Is marriage still worth it?

My parents were married when they were 19. They're 55 and still together, so I've definitely grown up with the though of working out your problems instead of divorcing.

If my boyfriend would have never proposed, I would have broke up with him. We've been married 3 years now. I wasn't looking for a long term dating relationship. I was looking for love and marriage. These past 3 years have been worth everything to me, and I wouldn't change it for nothing.

But you shouldn't rush into it either. Make sure you BOTH know that this is "it" and that you want it for all aspects of what it is. If not, you will end up in a divorce.

I'm happy for you, I am..

But if you love someone, whether you're married or not shouldn't really matter, imho.

Congrats, though

It does if you want legal rights for things.

Seeing as I'm not materialistic, that doesn't matter to me.
-shrug-

EDIT: And before this dwindles down the wrong way, as all forum things tend to happen, wasn't saying anyone is materialistic lol.

It's not just money. It's hospital visitation, who the police will call in an accident, making decisions on weather to pull the plug, which nursing home to put someone in, etc.

-nodnod-
That point I do see.

I find it interesting that a lot of people tend to agree that "if you love the person it doesn't matter if you are married or not" but they tend to use that argument for NOT getting married. If it truly didn't matter then getting married wouldn't be such a big deal.

I would love to have kids and spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend, but seeing so many people going through a divorce and what effect it has on the finances and kids I am not sure if I want to ever go down that route.

Any experience or advice would be greatly appreciated.

For finances,pre nups come handy! I am wondering why it didn't exist years ago. In many cases, people endure relationship for the sake of kids.

Well I think a marriage is a give and take, we don't always agree and that is how we learn from each other. You have to learn not to put everything on one person, realize sometimes you have to sacrifice and never expect your mate to do something you know they wont agree with. There always has to be mutual terms, but if you feel you have found your soul mate you should take the vow and cherish it like a prize for the rest of your life. Sometimes its good to wait and sometimes its too late. Remember its threw thick and thin the good and the bad just know that no matter what its you and your other half will have struggles along the way but its getting threw the obstacles that will only make your love continue to grow. Trust, love, respect honest and communication will be your formula to a happy marriage.

It's worth it for me. Make sure you are really happy and work well together before marriage. Give the dating process time. I've known my husband for 18 years, been officially in relationship for 16 years, married for 14, been parents for a decade. We are as happy as ever and find it very enjoyable. No end in sight for us. We are thrilled to spend our lives together.

It has also been essential for a number of logistical reasons during grad school, medical, including moving to another country.

Hi,

All I can tell you is if that's what you want go for it. Don't worry about what's happening to other couples- your not them. Yes, divorce is way to easy to do and people are very quick to give up but that doesn't mean it will happen to you. However, I am happily divorced because I was abused and controlled. Good luck and best wishes to you

We dated for 8 yrs, were engaged for 6 mos and been married 15 yrs. We were in a long distance relationship while dating so only saw each other every other weekend(or less) and decided not to live together beforehand. Anyway, 3 kids within 2 yrs (a set of twins there!) which is supposed to increase our odds of divorce, did not break us!
When we married, we agreed we did not believe in divorce....no cheating, no lying, no stealing and no abuse would be tolerated..they were the only grounds for divorce for us....and anything else we would work through with counselling if needed (which we have not needed). We are still very much in love, and we happily talk about our future now (as we move closer to retirement) as we did when we first started out and talked about our dreams back then. It is all how you look at it. If you look for reasons and believe in divorce, you may end up there, .....if it isn't an option except under certain conditions (as I outlined) then you should know your partner well enough by now to know if you can remain true to one another and continue to treat the other as you would like to be treated. Someone said 'to love someone is a choice'......you have to choose to remain faithful, to remain in love with them, and to enjoy your life with the one you are with. You should also talk about your goals, spending habits, family life expectations etc beforehand. It is worth it!

I have been with my husband for 6 years, married for 3. I know that isn't really all that much, but in those 6 years we have been through A LOT of rough situations that I don't care to elaborate on. I think that first off you have to be in a relationship with someone that you truly love and couldn't imagine being without and they would need to feel the same. Then you need to not consider divorce as an option. There are some situations I would say divorce is acceptable (i.e. abuse, adultery), but I think some people just give up too easy. Marriage will never be easy or 100% perfect, but you you get out of it what you put in to it. But then again, this is all just my personal opinion.

I don't really care for it. So I say, screw it.

Short answer? YES.

Long answer: it's not always easy, and yeah, many people live their whole lives in a "common law" type marriage; the eternal boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic and are fine with it. The difference between being a lifetime boyfriend/girlfriend and being a spouse is subtle, yet profound. When you're not married, I think there's a subconscious mental separation, even if everything else- money, home, etc... is shared. IMO, those who say there is no difference are fooling themselves, but then again, to each their own, and who am I to judge what others deem 'enough'?

Caveat: marriage is not a solution to problems. I have a friend going through a divorce right now- they were a couple for eight years, but had been having problems for about a year, and thought getting married would be the way to resolve them.

The takeaway? It's worth it if you're with the right person.

If my boyfriend would have never proposed, I would have broke up with him. We've been married 3 years now. I wasn't looking for a long term dating relationship. I was looking for love and marriage. These past 3 years have been worth everything to me, and I wouldn't change it for nothing.

But you shouldn't rush into it either. Make sure you BOTH know that this is "it" and that you want it for all aspects of what it is. If not, you will end up in a divorce.

I'm happy for you, I am..

But if you love someone, whether you're married or not shouldn't really matter, imho.

Congrats, though

It does if you want legal rights for things.

Seeing as I'm not materialistic, that doesn't matter to me.
-shrug-

EDIT: And before this dwindles down the wrong way, as all forum things tend to happen, wasn't saying anyone is materialistic lol.

It's not just money. It's hospital visitation, who the police will call in an accident, making decisions on weather to pull the plug, which nursing home to put someone in, etc.

This... as well as if one passes away, the other one will get taken care of as far as survivors benefits.

I have been married 15 years this year (together for 17) and I feel I have a great marriage, my husband seems happy too, but I won't speak for him I still believe in marriage, and that you can have a good marriage for many years if you work at it. GETTING married is easy; STAYING married for years takes active effort, as well as maturity, and an ability to sometimes put your wants/needs aside in favor of your partner's needs. I have seen a lot of married couples get divorced because they put something - kids, career, hobbies, etc. - at a higher priority than their relationship, too much, and for too long. Maintaining communication and a connection with your partner is something that takes work - it doesn't just happen.

Here's my last piece of advice, which is kind of contradictory: having a strong physical attraction/connection with someone isn't everything. But most people I know who married someone they were just "sorta" attracted to have gotten divorced. There have been times I have looked at my husband and thought, it's a good thing you're so cute, because otherwise I'd wring your neck. The physical attraction we've always had for each other has pulled us through some hard times that we might not have made it through, otherwise.

If something happened to my husband (God forbid), I wouldn't get married again unless I was REALLY sure of the person and I couldn't imagine NOT being married to them. I think when it's the right thing to do, you just know. My husband and I just knew, somehow, this was going to work, and we vowed to each other (in our wedding ceremony and outside it) that we would always try hard to make it work. I think if I hadn't had that kind of sure feeling, I wouldn't have gotten married. HTH and GL to you

ETA: Two more things: 1. Having a child has been both our greatest joy, and the greatest strain on our marriage. It takes a lot of balancing to make sure everyone in the family is getting what they need, and for the first few years of your child's life, it kind of has to be "all about them" to a degree. But maintaining balance and taking care of each other in those early child-rearing years is critical. We waited 5 years to start trying for kids and our son wasn't born until we'd been married 7. I was glad we'd taken time to be married and let our marriage stabilize before adding a child into the mix.

And: Two years ago, my parents who had been married 39 years temporarily separated. They had both retired and were going through a lot of changes. They went to counseling, worked at it and got back together, and are now very happy and know they are together 100% by choice, not out of guilt, necessity, etc. That taught me a LOT about marriage: namely, even after 40 years you can still have things fall apart, but you can work to put it back together. Healthy, happy relationships result from choices, not circumstances.

Put it this way. I've been married for 13 years to my best friend. I'd die and do anything for my family. I can't image life without them.

So, is marriage worth it? HELL YES! Once you meet that person, you'll know. Waking up even after 13 years, she still makes me laugh and inspires me to become a better person. I wouldn't be the same without her. I look forward to the day when we are retired, fishing all day, playing golf, and just taking walks on the beach. I see no other future for me.

^You are quite an amazing young man! I read your story on MFP a few days ago. I am pretty sure your wife and family know how fortunate they are to have you as their husband and father! So admirable and inspirational!

OP, in September, my husband and I will have been married 39 years. Ups and downs are part of any relationship. Is it worth it? Most assuredly! Are there negatives, of course. The positives far outweigh the negatives and it is definitely worth the effort to have a successful marriage. Regrets? Oh yeah, a bunch of them, but I wouldn't change a thing. Like all things worth having, you have to work at it.

If my boyfriend would have never proposed, I would have broke up with him. We've been married 3 years now. I wasn't looking for a long term dating relationship. I was looking for love and marriage. These past 3 years have been worth everything to me, and I wouldn't change it for nothing.

But you shouldn't rush into it either. Make sure you BOTH know that this is "it" and that you want it for all aspects of what it is. If not, you will end up in a divorce.

I'm happy for you, I am..

But if you love someone, whether you're married or not shouldn't really matter, imho.

Congrats, though

It does if you want legal rights for things.

Seeing as I'm not materialistic, that doesn't matter to me.
-shrug-

EDIT: And before this dwindles down the wrong way, as all forum things tend to happen, wasn't saying anyone is materialistic lol.

It's not just money. It's hospital visitation, who the police will call in an accident, making decisions on weather to pull the plug, which nursing home to put someone in, etc.

This... as well as if one passes away, the other one will get taken care of as far as survivors benefits.

Right. What if your SO passes away, there are benefits but they go to someone else because you aren't legally married, and you can no longer afford your mortgage because he always paid half?