shop for it, store it, prepare it themselves, and pay to put a roof over their own head...yes.

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