Do you think size affects someone's attractiveness?

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Replies

  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Meh. People are flaky. But if that's the case, both times was definitely on them and likely has nothing to do with you.

    Don't let them live rent-free in your head though. Whatever it was they did, it's over and done. Don't spend any more time mulling over the past and things you can't change.
  • Keepcalmanddontblink
    Keepcalmanddontblink Posts: 718 Member
    You absolutely need to stop wondering what is wrong with you. It wasn't your fault and nothing you were/were not doing to cause them to stray. That is their own issue and I feel bad for whoever they wind up with because that person is going to wonder if they are going to cheat on them too.

    Whatever you take from this, stop wondering what you could have done differently. :flowerforyou:
  • beautifulwarrior18
    beautifulwarrior18 Posts: 913 Member
    I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.

    I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.

    (However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)


    Ooo, ouch. Some people are just born with soft teeth and need dentures by 22. No need to be hasty.
  • beautifulwarrior18
    beautifulwarrior18 Posts: 913 Member
    Bit of a strange question, and I know some larger people are totally happy together and the same for skinny and mixed couples.

    My question is kind of the opposite of what you my think. Is it likely for a person to go for someone larger and less attractive personality wise and physically, especially when you are already taken?

    I have been cheated on twice ( different ex's) with quite large, blonde women (I am brunette and range between slim- skinny fat). Personality wise, I have been told i am very caring and nice, and I know I do a lot to please my partner, but I still maintain independence.
    The women I have been cheated on seem very full of themselves and quite rude and mean, and one in particular felt my then partner should droop whatever he was doing to see her, even if he was with me at the time.
    So i feel we are nothing alike at all, yet it has happened twice now.

    Of course it ruined my self esteem, especially after the second partner did it too, but it has been a bit of a motivation since I never want to look like them, especially since what they did with my partners at the time of the incidents.

    I am wondering if anyone out there has had similar experiences, or have some insight into why this ma happen?

    Like I know beauty can only be skin deep, but what would make you stray from a partner who is caring and nice, as well as who looked after herself well, to someone who is the complete opposite?

    I suppose i am trying to avoid doing whatever i did wrong in the past with my current partner :/

    Cheating has nothing to do with attractiveness. Even an ugly fat woman can make a guy's **** stand up. If you've got the part they've got the mojo. Another thing you need to realize is that beauty is subjective. Just becayse one person may not think you're beautiful doesn't mean someone else won't think you're the prettiest thing he ever saw.

    You need to stop and ask yourself if you are going to base your worth on someone else's actions, are you really at a maturity level with your confidence and your body that you should be in a relationship?
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,527 Member
    Cheating is about more than just the other person's attractiveness. Your posts make me wonder if you are a little insecure, and if you try to get validation through relationships. (Not a huge sin, lots of people go through that, you keep growing up and address that.) I was surprised to see in your profile that you are getting married, just because I wouldn't have thought you had been in your current relationship that long.

    The reason I wonder about insecurity is because you say you want to know what to work on about yourself, but your thread title really asks a very different question. It's normal to need reassurance after bad experiences. It's ok to own that. :flowerforyou:
  • Shropshire1959
    Shropshire1959 Posts: 982 Member
    No but alcohol does
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.

    I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.

    (However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)


    Ooo, ouch. Some people are just born with soft teeth and need dentures by 22. No need to be hasty.

    Oh, she just didn't take care of them. Drugs do a number on the teeth.
  • losingw8now
    losingw8now Posts: 105 Member
    In reading your post, OP, and the comments/responses, I have to say to you answered the question yourself. When you said about you ex's relationship with each woman (work. friend) his cheating had nothing to do with looks. A lot of cheating is opportunity and looking to get something from someone else that is missing in the current relationship. Since he was interacting with them already, then it was probably one of the two reasons I gave. Or sometimes, like some people said, it is all about that cheater's self esteem, wanting to be the "big man" who thinks he's attractive to all women, etc. And it can also be a weak person - someone who isn't fully committed and when the other person comes on to them, can't or doesn't want to have to resist, and then will cry - "it just happened, I couldn't get out of it".

    But attractiveness is about multiple factors, not just appearance. What makes one person who has really good looks not as appealing or someone who isn't as beautiful appear more beautiful is the personality that comes through. This is seen by their attitude, interactions, how they carry themselves, etc. So you can't lump people into skinny=attractive, large=not appealing, etc. As others said on here, we have all been attracted to different "types" of people (onthe surface - appearance) but there were other factors that drew them to us.

    I have to say this too - I knew someone who was married and his wife got a little heavier through their marriage. He was happy that she wanted to lose the weight, but as she did, she became very focused on her appearance, weight loss, working out, etc. that she kind of was becoming more vain/self centered, at least he perceived it that way. I have seen people do that too. So when one thinks that they may be trying to keep their bodies well, make themselves look the best they can be - it is a fine line to cross when that becomes obsession and ego and the focus and energy/time is taken away from the relationship/partner. Make sure you are not doing that.

    And one more comment - being wary of the "type" of girls he cheated on - your missing the point. Be wary of guys like HIM - HE'S the one who cheated on you!!!
  • FitnFeistyLyness
    FitnFeistyLyness Posts: 762 Member
    to me its how a person carries themselves.. sexy is sexy, but confidence is sexy as hell.. no matter what size someone is
  • marcelo_templario
    marcelo_templario Posts: 653 Member
    Human nature is predictable yet difficult to frame.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,015 Member
    Yes. Nobody likes little lollipops as much.
  • fr053n
    fr053n Posts: 2,793 Member
    It's most definitely not you, if what you say about yourself is true. Most likely the guys have some issues that make them go for women with bad personalities, as you have said. When it comes to looks, I'm not sure guys care that much about a woman's size, as long as they look feminine. Just my two cents :)
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,142 Member
    If you're in a real relationship with someone, and they cheat on you. it's not you, its them. Even if they say that it's you, it's them.

    This. Cheaters gonna cheat, no matter how awesome you are. You might want to re-evaluate the kinds of guys you partner up with. Figure out if these guys had similar personality traits and then maybe try to avoid that kind of guy in the future. :flowerforyou:
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Of course size affects someone's attractiveness.
  • Cheating is about more than just the other person's attractiveness. Your posts make me wonder if you are a little insecure, and if you try to get validation through relationships. (Not a huge sin, lots of people go through that, you keep growing up and address that.) I was surprised to see in your profile that you are getting married, just because I wouldn't have thought you had been in your current relationship that long.

    The reason I wonder about insecurity is because you say you want to know what to work on about yourself, but your thread title really asks a very different question. It's normal to need reassurance after bad experiences. It's ok to own that. :flowerforyou:

    Thanks for the input :)

    I guess it did impact my self esteem once the exact same thing happened twice with similar women. If they were completely different circumstances and types of people or even smaller and prettier I would be able to make sense of it a bit more I think.

    I think I did go off on a tangent, but the essence of what I was trying to ask was more along the lines of, what makes you change attraction/ what you're attracted to? Since most women have been left for younger/ prettier/ thinner women, what makes some men go for women worse than their partner?

    I know my partner would never cheat, and I don't hold what my ex's did over his head at all, I suppose a small part of me feels like I want to ensure it doesn't happen again since I care so much about my current partner by making myself the best I can be.

    I am one of those people who does care a lot of other people's opinions of me, especially those I need to "impress" I guess, i.e partner, employer, etc. People I feel I need to be my best for even if it isn't expected.

    About getting married, the wedding isn't until April 2016,maybe longer due to certain things, so a while away. We've been dating a bit over a year, and saw each other for a bit before that, and we've been living together for a few months now. Only been officially engaged for about a week or two now, but I had known that was the plan a few months back, he's not good at secrets. The relationship has been pretty much perfect for us all the way through, and I feel like I made the right choice saying yes. Plus I obviously love him more than anything.

    I would usually be the person saying its way too soon/ rushed/ whatever, but it just feels right, and it doesn't feel too fast at all with him, especially since the wedding isn't too close, so I guess maybe when you know you know.

    I do think maybe opportunity and the ego thing had a lot to do with both. the first relationship was pretty abusive from his side, and he knew I would leave soon, I think getting with her was to make sure he wasn't alone?
    And the second, I would say it's more the player/ ego thing.
  • PS. Sorry for making this a relationship type topic, I honestly didn't mean for it to, though my motivation behind the question was for this reason.
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
    If similar things are happening to you,chances are you are falling for similar jerks over and over again,and also may be you put up with more nonsense than most women.attractive ness is important but loyalty and fidelity is your partners prerogative as well.never ever close your eyes to the negative points of the person you find attractive.if you have qualms about someone's integrity, probably it is justified.
    Everyone is attractive in there own way.take care.
  • pucklemore
    pucklemore Posts: 6 Member
    People who are cheaters are people who will cheat no matter what. It has NOTHING to do with your looks.

    But I see that you've suffered from a pattern of cheating partners. The question is, what are you doing to attract the cheaters? Not that you are consciously trying to be with people who cheat but when there are repeated issues in our lives, it means that something is trying to tell you something. I've been with guys who are losers for a long time and I realized that it's because I've had low self-esteem and settled for these guys because I thought I wasn't going to get someone better.

    I found a guy who I was comfortable in my own skin and never had to feel insecure about my looks or relationship at all. In fact, he gave me confidence and I know that I will never return to settling for people who aren't compatible with my standards.

    You are young and you are probably not exposing yourself to mature individuals. Once you know what you want in a person, you will attract the right person who fits you and your personality. I'm sure deep down you knew that the other two were not right for you at all and it's a good thing things ended very soon!
  • kikityme
    kikityme Posts: 472 Member
    Ummm...I get where you're coming from.

    But I'm fat. AND pretty. And awesome. You seem to be of the belief that skinnier=prettier and I just have to mention, that isn't necessarily true for all people.

    The reason you got cheated on was because the men were lacking morals. People change, needs change, preferences change. When I was your age I liked long hair and tight jeans on men and if they didn't listen to the same music they didn't stand a chance. I grew up. I learned to pick better men.

    So, have your rant against fat blondes, but keep in the back of your mind that it had nothing to do with them either.
  • RHachicho
    RHachicho Posts: 1,115 Member
    I'm a man who lives by the golden rule. If some girl or boy has me so smitten and I want to be with her/him so badly that I want to dump my current partner for him/her then that's just what I do. Not that I approach romantic relationships causally. I just believe it is far far better to be honest. I get what you are saying though many people don't. When it comes right down to it OP the sad truth is that probably 50% of people are selfish *kitten*/*****es who don't care about other peoples feelings. And another 30% are weak willed spineless worms who would cheat with someone because they don't have the spine to tell you that their feelings to you are gone to your face. There are good people out there. But male or female they are very hard to find. Being Bisexual myself I should know that this applies to men and women equally lol.

    And as far as being attracted to heavy/ugly people. You need to realize that attractiveness REALLY REALLY ISN'T ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. I know I know caps but attractiveness is far more about how you act towards someone than pure visual or tactile sensations. Seduction is an art form and while I am no master of it I've learned to play the game. And it is very often the uglier/fatter and nastier people of this world that become proficient at this skill. Because they can't just rely on how they look or who they are. In that sense your looks have made you complacent. Not a criticism at all but I hope you see this is where your weakness is. Seduction is about being someone he wouldn't even THINK of leaving to accomplish this desiring you has to be part of his daily routine. Make sure you arouse him at least once a day. Note : I am not saying have sex with him daily this is actually counterproductive but say ... walk past him in tight jeans swaying your butt around. Or lean over him to get the remote and brush him with your boob or something. Or there's always the old steadfast of really going to town on that banana your eating. The point is you have to make him desire you. So that when the time comes to hit the bedroom he wants you more than anything. You need to hook him on you like a drug.

    Of course love is the most important thing. But if you really want to curve those seed spreading instincts you need to make him think of you every time he feels desire. To the point where the idea of sleeping with another woman is simply ludicrous.

    All that being said though none of this was your fault. Those guys weren't honest and that makes them *kitten* and you are lucky to be rid of them. I am just saying that the reason you lost them in the first place to people who are less attractive than you might well be a large gap in seduction skill.