Why does everyone hate me? The forum Survival Guide.

Just to make sure I am keeping score correctly......one case of open butthurt, one case of closet butthurt, one case of butthurt denial and now one diagnosis of passive-aggressive by internet psychologist? amiright?

So, your new here and you think you've found the support group you've been desperately seeking to hold your hand through the difficult months to come. You gingerly click on "Community" and either browse a few topics or get eagerly right to sharing your enthusiasm for the newest Rachel Ray endorsed magic pill or that diet plan you found on the internet that claims eating only chick peas will burn every once of fat on your body in 28 days. Then suddenly... something unexpected happens, a fellow user who you've pre-judged as an brother or sister in weight loss solidarity... disagrees. But not just disagrees mind you, but firmly and without consideration for your feelings makeing sure you are fully aware that your new plan of attack will not only fail? But they won't even listen to your clearly internet researched proof as to why they might just might not be privy to the bandwagon.

Then, much to your surprise.. several more members agree with your nemesis and it becomes an epidemic. If they would only listen to reason right? Clearly, you've been attacked and the only solution is to start a new topic let them all know how disappointed you are in how they've chosen to use the forum.

Does this sound like you? Then pay attention.

Welcome to - How to use the internet (specifically MFP) socially 101.

Lesson One: Realize... You could be wrong.

When more then one person contradicts a "dieting experiment" you bring to the table with logic (ie. Just eating food like a normal person), instead of arguing with them until your feelings are soaked in your own tears? Try listening. They clearly aren't trying to hurt you by helping you enjoy food, in fact they WANT you to succeed much more then the people who refuse to tell you the truth for fear it will hurt your feelings. Fun fact? There is so much more to learn if you approach a public forum with and open mind.

Lesson Two: You can't fight science.

Unless you have a medical condition that alters the way your body processes food? Chances are your composition directly relates to the calories you eat, just like everyone else. You are not the exception to the rule so don't waste a learning experience with self diagnosed mumbo jumbo. That piece of bread is NOT your enemy, stop villainizing it.

Lesson Three: Read more then you type.

One great way to avoid an onslaught of internet meanies is to learn the lay of the land long before you contribute to it. The forum is awash with hundreds of the same five topics. "How do I eat all of my calories?", "Why am I not losing weight?", "Does the Atkins Diet work?". If you take the time to look through the history of what others have pioneered, you will avoid an embarrassing faux pas. Plus, you joined this forum to lose weight which means you have something to learn about the process. If the elder members who HAVE reached their goal provide you advice (with a hug or a glare) shut up and listen. Arguing your point is like telling your doctor even though he's diagnosed you with a cold, you know it's a fever whether or not you have the symptoms to support it.

Lesson Four: Stop searching the internet for a substitute to hard work and responsibility.

If the first thing (or 15th thing) you contribute and defend to your death in a public forum is not sustainable and even dangerous? Realize not only will people disagree but they may even do so with prejudice. When you log in, you forget that you are NOT the only new cookie on the dessert tray. There are dozens of others just like you desperate seeking the magic answer to the weight loss goals they've set for themselves... I mean why else would you be here right? But when you post "solutions" that require rainbow colored pills, quarantining food groups, or drinking your meals like a kid with new braces? You are essentially affecting the health of every new virgin soul that stumbles on your witch doctory. I know you may think you are sharing the word of the gods, and the forum gurus just don't know it yet? But had you learned Lesson Three (see above) you'd realize 25 other people posted the same sorted public service announcement last month, each which also met a rather disagreeable end and for good reason.

And last...

Lesson Five: SURPRISE this is a PUBLIC forum.

I know, crazy right? But it's true!! There are people of all walks of life and varied personalities all inhabiting one little corner of the inter-webs. You know what that means? Different opinions, disagreements, and possibility of a lack of emotion when addressing your situation. Now I know you had hoped everyone here was as sweet as your Grandma Ester, I mean she would never say anything without a hug right? But that's NOT the real world. Other members may certainly identify with your struggle but the connection ends there. Don't expect that every one here is looking way to feel special while they shed pounds. Don't expect that everyone has the same level of decorum as you are sure you possess. And don't assume that opposition means "RUDE" when in most cases it's a clear offer of help short spoken or not.

For the most part, if you just read and learn? The forums are a fun place to grow and find success in your weight loss journey. But when you approach a herd of lions like an Alpha and no mane to support it? You will quickly find yourself in the middle of a feeding frenzy with barely enough room to come up for air. Health and nutrition is a very personal subject for a lot of people so when it becomes overly emotional "hurt butt" is a common result. Just realize that even if the lessons are hard? They are ALL trying to help you achieve LONG TERM success not short term Yo Yo-ing.

Now stop crying and start learning and if you feel the need to sniffle? Go spend an hour reading the comments on Youtube, because you've yet to experience "mean".

Good Luck!

The atmosphere of self-congratulation and mutual moisture is so dense in here, I doubt any real "grip" can be had at all.

Gripe, though...

HA! I know. Since the first "THANK YOU! THIS! SOOO THIS! LOVE YOU OP!" reply was posted, in each subsequent reply from the OP, you can observe her ego expanding at a faster rate than the known universe.

LOL.

I like this

Lesson Four: Stop searching the internet for a substitute to hard work and responsibility.

if it was easy and there was a substitute there would be no need for MFP as we would all be a healthy BMI that can run sub 3.5hr marathons, all the guy's would have 6-pack abs and the women would have 'thigh gaps', it's not easy that's how you get the feeling of accomplishment when you reach your goal (whatever it is).

Oh. Well thank goodness there's no substitute then, because I would hate to live in a world where all guys have 6-pack abs and all women have "thigh gaps" and everyone can run sub-3.5 hour marathons, but no mention made about everyone being able to lift huge friggin' rocks. :laugh:

Lesson Three: Read more than you type.

One great way to avoid an onslaught of internet meanies is to learn the lay of the land long before you contribute to it. The forum is awash with hundreds of the same five topics. "How do I eat all of my calories?", "Why am I not losing weight?", "Does the Atkins Diet work?". If you take the time to look through the history of what others have pioneered, you will avoid an embarrassing faux pas. Plus, you joined this forum to lose weight which means you have something to learn about the process. If the elder members who HAVE reached their goal provide you advice (with a hug or a glare) shut up and listen. Arguing your point is like telling your doctor even though he's diagnosed you with a cold, you know it's a fever whether or not you have the symptoms to support it.

Plus "its" and "it's" always messes me up since the possessive doesn't use an apostrophe. Always get that one confused.

I just learned this recently, I've been doing it wrong for YEARS! But how confusing is that rule??

I like this

Lesson Four: Stop searching the internet for a substitute to hard work and responsibility.

if it was easy and there was a substitute there would be no need for MFP as we would all be a healthy BMI that can run sub 3.5hr marathons, all the guy's would have 6-pack abs and the women would have 'thigh gaps', it's not easy that's how you get the feeling of accomplishment when you reach your goal (whatever it is).

Oh. Well thank goodness there's no substitute then, because I would hate to live in a world where all guys have 6-pack abs and all women have "thigh gaps" and everyone can run sub-3.5 hour marathons, but no mention made about everyone being able to lift huge friggin' rocks. :laugh:

^^^^ this this this this so much this

300lb deadlift versus thigh gap. Umm yeah I'll have the 300lb deadlift please. (yes I know some women can have both, but I don't care if I'm one of them or not. when I can deadlift 300lb then my legs can look however they want to look which surely will be like a fit, strong person so who cares if there's a gap between them or not)

:drinker:

I choose the deadlift and the marathon. Don't touch my sexy thighs.