Help! hurtful comment from partner
Replies
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A lot of outside "pressure" is coming in from his family and our friends about when we are getting married. (I try not to push it, he knew my feelings but i didn't want to ruin a surprise so I'm not constantly in his face about it) I asked him how his mother would react if he told her "my weight" was the reason we weren't married yet. He said she's slap him. But he still maintained that men are visual.
Sorry, this was the bit I picked up on... OUTSIDE PRESSURE..... this is not helping, I'm sure. It's not up to his family or your friends as to when or if you get married. Lots of people live happily together without the pressure of marriage these days. I'm not against marriage, far from it. I'm on my 2nd! lol. Be polite to family and friends and say you will get married when YOU and HE feel the time is right,... if at all! That should help take the pressure off you both and give you both time to step back and really talk and examine the relationship. He does sound very supportive in lots of ways, for example supporting you financially whilst you are doing your course. Maybe he didn't know quite how to broach his concern about your health and just blurted it out a tad bluntly.
We can only offer advice, but in the end, you are in the relationship, not us. x I hope you and he can talk about where things go from here and if you decide to go ahead and lose the weight... DO IT FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE!
Hugs from West Wales
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He might be a very nice guy, he must be if you've been with him for 4yrs but, if he wasn't into you and wanting the same thing as you, then he is not really into you, he must love the way you make him feel but he does not want you for the long run
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My point of view is he is looking for a way out and if marriage is what you want and he is opting out, then he is opting out for the long haul, he is just doing it in a way that won't look bad on his behalf.
He might be a nice guy, but he is not into you. Really sorry to say that but you sound like a person that cares, don't waste your time on people that don't.
Many people gain weight after marriage/children. You should be sure your partner will still love you, now and then.0 -
One question:
Was this the first time he has made conditions like this about anything? If he is the type of guy who always finds something to criticize then he might be emotionally abusive. If it was the first time, then it might be a painful but serious point.I don't see how this is different to refusing to marry a heavy smoker or alcoholic. A marriage is a long term commitment to eachother, and you're young - I don't blame him for having reservations about someone leading an unhealthy lifestyle, because in the end it won't just be you it affects if you marry him.
I was rather amazed at how long it took before someone made this comment. As much as we would like to pretend otherwise, the choice to lose weight, get healthy, quit smoking, stop drugs, etc are all just that a CHOICE. It isn't fun, it isn't easy. He has given you an ultimatium...accept status quo on the relationship (living together but not ring at your current health level) or to lose weight and reevaluate. No where in what I read did he say "I will marry you if you lose weight" the conversation was that"I would've proposed to you last year but I cant at your current weight. He went on to mention that he has dropped hints for a while now about me losing weight but he has given up. He doesn't know how I can "disrespect" myself or him for not taking care of myself.
He is asking you very simply to respect yourself enough to take care of yourself in such a way that you will still be around later on. He is not asking you to change who you are as a person, but to take better care of yourself.0 -
I don't understand why so many people are saying to OP "Don't marry this man."
He's been "partnered" with her for 4 years (probably doing everything married people do with each other in every sense of the spirit of things) and hasn't proposed marriage.
And the guy already flat out said he doesn't want to marry her.
Also, and I'm pretty sure it was mentioned earlier in this very long thread, but OP joined MFP in 2010 and her first post is in this thread of hers dated 6/9/14?
She speaks about her fatness in this thread of hers, but her photo features a tiny little blond weighing maybe 100 lbs?
And her first post is a new topic, thought up by her, with a very fetching title "Help! hurtful comment from partner" designed to elicit sympathetic responses rife with personal information from the heartfelt respondees?
How 'bout that
Now I do adore and respect a good little trickster. And if this *is* one, bless her. She got us all together to discuss this touchy topic in a surprisingly civil manner. Mostly.
But still. Lil_Sam28. I think she's a lover of internet fun :smokin:
That is me in the pic when I joined in 2010. I am now 15kgs heavier. And it's where I am going to get back to. I've had no reason to post and I mostly do not over share on the internet. Your comments have been very unhelpful and silly in a plethora of what turned out to be a very large thread.
To everyone else,
Thank you everyone for taking the time out to reply with your stories and advice.
It has confirmed my emotions are valid and I'm not over reacting. I'm going to work on me and when that's in progress maybe I'll find out what I really want from him.
If you are seriously going rely on what has been posted here and not actually talk to your SO then you deserve what you get. He's clearly been "emotionally supportive" of you through school. You said so yourself. He's also supporting you financially while you get a degree, and as put his own career aspirations on hold for that process. Again, you said so yourself. From your own post this is the first and only time your weight has come up. Think very carefully about the context of that conversation. Was it heated? How was his day? Yes, words matter, but so do his actions, which have clearly been supportive. Go talk to your SO. At this point, I honestly feel for the guy.0 -
I only read the first page of replies, and if you don't listen to anyone else, listen to Hail Dodger. He told you exactly as it is. YOU already know in your heart that this man doesn't deserve you. MOVE. ON.0
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I wonder, maybe, in a stupid man's way, he thought this might give you the motivation to get serious about the weight loss. That he thought he was helping you?0
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God Bless you honey. Not my place to tell you what to do. I will say this...follow your heart, follow your goals, and reach them to the best of your ability. This isn't about support, school, nothing of the sort. It's about a woman who wants to change her self image, and a man giving her an ultimatum. It seems he is saying "lose weight or I won't marry you". Don't do it for a ring. Do it for yourself. My thought is this...if he cannot marry you with you 15kg over weight, who's to say he will stay with you when you are old and gray and sag in all the wrong places? In my opinion, an ultimatum based on weight is cruel. Drugs, drinking, cheating...that's one thing. Not this. If he cannot love you unconditionally...then there's a problem bigger than your weight...if you can even call your weight a problem...0
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maybe he was trying to blackmail you into being healthier - or maybe he's being a jerk. for that matter, maybe he's trying to put off getting married, like some guys do. but i feel bad that you're with a person who could hurt your feelings while denying something important to you (and shouldn't it be important to him?) no matter what his reasons. either he didn't know that would be a hurtful thing to say (and that's a scary thought) or he didn't care. neither is a good thing
my husband and i got married at my highest weight ever - 242 - and he was beaming at me during our wedding. the only thing he has ever said about my being overweight was he was concerned about my health. just one of the many reasons he's the one.0 -
This would make me very nervous. I'd feel pressured, always, to maintain a good weight if it meant he would leave me otherwise. What happens if I become injured, or sick, and gain weight as a result? What happens if I'm one of those women that puts on a TON of baby weight? Is he going to go find a skinny woman and say 'Well it's your own fault'? I guess I just don't like the idea of someone having that power over me.
I still say that you should ask yourself if you want to marry him, and sign up for a life of this attitude, of being the one in a relationship feeling threatened and unsure that HE might leave YOU. I couldn't live under that stress and fear. I don't really think that could ever create a healthy living environment.
Also, 15KG is not that much weight in the grand scheme of things. If you were fluctuating between 130LBS and 230LBS I could see the issue, but through the course of your life you will gain and lose 15KG. I think the people on here saying 'Well he's being honest and he's right and he has a right to not be attracted to you' are imagining that you're bloating up quite a bit, when the truth is you just aren't. If the difference in your marriage is 15KG, that's a very fine line to spend a lifetime teetering on.0 -
So sad. :-( I haven't read all the comments. But that is just so sad. Since you have been with him for 4 years already, you probably are likely to stick with him, lose weight and continue to work always try to work on yourself to make him happy. Always falling short, and making yourself miserable doing so. I HOPE and PRAY this is not the case, that you find the strength and peace to leave him and find someone who appreciates YOU for all your beauty fat or thin. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. Don't ever do it to for a man. The pressure to keep it off for someone else will leave you resentful. That is no way to live and have a life together.0
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This would make me very nervous. I'd feel pressured, always, to maintain a good weight if it meant he would leave me otherwise. What happens if I become injured, or sick, and gain weight as a result? What happens if I'm one of those women that puts on a TON of baby weight? Is he going to go find a skinny woman and say 'Well it's your own fault'? I guess I just don't like the idea of someone having that power over me.
I still say that you should ask yourself if you want to marry him, and sign up for a life of this attitude, of being the one in a relationship feeling threatened and unsure that HE might leave YOU. I couldn't live under that stress and fear. I don't really think that could ever create a healthy living environment.
Also, 15KG is not that much weight in the grand scheme of things. If you were fluctuating between 130LBS and 230LBS I could see the issue, but through the course of your life you will gain and lose 15KG. I think the people on here saying 'Well he's being honest and he's right and he has a right to not be attracted to you' are imagining that you're bloating up quite a bit, when the truth is you just aren't. If the difference in your marriage is 15KG, that's a very fine line to spend a lifetime teetering on.
While those are valid questions, from what the OP said, he hasnt been making her feel insecure about the relationship in other ways - he has shown a willingness to sacrifice for her betterment.
The issue might genuinely be that she isnt taking care of herself and he is concerned (but he should wait until its 100lbs to be concerned, huh ;o). Expressing it the way he did was clumsy, but doesnt automatically mean its an unhealthy living environment.0 -
This would make me very nervous. I'd feel pressured, always, to maintain a good weight if it meant he would leave me otherwise. What happens if I become injured, or sick, and gain weight as a result? What happens if I'm one of those women that puts on a TON of baby weight? Is he going to go find a skinny woman and say 'Well it's your own fault'? I guess I just don't like the idea of someone having that power over me.
I still say that you should ask yourself if you want to marry him, and sign up for a life of this attitude, of being the one in a relationship feeling threatened and unsure that HE might leave YOU. I couldn't live under that stress and fear. I don't really think that could ever create a healthy living environment.
Also, 15KG is not that much weight in the grand scheme of things. If you were fluctuating between 130LBS and 230LBS I could see the issue, but through the course of your life you will gain and lose 15KG. I think the people on here saying 'Well he's being honest and he's right and he has a right to not be attracted to you' are imagining that you're bloating up quite a bit, when the truth is you just aren't. If the difference in your marriage is 15KG, that's a very fine line to spend a lifetime teetering on.
While those are valid questions, from what the OP said, he hasnt been making her feel insecure about the relationship in other ways - he has shown a willingness to sacrifice for her betterment.
The issue might genuinely be that she isnt taking care of herself and he is concerned (but he should wait until its 100lbs to be concerned, huh ;o). Expressing it the way he did was clumsy, but doesnt automatically mean its an unhealthy living environment.
I agree that it doesn't automatically mean this would turn out to be an unhealthy living situation. But anyone who ever put a stipulation on me like that for such a HUGE decision would, I think, deserve a bit of scrutiny. It's not that he mistakenly called her fat in a poor attempt to indicate his concern - he is holding back on marriage over 15Kgs. Marriage is a huge step, a big commitment, and the fact that marriage is dependent on something as small as 15Kgs would concern me for the future. It means that if she ever slips, he can lord that over her. And she can fight and struggle to earn the right to be his bride and the object of his affection, but it's 15Kgs.
Let's turn it around. Someone in the above likened this to a sand in the line over alcoholism. If she went to him and said 'Honey, we can't get married because I think the 2 beers a night you have every night is excessive and I can't marry someone like that' would everyone's response here be to say 'Well you know, it is excessive, and she's just being honest' or would there be a lot of people calling her 'controlling' a 'nag' etc.? There's a difference between being an alcoholic and having drinks, just as there is a difference between being 15Kgs overweight and 'so fat I can't be married to you'.
I just don't like the idea of marriage being conditional over something so slight. Marriage is WORK, there's going to be ups and downs. And if he's not willing to take that step because of a measly 15Kgs - or worse, if he wants to use that measly 15Kgs to make sure he always has the upper hand in the relationship - I don't think that bodes well for the long term, for the sickness-and-health, for the richer-or-poorer.
My only point was to the OP - ask yourself if that kind of self punishment and that kind of stress is what you really want out of the rest of your life. I like to think that a love that builds a strong marriage is stronger than 15Kgs. It's going to have to be stronger than financial stress, screaming kids, and aging.
Work on the weight, sure. I guess I'd just be wondering how I'd fare in that kind of a marriage when a real stressor comes along. But my advice would still be to talk to him about it, maybe he doesn't understand how much this upset the OP, maybe they can find their relationship really is stronger than 15Kgs. And if his commitment is that insecure, I'd ask myself if that's the life I want.0 -
I agree that it doesn't automatically mean this would turn out to be an unhealthy living situation. But anyone who ever put a stipulation on me like that for such a HUGE decision would, I think, deserve a bit of scrutiny. It's not that he mistakenly called her fat in a poor attempt to indicate his concern - he is holding back on marriage over 15Kgs. Marriage is a huge step, a big commitment, and the fact that marriage is dependent on something as small as 15Kgs would concern me for the future. It means that if she ever slips, he can lord that over her. And she can fight and struggle to earn the right to be his bride and the object of his affection, but it's 15Kgs.
Let's turn it around. Someone in the above likened this to a sand in the line over alcoholism. If she went to him and said 'Honey, we can't get married because I think the 2 beers a night you have every night is excessive and I can't marry someone like that' would everyone's response here be to say 'Well you know, it is excessive, and she's just being honest' or would there be a lot of people calling her 'controlling' a 'nag' etc.? There's a difference between being an alcoholic and having drinks, just as there is a difference between being 15Kgs overweight and 'so fat I can't be married to you'.
I just don't like the idea of marriage being conditional over something so slight. Marriage is WORK, there's going to be ups and downs. And if he's not willing to take that step because of a measly 15Kgs - or worse, if he wants to use that measly 15Kgs to make sure he always has the upper hand in the relationship - I don't think that bodes well for the long term, for the sickness-and-health, for the richer-or-poorer.
My only point was to the OP - ask yourself if that kind of self punishment and that kind of stress is what you really want out of the rest of your life. I like to think that a love that builds a strong marriage is stronger than 15Kgs. It's going to have to be stronger than financial stress, screaming kids, and aging.
Work on the weight, sure. I guess I'd just be wondering how I'd fare in that kind of a marriage when a real stressor comes along. But my advice would still be to talk to him about it, maybe he doesn't understand how much this upset the OP, maybe they can find their relationship really is stronger than 15Kgs. And if his commitment is that insecure, I'd ask myself if that's the life I want.
Yet again, I do feel you have valid points (much more rational than all the "omigosh - hes evil - dump him" style responses) and they definitely need to talk .
I dont see the difference in your example though. If you were concerned about the level of drinking - I would say you should address it - and I would definitely say address it before you got married to that person. Again, you shouldnt wait until the person is a full-on whino before letting them know that it is an issue for you.0 -
Lets assume you lose the weight and marry this guy. Will he complain about your stretch marks after you give birth to his children? Will he complain about your breasts after breastfeeding and gravity take a toll on them? Are you willing to go under the knife to stay perfect for this man?
How about when you get old and wrinkled? Will he leave you for a younger looking woman?
People like this are never satisfied. They take their own insecurities and reflect them onto you. Making you feel insecure and miserable.
Do you want this for your life?
Sometimes it is better to stay single then be with someone who does not accept you as you are and love you for who you are today, tomorrow and forever.
You need to LOVE yourself enough to live by your standards and not any ridiculous requirement someone has placed upon you.
If you don't love yourself, how will you love your husband? How will you love your future children? Respect yourself enough to make changes in your life.
This includes surrounding yourself with people who support you and removing yourself from the company of people who bring you down.
I pray that you find the strength and motivation within yourself to do this.
God bless you.0 -
If you want to lose weight, do it for you. Don't ever do it to for a man.
Why is it so wrong to do something to please your partner?
Is it wrong for a guy to cut down on his drinking because his wife doesn't like him coming home drunk too often? Shave off his moustache because his wife isn't keen on it? Stop wearing those skin tight jeans because his wife says he looks ridiculous in them with his pot belly?
Or wrong for a wife to start shaving her legs because her husband isn't keen on the unshaven look? Or lose a few pounds because he would fancy her a bit more if she were a little slimmer? Or wear that little black dress because it's his favourite?
What's so wrong with trying to please your partner - it's listed as one of my reasons for getting in shape.
Is it seen as a sign of weakness for a woman to 'do it for a man'?0 -
FWIW, there are thousands upon thousands of single women out there who would love a boyfriend that was financially and emotionally supportive, and wouldn't mind dropping 30 pounds in a heartbeat to get it.
It won't be as easy out there in the singles world with your new weight and age as it was before where you are in that picture.
You'll likely be on a mission to lose the 30 just so you can date again, and wish you'd have done it when you had the set-up.
I say drop the weight and make your man happy, but if you already don't want too, what else will you not want to do to please him in the future?
Do you hear all the singles out there saying it might be best for you to stay single?
There is an ulterior motive.0 -
My friend was dating a guy who was in love with her since she was 13 and he was in his 20's and yeah he waited for her.
One day she discovered he was not proposing because on all her visits to his house (huge) she never cleaned his place. He thought she might hate cleaning.
She upped her game and had a fairy tail wedding with horse drawn carriage, tiara, and etc.
Personally that would have offended me and I would have sought out another mate. I would have wondered why this didn't come up in regular conversation or why he hadn't taken her clean place as evidence of her neatness?
Each person must make their own assessment of what they can stand and what they can't. To her it was no biggie to me it was a deal breaker and I would not have been happy.
You know in your heart how you feel. I don't judge my friend for her choice, you don't need to consider the feelings of others, you can just rely on your feelings now to inform whether the future will bring resentment you don't want to live with or whether it will bring forgiveness that is worth everything else you love about him. It's your life, you get to make your own choices. Don't complicate things by taking to heart the opinions of tons of online people with such varied perspectives, values, experiences, hangups, and histories as to make their opinion of your situation invalid.0 -
I agree that it doesn't automatically mean this would turn out to be an unhealthy living situation. But anyone who ever put a stipulation on me like that for such a HUGE decision would, I think, deserve a bit of scrutiny. It's not that he mistakenly called her fat in a poor attempt to indicate his concern - he is holding back on marriage over 15Kgs. Marriage is a huge step, a big commitment, and the fact that marriage is dependent on something as small as 15Kgs would concern me for the future. It means that if she ever slips, he can lord that over her. And she can fight and struggle to earn the right to be his bride and the object of his affection, but it's 15Kgs.
Let's turn it around. Someone in the above likened this to a sand in the line over alcoholism. If she went to him and said 'Honey, we can't get married because I think the 2 beers a night you have every night is excessive and I can't marry someone like that' would everyone's response here be to say 'Well you know, it is excessive, and she's just being honest' or would there be a lot of people calling her 'controlling' a 'nag' etc.? There's a difference between being an alcoholic and having drinks, just as there is a difference between being 15Kgs overweight and 'so fat I can't be married to you'.
I just don't like the idea of marriage being conditional over something so slight. Marriage is WORK, there's going to be ups and downs. And if he's not willing to take that step because of a measly 15Kgs - or worse, if he wants to use that measly 15Kgs to make sure he always has the upper hand in the relationship - I don't think that bodes well for the long term, for the sickness-and-health, for the richer-or-poorer.
My only point was to the OP - ask yourself if that kind of self punishment and that kind of stress is what you really want out of the rest of your life. I like to think that a love that builds a strong marriage is stronger than 15Kgs. It's going to have to be stronger than financial stress, screaming kids, and aging.
Work on the weight, sure. I guess I'd just be wondering how I'd fare in that kind of a marriage when a real stressor comes along. But my advice would still be to talk to him about it, maybe he doesn't understand how much this upset the OP, maybe they can find their relationship really is stronger than 15Kgs. And if his commitment is that insecure, I'd ask myself if that's the life I want.
Yet again, I do feel you have valid points (much more rational than all the "omigosh - hes evil - dump him" style responses) and they definitely need to talk .
I dont see the difference in your example though. If you were concerned about the level of drinking - I would say you should address it - and I would definitely say address it before you got married to that person. Again, you shouldnt wait until the person is a full-on whino before letting them know that it is an issue for you.
I guess the difference to me is 'We need to work on this,' and 'Drop and give me 20 to earn my commitment'.0 -
FWIW, there are thousands upon thousands of single women out there who would love a boyfriend that was financially and emotionally supportive, and wouldn't mind dropping 30 pounds in a heartbeat to get it.
It won't be as easy out there in the singles world with your new weight and age as it was before where you are in that picture.
You'll likely be on a mission to lose the 30 just so you can date again, and wish you'd have done it when you had the set-up.
I say drop the weight and make your man happy, but if you already don't want too, what else will you not want to do to please him in the future?
Do you hear all the singles out there saying it might be best for you to stay single?
There is an ulterior motive.
Based on that assessment it's a wonder I ever found a date, much less a fiance, at 240lbs.0 -
FWIW, there are thousands upon thousands of single women out there who would love a boyfriend that was financially and emotionally supportive, and wouldn't mind dropping 30 pounds in a heartbeat to get it.
It won't be as easy out there in the singles world with your new weight and age as it was before where you are in that picture.
You'll likely be on a mission to lose the 30 just so you can date again, and wish you'd have done it when you had the set-up.
I say drop the weight and make your man happy, but if you already don't want too, what else will you not want to do to please him in the future?
Do you hear all the singles out there saying it might be best for you to stay single?
There is an ulterior motive.
LOL. So the only thing important in life is to not be single. Got it.0 -
FWIW, there are thousands upon thousands of single women out there who would love a boyfriend that was financially and emotionally supportive, and wouldn't mind dropping 30 pounds in a heartbeat to get it.
It won't be as easy out there in the singles world with your new weight and age as it was before where you are in that picture.
You'll likely be on a mission to lose the 30 just so you can date again, and wish you'd have done it when you had the set-up.
I say drop the weight and make your man happy, but if you already don't want too, what else will you not want to do to please him in the future?
Do you hear all the singles out there saying it might be best for you to stay single?
There is an ulterior motive.
Based on that assessment it's a wonder I ever found a date, much less a fiance, at 240lbs.
I wonder what your fiancé would put top of the list in things he loves about you?
Caring nature?
Your body?
Face?
Sense of humour?
Fun to be with?
Nice person?
What if you started drinking a little too much and he said he still loves you but the drinking means you're no longer as much fun to be around so the marriage is on hold a little while.
Is he still a jerk? Is it wrong to value appearance over other attributes?0 -
Drop him like 3rd period French.. You deserve better Nuff said
I like French. It makes me sound culturified.0 -
FWIW, there are thousands upon thousands of single women out there who would love a boyfriend that was financially and emotionally supportive, and wouldn't mind dropping 30 pounds in a heartbeat to get it.
It won't be as easy out there in the singles world with your new weight and age as it was before where you are in that picture.
You'll likely be on a mission to lose the 30 just so you can date again, and wish you'd have done it when you had the set-up.
I say drop the weight and make your man happy, but if you already don't want too, what else will you not want to do to please him in the future?
Do you hear all the singles out there saying it might be best for you to stay single?
There is an ulterior motive.
Based on that assessment it's a wonder I ever found a date, much less a fiance, at 240lbs.
I wonder what your fiancé would put top of the list in things he loves about you?
Caring nature?
Your body?
Face?
Sense of humour?
Fun to be with?
Nice person?
What if you started drinking a little too much and he said he still loves you but the drinking means you're no longer as much fun to be around so the marriage is on hold a little while.
Is he still a jerk? Is it wrong to value appearance over other attributes?
He calls me his drunk Irish angel, as it happens. :drinker:
But I understand your point. However, if he came to me tomorrow and said 'I'm witholding marriage until you meet my standards' with no previous discussion, no attempt at open dialogue, nothing but an ultimatum ... I would have to seriously consider how committed he was to me and our relationship, and how he'd hold up during real periods of stress. I'd wonder if I could count on him should the going get tough.
Now, if he had said things like 'Maybe take it easy' or 'Do you need to drink so much?' or sat me down and said that he was starting to become concerned for the amount I was drinking and he wanted me to work on it, I'd be able to respect his wishes, understand his concern, and know that it came from a place of love.
From what I gather, OP's man made a declarative statement that OP is not good enough for him, and if she strives and works for him, MAYBE she'll become good enough to become family. And if they don't address that, OP will likely carry that mentality into her life as a wife - knowing that if she slips up he might once more hold back from her and view her as inferior. That's why my advice to OP is to talk to her man, to see if this was just a clumsy attempt to share his concern about her weight, be it because of her health or his need for an aesthetic. I don't judge his reasoning, he has every right to it and frankly I don't care one way or the other. It's his business.
I'm not saying drop him like a hot potato. Nor am I saying that a person shouldn't try to please their partner or spouse. I'm saying that if 15KG is enough for him to say 'Thanks, but no thanks' it might be prudent to examine the relationship and see if he'll flake out again under other stresses.0 -
I was in a similar relationship. My husband left me two years ago because I "didn't care enough about his feeling" to lose weight. I just had twins two years before that and I struggle to lose the weight. I was crushed and my self-esteem went to the crappers. I started to starve myself and go into a deep depression.
He moved and has been in a relationship with a size 2 girl. It took a long time and counseling to realize it wasn't me. True, my ex-husband was an a**hole. However, I realize we ran our course and it wasn't meant to be. Today, I am glad that I'm not with someone that belittles or emotional abuse me. I am losing weight on my own term and loving the new and confident me. I still have a lot to lose but I know I have alot more to offer than just my weight. Letting go of such toxic is the hardest part. Once you do that, don't ever look back. I say all of this just to say get out sooner than later. Your mind and heart will thank you for this.0
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