Is marriage still worth it?

Marriage has to be something you're both ready to do. Things change when you're WITH that person day in and day out. Make sure you're really ready & committed. This year makes 9 years for my husband and I. We dated 3 years prior and lived together the year leading up to our nuptials. It has been a series of ups & downs, but mostly ups. Marriage is work....and it is compromise.... but it is so worth it if you're with the right person :-)

I got married at 18 and my husband was 21, we have been together for 6 years and the question I always ask people when they talk about getting married is Are you willing to fight for it even in the darkest times? My husband is military and we have had to endure deployments and a very unpredictable work schedule, we have also had to deal with problems that we have caused each other. I will not lie and pretend that it has always been easy or fun, we have had to fight hard for our marriage and there have been a time or two divorce has crossed our minds but we have learned anything worth having is worth fighting for. He is my best friend and a awesome father and I could imagine my life without him, we have been through pretty much everything together and are still standing strong because we have always been willing to fight for it. So if you two are willing to fight for each other even when things are looking their worse than I'd say marriage is right for you but if not don't do it.

Depends on the pre nip lol

I have been down this road twice and my answer is it really depends. With my first husband, I was young and more in love with the idea of being in love and married and children. That marriage went bad pretty much after a couple of years, but then we had a son and we toughed it out for almost 7 years - completely miserable, out of fear of hurting our son. Finally, we decided to go our separate ways and it was the best decision ever. Our son adjusted well and was much more happy spending his time between two happy people who were not together than two miserable people who were.

A year after my divorce I met my current partner. Neither of us had any intention to get married or have kids etc. but two years later that changed and we started living together, then later we had a son. We've been together 8 years now and he is absolutely my rock and my best friend. We are a good match - because we respect each other, we are friends, we still have a strong connection in all ways and it just works. Marriage was NOT worth it the first time around for me - but this time around has been very rewarding. It depends on the two people, how well your personalities blend, how long you've been together etc.

I always advise spending a great deal of time with someone before making that commitment. I didn't the first time and it cost me a lot of heartache (and him too). The second time, I was much more cautious and it's been amazing.

Is there someone in your life who has a great and enduring marriage? A marriage that when you look at them you think, I'd love to have that be my life? If so, take them to lunch and have a long talk to gain wisdom from them. Find out if their marriage was always as effortless as it looks now, and if not how they solved the problems they've had to deal with. Does their advice and reflection honestly sound like something you and your girlfriend would be willing, eager, and able to manage? Is it a marriage your girlfriend also admires? If not, make sure you know what her expectations are for an ideal marriage! If you two are in agreement maybe the admired couple would sign on as mentors for you and your girlfriend as a wedding gift :-) If there is no one any where in sight with a long lasting marriage that you'd like to emulate maybe that's your answer.

Sure.

If it's an open marriage.

I totally feel the same OP, just recently my friends who have been together since college, and got married have just divorced, and I just think why should I bother?!

I understand what you're going through. I've now been married 25 years, but my parents got divorced when I was a teen. When I got married, I told my then future wife that I wasn't going to do this if she didn't understand that to me it's FOREVER.

So were there ever times when we both struggled with that commitment? Sure. Anyone that tells you being married is (or should be), all sunshine and roses is lying. More than anything, making it last is about commitment. Recognize ahead of time that sometimes things will be great and that sometimes things will not be so great. As long as you BOTH are willing to work to make it better when things are not going so well, you have what it takes to make it last.

Your marriage is your and hers, not your brother's. It is what you make of it. If you and your partner are willing to put in the work to keep the marriage healthy, especially after children arrive, then marriage can be a joyful and incredible experience. I wouldn't trade my marriage or family life for anything. It's the biggest source of joy in my life, but it does take a lot of work and a commitment, and there are times that will truly test that commitment.

I don't need some big rock on my finger for me to know he loves me. I just want him to stick by my side, be a good boyfriend and father and be faithful/loyal. & if that doesnt work out, at least he wont have wasted his money a ring and wedding. And there will be no divorce to deal with, nor will I have to carry around his last name. SO to answer your question: No I dont think marriage is worth it at all.

Marriage does not require a large rock on your finger or changing your last name. Nor do weddings have to be mega-expensive productions. And, if you have a house and children together, unwinding the relationship if it didn't work out would be pretty complicated with our without marriage.

I respect that some people choose not to get married, but many of your reasons seem to be superficial.