Men, how do you feel about SAHM?

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  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    Shouldn't we just do whatever is best for our individual families?

    Working full-time and then coming home to cook and clean is great if that is best for your family, but if it leaves you feeling depressed, stressed, and ready to kick the bucket, how is that the most admirable choice?

    We only get one life. Do whatever is best for you and yours. For us, that means my husband works while I stay home blowing raspberries on baby bellies and sweeping the floor intermittently.

    Too much commom sense in that post. It's more fun to bash anyone who doesn't do things the way you consider to be right.

    But I definitely agree with you!!
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    Clearly you just want an argument. And it is clear that you are extremely judgmental. I borrowed (and just finished paying back) almost $100,000 for my education, and I am *just* a SAHM. For eight years I owned my own business and worked out of our home, but when we moved to Singapore I turned the business over to a relative and do nothing but care for my children and home. And I am perfectly happy and content. Which contributes to a very happy family!

    Next week I am the lucky lady who gets to help out in my 3rd grader's class, attend two daytime choral concerts an awards assembly and two basketball games, all things I would likely miss if I worked a "regular" job. I get to be the first person every day to hear about how great their days are, and occasionally get to be the first one to console them if they had a bad day.

    I'm here to help with homework before the nighttime post-dinner rush. I get to experiment with cooking whenever I want, without throwing something together or in a crockpot while trying to unwind from a busy day at the office (just made a great Thai chicken curry the other night!).

    My children are at the top of their classes. One wants to be a video game designer, the other a scientist. But if they wanted to be ME, I'd be pretty happy knowing that - because I have a pretty fabulous life and wouldn't change a thing.

    There is nothing wrong with working or staying at home. No need to insult either one here.

    Applause! Encore!

    I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I need kids first.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    I've got a couple of childless girlfriends who don't work - their husbands bring home the bacon and they take care of the house (which doesn't take long so there's a lot of going out to lunch, shopping, etc.) It seems like a great gig. Kids would just ruin it. lol
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    I'm really glad that someone bumped this thread. We do need more drama.

    Oh, and I'm totally for SAHMs wearing high heels and pearls but not much else
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
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    Ummm....my dream was and still is to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to not just take care of my kids but to also make sure I could be a doting wife and doing anything/everything my husband needs. No, I'm not joking. If I had it my way and he wanted a 5 course meal every night, or chocolate chip cookies, or a spotless house or anything he wanted, I would totally do it.

    I am going to say this and run and never check this thread because I know I'll be blasted. Feminists ruined my dream. i am now working a full time job, going to school full time, and still being a mom. There's the potential, if I had another child, that I could stay home for a little while, but who knows.

    If my daughter were able to be a stay at home mom and if that was her aspiration I'd be thrilled. I'd still encourage her to get an education but holy moly - being a parent is the most rewarding adn important job anyone can have.

    I would do anything for my family. I also try to be the best wife possible - minimal to no nagging, cooking, cleaning, and lots of extra curriculars my husband wants :) I can't imagine how amazing it would be to be a SAHM and cook and clearn during the day, get to the gym in the afternoon, and have energy to be excited for everything at night.

    Dang feminists. Seriously. I'm all for men taking the role in every manner.

    And women hate me when I say that.

    See ya later!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    If it works for a family, it's nobody else's business.
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
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    Ummm....my dream was and still is to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to not just take care of my kids but to also make sure I could be a doting wife and doing anything/everything my husband needs. No, I'm not joking. If I had it my way and he wanted a 5 course meal every night, or chocolate chip cookies, or a spotless house or anything he wanted, I would totally do it.

    I am going to say this and run and never check this thread because I know I'll be blasted. Feminists ruined my dream. i am now working a full time job, going to school full time, and still being a mom. There's the potential, if I had another child, that I could stay home for a little while, but who knows.

    If my daughter were able to be a stay at home mom and if that was her aspiration I'd be thrilled. I'd still encourage her to get an education but holy moly - being a parent is the most rewarding adn important job anyone can have.

    I would do anything for my family. I also try to be the best wife possible - minimal to no nagging, cooking, cleaning, and lots of extra curriculars my husband wants :) I can't imagine how amazing it would be to be a SAHM and cook and clearn during the day, get to the gym in the afternoon, and have energy to be excited for everything at night.

    Dang feminists. Seriously. I'm all for men taking the role in every manner.

    And women hate me when I say that.

    See ya later!

    Sounds great to me. I'd probably home school too if I could. I hate the idea of my son and potential future children going to public school, yuck.
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
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    Ummm....my dream was and still is to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to not just take care of my kids but to also make sure I could be a doting wife and doing anything/everything my husband needs. No, I'm not joking. If I had it my way and he wanted a 5 course meal every night, or chocolate chip cookies, or a spotless house or anything he wanted, I would totally do it.

    I am going to say this and run and never check this thread because I know I'll be blasted. Feminists ruined my dream. i am now working a full time job, going to school full time, and still being a mom. There's the potential, if I had another child, that I could stay home for a little while, but who knows.

    If my daughter were able to be a stay at home mom and if that was her aspiration I'd be thrilled. I'd still encourage her to get an education but holy moly - being a parent is the most rewarding adn important job anyone can have.

    I would do anything for my family. I also try to be the best wife possible - minimal to no nagging, cooking, cleaning, and lots of extra curriculars my husband wants :) I can't imagine how amazing it would be to be a SAHM and cook and clearn during the day, get to the gym in the afternoon, and have energy to be excited for everything at night.

    Dang feminists. Seriously. I'm all for men taking the role in every manner.

    And women hate me when I say that.

    See ya later!

    Oh dear!!!!
  • EmbraceTheDarkSide
    EmbraceTheDarkSide Posts: 514 Member
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    This thread proves that:

    1. People don't understand feminism
    2. People mistake "stay at home" for "do nothing at all"
  • Sunbrooke
    Sunbrooke Posts: 632 Member
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    I consider myself a "stay at home wife" because my husband is the one who needs all of the benefits of having someone at home. He has a stressful job and earns a lot more money than I was making, so when he got a promotion that required moving, we down sized and became more mobile and flexible as a family. This way, he always has clean clothes, good home cooked meals, a fit/ happy wife, and gets to watch what ever he wants on TV when he gets home. If he is asked to stay late for a meeting, schedule a trip, or even move, he can step up without having to work around anything. If he gets vacation time, we can take off and enjoy ourselves. We have fun and relax on weekends, and I catch up on everything during the week. It's nice for my son too. He doesn't have to go to day care and gets to play with his friends in the neighborhood after school. All of the kids come to my apartment on snow days for brownies and to play on the play stations.

    That said, we see ourselves as a team in all things. This is just what we want and what works for us. I know some women can't stand being at home and not working. I probably wouldn't feel as secure if I didn't have a degree and plenty of work experience in case I needed to go back to work.
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    Ummm....my dream was and still is to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to not just take care of my kids but to also make sure I could be a doting wife and doing anything/everything my husband needs. No, I'm not joking. If I had it my way and he wanted a 5 course meal every night, or chocolate chip cookies, or a spotless house or anything he wanted, I would totally do it.

    I am going to say this and run and never check this thread because I know I'll be blasted. Feminists ruined my dream. i am now working a full time job, going to school full time, and still being a mom. There's the potential, if I had another child, that I could stay home for a little while, but who knows.

    If my daughter were able to be a stay at home mom and if that was her aspiration I'd be thrilled. I'd still encourage her to get an education but holy moly - being a parent is the most rewarding adn important job anyone can have.

    I would do anything for my family. I also try to be the best wife possible - minimal to no nagging, cooking, cleaning, and lots of extra curriculars my husband wants :) I can't imagine how amazing it would be to be a SAHM and cook and clearn during the day, get to the gym in the afternoon, and have energy to be excited for everything at night.

    Dang feminists. Seriously. I'm all for men taking the role in every manner.

    And women hate me when I say that.

    See ya later!
    Just wondering how feminists are the reason that you don't stay at home?
  • EmbraceTheDarkSide
    EmbraceTheDarkSide Posts: 514 Member
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    I consider myself a "stay at home wife" because my husband is the one who needs all of the benefits of having someone at home. He has a stressful job and earns a lot more money than I was making, so when he got a promotion that required moving, we down sized and became more mobile and flexible as a family. This way, he always has clean clothes, good home cooked meals, a fit/ happy wife, and gets to watch what ever he wants on TV when he gets home. If he is asked to stay late for a meeting, schedule a trip, or even move, he can step up without having to work around anything. If he gets vacation time, we can take off and enjoy ourselves. We have fun and relax on weekends, and I catch up on everything during the week. It's nice for my son too. He doesn't have to go to day care and gets to play with his friends in the neighborhood after school. All of the kids come to my apartment on snow days for brownies and to play on the play stations.

    That said, we see ourselves as a team in all things. This is just what we want and what works for us. I know some women can't stand being at home and not working. I probably wouldn't feel as secure if I didn't have a degree and plenty of work experience in case I needed to go back to work.

    This is the most perfect response I've read.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 8,998 Member
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    Ummm....my dream was and still is to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to not just take care of my kids but to also make sure I could be a doting wife and doing anything/everything my husband needs. No, I'm not joking. If I had it my way and he wanted a 5 course meal every night, or chocolate chip cookies, or a spotless house or anything he wanted, I would totally do it.

    I am going to say this and run and never check this thread because I know I'll be blasted. Feminists ruined my dream. i am now working a full time job, going to school full time, and still being a mom. There's the potential, if I had another child, that I could stay home for a little while, but who knows.

    If my daughter were able to be a stay at home mom and if that was her aspiration I'd be thrilled. I'd still encourage her to get an education but holy moly - being a parent is the most rewarding adn important job anyone can have.

    I would do anything for my family. I also try to be the best wife possible - minimal to no nagging, cooking, cleaning, and lots of extra curriculars my husband wants :) I can't imagine how amazing it would be to be a SAHM and cook and clearn during the day, get to the gym in the afternoon, and have energy to be excited for everything at night.

    Dang feminists. Seriously. I'm all for men taking the role in every manner.

    And women hate me when I say that.

    See ya later!

    This sounds like an idealised view of SAHPing from someone who hasn't actually done it and for whom the grass looks greener on the other side.

    When I was a SAHM of young kids it wasn't quite like that - my husband did not get 5 course meals, I didn't have time or the money for the gym every afternoon ( who would have the kids while you were at the gym) and I didn't have boundless energy or enthusiasm at night.

    Anyway I am all for parents having choices and making their own decisions about which choices, including which compromises, will work for them.

    But let's not have some fanciful idealized dream of what it is like.


    PS: have been back at work quite a few years now, I can work and still be 'the best wife possible'. My husband can work and/or be a SAHP and be 'the best husband possible' too.
    has worked for us for over 2 decades. :smile:

    PPS: what is stopping you following your dream: feminism creates choice, if you want the option of staying at home and it would be such a utopia, why aren't you doing it?
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    Ummm....my dream was and still is to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to not just take care of my kids but to also make sure I could be a doting wife and doing anything/everything my husband needs. No, I'm not joking. If I had it my way and he wanted a 5 course meal every night, or chocolate chip cookies, or a spotless house or anything he wanted, I would totally do it.

    I am going to say this and run and never check this thread because I know I'll be blasted. Feminists ruined my dream. i am now working a full time job, going to school full time, and still being a mom. There's the potential, if I had another child, that I could stay home for a little while, but who knows.

    If my daughter were able to be a stay at home mom and if that was her aspiration I'd be thrilled. I'd still encourage her to get an education but holy moly - being a parent is the most rewarding adn important job anyone can have.

    I would do anything for my family. I also try to be the best wife possible - minimal to no nagging, cooking, cleaning, and lots of extra curriculars my husband wants :) I can't imagine how amazing it would be to be a SAHM and cook and clearn during the day, get to the gym in the afternoon, and have energy to be excited for everything at night.

    Dang feminists. Seriously. I'm all for men taking the role in every manner.

    And women hate me when I say that.

    See ya later!

    This sounds like an idealised view of SAHPing from someone who hasn't actually done it and for whom the grass looks greener on the other side.

    When I was a SAHM of young kids it wasn't quite like that - my husband did not get 5 course meals, I didn't have time or the money for the gym every afternoon ( who would have the kids while you were at the gym) and I didn't have boundless energy or enthusiasm at night.

    Anyway I am all for parents having choices and making their own decisions about which choices, including which compromises, will work for them.

    But let's not have some fanciful idealized dream of what it is like.

    I was thinking the exact same thing when I read this response! I'm not going to say staying at home with children is so much harder than being a working mother, but staying at home doesn't mean just sitting around. It IS work if you are actually tending to your children and home instead of watching tv all day. I don't have time for the gym, to cook fancy meals, or *ahem* you know.........every night. I kinda think these house wife reality shows are really messing with everyone's heads about what a SAHP actually does.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    My husband is a stay-at-home dad. It works for us.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    Ummm....my dream was and still is to be a SAHM. I would love to be able to not just take care of my kids but to also make sure I could be a doting wife and doing anything/everything my husband needs. No, I'm not joking. If I had it my way and he wanted a 5 course meal every night, or chocolate chip cookies, or a spotless house or anything he wanted, I would totally do it.

    I am going to say this and run and never check this thread because I know I'll be blasted. Feminists ruined my dream. i am now working a full time job, going to school full time, and still being a mom. There's the potential, if I had another child, that I could stay home for a little while, but who knows.

    Sorry to point this out, but "feminists" aren't in charge of the economy or monetary policy. Put the blame where it lies, on the politicians and the Federal Reserve.
  • American_Made
    American_Made Posts: 169
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    It is completely up to the couple. Talk it out, and weigh the pros and cons. In this economy, if you can afford it and avoid undue financial stress and everyone involved is on board, go for it....BUT, if there is the slightest hesitation, revisit the circumstances.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
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    i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.

    :huh:

    While I *never* thought I'd be a SAHM (hell, I was pretty sure I didn't even want kids until I met my husband) now that I am, I love it. Once my daughters are in school, I will reassess the situation, but barring running my own restaurant again (which is what I was doing when I got pregnant with my 1st), I don't forsee myself reentering the workforce unless a 2nd paycheck is needed. After being my own boss, I'm not sure I would find it fulfilling to work under someone else.

    I never thought less of anyone who did aspire to be a SAHM- I just thought they were just more nurturing than I. Your reaction to the notion of someone knowing from childhood that they wanted to primarily be a nurturer on the home front instead of a professional of some sort, is... interesting.

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