Super skinny boyfriend comments on my weight ALL THE TIME

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  • digidream
    digidream Posts: 27 Member
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    How would I deal with a skinny boyfriend who comments about my weight and eating habits and eats my food without paying for anything? I'd show him the door pretty damn quickly and boot his skinny *kitten* through it for a start!

    I hate to tell you but you are in an abusive relationship with a total loser. Like most other people have said, you can easily lose 120 pounds of deadweight overnight.

    Imagine 10 years into your future - you are an overweight, unhealthy stay at home mum working part time at McDonalds to support your "man" who eats all your food, spends all your money and does nothing but sit on the couch and watch TV all day. Is that what you want out of life? Get out while you still can.
    Awh, not McDonalds- anything but McDonalds! D:
  • coullmom
    coullmom Posts: 133 Member
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    I feel like it'd be mean/selfish to tell him to buy his own food, because I KNOW he never has any money. I mean, I know he needs to get a job but he seems content just waiting for his relatives to give him money and doesn't seem to want one... He did buy his own food occasionally, stuff that I would never eat because I'm a vegetarian and the junk food he sometimes offers me is what made me gain weight in the first place!
    He makes me happy sometimes, and says nice things that make me feel good about myself (mostly only when we're pillow-talking?). I feel like the comments are never intentionally hurtful but it always makes me feel awful. I feel like I'm not exactly letting him hold me back, but I'm holding myself back and just using him as an excuse to not do the things I should, like get a part-time job, lose weight, make friends, etc..... He's definitely insecure, but I'm super insecure too so it's a bad cycle, and whenever I'm assertive I feel bad afterwards.
    I do like hanging out with him, although we don't have much in common. I really have no one else to hang out with because I never made friends properly here when I moved because I was always trying to be focused on him.

    You need to quit making excuses for him, period. He makes you feel guilty when you are assertive. He needs to get a job and quit depending on others to take care of him. But then again why would he when he's got you and his relatives to feed him and send him money. I hate to be blunt but I was in an abusive relationship and of course he's going to be nice after he gets what he wants, in this case food and sex.

    I made excuses for my ex-husband too, I sounded just like you. My ex made me feel insecure with his constant little digs about my weight and the fact that I didn't look like a porcelain doll all the time and wore sweat pants after work or didn't do this or that to his standards. It sucked the self-esteem right out of me.

    It took me years to get my life together. You really need to reevaluate your situation and decide how you want to live, self confident and happy or being held back.
    Awh, I'm sorry- but I'm glad that you aren't with him anymore!
    I never really had my life together in the first place- I think I'm just hanging on to avoid the scary world and being alone and whatnot...
    Luckily he doesn't believe in marriage, whatever that means.. Lol, it sounds bad in the end but I think it's just a mixture of us both being afraid to be alone (I know he's got an internet dating site account), and convenience, and his family is really nice to me. And there are still feelings, but I know in the long run it's really not going to work... He might know it too, but I don't want to hurt him?
    Thanks for sharing your personal experience... I think I might go to counseling (it is free at the health center here)..
    You Don't want to hurt HIM??? So instead you will hurt yourself?? Think about that.......aren't you the most important person? if not, you should be!!!!
  • ajbemine4ever27
    ajbemine4ever27 Posts: 75 Member
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    "Love can be so blind sometimes" My man is just like yours when we're still in bf/gf relationship, sometimes he's so mean to me about how I weight before and how ate cookies and brownies while im doing my home exercise but because I love him and there is still some qualities of a man that still holding my back to dump him before, I started to talk to him and tell him that he's hurting my feelings the way he bully me, that we need respect in our relationship, now if he want a skinny and have a bad *kitten* girlfriend then I told him, he should find one and if he don't support me being healthy then this relationship will not work and should put an end. Then after that day everything change ( not everything actually coz he still eating junks ). But never tease me again and very supportive to me for being healthy, my only wish for him is to learn how to choose healthy foods to put in his body and be active and be ing oh well now he's my husband he should be coz I don't want be widow early! lol
    talk to him if dumping him is not an option... now if he didn't change.. its up to you now... remember there's should be RESPECT in every relationship, and COMMUNICATE is the key in a good relationship. goodluck to u.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    TL;DR

    Find a new boyfriend who thinks you are the greatest thing ever.
  • digidream
    digidream Posts: 27 Member
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    TL;DR

    Find a new boyfriend who thinks you are the greatest thing ever.
    Hey I found one! ;D
    ...
    Oh, wait it's my cat.
  • Sharkington
    Sharkington Posts: 485
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    I think you need to ask yourself whether you're with him because you're just used to the familiarity of being with him, or if he actually has enough good qualities that counter his moochy and rude personality that brings you down and berate you for eating. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but based on what you wrote, I can't imagine how a person can be attracted to someone who acts like that. I am not even going to touch the fact that he uses internet dating sites while dating you.

    Don't let fear stop you from ending something you don't want to be in just to spare his feelings. It sounds like you have done a lot for him already. You don't owe him. You sound like a really nice person, and i'm sure you look lovely (don't be so hard on yourself over a few pounds) and there are plenty of guys out there who will be way more respectful toward you.
  • hstoblish
    hstoblish Posts: 234 Member
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    Oh man, I have been right where you are.

    1. This is not about you.

    2. A lot of guys struggle with their significant others being bigger than them in all sorts of ways: physically (taller, wider, whatever), making more money, having better jobs, etc etc. I'm not saying that's the majority of guys by any means, but some guys are like this. And a lot of skinny guys and short guys find this particularly hard. Without going into details, I have really been there myself, but now I'm with someone who doesn't need me to be shorter, smaller, worse at things, less intelligent for him to feel tall, big, talented or intelligent. And that is something worth holding out for.

    3. I'll repeat: this is not about you or your size. This is about your boyfriend feeling insecure about being a skinny guy and putting you down so you stay insecure with him.

    You have a few options - dump him. But I'm guessing that he has some good qualities that you are attracted to and want to see through. In which case, I'd highly suggest counseling because you should have a supervised conversation about this, if for no other reason than having someone else tell you that you are not crazy and that your boyfriend is, in fact, being unkind and perhaps a little bit manipulative. However, don't stick with the guy just because you want to justify the last 4 years.

    Finally, have a look at this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted and see if his behaviour seems to make more sense. When you try to talk about this, does he make it about your reaction instead of about his own actions?
    That's an interesting article- definitely recognize most of those signs. Especially the part about always wondering if I'm the one who's too sensitive. I know we both have really low self esteem, and for me a part of the reason we're still together has to do with my self esteem and "justifying" the past couple of years. I mean without him I reaaally don't have anything going for me at the moment, besides school which is not going too well at the moment. I mean I know even in the long run we don't at all have enough in common to be happen down the road... But all his relatives tell me "he's a good kid."
    Thank you- maybe eventually I'll actually do the sensible thing and tell him all this stuff instead of random internet strangers. But thank you all you internet strangers!!!

    When you do get ready to leave this guy - and you will (just oh god do not get pregnant) - just know that you don't owe him a huge explanation, or second chances. It sounds like you're not well suited and once you realize that you do in fact have more going for you (if you actually don't, what better way to get more interesting/have more going on than to move on from him) you'll just want to get out.

    For the record, my husband is an amazing man and I never would have started anything with him until I broke up with my very poorly suited ex boyfriend (I also loved his mom, so it was hard). And it would never ever have happened if I didn't just up and leave. I have more friends now, more confidence, a great job and a really awesome little girl perched on my knee right now, instead of a crappy job and a boyfriend who made me feel badly about myself. All because I had the guts to choose not to settle.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
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    To me, the really troubling and telling bit is him acting like you shouldn't eat. Someone who cares about you should want you to be strong and healthy. That is someone whose abuse would escalate either with time, or potentially if you started standing up for yourself. For that reason, I'd recommend a straight breakup, rather than attempting to get him to change his tune.

    Liberate yourself, and enjoy some time to yourself. When the right guy comes along, you'll need to be single and ready for something healthy.
  • keddabee
    keddabee Posts: 81
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    Life is too short to be hanging around people who don't bring the best out in you. Why the hell do you put up with this? and for so long?? Kick him, get back to what you were doing with your cooking and eating healthy and the weight will come off :) You will find someone who appreciates you for who you are and your personality, not what you put in the cupboard and how much you weigh!
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    I have to agree with everyone else that said to leave him. He's obviously not for you. It may hurt at first, but someone better will come along, and it will give you time to work on yourself.

    If you must stay with him, then you need to show him this thread and let him know exactly how you feel!!!! Hiding your feelings won't change anything.
  • dysonspacz
    dysonspacz Posts: 76 Member
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    As a member of the male species, my advice is simple. Punch him in the balls next time and then comment about how you were trying to help him get bigger ones.

    Game.
    Set.
    Match.
  • rachrach7595
    rachrach7595 Posts: 151 Member
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    :indifferent:

    Ditching the moocher jerk is a great way to lose that first big chunk of weight... I'm pretty sure the resulting boost in self esteem, finances and freedom will allow you to find a lovely guy who will support you in a healthy way to make whatever changes you would like after that AND he may even pay for dinner once in a while.
  • sandign
    sandign Posts: 56
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    Doesn't sound heathly at all. It will never get better. Time to move on. You deserve better.
  • tgsoe
    tgsoe Posts: 17 Member
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    Having been in an abusive relationship myself, I can relate to this. You need to know though, that you are worth more than what he is giving you credit for. He is clearly not supportive, giving or loving by any stretch, and YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT.

    My coping mechanism with my ex was alcohol - and regardless of your coping mechanism, be it food or alcohol, they both make you gain the kilo's. A couple of months after I'd split with *kitten*-Munch, I remember waking up one morning and realising that I was, in actual fact, a better person without him. I (and this literally happened) looked at myself in the mirror and smiled, and remembered who I was, and no amount of negativity from him would bring me down anymore.

    I lost almost 5 kgs in a couple of weeks after that - because my head was in the right place - everything else followed.

    You are a better person without him. You are stronger, healthier, and I have no doubt that you will be 150% happier.

    You deserve the best. Go out and get it!
  • loriemn
    loriemn Posts: 292 Member
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    dump him and get rid of that 120lbs of JERK!
  • carimace
    carimace Posts: 1
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    Dump him. Seriously. You're in an abusive relationship.
  • jillica
    jillica Posts: 554 Member
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    What you allow is what will continue.
    If you continue to date him, you can expect his continue put downs and insults.
    There is no amount of weight you can lose to stop his comments.
  • SkimFlatWhite68
    SkimFlatWhite68 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    He's got an internet dating account?

    Seriously? You cannot be serious!!!

    I did suspect that you might be a troll... Now I absolutely think I was right.

    Just in case you aren't:

    You may have low self esteem, and all the things that you have written may well be true - IF they are, you STILL need to tell this guy to leave and don't let the door slam him on the *** on the way out.

    Go and see the free counsellor
    Get yourself in a better head space
    When you are ready, you will attract a boyfriend who is honest, respectful, trustworthy, caring and encourages you with your life and goals rather than beats you down to his level.

    Good luck.
  • SutapaMukherji
    SutapaMukherji Posts: 244 Member
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    Remind me please why you are with this guy? :noway: :noway: :grumble: :grumble:

    Seems like there is more than just weight that you need to lose!
  • annie61702
    annie61702 Posts: 120 Member
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    You can lose 120 lbs. instantly when you dump him. Why do you stay?

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