Is marriage still worth it?

NO!!! I am figuring out a reason to divorce my husband....no seriously its beautiful thing with the right person.

Absolutely. Don't not get married because JUST because you are afraid of divorce.

It is hard work, but in my opinion, it is completely worth it. Throughout the 10 years of our marriage we have had our shares of problems, and I am sure there will be rocky roads ahead at times too. At the end of the day, it is up to you and your girlfriend. Marriage may not honestly be for everyone. But for me, I cannot imagine coming home and not seeing my wife and children everyday.

My parents were married to each other till the day my father died a couple of years ago. He was an alcoholic and we bore the brunt of his verbal abuse throughout my entire life (I was unplanned, he started drinking when I was born and he was made redundant). He clearly wasn't happy being a family man, and my poor mother was treated appallingly for much of the time - apart from the occasional flowers and cards where he redeclared his undying love and appreciation for her and she believed it. When I was about 14 I asked her why she wouldn't leave him - I may have begged her to leave him, actually. Aside from a perceived 'stigma' she said when she made her vows she meant them, and that at the beginning of the marriage 'he was so different'. They were both Christians - Dad said 'the only way I'm going is in a box' - but then again he was very much looked after. I have a sister and brother who are both about a decade older than me. My sister has severe learning disabilities and I know my father tried to pin a lot of the reason he drank on her. My brother still lives with my mother. He gets up when my mother and sister are asleep, smokes dope and drinks. He doesn't lift a finger to help her and she's never given him an ultimatum. There are no consequences in that household and it terrifies me. The last straw for me was when I confronted my brother about his treatment of our parents and he hit me in the face. My Dad, who didn't witness the incident, shouted at him, and then nothing else happened. Bear in mind I was about 21 and he was about 30 at that point. I knew I would never feel safe there again and I very seldom visit. That house has the most oppressive atmosphere.

So why am I rambling? The word 'success' has been used a lot and indeed when marriages split they are often referred to as having 'failed'. I think fear of being seen as a failure keeps a lot of unhappy people together. Mum would've been happier with a man that genuinely respected her (I forgot to add the occasional racist and misogynist comments Dad made) and not just depended on her and Dad would've been happier as a single man. I have been in a few long term relationships in my time and never wanted to marry, mainly because of the fear of being 'trapped' and escape being legally fraught and expensive. Also the fact it's grounded in patriarchy and the passing on of women as property is a bit offputting to this old feminist. My last partner turned out to be a part time alcoholic as well as many other things, and once I was in a position to leave him it was all done within a week. Thankfully I'm now with a very loving, caring man who adores me, as I him. I love him so much that I want him to be happy, and if one day he changes and I no longer factor in his life, that's OK too. To me, it's more romantic that every single day we choose to be together. Not because of legal obligation, not because of social pressure but because we want to.

If I grow a maternal instinct over the next couple of years and decide to have babies I may have to rethink this as the shame of a '*kitten*' (her words, not mine) grandchild might kill my mother. She also can't work out why I'm not already married with children to any of my totally unsuitable exes.

If there's lots of money and property and kids and stuff it's probably best to put a ring on it, for the protection of you both. None of this applies to me, and I certainly don't want a big old expensive party in which everyone tells me and my partner how great we are. I know this makes me sound like a strange woman, but with my childhood I was bound to be!

I was proposed to by my husband 4 weeks after we met, I said yes, but alot happened and we had to keep cancelling the wedding, we never married until 16 years later, we wished we had done it when we met, but it was still what we wanted to complete our relationship and we split up recently after 20 years together.

If it is what you both want then go for it, life is too short. Divorce doesn''t have to be traumatic and expensive. Everyones experiences are different.
No one knows how long a relationship will last.

( don't put yourselves in alot of debt by doing it though.. money is a stress on a relationship.)

Its about your commitment to each other all that matters is that you are both there and want this.

Nows the gays can do it? Worthless!

(Yes, that's a joke.)

However... I was amused there was so much fuss over it, when I certainly don't see it as a 'requirement' for happiness and so on.
Infact, if anyone 'needs' to be married to their partner specifically, then marriage is probably wrong for them. A lovely catch 22 .

in

Of course. It's for life, two become one. Personal sacrifice is required, not optional. Highlight the vow..."For better or for worse" because there will be both. And, kids change everything about your life, you are now responsible for the life off another. Marriage is not easy but it's worth it. Personally, I suggest pre-marital planning or counseling to help ensure both parties are on the same page. I also recommend the two discuss faith and marry in their church with their loved ones present.

Im newly married and honestly its really hard but it is so worth it. As long as you and your spouse are willing to get up and make the effort to make it work even on the days you don't want to then yes a million times over.