Do you think size affects someone's attractiveness?

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  • Eleonora91
    Eleonora91 Posts: 688 Member
    I haven't read the whole thread but I've read your first post, and my opinion is that the fact that both those women were larger than you doesn't really make a difference. I know you might be wondering whether it was your fault all along, especially after the second time, but I don't think you should focus on that. If your partner prefers larger girls, it doesn't mean that you have to become fat. If your partner doesn't like you being so caring and prefers rude girl, it's all about him. Until you're honest about who you are, it's up to them liking you or disliking you. They came to the point of cheating on you - so they weren't honest about what they felt about you. There is no evidence there was something they disliked in you at the point of looking for someone else... and there is no evidence you might have changed something to keep them close to you. You say you don't want this to happen with your current partner... just tell him how you feel and be honest. If he loves you, he's going to be honest with you too. I'm kind of strict when it comes to cheating: if someone cheated on you, he didn't love you that much in the end.
  • stickersticker
    stickersticker Posts: 140 Member
    Pretty sure it is more of a "them" thing than you. Dude was going to cheat on you even if you looked like them.
  • melsayshello
    melsayshello Posts: 108 Member
    First off, I don't think you can really define 'attractiveness', everyone is so different and want different things. I know you classify these girls as 'ugly' bc they really hurt you and they were jerks for cheating with your boyfriend, but try to think of the positive look on things, at least you found out sooner rather than later. I understand that they may have given you a bit of low self esteem, but why should you be the one who feels bad about yourself? You need to understand you did nothing wrong, they were D bags, and move on with your life with this new partner that you have. Try not to dwell on the past and enjoy your new partner (;
  • davelfc49
    davelfc49 Posts: 29 Member
    Initially attraction, then yes it does for me. You can call that shallow and I know that looks do not count for everything, but I'm being honest. Just as I wouldn't like someone that was painfully thin, I wouldn't find myself attracted to someone considerably overweight.
  • AwesomeGuy37
    AwesomeGuy37 Posts: 436 Member
    I would think people cheat due to their own self-esteem issues. I have an ex who cheated on me. She told me she was still in love with me a few years ago while married with a kid. Another ex cheated on me and we broke it off. She called me, pregnant and lonely, one day. Somehow we got into a discussion where she said her fiance wouldn't find out if we did anything because she was already pregnant.

    Cheaters cheat. I didn't follow through with any of those offers. I have my dignity.
  • BurntCoffee
    BurntCoffee Posts: 234 Member
    Sadly I have had this experience with my husband of more than 20 years.

    I know this sounds Freudian, but are you attracted to men with mommy issues? I think some men, particularly men that had inattentive unaffectionate mothers, have an unhealthy need to be needed and showered with attention from women and it does not matter what the women look like.
  • Abi198111
    Abi198111 Posts: 76 Member
    I suppose i am trying to avoid doing whatever i did wrong in the past with my current partner :/

    By this statement you are taking blame for what these men have done to you. Their cheating on you says much more about them than it does about you. As long as you are honest, faithful and considerate, you don't deserve to be treated like cr*p.
  • rodduz
    rodduz Posts: 251 Member
    In a word: YES!
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
    This thread has rapidly descended into something with little connection to the original title.

    On topic, for me, yes, I'm someone who finds the phrase BBW to be an oxymoron. But that's me. Some people prefer girls as big as possible. Not really sure what you hope to find out from this.
  • tanyaj2014
    tanyaj2014 Posts: 24 Member
    I went through something similar a couple of weeks ago, last year my now ex started seeing another woman behind my back, seeing me half the week and seeing her the rest. When I found out I contacted the other person and told her what he had been doing and she didnt believe me, so i sent her screen shots of conversations. This put her off and after a month or two of him being nice to me I decided to try again with him. Exactly one year later and he has gone back off with her (even gave her things of mine as presents). Yet while he is now with her, he has been sending me messages saying how much he loves me and wants me back. People like that arent worth anyones time, they are best forgotten x
  • tanyaj2014
    tanyaj2014 Posts: 24 Member
    oh yes, and the person he went off with is a hell of a lot larger than me x
  • cheripugh1
    cheripugh1 Posts: 357 Member
    I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.

    I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.

    (However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)

    How sad bd0027... you are not only blaming these girls but belittling them because HE cheated on YOU and happened to pick them. You have a lot to learn in life. No one can force you to cheat, only you can allow that to happen. So if you want to throw rocks, throw them at the cheater not the person/persons they used along with using you.
  • BarbieFromHellx
    BarbieFromHellx Posts: 758 Member
    As previously said beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    I personally think I was never attractive when I was overweight. It just doesn't suit me. I only ever see myself as attractive when I'm at a certain weight.
  • BurntCoffee
    BurntCoffee Posts: 234 Member
    I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.

    I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.

    (However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)

    How sad bd0027... you are not only blaming these girls but belittling them because HE cheated on YOU and happened to pick them. You have a lot to learn in life. No one can force you to cheat, only you can allow that to happen. So if you want to throw rocks, throw them at the cheater not the person/persons they used along with using you.

    I agree with you for the most part but if the other women knew they were the "other" they are fair game for criticism.
  • PinkyFett
    PinkyFett Posts: 842 Member
    I think you just have ****ty taste in men.

    I've been cheated on too. Had nothing to do with me. It had to do with him being a moron.
  • PinkyFett
    PinkyFett Posts: 842 Member
    I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.

    I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.

    (However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)

    How sad bd0027... you are not only blaming these girls but belittling them because HE cheated on YOU and happened to pick them. You have a lot to learn in life. No one can force you to cheat, only you can allow that to happen. So if you want to throw rocks, throw them at the cheater not the person/persons they used along with using you.

    I agree with you for the most part but if the other women knew they were the "other" they are fair game for criticism.

    I agree. The girl my husband cheated with knew he was married. Knew I was pregnant with our THIRD child. She's just as much a pos as he is.

    It's different if the woman doesn't know the guy is taken...like if he's playing both. But most do know. And mos done care. Which makes them ****ty people too. They're opening up themselves for a life of disappointment and loneliness.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    Bit of a strange question, and I know some larger people are totally happy together and the same for skinny and mixed couples.

    My question is kind of the opposite of what you my think. Is it likely for a person to go for someone larger and less attractive personality wise and physically, especially when you are already taken?

    I have been cheated on twice ( different ex's) with quite large, blonde women (I am brunette and range between slim- skinny fat). Personality wise, I have been told i am very caring and nice, and I know I do a lot to please my partner, but I still maintain independence.
    The women I have been cheated on seem very full of themselves and quite rude and mean, and one in particular felt my then partner should droop whatever he was doing to see her, even if he was with me at the time.
    So i feel we are nothing alike at all, yet it has happened twice now.

    Of course it ruined my self esteem, especially after the second partner did it too, but it has been a bit of a motivation since I never want to look like them, especially since what they did with my partners at the time of the incidents.

    I am wondering if anyone out there has had similar experiences, or have some insight into why this ma happen?

    Like I know beauty can only be skin deep, but what would make you stray from a partner who is caring and nice, as well as who looked after herself well, to someone who is the complete opposite?

    I suppose i am trying to avoid doing whatever i did wrong in the past with my current partner :/

    Did you ask the ex's why they cheated??
    What was their reasoning...

    I would be curious to know what they said.
  • cakeribs
    cakeribs Posts: 22
    Bottom line:

    You need to pay attention to the qualities of the men you choose. The only constant in your relationships is you. I'm not saying it is your fault. I am saying you might be picking the wrong men. You have obviously picked cheaters who like rude, ridiculous women the last two times. Maybe think about why that is, or what qualities they had that attracted you to them that....could have been warning signs.

    Size has nothing to do with any of this. I think many men prefer Christina Hendricks to many women smaller than she is.

    I personally would date Jack Black before I dated Channing Tatum. But, I'm also twice as old as you and looks just aren't as important as they used to be.
  • carfanman
    carfanman Posts: 271 Member

    Like I know beauty can only be skin deep, but what would make you stray from a partner who is caring and nice, as well as who looked after herself well, to someone who is the complete opposite?

    I suppose i am trying to avoid doing whatever i did wrong in the past with my current partner :/

    Nothing would make a person that is happy in their relationship stray. If a person isn't happy in the relationship that they are in almost nothing can keep them in it, at best you just prolong the inevitable. You just happened to be with jerks (jerks because if they were unhappy or didn't want a monagomous relationship for whatever reason they should have just said so and delt with the consequences). Personally I wouldn't read too much into it except maybe for your ability to chose a mate.
  • carfanman
    carfanman Posts: 271 Member
    Bottom line:

    You need to pay attention to the qualities of the men you choose. The only constant in your relationships is you. I'm not saying it is your fault. I am saying you might be picking the wrong men. You have obviously picked cheaters who like rude, ridiculous women the last two times. Maybe think about why that is, or what qualities they had that attracted you to them that....could have been warning signs.

    Size has nothing to do with any of this. I think many men prefer Christina Hendricks to many women smaller than she is.

    I personally would date Jack Black before I dated Channing Tatum. But, I'm also twice as old as you and looks just aren't as important as they used to be.

    I agree with this message

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