Dealing with Haters

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  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    *Hugs*

    I'm sorry you have to deal with morons. There's no valid excuse for anyone to treat another human being like that. In case it hasn't already been said, the best thing you can do is love yourself and work on getting to your goal.

    And get hot and make sure they see you at least once a day!
  • annemcharles
    annemcharles Posts: 194 Member
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    Use it as motivation - every time you show up to spin class, you win! Some day you will finish the spin class and you will feel on top of the world. Hold your head high - you can do it!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.

    In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
    "Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
    "I don't pay attention to skeletons."
    "Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
    "You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
    "Kwashiorkor?"
    "Doesn't your mother feed you?"
    "I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"

    "do you have a stealth mode when you turn side ways" or is that just an optical illusion.

    ooohhhhh

    man that's a hell of an optical illusion- youre so tiny- but your head... it's just so BIG- how do you fit that giant ego of your's through the door- I'mmma start calling you houdini!!!

    also- I give people ridiculous nick names- so if I need to and am feeling uncomfortable I can have my own private joke at someone else's expense- makes me feel more comfortable.

    yes- it's shallow- but no- I don't like feeling taken advantage of so it works.
  • krennie8
    krennie8 Posts: 301 Member
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    I see you're 26. How old are they? In any case you do need to handle this. They are continuing to do this because they think they can and get away with it (which so far they have). I don't recommend doing anything physical. What type of school is this? I'm presuming you won't have to see these people ever again after you finish, so I'd take the evidence ot harrasment (because that's what this is) to the school with at least one piece of evidence that you told them to stop and they didn't.

    But honestly I'd be tempted to go to the police if I were you.
  • sandign
    sandign Posts: 56
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    Personally i think responding to them puts you at their level. And they also know they are getting to you and will keep it going. I would just smile at them and say nothing. Use the anger to keep going.

    Depending on their age and the school you could report the bullying. But you could also block them from contacting you. Most cell companies allow you to block numbers.

    Eventually they will get tired of not getting any response. Rise above them and make your goals. You can do that.
  • Blossomforth13
    Blossomforth13 Posts: 41
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    Also, can I ask: what do you mean "expelled"? Having the same students in class with you last term? IS this college? Are you 26?

    Last time I checked I was 26, haha. It's a technical school, not a university, career training basically. All our classes are things like how to take X-rays, how to assist a dentist when doing fillings and root canals and things like that. So you go through Assisting 101, Infection Control, Radiology, etc with the same people you go through all the other classes with, for two years and then you graduate together.
    What's wrong is if their issues are being projected instead of internalized and dealt with, which appears to be happening here with their harassment.

    You're probably right, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with, I guess.
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
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    I'm going to play the "mom" card here :) My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

    Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

    And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either. :wink:

    ^ This ^

    If I hadn't been so angry, I would have taken the time to scroll through the responses and seen these before I posted essentially the same advice.

    One of the exercises you will need to do as you get healthy is to stand up for yourself. God bless you.
  • elainecroft
    elainecroft Posts: 595 Member
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    I love seeing new people of all sizes at the gym! We all are at different levels, so as long as you are trying to do what you can do, MORE POWER TO YOU.

    Side note: my gym pet peeve is tiny girls who come to the gym and talk the whole time, always pick up the smallest weights for our interval circuits, and skip any exercise that is "too hard" without even trying. Somehow I imagine these two might fit in this category...
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 379 Member
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    First off, don't lower yourself to their level by making jokes about them. You are better than that.

    Second, I teach at night school and I have overheard students do this to other students. A good teacher will intervene and make sure that it doesn't happen again. These girls are bullying you and you have the right to be protected by the school, especially if they are using school computers or information they obtained from the school (email address) in order to do the bullying. Demand that the school take action. A few blocks back, I told a student that she would be failed in the class if she continued bullying another student. It continued and I failed her. In reality, though, I didn't fail her. She failed herself.

    A good school will address the problem. Just because you may be in an adult night school does not mean that you have to put up with this behavior. Even workplaces have standards established to protect workers from being bullied.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
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    put your energy into your spinning class.


    I'd personally start making waif blowing away jokes. Or making comments about their food- I'm shallow like that- if you attack my on that level- I'll attack you right back (I'm kind of in line with Fat Amy's mental process from Pitch Perfect).. I woudl totally say- OMG THOSE 100 calorie chips are going to make your vagina fall out of your shorts!!! it got fat!!!
    or something- I have no shame- they have gone above and beyond- which means all jokes are fair enough to them. You may not feel that way- and a lot of others probably won't either- but what they are doing is unacceptable- I got to stage 10.

    If it goes 1-1 then 2-2 people just keep matching. But they did 1- and you probably tried 1- and they just keep pushing. Go to def con 10 stage 12- over the top. Usually puts people in their place immediately.


    I't probably go with a Churchill type comment as well "I may be fat today - but I won't be fat forever: you unfortunately will be shallow vapid and ugly inside probably for the rest of your life"

    "making fun of fat people at the gym is like making fun of sick people at the hospital"
    "You should quit trying to do Spinning, because no one healthy wants to look at this."
    no one said healthy had to be skinny. healthy is about your whole body- not what something looks like.
    Also- how am I supposed to get healthy if I quit?
    "perhaps you should quit talking- because no one nice wants to hear your voice"

    Start weight lifting and then ask them how much they can dead lift

    I cant' stand people like that- I would have shut that down immediately- i have no patience for such things- but zingers are kind of my thing so I tend to go their first.

    Good luck to you!!! Message me if you need more moral support!!!

    This all the way. More likely than not, these brats aren't used to people standing up to them. Their goal is to hurt you, defeat you and demoralize you, because it makes them feel superior. I'm like JoRocka, I fight back... personally, on top of the waif jokes and whatnot, I'd figure out what their insecurities or inadequacies are, and exploit them. But I'm mean when attacked. Maybe you're a better person. But if not, go for broke and be a bigger meanie- like all bullies, the only thing they respect is someone badder than them.

    Good luck!
  • RevWirth
    RevWirth Posts: 14 Member
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    Ignore, ignore, ignore. Take away their fire.
  • nickowastaken
    nickowastaken Posts: 751 Member
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    Just don't worry about haters...

    Relevant:

    haters-gonna-hate.gif

    As drawn by my friend Omar
  • mmixx
    mmixx Posts: 3
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    What they say and do says more about them then it does about you! I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
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    Elevate and rise above. Success is the best revenge. Unless you're comfortable assaulting them, which could get you in serious trouble, I'd concentrate on my journey and let them choke alive on your success.

    People like this are sick inside and need to lash out at others to make themselves feel better. Don't give these chicks the satisfaction of even acknowledging their presence. They have the problem, not you.

    If you allow these vapid airheads to knock you off course the fault will lie with you, and they will have won.
  • comittobethin
    comittobethin Posts: 42 Member
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    The best revenge is living healthy. They obviously have issues that they choose to ignore by making fun of you. It makes them feel good to put others down, and in this case, it unfortunately happens to be you because you wear your weaknesses on the outside (as do I). Rise above. I know it sounds so simple to say and so hard to do but realize that after this class is over, these girls are not going to matter. Your workouts and eating habits will. Prove those girls wrong. Prove that you are more than just the "fat girl". Show them that you are worth it and that you are stronger than they could have ever imagined.
  • caroldavison332
    caroldavison332 Posts: 864 Member
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    I'm 53 and this is my opinion.

    Eleanor Roosevelt said that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And if you realized how little people think, you wouldn't be concerned.

    I also believe that what other people think of you in none of your business.

    For example: Today I noticed a man at the train station with no coat. I socially asked if he had heard the weather report (it's going from 70 to 20 with 50 mph winds) something that I probably mention weekly on my commute. He told me that I was a complete stranger and to mind my own business. I tried to explain that I was concerned ... but he would have none of it I'd never met the guy before or did anything to him and was only concerned for his comfort and safety. The man obviously had issues other than me.

    I would ignore them. If you don't reward them with hurts, cries, indignation, etc. I believe that they will stop teasing. Use the negative emotion to do a THIRTY minute spin next time.

    Make friends in spin class. Explain the situation to your best looking male spin class friend to come to class with you and lick your neck in front of them.
  • smframe1
    smframe1 Posts: 17 Member
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    It is so sad that women in their twenties are acting this way. They obviously have some uglies/past hurts in their hearts to treat you this way. Unfortunately, we can't do much to change the way others act. That being said stay true to yourself. We all have places in our lives we fall short. One of my many places is my weight, and like you I'm doing something about it. You got this!! And just by reading other peoples comments throughout MFP, there are so many on here who are supportive, encouraging and positive. Surround yourself with these types of people. One of my favorite quotes is "Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most"
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    Thanks everybody. Seriously <3. I guess I just reached the end of my emotional rope today. I get so tired of the "OH MY GOD I'M A SIZE TWO I"M SO FAT...." "Well, at least you don't look like B." or the "You don't need to make a mouthguard for the gym! Make a mouthguard for someone else for your grade, because your more likely to break your teeth on a tootsie roll pop." and the "Oh, B knows ALL about calories...how to put them away!" But the chubby chaser dating sites and morbidly obese pictures and the "If we push you down the stairs will you bounce" is just hard to deal with day in and day out.

    I would love to punch them in the face, but physical violence would get me expelled, I'm sure. They made me break down and cry last term which is why the teacher ripped into them then, so I keep debating reporting because it seemed like it made it worse last time.

    You're clearly going through a rough patch. However, I have to point out, since you mentioned it twice: their physical appearance should have no more bearing on how you view them than yours should on them. Don't fall into the trap of basing their negativity on their appearance. Especially because anyone can be insecure at any weight, and going up in a size can be emotionally and physically uncomfortable for anyone; if it bothers you, that's coming from a place within you. They're not "wrong" for having their own issues. Thinking negative and vengeful thoughts about others is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get poisoned.

    What's wrong is if their issues are being projected instead of internalized and dealt with, which appears to be happening here with their harassment.

    So, clearly if they're violating policies in place, report them. If you did it before, continue to do it; having records can get others accountable for a "hostile environment." Otherwise, "dealing with haters" comes from a place within. As others have said, keep being you. Don't judge them for being "skinny" and "feeling bad about gaining weight." That's not your place. Instead, ignore them and do what you like to do even harder.

    Also, can I ask: what do you mean "expelled"? Having the same students in class with you last term? IS this college? Are you 26?

    Solid advice from a mature adult. I'm pretty sure this is better than punching people.
  • comittobethin
    comittobethin Posts: 42 Member
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    Elevate and rise above. Success is the best revenge. Unless you're comfortable assaulting them, which could get you in serious trouble, I'd concentrate on my journey and let them choke alive on your success.

    People like this are sick inside and need to lash out at others to make themselves feel better. Don't give these chicks the satisfaction of even acknowledging their presence. They have the problem, not you.

    If you allow these vapid airheads to knock you off course the fault will lie with you, and they will have won.


    Haha apparently we were thinking the same thing at the same time :P
  • krennie8
    krennie8 Posts: 301 Member
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    Thanks everybody. Seriously <3. I guess I just reached the end of my emotional rope today. I get so tired of the "OH MY GOD I'M A SIZE TWO I"M SO FAT...." "Well, at least you don't look like B." or the "You don't need to make a mouthguard for the gym! Make a mouthguard for someone else for your grade, because your more likely to break your teeth on a tootsie roll pop." and the "Oh, B knows ALL about calories...how to put them away!" But the chubby chaser dating sites and morbidly obese pictures and the "If we push you down the stairs will you bounce" is just hard to deal with day in and day out.

    I would love to punch them in the face, but physical violence would get me expelled, I'm sure. They made me break down and cry last term which is why the teacher ripped into them then, so I keep debating reporting because it seemed like it made it worse last time.

    I definitely think you should report them to the school again and this time tell them that if they aren't able to handle the issue, you'll be contacting the police to report harrasment.

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