Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

I completely understand what you are saying; just remember that you are doing this for you and if he finds you unattractive you can always throw back the fact that you have 4 kids. Guys never know what to say or at least how to say it.

This is for you sweetheart and no one else.

I'm not reading through 16 pages of internet people advice, but I'll say "divorce," or agree with others who said it, because that's my solution to whenever this problem pops up. You're a woman and you will bludgeon him with his words for the next ~25 years, so might as well just get it over with and start fresh.

You do need to get fit. But for you, not for him. If it's for someone else, your commitment will wane. So, losing weight for the hubs won't work anyway. Second, you may admire his honesty, but fat-shaming has never worked to help someone lose weight. If anything, making someone feel bad for being overweight has the opposite effect: they turn to food for comfort. So...
Definitely move more and eat better. Notice, I didn't say less. Better. We all know how it goes: fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins. Start with setting easy goals for both: say, you'll get two servings of fruits and two of veggies per day, and cut down on white bread and dessert. Then, go from there once that's easy. For exercise, start with low impact, just get your bones used to creaking.
Sustainable weight loss will be extremely slow. 1 lb per week TOPS, but 1/2 lb per week is more sustainable. So, if Mr. Honesty isn't happy about the pace, tell him you're losing weight on your own terms or not at all.

I'm 2ozs. from loosing 100lbs. It has been a long journey but I'm not there yet. I have about another 60lbs. to go, give or take a few. But it has been worth it!

I am healthier than I've ever been...I feel great...I have a confidence that I haven't had in years...I could go on and on.

The most important thing you must do first is change your thinking. You won't succeed if you don't do this. Take this first step and it will save you a lot of frustration and possible failure.

Turn the negative to a positive. No matter who said it. No matter how much it hurts. Things do hurt but don't let it chain you down. You know the old saying, "When you get lemons...make lemonade!" That will be your motivation. Think of ways you can turn things around.

After you've had a serious talk with yourself...start putting it into action!! Start logging everything you eat and drink. You will be surprised how much you are consuming!

Each day find something that can be changed.

Examples:

Drink plenty of water each day. I drink at least 8, 8oz. glassed of water a day and more! It may take you some time getting use to this, so just start replacing sugary drink with water a little at a time. But don't stop until you are drinking healthy. It's not just about eating healthy. You'll be shocked how much you can loose just by change what you drink.

Use measuring cups and spoons. Get a little scale. These are important because correct proportions are a must!

Read from blogs, posts, the community that will build you up and encourage you. Friend people that will support you and that you can be a support to, too. I love the way MFP is set up! They have an data base of info that is endless. All for the taking and putting into practice!

Start change fat foods, sugar filled foods, etc. But one thing I do is...I don't deny myself anything! I may have to go cold turkey for a month or 2 or 3 until I have somethings under control (chocolate and soda for me) but now I rarely have either one of these. I don't crave them like I use to. I might have a soda or a small piece of chocolate but within my daily calorie, fat, etc. allowance for that day.

As you change over to more fruits, veggies, lean meats (I just eat chicken, fish, turkey, beans and only once in a blue moon red meat or pork), you'll find you're body will be satisfied and you won't have as many cravings.

Exercise!!!! You were blessed with 4 beautiful children! Get outside with them! Go for walks, bike ride with them, play tag, catch a ball or frizzbie with them. Get moving!!! The last time we visited my grandkids they said they were glad that I could get outside and play with them like I use too. That gave me more incentive to keep moving!!! Even my grandson who is a 15 yr. old techie was getting outside to join in the fun!

Look for exercise that you enjoy doing and you will stick with it.

Make a shopping list and stick to it. If the kids go with you, make a game up of who can find the healthiest foods for your shopping chart. Find out what fruits and veggies they like too.

Look at labels and find out how much calories, carbs., fat, protein, sodium & sugar are in each food when you go food shopping. It will take more time but it is time well served!

Keep busy...but I'm sure you do with 4 kids! Find things that you've been putting off doing, like clean the garage, a closet, gardening, etc. and do them. It all burns calories!

If you watch TV at night and love snacking be sure to just bring the serving you are allow for that meal.

Make small goals that will get you to your main goal. When you work on that small goal it's a lot easier and not so overwhelming as looking at the main goal all the time.

Get your rest! You must make time for your spirit, mind, emotions and body have time to repair and recoop from the depletion of energy.

Get a scale to weigh yourself. Some people weigh in once a week, some wiegh in once a day. I weigh in everyday first thing in the morning. It works for me. I'm not obsessed with it, it's just routine.

One more thing...Every morning look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I am wonderfully and beautifully made by God!" God never makes junk! He rejoices over you!

I pray you find all the motivation and courage you need. I also hope you find the right support system. That you believe in WHO you are and let the INNER influence the OUTER.

While your husband may find you unattractive, that doesn't make it so. You are very attractive as you are. I would say be confident in yourself, if you feel you want to lose weight or tone and shape your body then do it for you, for your health and happiness. Changing yourself to please him, wont make him more attracted to you if you think it will your fooling yourself. A man would love you as is, if he was suddenly disfigured due to a burn or accident for life would you find him less attractive or the same man you love... I think youd love him the same. His being honest is one thing but its still shallow.

OP may be the most attractive woman on MFP, but if her husband finds her unattractive because of her weight, that's all that matters in this context.

Nobody is talking about "changing oneself" - we're talking about losing weight. And yes, as outrageous as it may sound to some people, lean and fit body is more attractive. If you don't believe me, just go to the "Success Stories" section of the forum. I don't recall reading any "you looked fantastic with 100 pounds of extra fat" comments.

Finally, let's not confuse physical attraction and love. We love many people we're not physically attracted to. It just so happens that the husband-wife type of relationship is more complete and satisfying when there is a mutual physical attraction.

So I applaud the OP's intentions to make changes in her life in order to bring the desired balance to her relationship. Much more productive attitude than the angry pseudo-feminist negativism.

The first thing you should always ask yourself is WHY are you wanting to be healthy. If it's for him to find you attractive again than you can basically throw that reason out the window, I only say that because there's a major pattern of quitting when people are losing weight for someone other than themselves. I also wouldn't think of it was "Losing weight". Think of it as becoming healthy, for you, so you can feel better FOR YOU. You're going through a process of becoming healthy, if a result of being healthy is losing weight then cool. If not, keep trying. Your diet is almost always the first thing that affects your weight, activity is second. Even if it takes a while to figure out your diet, I'm almost positive just adjusting your daily intake would help a ton, at least to jump start you. When I started counting my calories I dropped down 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Thats an extreme example but you could have a similar experience.

While your husband may find you unattractive, that doesn't make it so. You are very attractive as you are. I would say be confident in yourself, if you feel you want to lose weight or tone and shape your body then do it for you, for your health and happiness. Changing yourself to please him, wont make him more attracted to you if you think it will your fooling yourself. A man would love you as is, if he was suddenly disfigured due to a burn or accident for life would you find him less attractive or the same man you love... I think youd love him the same. His being honest is one thing but its still shallow.

100% Agree! My husband is HONEST with me. He has told me that he found me more attractive when I was 100lbs smaller 10 years ago when I asked him, but he has never ever said he finds me disgusting and unattractive now that I have the weight. That is not LOVE! If it is than you and I love in two completely different ways! It would be impossible for me to look at my soul mate and best friend for over 10 years and find his appearance disgusting...I don't care if he gained 500lbs or was a burn victim. That is isn't love...that's shallow and cruel.

IF you want to lose weight, then lose it for yourself and NOBODY else. Trust me...losing weight to fit somebody else's standard is never a good idea...

If you can say that to your spouse, you are probably married to the wrong person. Or actually, she is.. I can't even imagine...

Well you could always leave him with the four kids and go to a 6 week spa where there is no stress, prepared meals, plenty of rest and regular convenient yoga classes, wt training and massage. I bet that weight would fly off. I have four children also and although I love them too pieces it is a major struggle from birth until....lets see my oldest just graduated UC Davis 2 weeks ago and still comes lives with me sometimes.

You need a routine, a relaxed routine like you drop the kids at school and go to a nice gym where you aren't stressing about laundry, take a shower, have time to shave. The latest workout recommendation is for high-intensity-interval-training and women should lift weights like men. Maybe a personal trainer if you aren't gym savvy, or research. dailyburn on u-tube I just downloaded, I belong to a gym but wanted something for home too.

Since carbs are my Achilles heal I'll go with that one, program this site so that you only take in 20 to 30 grams of carb a day, crank up your protein and even your fat. Carbs are more easily stored, turned into fat. I prefer, and since you have children you need to teach, to only eat natural foods: butter, Breyer's ice cream, homemade chicken salad, homemade mac-n-cheese. Read labels. If you can't identify the first 4 things it really isn't food. Use fresh vegetables, and fresh fruit. Limit everyones's bread, crackers, cereal, processed anything. Before my divorce and if your husband is critical, i found myself eating candy when I heard his voice (a bad sign)

I'm not going to say your husband is a jerk but he NEEDS to help you to be in a place you can lose weight; happy, stress free, not trying to feed you junk. Beware when a spouse says one thing but then actively works to keep you heavy.

Hope this helps, been there done that...finding time for yourself while raising four kids should be part of a master's degree.
Good Luck

There is always keeping it to himself - y'know if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

As you told your husband loves you and you have that confidence. Then what he said is not wrong.

In my case my husband had problems with my seriousness about my carrier and i had problem with his appearance.We love each other very much and we accepted each other the way we are but still we want our partner to improve in some areas. Now i improved myself a lot and he also tried his best to improve him. Now i am so much focused in my carrier and he also tried his best to make him presentable. Then we felt it was good for us not only for our partner. So nothing wrong in that.

I think this was not the first time he told you to lose weight right??? He expected it from you for a long time. But you didn't try.
May be that's why he told you directly.

Weight loss is not too hard. Actually its fun if you enjoy. It will become your passion. It will completely change you life. Its a great thing. You will look good and you can get rid of health issues. Actually its a must thing for everyone. So your husband is not asking for a wrong thing.

1. Eat 5-6 small meals in a day instead of 3 large meals.
2. Avoid outside food as much as possible.
3. cut down all the sweets from your diet including sugar.
4. Avoid processed food and go for fresh chicken, fruits, vegetables etc.
5. Choose low fat dairy products instead of full fat.
6. Drink minimum 8-10 glasses of water per day.
7. Sleep at least 7-8 hours.
8. exercise regularly at least 1 hours in a day and 5 days in a week.
9. Increase your protein intake.

If you follow these rules you will lose weight. Not immediately but definitely.

“Fall down seven times, get up eight”

Best of luck.

Answer my question. If she fails, what good is his honesty for their marriage?

A relationship that is not built on honesty is not a relationship at all. If they are no longer compatible for whatever reason then they SHOULD communicate about why and then communicate about how to fix it (if they even want to) to be honest he should have said something sooner - or better yet DONE something about it. HELP her, start cooking healthier food, taking the kids so she has time to work out or do activities as a family. Dropping the "I'm not attracted to you anymore" card like that was an *kitten* thing to do for sure, BUT yes, it had to be said. Once it's out there you can decide what to do about it - if anything.

Losing weight for 'someone else' is very nearly impossible. You need to want it for yourself. If you want it for yourself then you need to have others around you to be supportive - or at least not be jerks about it. So, if you decide you still want to be with your hubby and he is serious about helping you then go for it. If he was just using that excuse, you may find yourself eventually going it alone and without the desire to do it for yourself, you will fail. I hope you can find a path that works for you.

Isn't that enough of motivation when your own guy doesn't find you attractive anymore?

Your husboyand seems to have some deep seeded insecurities of his own. Misery loves company and what better way to make himself feel better, than to drag you down with him. He's a *kitten*, plain and simple. He sounds like a mean-hearted loser in my opinion. I am 27 and my husband and I have been married for less than a year. We have been together about 5 years. He knows that if he said anything like that to me, that I would probably karate-kick him right in his junk! I know that you asked him, but he clearly doesn't know what tact is. And as you said that he doesn't like your son? Oh hell no! That would be a major deal breaker for me. I don't have children yet, but I can only imagine how you feel. He needs to get the hell out. You need to let him go. If you want to lose weight and get healthier, that's awesome but you need to do this for you and you alone. Not for some *kitten* who has the gall to try and make you out to be ugly. No one should ever be made to feel like they are less of a person. You are a strong beautiful woman inside and out and you need to drop him! Move on with your life. You are young and you have 4 beautiful babies who look up to their mother. Don't let them get the wrong message about you, and think that how your husboyand treats you is the right way to treat someone else.

Good luck!