rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight

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Its not his fault he isn't attracted to you. Its not a decision we get to make.

But still...to hell with him. Find someone who's really into you.

I'm guessing someone else has already said this but it bears repeating- I think you are confused about what a "soul-mate" is.

You can do better. Would you have ever treated him that way?

I'm reminded of a song called "Heartbreak's a Blessing". It really seems to fit here. I hope this isn't terrible advice, but it is how I hope I would react. I would feel bad about myself for a bit, but only a little bit. And then I would look at myself in the mirror. And then I would use that motherf***ing rejection for fuel and motivation. I'd think about it at the gym, I'd think about it while I ate, I'd think about it when I got up, etc. Eff that guy, but make you the best you you can be. Use it to better yourself and make yourself more confident and proud.

I don't think it's his fault he's not attracted to you. We can't help what we like and what we don't like.

That said, attraction and love are different. If he had said he loved you, and truly loved you, I don't think he would have suddenly refused to say it (after saying it for months) and I don't think he would've left you alone bawling all night, nor do I think he would've grown cold and distant as the night wore on. If he really loved you, the weight would not have changed that. Maybe he wouldn't have wanted to SLEEP with you, but the love and affection would still be there. I'm not saying he's an *kitten*, but what I am saying is that it's possible that he thought he loved you, and then realized that he didn't.

I think it seems like you two just fell in love and had this ideal version of each other in your heads and then when you got together, the chemistry just wasn't there for him. It sucks, and it's awful and trust me, I know your pain when it comes to rejection and weight.

Yes, maybe it's possible that you lose this weight and then he suddenly finds you attractive again. But then what happens if you gain some back? It's a thought to consider that maybe you're just not a good match for each other. And when you find someone who loves you for you, every inch of you, you'll be glad you didn't settle for someone who needed you a certain way.

That said, I really don't advise being friends with this guy. Unrequited love between friends never works well. And would you be able to remain his friend as he started dating someone else? Without breaking your heart or losing your mind?

Dust yourself off and move on. And I'm very sorry for your rough night! I feel your pain, truly!

Very sorry you had to experience this.

The guy is a jerk. He doesn't know what love is. It sounds to me like the sweet things he said to you were just a tool to get what he wanted, and that he is actually very shallow.

If he knows what you look like "at your best"... and he knows that what he saw was "at your worst"... and he knows about the condition behind it... and he knows how capable you are of getting in and staying in shape... then his reaction shows me he is only thinking about what he sees now and what he sees is in no way being filtered by any emotional connection with you.

If I'm in love with someone and they gain weight, I don't care if it's 100lbs, I am still going to be attracted to them and only want to be with them. I believe love sparks sexual attraction beyond physical aesthetics. I'm also going to stick with them and help them get back in shape, every step of the way, and I will go out of my way everyday to make sure they know I still love them and want them. I would like to think that that is how any REAL man loves a woman, and that I'm not just some odd romantic anomaly.

I hope your heart heals quickly and that you get back in shape for you because you deserve it... and that you find a real man to love you the way you deserve to be loved.

I met my man over 2 years ago when I was about 40 pounds heavier than I am now. We met online and the moment I saw his picture, I was instantly in love with him. I wanted to meet him so bad. We met and had a few good weeks of "fun". I was totally, crazy madly in love with him and while he liked me, he was not genuinely interested. It really hurt me. I can't remember the last time I cried over a man. Deep down, I knew it was my weight.

In September, he wound up finding me, not realizing it was me. When he sent me his picture, I about *kitten* myself that it was him. When I told him who I was,he was surprised he had found me. We wound up hooking up. All the feelings I had about him, being crazy in love with him, came right back. I told myself I'd just f!ck him and dump him, but I couldn't do it. We wound up starting to spend a lot of time together and I finally told him I love him.

My dream was to hear him say that he loved me. And now he has. He told me, "Deep down I always knew you were the one. But you were just too big."

Oh, girl. That gives me the sads.

So many other factors at play here and not just the weight.

When people people online nothing, absolutely nothing, is real until the two people have met. Until people meet the relationship is built on a fantasy of who we think the other people is, that fantasy is based on the other person being at their best in photos, messages and emails. No one is that perfect. He wasn't your soulmate because the relationship was built on fantasy.

The other person doesn't want to hear about issues, sickness or weight gain because it will ruin their fantasy, hell we don't tell them because we don't want to ruin the fantasy either. So the omissions start and probably some fibs and people start to hide who they really are. They start to omit pertinent facts.

Come the meeting, comes big expectations! Fantasy comes crashing down in a screaming heap. The other person is real, warts and all, and they then blame the other person for the loss of the fantasy.

I can understand not being attracted to a bigger person that someone has just met, we are visual creatures and there hasn't been time to develop a relationship.

I would say, that here it was more than just the weight gain, it was also the fact that the person felt deceived because they were expected a slimmer person based on photos that had previously been received. With all that comes reality, the crushing of a fantasy that he had built up in his head.

OP lose the weight if you want to, but do it for you and your own health's sake, move on from him, meet other people, live your live to the best of your ability...and should you develop another long distance relationship...remember its just a fantasy until you meet and have known each other for quite a few months.

Ditch him.

While I respect him for being able to be honest and let you know he's not that into you (which is a GREAT book and I highly, HIGHLY recommend you read - super empowering. Don't see the movie - read the book book) - rejection does hurt. Don't waste your time on someone who is just not really worth it. There is someone out there who can give you exactly what you deserve, and this guy just isn't it.

Also - get yourself happy and healthy. If it is at your current weight, then great! If you need to lose a bit of weight to feel good about yourself, then do it. But do it for yourself, not for some guy.

I am really sorry to hear that you have a broken heart. Honestly, if this guy truly loved you unconditionally he would love you for who you are no matter what you look like. It is hard to trust online relationships because saying you love someone over the internet is a lot easier to say than face to face. If you want to be fit and happy, healthy again do it for yourself and your own happiness but not for some guy that has no respect for you if he cannot accept that life changes.