Sexual Harassment at the Gym..

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froggilegs
froggilegs Posts: 5 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
I am seriously conflicted. And I need your advice. I REALLY like the gym I am going to , it is right next to my office, it's small, affordable, and most people are bodybuilders so it's inspiring and motivational! HOWEVER, today I went in to work out and there were a couple older male professionals talking with the owner. I overheard some vulgar language but chose to shrug it off, thinking their conversation was a quick one, "let boys be boys" and maybe the talk would be done when I was off the treadmill and I would no longer be using my headphones. But, when I moved onto weights, the conversation was continuing with increasing sexually expliit language that was offensive and incredibly demeaning... I was especially offended since the owner was a part of the topic, of which I still don't know but apparently needed to include lots of talk of male excrements and "porking every broad in site." I only have a month left of my membership.... and I don't want confrontation. How do I get through my last month? ALSO his fiancé is my trainer. I'm seriously considering canceling my appointment Wednesday.. but I also want to get as much from her as I can before I leave the gym. Help?
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Replies

  • jillian_fan2425
    jillian_fan2425 Posts: 167 Member
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    It sounds like the conversation wasn't directed at you personally, which is a good thing, but I agree that it's an awkward situation and makes for a really unprofessional environment. Have you considered talking to your trainer about it? I wouldn't mention names, but just say that you heard some people having inappropriate conversations and it was a distraction for you, and ask if she has ever dealt with a situation like that before or if she has any advice for what to say or do. I just think maybe talking to another woman about the issue might be helpful, since she might understand where you're coming from. Hopefully it's just a one time occurrence, though.
  • annie_things
    annie_things Posts: 5 Member
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    If you don't like confrontation you're going to have to deal with a lot of bad behavior in life. You don't need to be mean, but just a loud throat clear should do the trick. If it doesn't than you can say "excuse me" or something funny but designed to shut them down. If they don't move to a more private area than you can complain to management, which will do the confrontation with the owner for you. They don't need to stop talking about it, as it's they're prerogative but they need to learn to have some discretion.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    you're 24. that's the age of an adult. so act like an adult and tell them you don't appreciate that sort of language. that's not being confrontational. if you cleared your throat loudly and then pointed to your ear when they looked at you the problem would have been solved. you're grown now, and when grown people need a situation to change they ask for change, then demand change, and then move on if they still aren't satisfied. but first it starts with the asking.
  • DYELB
    DYELB Posts: 7,407 Member
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    I am seriously conflicted. And I need your advice. I REALLY like the gym I am going to , it is right next to my office, it's small, affordable, and most people are bodybuilders so it's inspiring and motivational! HOWEVER, today I went in to work out and there were a couple older male professionals talking with the owner. I overheard some vulgar language but chose to shrug it off, thinking their conversation was a quick one, "let boys be boys" and maybe the talk would be done when I was off the treadmill and I would no longer be using my headphones. But, when I moved onto weights, the conversation was continuing with increasing sexually expliit language that was offensive and incredibly demeaning... I was especially offended since the owner was a part of the topic, of which I still don't know but apparently needed to include lots of talk of male excrements and "porking every broad in site." I only have a month left of my membership.... and I don't want confrontation. How do I get through my last month? ALSO his fiancé is my trainer. I'm seriously considering canceling my appointment Wednesday.. but I also want to get as much from her as I can before I leave the gym. Help?

    http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm

    How is that sexual harassment?
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    You have two choices. The indirect socially acceptable for women route where you use your rapport/professional relationship with his fiancee to have her work on it for you OR davpul's answer with the ear and the cleared throat.

    I think you can try them in that order. Unfortunately dave there is a pre- first step that some women still use in sticky situations.

    Months ago when I was playing nice I'd do the former.

    Now that I'm fed up with what I've been seeing, I'm resorting to the latter style. Sometimes you just gotta make things known.
  • coquinat
    coquinat Posts: 49 Member
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    They sound like trashy people. I guess what you do depends on you and your feelings. If it seems right to you, file a complaint and see how they handle it. I like filing complaints because at the very least I express myself, even if the result doesn't come out in my favor. Then, decide if you want to stay or not. I personally don't like a non professional environment and wouldn't put myself there, but it depends on you and how you feel. Sucks because you said it was the owner contributing to the conversation :( not professional. He should be smarter than that.
  • annie_things
    annie_things Posts: 5 Member
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    "For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general."
    It could be argued...
    but it wasn't directed at her and she just happened to overhear something she disapproved of, so it's hard to name as harassment.
  • coquinat
    coquinat Posts: 49 Member
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    and if you change gyms, make sure they know that you are moving because of that. ;)
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    It sounds like the conversation wasn't directed at you personally, which is a good thing, but I agree that it's an awkward situation and makes for a really unprofessional environment. Have you considered talking to your trainer about it? I wouldn't mention names, but just say that you heard some people having inappropriate conversations and it was a distraction for you, and ask if she has ever dealt with a situation like that before or if she has any advice for what to say or do. I just think maybe talking to another woman about the issue might be helpful, since she might understand where you're coming from. Hopefully it's just a one time occurrence, though.

    I am not a fan of this vague "some people" style. People seem to use the vagueness of the statement/complaint/accusation to slither thru and continue.

    No matter who you choose to tell I'd recommend you make it clear who you are referrring to.
  • CamilleJackie350
    CamilleJackie350 Posts: 124
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    thats not sexual harassment

    not even close
  • Shaynelle
    Shaynelle Posts: 12 Member
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    I too do not like confrontation. I think it's rather mean some of the comments that have been made, considering the lady who posted this was simply looking for advice.

    My suggestion was already mentioned, I would talk to your trainer about it, without mentioning names. Be subtle, which I'm sure you will be, and simply say something along the lines of what has already been suggested. I'm sure she will offer to speak to her fiance about it, which you should have nothing to worry about - if anything he / the owner, will most likely appreciate your discretion while at the same time letting him know that it bothers you. He doesn't want to lose any customers, so if he's smart he will steer clear of future inappropriate discussions while at his place of work.
  • Predat0r1502
    Predat0r1502 Posts: 45 Member
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    I hear things I disapprove of all day long.

    I just put my head phones back in and focus on my goals.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    thats not sexual harassment

    not even close

    i feel like it kind of depends on if the loudness and then the "every broad in sight" was directed at her or meant for her to overhear. I see where it could be but it's a hard sell, i'll agree.

    gyms are not meant to be a place for foul language and unprofessional behavior are they? i thought they were not. i see signs on mine clearly indicating no bad language. so that's where i'm coming from.

    maybe a trainer can weigh in on the appropriateness of an ambience like that. if only there were trainers on this site...
  • Apocalypz
    Apocalypz Posts: 155 Member
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    you're 24. that's the age of an adult. so act like an adult and tell them you don't appreciate that sort of language. that's not being confrontational. if you cleared your throat loudly and then pointed to your ear when they looked at you the problem would have been solved. you're grown now, and when grown people need a situation to change they ask for change, then demand change, and then move on if they still aren't satisfied. but first it starts with the asking.
    Thank you. Change starts with one person. There's no reason to wait for someone else to do it.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Hmmm.....it may not be sexual harassment, but I don't think that's the point of this post. It's unacceptable public behavior, and while it may not bother me, I can clearly understand it being a problem for someone else.

    In fact, it wouldn't bother me one bit if I was there alone or my friends, it would bother THE HELL out of me if I was with my daughters. Or my mom. In both instances I would just make it known that I could hear them and I didn't appreciate it. 99 times out of 100 you only have to make your presence known for the convo to cease; they're from this planet so they know they're being rude.




    *honestly, I feel weird. People leaving plates on the bar never bothers me but people talking dirty in mixed company does.
  • vorgas
    vorgas Posts: 741 Member
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    "For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general."
    It could be argued...
    but it wasn't directed at her and she just happened to overhear something she disapproved of, so it's hard to name as harassment.
    There is nothing saying the comments have to be directed toward the person offended. Otherwise, it would be the easiest dodge in the world to continue with the same sort of abusive behavior that went on before, only just having two guys talking to each other instead of directly to the female.

    This is very much harassment/sexual harassment. It's just not intentional. Given that you were not close by, had earphones in, etc, they probably thought they were having a private conversation.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    You overheard a conversation that you weren't meant to hear. That's hardly harassment. That said, none too classy on their part, so next time catch eye contact and/or tell them you don't appreciate listening to it. Just also keep in mind that you probably didn't hear the entire conversation and what you heard may have been taken out of context. Maybe. Maybe.
  • VeronicaG2B
    VeronicaG2B Posts: 54 Member
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    I think it is important to speak up. I don't like confrontation either, but when someone is being rude like that, I tend to say something - nicely, but directly. They generally shape up.
  • vorgas
    vorgas Posts: 741 Member
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    *honestly, I feel weird. People leaving plates on the bar never bothers me...
    You're not weird. You're a freaking PSYCHO!!!
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    In...

    ...for understanding that words mean things.

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