Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.
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This is a HOT topic. Try your best and get help,keep the relationship going!0
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Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive!
He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.
I admire your honesty about yourself because too many woman feel being bigger woman is ok-well it is-if you want to die early and if you can help it that is strictly in those terms is what i meant..Vanity wise it shouldn't matter what size you are he should love you unconditionally. A bigger woman IS ok but their is a heavy price to pay(no pun intended) He wants you girl around for the long haul. That means he wants you be healthy also. because being smaller has its prices but also its perks. you feel like a million dollars when you are in shape, have energy, feel and look GENUINELY confident and you are worth it. He should accept you but knowing that he accepts you in any way shape or form can be a real motivation and should make you wanna go off at the gym and in the kitchen! I say good for you and keep it up and do something about it an not just say it and lastly do it for yourself ! It is very worth it-just think of all the ever expensive and growing costs of medical bills so if you want to stay out of that dreadful doctors office and avoid hearing life threatening health conditions your doctor may find about you then you have my full support! But don't let him think he should leave you just for this. We can't change each other-we can only change ourselves and only if we want to. you aren't the one to make him happy as well as it is not his duty to make you happy. its our soul responsibility. May God bless you on your journey to wellness!0 -
My boyfriend told me I was the biggest woman he's ever been with...that alone was my motivation!! However, I knew I needed to lose, he was just the final push to move forward with weight loss...
I too had 4 babies, yep it takes a toll on our bodies...remind him he had no problems making your body look that way, if only men experience what we do...hmpft. I hope you find your own drive whether it be the kids, him, or even looking at your parents as they age and how awful they age...lots of my own reasons to push. God luck!!0 -
You know, when my hub told me I was fat, ugly and disgusting (separate times over several years) it wasn't motivating. In fact, it did the opposite. A few years ago a someone told me that I am worth it and that I deserve to take the time it takes to care about me.
So, here is me telling you, you are worth the time and effort it is going to take to feel good again. I promise. Do it for YOU. Not for him. Do it despite his 'honest' words and blah blah blah. YOU are worth it.
Good luck to you. :flowerforyou:0 -
My boyfriend told me I was the biggest woman he's ever been with...that alone was my motivation!! However, I knew I needed to lose, he was just the final push to move forward with weight loss...
I too had 4 babies, yep it takes a toll on our bodies...remind him he had no problems making your body look that way, if only men experience what we do...hmpft. I hope you find your own drive whether it be the kids, him, or even looking at your parents as they age and how awful they age...lots of my own reasons to push. God luck!!
Excllent job! Woman with kids who are losing weight need special praise and need it often for the hard wok they went through!!! well done, well done to all who have done this. it is very important to stay in shape and stay out the doctors office.0 -
Clift notes for all who have not read.....
-Not a husband, BF of 1.5 years
-3 kids from previous, 1 baby from him
- the first 3 are not his daughters real siblings.
- his older child is a real sibling
- he doesn't like her weight, boobs, or nether regions
-she laughs about how he treats the kids
- says how great it is he is honest (I value honesty but this guy is an *kitten*)
-when people say he sounds like a psycho because of the way he treats the kids, OP laughed and says yep he says he's a psycho and I have called him that.
- She is early 20's
-She makes comments..."that we would all freak if we knew how he treated her son" then laughs.
Weight and honesty are not the issues of this thread.
- ok
- yes
- apparently he knows hes wrong. we had a talk about it.
- apparently he knows hes wrong. we had a talk about it.
- we both don't like my weight, we both don't like my boobs, hes clarified that hes fine with it and he didn't mean it the way i said it.
- I do not.
- honesty is the best policy
- his views are insane, but he will learn to be open minded
- late 20's, i'm 26
- a lot of people think that because hes a step parent he should not be disciplinary toward any of them < these people would freak.
The comment on laughing about how he treats the kids, was you laughed in the reply you made. So i should have worded it you laughed when describing the demeaning behavior he shows towards the kids.
I am glad he knows he is wrong and you guys talked.
You are the one who implied and stated he doesn't treat your kids well....that is a red flag and deal breaker for a mom.
Honesty is best, but the way you described it, he was nitpicking everything. That is not honesty that is being a bully. I am someone for the SO telling someone when they changed too much and if attraction is waning but that is not what you described.
You also spoke of his lack of support. I am glad he said he is proud of you.
Discipline has nothing to do with the behavior you were describing.
Age oops, just knew you were dealing with a lot at a young age
Honestly if he was just misrepresented here, then I hope every thing works. MFP is a great source of knowledge.
If even half of what you stated/or implied was true to how he is. He is showing his true colors very early and it will only get worse and more dangerous (emotionally/physically) for you and your kids. You can say you put the kids first, but if this man has ever said they are not the babies real siblings within the home where they may hear....at that moment you did not put them first. Kids know a lot more than we give them credit for. Any daughters you have should not believe a man behaves this way and any sons should not think his behavior is to be replicated in anyway.
You may not like what others here have observed, but it is how you represented him. I truly wish you and yours the best. Please though view the comments you made about this man and take the advice that you would have given a friend. You are a beautiful girl and most likely have great kids, you guys deserve the best.0 -
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I'm sorry but I can't read anymore... started this thread yesterday and see it's still going today. I read that you say "I'm in a mature relationship":huh:
One and a half years is not long term by any stretch of the imagination...it's a very short term relationship.. perhaps it doesn't feel like that in your 20's. If he's like this already with you and your children... what will he be like to all of you in 5 years? 10 years? 6 months from now?
I agree with others, I do think (hope) you'll find as you gain back your sense of self and self esteem that it's very possible he will not be in your life much longer, which doesn't sound like a bad thing for either of you. You sound far more mature than he does but you sound very very young and not terribly mature. Be a Mother to your 4 children (or as you all put it 1 real child and 3 fake ones??:noway: :brokenheart: ) or 5 actually by the sounds of it, counting him. He sounds quite immature and how you all treat the children now will effect them the rest of their lives. Can we say therapy?
If 3 feel unloved because they are not real, what does that tell the 'real' child ... ...this whole thing is MESSED UP!:brokenheart:
It's sad, annoying to read all the excuses you've made up for not just him but yourself as well. You are parents to young children, time to grow up and stop being selfish.:indifferent:
I don't see what on earth this has to do with weight at all... it's rather like reading a scary novel where you know it won't be a happy ending.:noway:
I hope the children make it through all this...0 -
Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."
I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.
Should he have lied?
Completely Agree. I would rather be told the truth. Sounds like motivation enough for me... Good for you. He should do everything to help you and motivate you as well. He will have to understand your body did bare these kids, his didnt, and should be understanding of you not looking like you did the day yall met.0 -
I just want to say that the way you are handling this is admirable.
I think that we should all be honest in your relationships, even when honesty hurts. That apparently is not the norm here.
I do realize you didn't ask for marital advice.
Now, I wish you nothing but the best in your goals.
My advice is simple, and that is eat a little less, move a little more.
Get out and walk/jog/run with your husband and kids
Take a few weeks and track everything that you are eating, and figure out where you can cut some calories.
Take it slow, it's not a race.
& good luck.
This ^^0 -
I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...
Applause for you man, that's how you motivate someone.0 -
Not an easy conversation you had. The best motivation would be to do it for yourself, if you find yourself unattractive then it is your motivation. Your goal, your journey. Take it one step at a time and make some changes that you can live with for the rest of your life. Good luck
THIS^^
My wife told me the same thing and I was pissed because it means conditional love. Just do it for you.0 -
Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive! He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.
I admire your honesty about yourself because too many woman feel being bigger woman is ok-well it is-if you want to die early and if you can help it that is strictly in those terms is what i meant..Vanity wise it shouldn't matter what size you are he should love you unconditionally. A bigger woman IS ok but their is a heavy price to pay(no pun intended) He wants you girl around for the long haul. That means he wants you be healthy also. because being smaller has its prices but also its perks. you feel like a million dollars when you are in shape, have energy, feel and look GENUINELY confident and you are worth it. He should accept you but knowing that he accepts you in any way shape or form can be a real motivation and should make you wanna go off at the gym and in the kitchen! I say good for you and keep it up and do something about it an not just say it and lastly do it for yourself ! It is very worth it-just think of all the ever expensive and growing costs of medical bills so if you want to stay out of that dreadful doctors office and avoid hearing life threatening health conditions your doctor may find about you then you have my full support! But don't let him think he should leave you just for this. We can't change each other-we can only change ourselves and only if we want to. you aren't the one to make him happy as well as it is not his duty to make you happy. its our soul responsibility. May God bless you on your journey to wellness!
Well said, thank you :flowerforyou:0 -
I was a stay at home mom when I left my abusive husband. I found a home and a job. PLEASE THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN AND LEAVE HIM NOW!!!0
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I'm sorry but I can't read anymore... started this thread yesterday and see it's still going today. I read that you say "I'm in a mature relationship":huh:
One and a half years is not long term by any stretch of the imagination...it's a very short term relationship.. perhaps it doesn't feel like that in your 20's. If he's like this already with you and your children... what will he be like to all of you in 5 years? 10 years? 6 months from now?
I agree with others, I do think (hope) you'll find as you gain back your sense of self and self esteem that it's very possible he will not be in your life much longer, which doesn't sound like a bad thing for either of you. You sound far more mature than he does but you sound very very young and not terribly mature. Be a Mother to your 4 children (or as you all put it 1 real child and 3 fake ones??:noway: :brokenheart: ) or 5 actually by the sounds of it, counting him. He sounds quite immature and how you all treat the children now will effect them the rest of their lives. Can we say therapy?
If 3 feel unloved because they are not real, what does that tell the 'real' child ... ...this whole thing is MESSED UP!:brokenheart:
It's sad, annoying to read all the excuses you've made up for not just him but yourself as well. You are parents to young children, time to grow up and stop being selfish.:indifferent:
I don't see what on earth this has to do with weight at all... it's rather like reading a scary novel where you know it won't be a happy ending.:noway:
I hope the children make it through all this...
Oh no! i never tell my kids that! EVER! they're all brothers and sisters no matter who the father is and they know that.
back to the actual topic. As i have been exercising i found that my kids are my motivation. We did the fit test together for the Insanity videos and they were fantastic little motivators. my 7 year old wants to do zumba today, so thats what we're doing! :P Thank you for your input.0 -
Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."
I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.
Should he have lied?
Completely Agree. I would rather be told the truth. Sounds like motivation enough for me... Good for you. He should do everything to help you and motivate you as well. He will have to understand your body did bare these kids, his didnt, and should be understanding of you not looking like you did the day yall met.
Exactly, i dont like lies or white lies or sugar coating for that matter. A part of me was expecting him to lie but what help would that do? I did insist on him to tell me. so its my fault? Anywho, all other matter can be dealt with with some therapy maybe or (a good slap in the face) a good talking to.0 -
At first I thought maybe this dude isn't all that bad, but after reading about his other gripes about the OP's body I want to punch him in the face. I gotta stop reading this thread. Any dude who wants their woman to get implants is not even a real f*ucking person in my eyes, let alone a man deserving of any woman, sorry. It's just so damn shallow and gross. Why would anybody want to alter themselves with surgery unless it's reconstructive? What is wrong with this world???? Sorry 0
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If he says he's not attracted to you now imagine what he will say when you get old? I personally don't think he loves you. When you love someone you love EVERYTHING even if there are flaws also. Besides he's the one who impregnated you so he has to deal with it that you've gained a bit of wait while having your beautiful kids. This guy pisses me off. What a douche!!0
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You need to do it for yourself before doing it for anyone else. Weight loss has more benefits than just looking better. You'll feel better and be healthier.0
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I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...
I agree. He should not have said that. He should have just tried to help her in her journey to lose for her reasons and in the long run he would benefit withour her even knowing it was a problem for him.
You came to the right place OP! Take it a step at a time, a meal at a time. You will reach what ever goal you set for yourself!
:drinker: :flowerforyou: 0
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