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my fiance keeps junk in the house

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My fiancé has never struggled with his weight in his life, and the women he's been with in the past were extremely thin as well. I've lost 60 lbs over the past three years, and struggle every day to maintain that loss. I've asked him a few times to please keep chips, candy, ice cream and all alcohol but beer and red wine (I don't care for these) out of the house. He won't, and makes me feel weak and stupid for asking for such a thing. Just this morning, I asked if maybe we could keep these things out of the house just for four weeks, so I could get a handle on my eating....and he refused, saying that I'm the one with a problem. I know I'm the one with a problem, and I suppose I'm selfish for asking for accommodations. Has anyone else had this problem? If so, what did you do? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Laura
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Replies

  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
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    [harsh advice follows]

    I'd suggest not trying to push what is ultimately your issue into being his problem.

    The fact is it is up to YOU to deal with your food choices and maintenance, and the rest of the world won't change to make it easier for you.
  • qpmomma1
    qpmomma1 Posts: 220 Member
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    My husband loves junk food as well. Today we are having a birthday party for our 4 year old and we went out yesterday to get a cake and ice cream. I plan on having a SMALL piece of cake and I am making a banana "ice cream" for me. It's hard making healthy decisions for yourself when there is someone in the house who doesn't make the same choices. I would suggest finding healthy snacks you like. I make homemade smoothies when my husband gets milkshakes and the banana "ice cream" is yummy. Also, if you slip up don't be hard on yourself. Maybe even plan a cheat day when you let yourself have that stuff. My cheat days are Saturday and Sunday. I really cheated yesterday and today I feel like crap. Good luck!
  • nikifavorido
    nikifavorido Posts: 41 Member
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    Try to make sure you have your own cupboard or area where you can keep your own low cal snacks/treats, which then means you have no need to venture into his 'snack domain'. My husband also has treats here but he keeps them separate. It was hard to begin with, but as time goes on you will find you are not even tempted to go near them. I have just had a low cal snack of 4 crackers with 60g of cottage cheese and pineapple. Scrummy and satisfied both my savory AND sweet tooth at the same time :)
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    I think you are both wrong: It is in general not realistic to expect junk food or whatever other things you find tempting to disappear so you can maintain or lose weight. So, not having found some balance, it is your problem. On the other hand, him knowing this stresses you and him not making any effort, not even for a few weeks to help you feel better, not even discussing the issue, would make me wonder where exactly we stand in this relationship in your shoes. Especially if this is a relatively recent relationship and not e.g. a 15 year engagement.
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    good thoughts all. thank you. I did think I was reasonable asking for a four week clean period...just to get my feet under me. And we have only been together five months....and you're right...it's been making me rethink things.
  • Newnameishardtofind
    Newnameishardtofind Posts: 867 Member
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    it takes two to make it work. work together and it should be important to him if it is to you
  • zeal26
    zeal26 Posts: 602 Member
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    I live in with my mother and my sister, both of whom eat plenty of junk food and bake nice things all the time. I used to use it as an excuse to binge, and then get cranky at them for having the food in the house and then I realized it was entirely my problem, they were entitled to have that stuff and I just needed to learn control urges. I've been at this two months properly now, and once I have caved and eaten some cake my mother made but other than that I have just learned to ignore the stuff in the cupboards and focus on the healthier food I've bought for myself. I've started keeping my own snacks in a separate part so that I don't have to keep staring at chocolate bars etc when I'm trying to decide what to eat.I don't think it's realistic to expect temptation to go away- it's important to learn to live around this stuff, in my opinion.

    I know how hard it is. Best of luck!
  • DamianaKitten
    DamianaKitten Posts: 479 Member
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    I think the difference here (as opposed to living with parents/siblings as another poster pointed out), is that you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with this man. If he won't support you with this, will he support you with other things? While I'm not advocating you leave him over this, it's something that I feel warrants and honest and open conversation. As your partner, he should be willing to help you. My husband is very supportive of my goals, and while we do keep junk in the house (mostly just ice cream and really calorie heavy coffee creamer), he's also willing to go without if I feel it's necessary. As it stands, when I binge on junk, I just log it and try and stay in my calorie goals.

    Yes, giving into temptation is directly "your" issue, (as it is mine), we rely on our partners to support us and help us overcome our weaknesses. Living with someone can be a real eye-opener as to their true nature, as opposed to the face we see when we're in the dating stages of a relationship.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    My adult son lives with me and is a junk foodaholic (he eats healthy meals, but the snacking in between! Oy vey!! :happy: ) So here's how we handled it. I cleared out a cabinet in the kitchen which is his and his alone. At my request (because I am a binge eater) he has a lock on the cabinet and he has the only keys. He also has a small fridge in his room in which he keeps stuff that needs refrigeration. I don't go in there because I can't handle the mess! :laugh:

    The other part of the agreement is that he does not deliberately eat the c*** in front of me. If he's in the living room eating PopTarts and I walk into the room, that's on me.

    This isn't a perfect solution but it works for us. I hope this helps! :flowerforyou:
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    and a small part of me is very selfish. (or maybe a large part of me) I own my house, and was used to having my own way until he moved in a month ago. It's been a huge adjustment (as should be expected) and the whole situation stresses me out. not just the food.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    My husband loves junk as well, and I have a massive sweet tooth!! Almost daily he brings candy and soda into our House, but I just have to have willpower. It's hard, but I remind myself that I'm working towards a goal and candy and soda, don't fit into that goal. Don't get me wrong,I love to have a treat, but not every day. It's really hard, but until he changes his mind about bringing these foods in,I just have to suck it up and remember my goals.
  • Midori_i
    Midori_i Posts: 91 Member
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    I think it's selfish and inconsiderate of your boyfriend not to make the slightest effort here. Yes, what you eat is your problem, but to my mind it is an entirely reasonable request to ask him to support you in this.

    He must know or at least try to understand how hard it is to break bad habits and to resist temptation if it is constantly around you. Willpower only goes so far - you have to make your environment work for you, not against you. You can't always control what foods are put in front of your nose, but at least in your own home you should have some measure of control.

    If he was considerate and understanding, he'd at least agree to not keep that stuff in the house for a short period for you to get a hold on things. After all you're not asking him to go without his favorite snacks entirely or forever. But he could only buy things you don't really like, keep them somewhere else (at work, hidden somewhere in the house) or put a look on the cupboard where they are.

    The fact that compelety refuses to meet you halfway is not okay.
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Just break up.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    I think you are both wrong: It is in general not realistic to expect junk food or whatever other things you find tempting to disappear so you can maintain or lose weight. So, not having found some balance, it is your problem. On the other hand, him knowing this stresses you and him not making any effort, not even for a few weeks to help you feel better, not even discussing the issue, would make me wonder where exactly we stand in this relationship in your shoes. Especially if this is a relatively recent relationship and not e.g. a 15 year engagement.

    Me thinks it is up to the OP to decide what goes in her mouth. I am in the same situation, but guess what I had to learn my limitations and how much I can eat and when to say NO. We usually have peanuts, cashew nuts, chocolate, croissants (all my weaknesses), but I make 1 serving of nuts my daily intake (sometimes 2) if I exercise hard that day. I would eat a croissant once a week. The OP have to make choices and should realize that the world does not stop because she is losing weight.
  • DamianaKitten
    DamianaKitten Posts: 479 Member
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    I think you are both wrong: It is in general not realistic to expect junk food or whatever other things you find tempting to disappear so you can maintain or lose weight. So, not having found some balance, it is your problem. On the other hand, him knowing this stresses you and him not making any effort, not even for a few weeks to help you feel better, not even discussing the issue, would make me wonder where exactly we stand in this relationship in your shoes. Especially if this is a relatively recent relationship and not e.g. a 15 year engagement.

    Me thinks it is up to the OP to decide what goes in her mouth. I am in the same situation, but guess what I had to learn my limitations and how much I can eat and when to say NO. We usually have peanuts, cashew nuts, chocolate, croissants (all my weaknesses), but I make 1 serving of nuts my daily intake (sometimes 2) if I exercise hard that day. I would eat a croissant once a week. The OP have to make choices and should realize that the world does not stop because she is losing weight.

    So, you think it's completely unreasonable to have the support of your partner?

    I always find these threads interesting because of the amount of variance in what is/isn't acceptable in a relationship. If my husband told me "too bad, it's your problem" and didn't support me (not just with weight loss, but with anything) it would likely end the relationship. I won't have a partner that doesn't support me. While I strongly believe in finding middle grounds, the flat "too bad, not my problem" response that the OP's partner has, wouldn't equal a very long relationship with me.

    ETA** I support him with his goals as well. It's not all about me. :laugh:
  • laughingirl71
    laughingirl71 Posts: 51 Member
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    I think I may just be too selfish to get married. On the other hand, it feels like he chose ice cream over my feelings.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    and a small part of me is very selfish. (or maybe a large part of me) I own my house, and was used to having my own way until he moved in a month ago. It's been a huge adjustment (as should be expected) and the whole situation stresses me out. not just the food.


    And that is the root of your problem. If it is not him, it will be someone else, so what will you do, blame having the food on everyone else. It is all up to you. I go through this daily, some days are harder than others. Learn to have a couple chips and save the rest or tomorrow. At the end you will become a stronger person.
  • charissh
    charissh Posts: 91 Member
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    My fiancé is the same, the other night it drove me mad how much he ate after we'd already had dinner - he watched me do weights while he sat eating cookies. Not fair, he is so skinny!

    I think it will get easier in time if you've only just moved in together there will be lots of teething problems and learning to compromise, but you'll get there.

    I would get him to keep those things in a specific area just for his personal use, and get yourself your own space with healthy snacks.

    I think that with a bit of time you'll have the willpower to resist, and just think how useful that willpower will be :)
  • DamianaKitten
    DamianaKitten Posts: 479 Member
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    I think I may just be too selfish to get married. On the other hand, it feels like he chose ice cream over my feelings.

    I understand where you're coming from. :flowerforyou: I'm very lucky in that my husband is supportive, for the most part. I don't think it's that you're too selfish, I think it's that you have different expectations of what a partner should do for you (and what you should do for them). For a long time I felt that my husband was choosing video games over me. He was. It was a huge point of argument for us early in our marriage. Sometimes he would choose to buy games with money that was needed for bills. We worked through it, and now I don't feel that way and he has a budget for games. But, he was willing to listen to my problems, and *together* we found a middle-ground that worked for both of us. "I want my ice cream, it's not my problem" is very insulting (and selfish) in my book.
  • callyart
    callyart Posts: 209
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    I do think that he has a point.

    My partner is exactly the same with junk food - I have had to literally make myself become strong enough to avoid the 'treat's cupboard.

    I have done this by getting 2 coloured boxes - orange for my partner and pink for me - and I have healthy snacks in mine. I don't go to his box because my mind has told me it isn't mine so don't touch!

    I blamed my partner for a couple of years on my weight but this year have realised it is all my doing, I'm the one who was not controlling myself or over-eating, why should he suffer?

    If you cannot control yourself, how about a padlock which he only has the key/code to on the cupboard? This might help.