Do you think size affects someone's attractiveness?
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Just to add to the drama here, I have been with women that thought I cheated and I didn't. If you ask them now, they swear up and down that I cheated. So, sometimes, it's all made up. And no, they didn't have good reason to think that. Just an active imagination.
Yeah, that can happen too. And I know people that have had men do that to them. There are many ways that relationships can be dysfunctional and abusive. Sometimes people that make the cheating accusations are themselves the ones that are cheating.
That's soooo true. I have never cheated on my husband yet he is constantly reading my facebook, tracking my phone, reading my text messages. I think that's called "projecting" and is a form of deflecting from ones own bad behavior.
I don't think that is it. That's what everyone says, but I think it's more complicated than that. It's not that simple.
It can be many different things. Relationships are complex in nature and have many complicated pieces to them, and multiple themes running at all times. Maybe you told him one time about how you cheated on your HS boyfriend. Now, in the back of his mind, forever, he thinks you have that ability. Maybe all his friends say you're hot, and it pisses him off, even though he doesn't tell them to shut up, in the back of his mind, he knows other guys must think that too, so when you're not in his sight, he worries. There are many reasons. Mainly, it's an insecurity of some sort somewhere in the chain of either your relationship, or his past, or some combo of both. A good partner can do a lot to 1) not feed it, and 2) constantly reinforce that it aint ever gonna happen. It takes time and lots and lots of patience, and I believe even in difficult relationships, trust can be rebuilt. But, it takes tons of time and work.
I agree that it's more complicated than that. Having reactionary accusations back isn't really the answer. Maybe he grew up in a dysfunctional home with cheating, and counseling could help. However, I am just saying that sometimes I have seen this sort of behavior go hand in hand with other domestic abuse. Sometimes. Not all the time.
Yep. Sometimes. That's why it's so complex. it isn't always.
Yeah. Like I was saying. It could even be just a personal issue for the person that they need help with. Sometimes people need help and love and support. And you can be surprised by how things can improve.0 -
At an earlier point in my relationship with my husband, there was this time where for many months he was always coming down on me hard for "being disrespectful" towards him. I was very apologetic and trying to do everything I could to not do that. It started getting really difficult through, and I had to be very cautious and walk on eggshells. I was starting to feel bad about myself. Then a friend came to stay with us for a week. And at a certain point I just said to her, "I don't know what to do. He keeps saying that I'm being disrespectful towards him". And she said, "Yeah, I noticed that. I don't know how you can live with that and put up with that.". So, I realized that it was valid for me to not like this. So, I had a gentle talk with him about what had been going on, how I felt, and what my friend had said. He said that what my friend had said was exactly what people would say about his father. He realized that he was so worried that I was going to treat him the way his father did, that he had become his father towards me. So, he got help. And it improved. And it's been wonderful ever since. It's normal for everyone to have issues to work out at certain points in their lives.0
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I have been cheated on for a girl that resembled Harry Potter...except very chubby (apple shape) and bucked teeth who was a telemarketer or something. I worked in a couple of floors above as an executive and was more toned/defined back then...It definitely throws you for a loop as to why they would go for that, since it was generally HIM that said "no" or "i have a headache" to ME...
I think those doors closing are great, because then you learn a little bit more on what kind of door to open next -- and the opportunities are endless.
This! Some people either come into your life as a blessing, or a lesson AKA *kitten*.
I know it's a wrong thing to say, but on SO many occasions I've been ditched for someone much uglier than me and it used to make me feel insecure and I always used to question myself why I was never good enough...but I later realised it's cos I had terrible taste in guys lol.0 -
I would just like to say I do not really like how some people in this topic have treated the OP.
For a start your kind of reactionary anti discrimination zeal is actually counterproductive. Everyone has the right to not be attracted to fat people. Or to Asian people. Or black people. Or blondes. Or people with brown eyes. Attraction is a matter of Aesthetics and some have treated the OP like she is some kind of racist for stating rather mildly i might say that fit healthy people are usually considered more attractive than fat people. Which is true. I am sorry but it IS. If it wasn't the subscriber base of mfp would probably drop by at least half. Nor would fat people generally feel nearly as self conscious as they do. It's nice how you want to pretend how everyone looks at each other like a special little sunflower and. But when you use that to rip on someone it becomes a juvenile delusion at best. An excuse for revenge bullying at worst.
Seriously people who really discriminate and victimize against fat people in this world don't hide they really don't they stop and heckle you in the street. And no one cares. Someone like this who merely has a perfectly understandable opinion does not deserve your hate even if by poor choice of words she has made herself a lightning rod to it. It's easy enough to do.
pretty much.
Personally I found myself more attractive all round than the two women. Not all large women, just the two. I know other larger women who I envy because of how great and attractive they are. Same goes for skinny.
The moment you say you find yourself more attractive than someone else, you're the devil and a fat hater who thinks they're better than everyone else, and that isn't the case.
also, my comment about the people getting up me about everything was directed at bun bun and another lady I had spoken to earlier in the thread, one of which said she was large, the other I checked her profile.
I was not saying everyone that disagreed, just the two I was "arguing" with. The other lady Tavisstocktoad, I don't even take account of, she has nothing positive to say or any valid points ever, she is just a forum troll who is obviously very bitter about something and this is how she is venting.
I do think it had a lot to do with poor choice on my end due to partners, yes.
And yes, I suppose since I already dislike these women, anything bad about them just seems even worse to me, including their crap personalities and looks and the fact that both were obviously not looking after their bodies to be as large as they were.
However, that does not paint me as someone who thinks I am better than someone else, or that thinks fatter is less attractive.
Personally, I would rather someone who is average - a little heave over someone who is skinny, and I hate the feeling of rock hard muscles with nothing but skin over them, so I personally like a bit of meat on the people I am attracted to.
Also I guess it matters because even if my current partner never cheats, I don't ever want to become unattractive to him, physically or otherwise. I know he isn't shallow and he would still love me, but I want him to still be attracted to me, which is why I want to be the best I can be for him and anyone else I meet, employers, friends, etc.0 -
initially: Yes
Later: Yes and no0 -
pretty much.
Personally I found myself more attractive all round than the two women. Not all large women, just the two. I know other larger women who I envy because of how great and attractive they are. Same goes for skinny.
Honest feedback, not trying to put you down: I think people are getting stuck because in one breath, you are saying that you find yourself more attractive and mention size as a factor, and then in your next breath you deny that size has anything to do with anything. I think people would be giving you an easier time (not an easy time, true) if you were owning it. When you say, "Does size affect attractiveness, these women are large, ugly, and have bad personalities, but I don't have any feelings about weight's impact on attractiveness," it comes off a bit as fishing or passively aggressively putting them down due to their size while denying that you are. (If you had posted that same thread topic, but had written, "He cheated on me with someone that was too skinny, unattractive, and a horrible person," you would have been met with the same questions, just on the other side of the fence. What does her being too skinny have to do with anything? Ok, you think it's unattractive. Some people might feel like you didn't need to share that. Others might feel like you have a right to share that, but don't try to play innocent while doing so. Others will think nothing is amiss at all.)
This is a "Can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen" thread. If you are going to post a thread asking why your men cheated on you with large women, and you know your population includes a lot of people trying to lose weight, you will be met with offended feelings. Whether or not you can deal with that debate is up to you. I personally could not, so if I were feeling insecure because I was passed over for someone I perceived as less attractive, I'd keep it to a blog, friends in real life, or my friends list here.0 -
pretty much.
Personally I found myself more attractive all round than the two women. Not all large women, just the two. I know other larger women who I envy because of how great and attractive they are. Same goes for skinny.
Honest feedback, not trying to put you down: I think people are getting stuck because in one breath, you are saying that you find yourself more attractive and mention size as a factor, and then in your next breath you deny that size has anything to do with anything. I think people would be giving you an easier time (not an easy time, true) if you were owning it. When you say, "Does size affect attractiveness, these women are large, ugly, and have bad personalities, but I don't have any feelings about weight's impact on attractiveness," it comes off a bit as fishing or passively aggressively putting them down due to their size while denying that you are. (If you had posted that same thread topic, but had written, "He cheated on me with someone that was too skinny, unattractive, and a horrible person," you would have been met with the same questions, just on the other side of the fence. What does her being too skinny have to do with anything? Ok, you think it's unattractive. Some people might feel like you didn't need to share that. Others might feel like you have a right to share that, but don't try to play innocent while doing so. Others will think nothing is amiss at all.)
This is a "Can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen" thread. If you are going to post a thread asking why your men cheated on you with large women, and you know your population includes a lot of people trying to lose weight, you will be met with offended feelings. Whether or not you can deal with that debate is up to you. I personally could not, so if I were feeling insecure because I was passed over for someone I perceived as less attractive, I'd keep it to a blog, friends in real life, or my friends list here.
I understand where you are coming from. The thing is, I didn't say it has nothing to do with it, just that it isn't the main pivotal factor in my reasoning, which everyone seems to assume is what I am saying. Even when I blatantly state that is not the main factor, the fact I mentioned it at all is apparently bad to do.
I don't have a problem with larger people. I find many very attractive. These two larger people in particular though, I find that among all their other bad qualities, the fact that they don't take care of themselves makes them worse.
I do honestly believe that if both women were skinny, I would not have had this much crap flung at me over my statements. If everything was reversed and the women were horrible but skinny, I probably would have had a lot of comments about how I should take better care of myself.
However, because we are on a forum where there are a lot of larger people, anyone posting should walk on eggshells, and not say anything about weight when talking about a situation like mine?
I have already been very, very careful about making sure I am not saying that fat Is bad/ less attractive for the pure fact their fat, and that it is more about the fact they do not take care of themselves at all and that shows a lot about them on the inside.
But in the two cases of these women, the fat did add to their unattractiveness because in both cases, I knew they did not take care of themselves, and that shows more about them and their personality than their actual size. I believe it was important to state in my original post, as both partners who were apparently attracted to my size, and made fun of larger people, then both went for larger people.
Before everyone twisted my words, it did make sense to mention it. Does size affect attractiveness? what would change someone's attract ability to a person so much in such a short period of time to the point they went for someone they used to make fun of?
This is pretty much the gist. And then everyone jumped on the hate bandwagon because me mentioning their weight must mean I have an issue with large people. And that just bluntly isn't true at all.
I am not the type to beat around the bush. If a friend is wearing a hideous dress and she asks my opinion, I will tell her straight. If someone asks me if think fat people are unattractive, I will also tell the truth. Which is no, I don't.0 -
That's soooo true. I have never cheated on my husband yet he is constantly reading my facebook, tracking my phone, reading my text messages. I think that's called "projecting" and is a form of deflecting from ones own bad behavior.
I personally could care less...
If she wants to, go ahead
What about your MFP account?!
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It's more about how someone carries themselves. There was this girl way back in college that I had the major hots for, that some of my buddies considered "curvy". Didn't matter to me, she had great eyes, smile, confidence. That's all it took for me.0
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Size don't matter. Confidence does. Just my .02 cents.0
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I lost 1 guy to a girl with a full set of dentures at 22 and another to a girl with a missing front tooth.
I have nice, straight teeth but something was attractive enough about those girls that the men dropped me for them. I can't base my own worth on douche bags like that and I've went on about my life while those girls worry about their poligrip failing.
(However, I assume they could do tricks with their mouths that I couldn't so I have stepped up my head game)
Good attitude and funny.0 -
I read a study someone did awhile back that I personally like to console myself with. :bigsmile: It stated that the majority of the time men cheat with someone vastly less attractive than their own woman. It's probably more about boobs, I can't compete there. :ohwell:0
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However, because we are on a forum where there are a lot of larger people, anyone posting should walk on eggshells, and not say anything about weight when talking about a situation like mine?
No, you don't have to walk on eggshells. If you can take the fallout.
If I went on a forum that I knew attracted a lot of people with differently colored hair, and started a thread saying, "Does blue hair affect someone's attractiveness?" and linked the colored hair with a bad personality and unattractive personality, I should expect a lot of negativity back. Some can handle that for the right to voice their opinions. Some can't. You can have your opinion, but on a forum, people are going to have opinions about your opinions, and that's ok too.0 -
However, because we are on a forum where there are a lot of larger people, anyone posting should walk on eggshells, and not say anything about weight when talking about a situation like mine?
No, you don't have to walk on eggshells. If you can take the fallout.
If I went on a forum that I knew attracted a lot of people with differently colored hair, and started a thread saying, "Does blue hair affect someone's attractiveness?" and linked the colored hair with a bad personality and unattractive personality, I should expect a lot of negativity back. Some can handle that for the right to voice their opinions. Some can't. You can have your opinion, but on a forum, people are going to have opinions about your opinions, and that's ok too.
Yeah of course, but in that situation, the hair, it's a bit different. You would have to agree every person on mfp is here to become more healthy, and lose the extra weight they may have, either for health or to like the way they look.
They obviously don't like their size or they would not be trying to reduce it, right?
So then, why would it be so offensive if someone stated what I have been saying? I see it as kind of hypocritical almost.
"How dare you mention large people in the same sentence as unattractiveness, that offends me deeply, even though I am here to lose weight because I am not happy with my body/health"
Do you see what I mean?
Yes everyone is entitled to their opinions, and their opinions on my opinions.
But I did not ever say anything offensive. And most people I have seen on here are losing weight so they can look better/ feel better about how they look, i.e be more attractive to themselves, if not others.
So therefore I find it strange these people are the people getting so defensive over nothing.
Do you see what I mean?
I am happy to take heat, that's fine. But when it doesn't make sense for there to even be heat, due to lack of offense and the circumstances of the people on forums like this about weight loss/ health, it feels like its just for the sake of hate.0 -
I think you make good points, but where some are possibly upset is that I don't think all overweight people try to lose to look better. (A lot do, that's true.)
Or put another way, what about going onto a forum for people trying to obtain clear skin and saying you were cheated on by your partner with an acne faced, ugly, mean woman? Yes, people feel less attractive with acne. No, they don't want to be reminded that others agree that they should.
But to answer your question, I think size is too variable to try to worry about it being a factor. I think I look my best at a low but healthy weight while others tell me I look awful or am obviously not eating.0 -
I think you make good points, but where some are possibly upset is that I don't think all overweight people try to lose to look better. (A lot do, that's true.)
Or put another way, what about going onto a forum for people trying to obtain clear skin and saying you were cheated on by your partner with an acne faced, ugly, mean woman? Yes, people feel less attractive with acne. No, they don't want to be reminded that others agree that they should.
But to answer your question, I think size is too variable to try to worry about it being a factor. I think I look my best at a low but healthy weight while others tell me I look awful or am obviously not eating.
Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense. I Understand. Yeah I know someone like that, though she is lucky and looks great either way haha0 -
also, my comment about the people getting up me about everything was directed at bun bun and another lady I had spoken to earlier in the thread, one of which said she was large, the other I checked her profile.
I'm glad you checked my profile and I hope you're good enough with maths to see that I weigh a whopping 22lbs more than you. I guess that's enough that you can chalk up all my opinions to my super sensitive fat feelings!
Edited: Because I'm not really sorry.0 -
it's all about versatility and variety.
We may be offered caviar everyday but pursue the fish....0 -
I don't think size has anything to do with it. If there is an attraction, it happens. Terrible to read about how many people get cheated on!!0
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