Dealing with Haters

they are bullies, the best way to get at them is to do nothing, don't react, don't flinch...just let it roll off your shoulder.

On the inside you can cry, on the outside smile (even if it is fake) the more you react to them the more they will do it

think of it this way, they need a reaction to fuel the insults, no fuel, no insults.

I really just don't understand how and why twentysomethings are being so freaking hateful

Wow, I'm shocked that they are in their 20's. I honestly thought these must be a bunch of 13 year old girls by the way they're acting. Clearly they have much deeper issues if, at 20+ years old, they find that behavior acceptable and entertaining. If they are acting that way, at an age where they should know better, then I hope you know it's because they feel awful about themselves - they have inner demons and the only way to give themselves a boost of self-confidence is to hurt someone else.

Remind yourself that you are the better person here. You are putting hard work into living a healthier lifestyle, while they just try to put a bandaid on their miserable lives by hurting you. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. Know that you are better than them and walk with confidence.

Can you tell someone higher up than the teacher? You have just as much of a right to be in that class and be successful at whatever you are learning as anyone else. They don't have a right to put a damper on your learning experience like that.

I'm going to play the "mom" card here My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.

^^ As a mom - I have to agree with this.

OP. Also I assume several people have been in the same boat as you are.
I know I have had fat-shamming done to me too. It will always sting, but can't let that stop you.

What really turned the tide for me is when I stopped trying to "lose weight" and started training for something.

My favorite thing to say all my life is "I can always lose weight but you will always be ugly". LOL!

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I'm going to play the "mom" card here My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.

^^^This!!! I'm not a mom, but I am a prof. You need to report it again, and your school needs to take it seriously. Bullying should not be tolerated. It is affecting you--you mention your grades as one example, but it probably has other effects too.

Meanwhile--enjoy your spinning. In my experience at being at the gym (for over 20 years), most people I know applaud those who are trying. We recognize it's harder for them, particularly at the beginning. So I applaud you, and encourage you to keep it up. And don't let this group get to you. It's sad to me to hear that 20-somethings think it's okay to do this to others. When are they planning to grow up?

My favorite thing to say all my life is "I can always lose weight but you will always be ugly". LOL!

^^ love it!

I'm going to play the "mom" card here My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.

^^ Agree

Smile big at them and give them a "THank you so much!" Every time they say something negative to you.

It'll confuse the living f*** out of them and eventually they'll stop.

Usually works for me.

I go to school at night, and three of the girls in my class are really skinny, and they like to complain about gaining weight. (No, going from a size 2 to a size 3 is not "getting fat.") Apparently last night they overheard me talking with a friend whom I had told about my first pathetic attempt at a spin class (I lasted 15 minutes out of an hour) and how I was going to keep going every week until I could last an entire class.

Today they messaged me a picture of a very morbidly obese person trying to get on an exercise bike, and said "You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."

Right now? I honestly want to binge or stab them with something sharp and pointy. They are always making comments about my weight, sometimes in class, like saying I should only date overweight people so I don't "crush" them, signing my school email up for a "chubby chasers" dating website and a thousand other little snide remarks.

I don't know how to deal with these people anymore. I try and ignore it, but I'll be honest, it hurts, and it's hard to ignore when they just won't stop. If I react they giggle and point, if I don't they just get nastier. I have five hours until I have to face these people again and right now, I really don't know how.

They sound to me like immature idiots who lets face it have nothing going for them other than the fact they are slim. They sound as though they are so insecure about themselves that they have to take out their frustrations on you.
I would ignore them directly and report it to whoever is in charge at the night school. What they are doing is bullying and that is not acceptable.
I would also carry on going to spinning class and get back at them by showing them you will not be intimidated by their pathetic attemps to make you feel bad. If you give up then they have beat you.

Don't let them hurt you, I know it is easier said than done but remember they are *****es and a *****es opinion is not worth anything!!

I disagree… they don't ever move on and find another victim. I was bullied so bad as a kid… I wish anti-bullying policies were then what they are now… 20-30 years ago, I just got picked on and broken down every single day… I was the fat kid. And no one understands how impossibly hard that is unless you've been there.

I ended up changing schools. It was the only way out… and that was against what every 'adult' in my life told me… but by that point I was 16 and could make that choice myself. Believe me, I begged and begged my parents to switch me long before that.

But enough about me.

In this day and age, there should be a no bullying policy in effect and I would absolutely report those girls. Report them daily. Do not retaliate and then they can say you're picking on them too… just keep track of everything they say to you, record them on your iPod, do whatever you can to have proof and report, report, report.

Best case scenario the school recognizes the issue, separates you in your future classes and disciplines the trolls.

Wishing you all the best. My heart just aches for you right now… reading your story brings back a whole heap load of hurt.

Those are beyond haters, those are bullies.

Haters you can ignore, but if they interfere with your life, you gotta stand up do something. Not sure what, though. When i had bullies in Junior High, i just beat one of them up. That solution might not be socially acceptable anymore; it's a different world these days. :frown:

The one thing i can say is to not let them derail you. Keep spinning. I have seen many people who act like that age, and it's not pretty. You will have the last laugh if you stay determined.

I just get so freaking angry, so I guess the trick is to store the anger and use it at the gym, instead of emotionally eating.

This is what I do to. I actually started working out 2 years ago by running to take all the anger out. I was 20% running and 80% walking and just doing it until I barely could walk back home. I didn't know anything about calorie deficit back then and the only change I made in my diet was to drink orange juice instead of Coca Cola cause it made me run more, but I did lost 3kg every 2 months... So find a workout you like (spinning, cycling, lifting, running, whatever) and do it for yourself, it will help you a lot.

Please don't let these shallow minded people deter you from your goals. I have personal experience of being bullied and its not nice!!

Makes you wonder though doesn't it that these people are all slim yet get their kicks from upsetting people - that to me just shows you how unhappy they must be with themselves that they have to constantly put other people down.

I used to be such an emotional eater, someone would say something nasty and I would stuff my face to feel better but we know that in the end that it just a few seconds of feeling better followed by feeling worse for giving in to temptation.

You are doing brilliant, I know how tough a spinning class is so just keep doing what you are doing, build up your fitness and become healthier and happier. It used to take me 1 hour to walk 3 miles now it takes me 40 minutes, took me about 5 months of regular walking to improve but its now a constant, I try to go walking after work as much as I can.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE IN - don't get mad, get fitter and healthier. Are you really bothered about their opinion of you? They don't sound like the kind of people you want to be mixing with so don't let their opinions get to you. Let your beauty shine from within - it may take you a while, but what would you be doing anyway!! True friends are so much better than fair-weather friends!

Good luck to you on your journey x

If you don't feel the Dean will take your complaint seriously I would mention possibly taking legal action regarding the lack of action on the schools part and possibly pursuing criminal harrassment against the a__holes that are doing this to you. I would do this in a casual manner so not to appear threatening, just to make the point that you aren't going to be ignored.

It might also serve you well to calmly ask these a__holes why they feel it is acceptable to try to bolster their (obivously) low self esteem by harassing another human being.

All interactions should be conducted calmly and with the utmost confidence. There is NOTHING wrong with you. There is EVERYTHING wrong with them.