husband jokes' about my body
tagben2010
Posts: 7 Member
Im totally frustrated with my husband. Im 20 weeks pregnant, i gained 5-6 pounds since i got pregnant (started at 123 lb now 128-129 for 5'8). I dont think i am fat, and i actually enjoy my pregnancy body, i dont feel like the rest of my body changed, beside bigger boubs and belly bump.
I am slight straight apple shape, but it never been an issue for me, i actually always liked my body, and always used to get compliments. My self esteem just dropped, even before getting pregnant, if i gain a pound or two, he will try to pinch on my waist or if i am naked he will tell me to look athim, stare at my belly/waist, for a little while, and i am juststanding therenaked , waiting/hoping for a compliment and he will say nothing. I f i ask him, he will just sigh and say: "nothing".
When i tried bringing it up, that it bothers me, he just turns the whole thing into a joke, saying, " im just teasing you are being super sensitive" or that i should know that he adores my body and that i used to model before so i shouldnt even question how attractive i am.
But i dont want to be attractive to others or to fashionmagazine or to other men, i want my own husband to compliment my body to not only pick on it.
Since i became pregnant, of course iam only getting thicker around my waist and my belly, so its getting worse. Today after athe silly fight, he tried making up with me, and he came over saying : well i am sorry my little whale, you actually not a whale, you were shaped as a tennis racket, now you look like a frog,....tahnk god you are pregnant of boy not a girl"
I just lost it, and started crying, he said come one im teasing you, and then decided thag i was jusg being dramatic and continued toact like nothkng was going on.
I cant even imagine how hard on me he is going tobe when i will gain more weight, orwill my body will change after the baby is born, what if im not stick skinny right away, or if I got stretch marks, or if my boubs saggs!
I really dont know what to do, it makes me want to stop eatkng completly so i wont gain another pound!!
Im sorry for the hormonal rant but i feel like im losign it and i dont know what to do anymore.
I am slight straight apple shape, but it never been an issue for me, i actually always liked my body, and always used to get compliments. My self esteem just dropped, even before getting pregnant, if i gain a pound or two, he will try to pinch on my waist or if i am naked he will tell me to look athim, stare at my belly/waist, for a little while, and i am juststanding therenaked , waiting/hoping for a compliment and he will say nothing. I f i ask him, he will just sigh and say: "nothing".
When i tried bringing it up, that it bothers me, he just turns the whole thing into a joke, saying, " im just teasing you are being super sensitive" or that i should know that he adores my body and that i used to model before so i shouldnt even question how attractive i am.
But i dont want to be attractive to others or to fashionmagazine or to other men, i want my own husband to compliment my body to not only pick on it.
Since i became pregnant, of course iam only getting thicker around my waist and my belly, so its getting worse. Today after athe silly fight, he tried making up with me, and he came over saying : well i am sorry my little whale, you actually not a whale, you were shaped as a tennis racket, now you look like a frog,....tahnk god you are pregnant of boy not a girl"
I just lost it, and started crying, he said come one im teasing you, and then decided thag i was jusg being dramatic and continued toact like nothkng was going on.
I cant even imagine how hard on me he is going tobe when i will gain more weight, orwill my body will change after the baby is born, what if im not stick skinny right away, or if I got stretch marks, or if my boubs saggs!
I really dont know what to do, it makes me want to stop eatkng completly so i wont gain another pound!!
Im sorry for the hormonal rant but i feel like im losign it and i dont know what to do anymore.
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Replies
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Happily, your priorities are about to change. Focus on doing what's right for the baby (inside you, not the one you live with). Sorry about the husband, he sounds like a prick.0
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For the love of god kick his *kitten* out when he acts like a jerk. Go to your Moms for a few weeks and just tell him that you are joking .0
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It is your baby that is important. You will gain more weight and you will still be beautiful. To be honest your husband sounds like a complete *kitten*!0
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Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.0 -
Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.0 -
Don't stop eating. That's silly. You're growing another human being in there. Eat up!
And yes, you are an emotional mess right now (I've been there) so don't worry. It's normal to cry at the drop of a hat.
You are going to get bigger. Accept it, embrace it, you can't do anything about it until after the baby is born. And even then you'll be so sleep deprived you won't care for a while.
Tell your husband to shut the *kitten* up, and focus on growing a healthy baby. :flowerforyou:0 -
He is really upsetting me and I don't even know him or nor do I want vto. The average weight a woman should again while pregnant is about 25 lbs I do believe. My husband told me that as long as I kept my mouth shut and did not nag him that I could weigh 300 he did not care. Of course we have been divorced 37 years abd all of his women are thin. You talk to your doctor about this and make sure that the doctor or a nurse talk to the i d i o t. This is a previous life you are carrying. You tell him that a woman who dieted to please her x idiot had her second baby not survive from dieting while pregnant and my sister had six children and the one she dieted with almost did not make it. You are not being sensitive. You are also not fat. Enjoy this time. Don't let MR Insensitive spoil this time for you. Bet he is ugly from the inside out due to his behavior. God will be with you.0
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He's a complete douchenozzle. Just go stay with your mom or a friend for a while, and if that doesn't straighten him out, I'd just leave. He's lucky to have a wife at all if he acts like that.0
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Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.0 -
Inacceptable behavior... you should teach him a lesson.0
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A man should never treat you like that. If he really loved you for you, he would accept and compliment your changing body. Him doing and saying the things he is tells me that he's all for looks and if the looks change to not fit his 'perfect vision', he's not going to quit trying to make you guilty enough to lose the weight whether the baby survives or not. That is not a man. That is a boy!0
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Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
And repeat frequently.
This.This.This.
What a jerk nozzle. Honestly. I agree with everyone else, go stay with your mom or a friend for a few days.0 -
I'm not saying this is the case... But in abusive relationships where it is the male partner who is abusive. This behaviour can often increase during pregnancy. The man feels jealous that he cannot "control" the changing aspect of his partners body. Plus it can trigger his jealousy towards the child that has been conceived. OP I would be probably seek some form of professional support if this behaviour becomes more worrying for you.0
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Wow!!! First off your husband is a complete jerk(no offense). He needs to wake up a realize you are gaining weight because your baby is gaining weight. The baby inside you depends on you for nurture and nutrition, so you cant stop eating. Love yourself for who you are, because soon there will be a little one that's going to depend on you for emotional support as well as physical support and if you are not emotionally stable, then neither will your child be. And you know what, that child is going to love you no matter what your body looks like. Just keep in mind that the sacrifices you are making is for that little one and believe me they are well worth it in the end. You can always work to shed off your baby weight once the baby is born, so for now enjoy your pregnancy and everything that comes along with it. Congrats!!!!!!!!!!! and I hope things will get better for you.0
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Only you can allow someone else to "make" you feel bad. You are 27 years old. If you allow him to, he will continue "teasing" you to tears over a pound or two for the rest of your life. At some point you will decide just maybe you want a husband who embraces every pound and bump because it is his child growing in there.
I am not saying run and divorce him today. I am saying that eventually you just might get tired of his deliberately doing things that he knows will make you cry. Seems like a cruel thing to do to the woman he promised to love and cherish. Does he try and control any other aspects of your life or only your looks? Seems like he is very insecure so he wants you even more insecure than him.0 -
For the love of god kick his *kitten* out when he acts like a jerk. Go to your Moms for a few weeks and just tell him that you are joking .
Yep, this says it all. Read The Verbally Abusive Relationship by counselor Patricia Evans. Your husband is abusive. Tell him to STOP IT. Kick his *kitten* is right.0 -
Thank you for your messages, some of them even made me smile. He is sleeping right now, and all i wanna do is struggle him in his sleep. Its just sooooo frustrating, to hear compliments from everybody else besides him, i actuammy been proud of myself, i am eatng healthy ( with th occasional binge) the baby is growing fine, staying healthy,... I dont think he thinks i am fat, i just think he is soo obsessed with perefction , it just seems to me that he wished my body was different and he makes sure to make me conscious about it.
When i bring it up, he always denies it, and its m1ybe the only time i hear sort ot compliments " you know you are beautiful" "you know you look great ",....
The worse part, is that he is always asking about how he looks like, he is sooo obsessed with his own body, he cant t1ke his shirt offwithout fishing for a compliment or asking if he thinks he lost or gain muscle, and what i think 1bout his body.
I sometimes feel like purposely "joke" so he knows how it feels, but i know how hurtful it is, so i feel bad doing it, and i hope that giving example he will t1ke notes....
I just c1nt stand how insecure this is making me feel, espacially that i feel its unfair, to feel that way because of your own husband!0 -
Tell him that you need to stay at a friends/moms for a few days for your own sanity because of his insults. That'll make him feel like the *kitten* he is being. It's not like you haven't already explained it to him. As your husband, he should not be joking like that if he thinks you're going to be "too sensitive' about it each time. He has to know how hormonal you must be right now.
He needs to get with the program or shut his mouth.0 -
Sounds like this guy is a tool. Good luck.0
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I think you already know that you are not fat, that you need to eat, and that you must gain weight when you are pregnant. The issue is your husband, not you. Please look up the definition of emotional abuse - he's textbook.
eta: this isn't you being overly sensitive. if it's a "joke", you should both think it's funny, right?0 -
I am horrified for you. This is thinly veiled verbal abuse. Is he intimidated by you or does he have low self-esteem and is he trying to erode YOUR self esteem? YES HE IS. Some people with low self confidence feel they have to break down their partner to keep them. You need to get help with this before you have a baby with this man. I recommend therapy. If he won't go with you, you go for yourself. I send you good thoughts and hopes that you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself, are worthy of love, and respect and caring and are beautiful and may you NEVER cry again from unkind words from someone who is supposed to lift you up and not tear you down.0
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Oh well. What can I say too little male testorone. Heeee heeeee0
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You are already at the lower extreme of "normal" weight for 5'8". For pete's sake, you don't have all that much in the way of reserves, even if you WEREN'T pregnant. Talk to your doctor about what you should be eating and how much, and tell your pathetic little husband to put a sock in it.
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Sounds manipulative and abusive at face value. Which is a polite way to say "raging douche canoe". I'm so sorry you are stuck having your baby with this useless pos. Unfortunately verbally abusive narcissists don't come with a warning tag and usually wait until pregnancy (or other major commitment) to start their micro aggressions to feel the waters before going full psycho on their partner as they think this means the partner is stuck now.
Please take care of yourself and keep an eye out for increasing boundary creep. Maybe he's "just" an insensitive jerk but don't accept his crap. I second everyone who suggests staying with friends or relatives a while.
It's just not the "tease" in itself, annoying as it is, but he is supposed to be your best support through this and instead he is failing you. Making you feel insecure, stressed and unprotected. I can't lie, that doesn't sound like great father material.
Many hugs. You do not deserve this. You deserve support and for your home to be a safe zone.0 -
Your husband sounds like a mean and unhappy person. I can understand the sentiment behind giving him a dose of his own medicine, but in my experience, people who are wrapped up in themselves don't see the irony.
My advice is to set limits and follow through. Decide what you will do the next time he makes a comment, and do it. I would suggest telling him in a calm voice that his commenting is very hurtful. If he tries to play it off or make it your fault, calmly get up and leave. Tell him you will be willing to interact with him when he apologizes. You don't need to explain yourself - he should know better. You really have to follow through, though - don't let him drag you into engaging with him.
I would also think hard about the reality of him changing. Someone who is emotionally manipulative like this is hard to live with. You've got a lot on your plate right now with the pregnancy. If he doesn't respond quickly to your behavior modification plan (can you tell I work with students with problem behaviors?), you might want to consider if you can deal with this long-term.0 -
What happens when your hair turns gray? Is he going to switch you out for a perfect model? He is not always going to be hot stuff either. If he is asking how he looks to you, I would say he has low self confidence like another poster mentioned. I really do not have much advice, but glad to know you love yourself. Might be time for some counseling for both of you. I wish you luck!! :flowerforyou:0
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Book:
Boundaries
Written by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.
ISBN-13 978-0-310-24745-6
May not fix everything, but will give you a place to start...0 -
Thank you all for your messages and your advices. It actually made me feel way better. We live overseas, and all my family is in the US, but I will go away at least for the week end, I wont try to explain anything to him, just tell him that I need a break for a couple of days, we are supposed to be gettkng a heat wave over the weekend, so I will get some Quality me time before the work week starts.. Hopefully having some time by himself will makes him realize that his Jokes arent actually funny !!
I just cant belive he is sleeping soundly, no guilt or concern what so ever....grrrrrrrrr0 -
Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.
When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.
yup id do it :laugh: ....... i gained 60 pounds when i was pregnant with my son and my boyfriend dident say anything regards to my weight. Still hasent thank god because id be the same way as you. very self conscious when i am already. :frown: ..... But dont let him get to you. your taking care of that little life inside of you.... its okay if you gain weight. I would try to give him a taste of his own medicine though so he figures out that even "joking around" is very hurtful.
but dont get to caught up on not gaining weight or being to concerned on what the hubby thinks . Because you can always loose it if your not happy. Plus you'll be chasing around a little one here in no time ( i am and he keeps me on my toes) But i hope everything goes well.....Congrats on your little miracle 0
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