Super skinny boyfriend comments on my weight ALL THE TIME
Replies
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Yes, I have a super skinny boyfriend. He's 6 inches taller than me and we weigh the SAME. How embarrassing for me!
But, my boyfriend loves me at any size, and when I've cried about how fat I am, he gives me a hug and tells me he loves me, he thinks I'm beautiful and that if I'm not happy, he'll support me in eating healthy and working out. He encouraged me to get a gym membership and we go together. I've lost almost 10 lbs this year so far!
He never ever ever ever says anything negative about my weight or eating habits. EVER. He only has nice and wonderful things to say me, and he truly loves me.
If I were you I'd ditch your boyfriend. I wouldn't put up with that disrespect. You might have a little weight to lose, but you also are losing your self respect by being with someone who sees you as an object and not a human being.0 -
One of my favorite movie lines ever was from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. "Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing? Because we accept the love we think we deserve".
You deserve better. Move on.0 -
Wow, you would make a great therapist! I have started hiding my food, which still makes me feel guilty and selfish but I don't know what else to do! Thank you! For using the word douchecanoe :]Um....you really really REALLY need to just tell the human food processor that he needs to tuck tail and leave. If all he does is come over, eat your food, make you feel bad about trying to eat healthy or what you look like or what you wear and then leaves when he's consumed everything but the kitchen sink....he does not need to be in your life. So please get rid of him...besides, you'll lose 120 lbs in the space of about 5 mins! :drinker: Your first step in this journey is to take a good hard look at yourself. Realize that, whatever you weigh, whatever problems you are having, whatever douchecanoe boyfriend is hanging around your neck like a cancerous albatross.....YOU are AWESOME. You are AMAZING. And you DESERVE to be respected and loved for you, no matter what you might weigh or what size your shorts are. Tell him to kiss it. Eat what you know you need to eat to be healthy for YOU, screw him. HIDE your food when he comes over if you don't want to kick his inconsiderate shallow *kitten* to the curb. Just make sure when he says he's coming over to tell him "Hey can you stop by the grocery store and pick up some (whatever).. I haven't had a chance to go shopping and it's pretty bare in the kitchen!" He'll either help supply food or not come over. You deserve much better than that man. And he's sabotaging any effort you make to become healthier. You know why? Because he knows that you're going to realize what a loser he is and drop him like you'd drop a dirty sock. Good luck!!0 -
Not to be judgmental (but I will since he is judgmental with you), but how has he not gone into a diabetic coma yet, the way he eats? He's going to die young.
Also he sounds like an a-hole.0 -
He made you feel so bad that you had to resort to ranting about him to strangers. Break up. The sooner the better.0
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I sense a weight loss of 120# in your future.
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Your boyfriend sounds like a grade A mooch, if you ask me.
You don't have much in common, he's a loser, treats you poorly, eats your food....
Shall I go on?
Put me down for breaking up.0 -
If I were you, I'd lose 120 pounds--that boyfriend! He's too skinny, (I don't know any men that weigh so little--my 15yo son weighs 173) he doesn't pay for anything, and he doesn't appreciate his beautiful girlfriend.0
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You gotta make turn about fair play.
My boyfriend does this, (except my pantry is so stocked no one could possibly eat everything in it) and so do I.
We live about an hour away from each other.
He comes down 2x during the work week and I make a huge dinner with 4-5 lb meat. I've even made sport of making sure I could make him full (sometimes 4-5 plates, not even kidding.)
I go there 2x days on the weekend and eat all kinds of fancy imported cheeses and pricey meats when he's at work. (And feed my kiddo his food.)
I even make this joke in the bed room "Grokette loves Grok, but Grokette will eat Groks food when he's gone."
He nods and says it's the way of the beast!
I suppose it's goofy and sweet because for us we both have lots of food and make it an even exchange.
Good luck with that.
My boyfriend is buff, not skinny.
:flowerforyou:0 -
PS I think this is a fake story.0
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Well he's still trying to get this hang of this diabetes thing and he does mostly avoid sugar these days- actually wait- that cereal had tons of sugar!- but I think his medicine makes it okay to have sugar "occasionally." He does joke about comas alot but his doctor is kind of crappy and really didn't tell him much about how to control it. But we're young so I guess the reality will hit laterNot to be judgmental (but I will since he is judgmental with you), but how has he not gone into a diabetic coma yet, the way he eats? He's going to die young.
Also he sounds like an a-hole.
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This is really upsetting to me!
He is not being supportive whatsoever and that's a red flag. What if you two end up having kids someday. You will gain weight because that's what happens. I can only imagine it will be even more hurtful then because it should be a beautiful thing and he should be telling you how beautiful you look. He doesn't seem like he would be that way. You will end up resenting him and you will be miserable.
I dated a guy who was about 130 and he was also tall. There was no fat on his body! I was about 160 at the time. I was so self conscious and it upset him so much. He thought I was beautiful and didn't let my weight bother him at all. He thought I was sexy. He even made a comment once about our love life would be: 'Amanda, if you weighed as much as me, it would be like two sticks banging into each other' Hahahhah
You need to lose the jerk. You deserve someone who will support you. if that means telling you that your gorgeous just how you are or if it means the two of you workout together and support each other in a healthier lifestyle. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.0 -
I feel like it'd be mean/selfish to tell him to buy his own food, because I KNOW he never has any money. I mean, I know he needs to get a job but he seems content just waiting for his relatives to give him money and doesn't seem to want one... He did buy his own food occasionally, stuff that I would never eat because I'm a vegetarian and the junk food he sometimes offers me is what made me gain weight in the first place!Wow, this is a lot of information to take in! It sounds like this has been on your mind a lot. Good for you for getting it all out there. Firstly, I am sorry you have to take verbal abuse from your boyfriend. The things he says or insinuates is very insulting. It sounds like he is insecure with himself, so feels the need to take you down in order to make you feel less than what you are. Those comments are NOT supportive of you and is definitely not helping you lose weight. It's a very negative and toxic relationship to be in.
Second, if he keeps eating all of your food I would be like, hey.. you can't come over because you keep eating my food, or, Hey...next time you come over, bring your own food with you. I think it's so disrespectful for him to just keep staying at your place and then leaving you with nothing. Have you ever told him that it isn't respectful? That's something I would expect a child visiting home from university to do, not a boyfriend!
Why are you with him? Do you love him? Does he make you happy? Are you are a better person for being with him? I surround myself with people I enjoy being around. Do you enjoy being around him/look forward to hanging out with him? I would think really hard about all of these questions. If you have been with him for awhile, you may just be staying with him out of habit and are scared of the change. But don't be! It sounds like he is greatly holding you back from reaching your full potential and is sabotaging all of your efforts to be more healthy, AND draining your pockets!
He makes me happy sometimes, and says nice things that make me feel good about myself (mostly only when we're pillow-talking?). I feel like the comments are never intentionally hurtful but it always makes me feel awful. I feel like I'm not exactly letting him hold me back, but I'm holding myself back and just using him as an excuse to not do the things I should, like get a part-time job, lose weight, make friends, etc..... He's definitely insecure, but I'm super insecure too so it's a bad cycle, and whenever I'm assertive I feel bad afterwards.
I do like hanging out with him, although we don't have much in common. I really have no one else to hang out with because I never made friends properly here when I moved because I was always trying to be focused on him.
You need to quit making excuses for him, period. He makes you feel guilty when you are assertive. He needs to get a job and quit depending on others to take care of him. But then again why would he when he's got you and his relatives to feed him and send him money. I hate to be blunt but I was in an abusive relationship and of course he's going to be nice after he gets what he wants, in this case food and sex.
I made excuses for my ex-husband too, I sounded just like you. My ex made me feel insecure with his constant little digs about my weight and the fact that I didn't look like a porcelain doll all the time and wore sweat pants after work or didn't do this or that to his standards. It sucked the self-esteem right out of me.
It took me years to get my life together. You really need to reevaluate your situation and decide how you want to live, self confident and happy or being held back.0 -
Your boyfriend is a jerk. No two ways about it. He will always be a jerk even if you get down to the ideal weight he wants you to be. I've been there, girl, it doesn't get better with these guys.0
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That's an interesting article- definitely recognize most of those signs. Especially the part about always wondering if I'm the one who's too sensitive. I know we both have really low self esteem, and for me a part of the reason we're still together has to do with my self esteem and "justifying" the past couple of years. I mean without him I reaaally don't have anything going for me at the moment, besides school which is not going too well at the moment. I mean I know even in the long run we don't at all have enough in common to be happen down the road... But all his relatives tell me "he's a good kid."Oh man, I have been right where you are.
1. This is not about you.
2. A lot of guys struggle with their significant others being bigger than them in all sorts of ways: physically (taller, wider, whatever), making more money, having better jobs, etc etc. I'm not saying that's the majority of guys by any means, but some guys are like this. And a lot of skinny guys and short guys find this particularly hard. Without going into details, I have really been there myself, but now I'm with someone who doesn't need me to be shorter, smaller, worse at things, less intelligent for him to feel tall, big, talented or intelligent. And that is something worth holding out for.
3. I'll repeat: this is not about you or your size. This is about your boyfriend feeling insecure about being a skinny guy and putting you down so you stay insecure with him.
You have a few options - dump him. But I'm guessing that he has some good qualities that you are attracted to and want to see through. In which case, I'd highly suggest counseling because you should have a supervised conversation about this, if for no other reason than having someone else tell you that you are not crazy and that your boyfriend is, in fact, being unkind and perhaps a little bit manipulative. However, don't stick with the guy just because you want to justify the last 4 years.
Finally, have a look at this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted and see if his behaviour seems to make more sense. When you try to talk about this, does he make it about your reaction instead of about his own actions?
Thank you- maybe eventually I'll actually do the sensible thing and tell him all this stuff instead of random internet strangers. But thank you all you internet strangers!!!0 -
...b/c he never has a job or money. ...
I used my college meal plan to feed HIM because he had no money, and I would eat junk food because it was cheap...
...he never wanted to buy the food yet wanted to eat it. Whenever I bought food he ate it all (this didn't happen just once, like on a regular basis...
so I at first I didn't eat all day and made up for it by having a bag of candy at night to get my calories in, and tried not to buy food to save money.....
...he shows up randomly for days/nights/weeks sometimes and the kitchen is always completely bare when he's gone....
... but if I don't eat it before he comes over it's always gone. And I'm on a budget so I can't afford to buy stuff that's supposed to last for a week and have it gone....
...but he'll comment on how it looks like I'm eating alot. Or he'll just look at me all hungry-ish and i'll feel bad....
Does anyone out there have a super skinny boyfriend who seems like he can eat whatever he wants? And how do you deal with it if he makes comments about your weight? Or comments about your eating habits if you try to eat healthy? ORR if he eats all your food and never pays for anything?!
How would I deal with a skinny boyfriend who comments about my weight and eating habits and eats my food without paying for anything? I'd show him the door pretty damn quickly and boot his skinny *kitten* through it for a start!
I hate to tell you but you are in an abusive relationship with a total loser. Like most other people have said, you can easily lose 120 pounds of deadweight overnight.
Imagine 10 years into your future - you are an overweight, unhealthy stay at home mum working part time at McDonalds to support your "man" who eats all your food, spends all your money and does nothing but sit on the couch and watch TV all day. Is that what you want out of life? Get out while you still can.0 -
The problem is that you are very young and don't really understand what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like. I never waste my valuable time with a man who disrespects me. He obviously doesn't love you, he may tell you that he loves you when you are in bed together....but actions speak louder than words. Please go and get some counselling, he is not the man for you. Once you go through some counselling and get healthy emotionally, you will start to see it. I wish you all the best!0
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I would brake up with him in a heartbeat. Be proud of who you are and don't let some jerk tell you otherwise. Gurl you fabulous.
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Awh, I'm sorry- but I'm glad that you aren't with him anymore!
I feel like it'd be mean/selfish to tell him to buy his own food, because I KNOW he never has any money. I mean, I know he needs to get a job but he seems content just waiting for his relatives to give him money and doesn't seem to want one... He did buy his own food occasionally, stuff that I would never eat because I'm a vegetarian and the junk food he sometimes offers me is what made me gain weight in the first place!
He makes me happy sometimes, and says nice things that make me feel good about myself (mostly only when we're pillow-talking?). I feel like the comments are never intentionally hurtful but it always makes me feel awful. I feel like I'm not exactly letting him hold me back, but I'm holding myself back and just using him as an excuse to not do the things I should, like get a part-time job, lose weight, make friends, etc..... He's definitely insecure, but I'm super insecure too so it's a bad cycle, and whenever I'm assertive I feel bad afterwards.
I do like hanging out with him, although we don't have much in common. I really have no one else to hang out with because I never made friends properly here when I moved because I was always trying to be focused on him.
You need to quit making excuses for him, period. He makes you feel guilty when you are assertive. He needs to get a job and quit depending on others to take care of him. But then again why would he when he's got you and his relatives to feed him and send him money. I hate to be blunt but I was in an abusive relationship and of course he's going to be nice after he gets what he wants, in this case food and sex.
I made excuses for my ex-husband too, I sounded just like you. My ex made me feel insecure with his constant little digs about my weight and the fact that I didn't look like a porcelain doll all the time and wore sweat pants after work or didn't do this or that to his standards. It sucked the self-esteem right out of me.
It took me years to get my life together. You really need to reevaluate your situation and decide how you want to live, self confident and happy or being held back.
I never really had my life together in the first place- I think I'm just hanging on to avoid the scary world and being alone and whatnot...
Luckily he doesn't believe in marriage, whatever that means.. Lol, it sounds bad in the end but I think it's just a mixture of us both being afraid to be alone (I know he's got an internet dating site account), and convenience, and his family is really nice to me. And there are still feelings, but I know in the long run it's really not going to work... He might know it too, but I don't want to hurt him?
Thanks for sharing your personal experience... I think I might go to counseling (it is free at the health center here)..0 -
I would brake up with him in a heartbeat. Be proud of who you are and don't let some jerk tell you otherwise. Gurl you fabulous.
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Awh, not McDonalds- anything but McDonalds!
How would I deal with a skinny boyfriend who comments about my weight and eating habits and eats my food without paying for anything? I'd show him the door pretty damn quickly and boot his skinny *kitten* through it for a start!
I hate to tell you but you are in an abusive relationship with a total loser. Like most other people have said, you can easily lose 120 pounds of deadweight overnight.
Imagine 10 years into your future - you are an overweight, unhealthy stay at home mum working part time at McDonalds to support your "man" who eats all your food, spends all your money and does nothing but sit on the couch and watch TV all day. Is that what you want out of life? Get out while you still can.
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You Don't want to hurt HIM??? So instead you will hurt yourself?? Think about that.......aren't you the most important person? if not, you should be!!!!
Awh, I'm sorry- but I'm glad that you aren't with him anymore!
I feel like it'd be mean/selfish to tell him to buy his own food, because I KNOW he never has any money. I mean, I know he needs to get a job but he seems content just waiting for his relatives to give him money and doesn't seem to want one... He did buy his own food occasionally, stuff that I would never eat because I'm a vegetarian and the junk food he sometimes offers me is what made me gain weight in the first place!
He makes me happy sometimes, and says nice things that make me feel good about myself (mostly only when we're pillow-talking?). I feel like the comments are never intentionally hurtful but it always makes me feel awful. I feel like I'm not exactly letting him hold me back, but I'm holding myself back and just using him as an excuse to not do the things I should, like get a part-time job, lose weight, make friends, etc..... He's definitely insecure, but I'm super insecure too so it's a bad cycle, and whenever I'm assertive I feel bad afterwards.
I do like hanging out with him, although we don't have much in common. I really have no one else to hang out with because I never made friends properly here when I moved because I was always trying to be focused on him.
You need to quit making excuses for him, period. He makes you feel guilty when you are assertive. He needs to get a job and quit depending on others to take care of him. But then again why would he when he's got you and his relatives to feed him and send him money. I hate to be blunt but I was in an abusive relationship and of course he's going to be nice after he gets what he wants, in this case food and sex.
I made excuses for my ex-husband too, I sounded just like you. My ex made me feel insecure with his constant little digs about my weight and the fact that I didn't look like a porcelain doll all the time and wore sweat pants after work or didn't do this or that to his standards. It sucked the self-esteem right out of me.
It took me years to get my life together. You really need to reevaluate your situation and decide how you want to live, self confident and happy or being held back.
I never really had my life together in the first place- I think I'm just hanging on to avoid the scary world and being alone and whatnot...
Luckily he doesn't believe in marriage, whatever that means.. Lol, it sounds bad in the end but I think it's just a mixture of us both being afraid to be alone (I know he's got an internet dating site account), and convenience, and his family is really nice to me. And there are still feelings, but I know in the long run it's really not going to work... He might know it too, but I don't want to hurt him?
Thanks for sharing your personal experience... I think I might go to counseling (it is free at the health center here)..0 -
"Love can be so blind sometimes" My man is just like yours when we're still in bf/gf relationship, sometimes he's so mean to me about how I weight before and how ate cookies and brownies while im doing my home exercise but because I love him and there is still some qualities of a man that still holding my back to dump him before, I started to talk to him and tell him that he's hurting my feelings the way he bully me, that we need respect in our relationship, now if he want a skinny and have a bad *kitten* girlfriend then I told him, he should find one and if he don't support me being healthy then this relationship will not work and should put an end. Then after that day everything change ( not everything actually coz he still eating junks ). But never tease me again and very supportive to me for being healthy, my only wish for him is to learn how to choose healthy foods to put in his body and be active and be ing oh well now he's my husband he should be coz I don't want be widow early! lol
talk to him if dumping him is not an option... now if he didn't change.. its up to you now... remember there's should be RESPECT in every relationship, and COMMUNICATE is the key in a good relationship. goodluck to u.0 -
TL;DR
Find a new boyfriend who thinks you are the greatest thing ever.0 -
Hey I found one! ;DTL;DR
Find a new boyfriend who thinks you are the greatest thing ever.
...
Oh, wait it's my cat.0 -
I think you need to ask yourself whether you're with him because you're just used to the familiarity of being with him, or if he actually has enough good qualities that counter his moochy and rude personality that brings you down and berate you for eating. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but based on what you wrote, I can't imagine how a person can be attracted to someone who acts like that. I am not even going to touch the fact that he uses internet dating sites while dating you.
Don't let fear stop you from ending something you don't want to be in just to spare his feelings. It sounds like you have done a lot for him already. You don't owe him. You sound like a really nice person, and i'm sure you look lovely (don't be so hard on yourself over a few pounds) and there are plenty of guys out there who will be way more respectful toward you.0 -
That's an interesting article- definitely recognize most of those signs. Especially the part about always wondering if I'm the one who's too sensitive. I know we both have really low self esteem, and for me a part of the reason we're still together has to do with my self esteem and "justifying" the past couple of years. I mean without him I reaaally don't have anything going for me at the moment, besides school which is not going too well at the moment. I mean I know even in the long run we don't at all have enough in common to be happen down the road... But all his relatives tell me "he's a good kid."Oh man, I have been right where you are.
1. This is not about you.
2. A lot of guys struggle with their significant others being bigger than them in all sorts of ways: physically (taller, wider, whatever), making more money, having better jobs, etc etc. I'm not saying that's the majority of guys by any means, but some guys are like this. And a lot of skinny guys and short guys find this particularly hard. Without going into details, I have really been there myself, but now I'm with someone who doesn't need me to be shorter, smaller, worse at things, less intelligent for him to feel tall, big, talented or intelligent. And that is something worth holding out for.
3. I'll repeat: this is not about you or your size. This is about your boyfriend feeling insecure about being a skinny guy and putting you down so you stay insecure with him.
You have a few options - dump him. But I'm guessing that he has some good qualities that you are attracted to and want to see through. In which case, I'd highly suggest counseling because you should have a supervised conversation about this, if for no other reason than having someone else tell you that you are not crazy and that your boyfriend is, in fact, being unkind and perhaps a little bit manipulative. However, don't stick with the guy just because you want to justify the last 4 years.
Finally, have a look at this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted and see if his behaviour seems to make more sense. When you try to talk about this, does he make it about your reaction instead of about his own actions?
Thank you- maybe eventually I'll actually do the sensible thing and tell him all this stuff instead of random internet strangers. But thank you all you internet strangers!!!
When you do get ready to leave this guy - and you will (just oh god do not get pregnant) - just know that you don't owe him a huge explanation, or second chances. It sounds like you're not well suited and once you realize that you do in fact have more going for you (if you actually don't, what better way to get more interesting/have more going on than to move on from him) you'll just want to get out.
For the record, my husband is an amazing man and I never would have started anything with him until I broke up with my very poorly suited ex boyfriend (I also loved his mom, so it was hard). And it would never ever have happened if I didn't just up and leave. I have more friends now, more confidence, a great job and a really awesome little girl perched on my knee right now, instead of a crappy job and a boyfriend who made me feel badly about myself. All because I had the guts to choose not to settle.0 -
To me, the really troubling and telling bit is him acting like you shouldn't eat. Someone who cares about you should want you to be strong and healthy. That is someone whose abuse would escalate either with time, or potentially if you started standing up for yourself. For that reason, I'd recommend a straight breakup, rather than attempting to get him to change his tune.
Liberate yourself, and enjoy some time to yourself. When the right guy comes along, you'll need to be single and ready for something healthy.0 -
Life is too short to be hanging around people who don't bring the best out in you. Why the hell do you put up with this? and for so long?? Kick him, get back to what you were doing with your cooking and eating healthy and the weight will come off
You will find someone who appreciates you for who you are and your personality, not what you put in the cupboard and how much you weigh! 0 -
I have to agree with everyone else that said to leave him. He's obviously not for you. It may hurt at first, but someone better will come along, and it will give you time to work on yourself.
If you must stay with him, then you need to show him this thread and let him know exactly how you feel!!!! Hiding your feelings won't change anything.0
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