Can your SO access your phone?

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Replies

  • mrsKOrtiz
    mrsKOrtiz Posts: 949 Member
    Yes. However, mine is locked but because I have a 3 year old that LOVES technology.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    My SO has my passwords to just about everything.
  • FitGal4ever42
    FitGal4ever42 Posts: 265 Member
    :sick: Yes... My motto.. delete.. delete.. delete... All gone !
  • gringuitica
    gringuitica Posts: 168 Member
    I lock my phone so my toddler can't access it (and delete my photos, emails, etc.), but my husband has the code. Does that mean he should randomly pick up my phone and go through it? Absolutely not. Marriage doesn't erase my desire for some privacy. (I still close the bathroom door, too. Imagine that.)

    I gave him the code because I want him to have access my phone, when he has reason. Like getting a phone number or forwarding himself a photo I snapped. So while I have nothing to hide and no real objection to his accessing my phone, I still think there should be permission involved.

    Consent. Respect. Trust. These things are important to marriage/relationships, and they go both ways. So sure, he can have access to my phone but that doesn't mean he should access it with wild abandon.
  • Raynne413
    Raynne413 Posts: 1,527 Member
    My phone is locked and my boyfriend knows not to touch it. . . . . . . . . . but only because he hates Apple and keeps threatening to put it in my Vitamix. :-D
  • ximenia
    ximenia Posts: 62 Member
    Yup, neither of us have lock codes and generally use each others phones for things when one is charging or something. I have nothing to hide, and neither does he.
  • trekkie907
    trekkie907 Posts: 1
    My husband has access to my phone, and I have access to his. :) I make a point not to go snooping though. I don't believe in invading his privacy. He always has access to my phone because he's my tech guy, and he fixes my problems. Except for the months leading up to our wedding when I changed my passcode. I had a picture of me wearing my dress on there, and I didn't want him to see it.
  • mitchiejo
    mitchiejo Posts: 179 Member
    My SO and daughter both know my passwords. I don't have anything to hide.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member
    I have a lock code on my phone because...I dunno I just do, but he knows it because I've asked him to call someone for me while driving before. I also know the lock on his.

    Neither of us have ever felt the need to go through the other's phone. Could we if we wanted to? Yes. But I feel like some of the trust would be gone if that happened. I'm not hiding anything, but I also have the right to a personal life and we're respectful of each other's boundaries because that's what trust is. It's honestly never even been a conversation before.
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
    I think it depends on how the other person feels about it.

    I snoop through my bf's phone and he snoops through mine. Neither of us expects to find anything so we're not doing it because we're suspicious of the other person (believe me, we've been together 7 years, there is a mountain of trust between us). It's just out of curiosity. We're separated during the work day so I'm just interested in how his day went, who he's been chatting with, etc. It's never in a malicious fashion.

    Maury_zps00891363.jpg

    While I like your use of that Maury meme, I'm not lying. You can't have a successful, long-lasting relationship without trust. We have trust.

    Now I'm tempted to fish out the, "You keep using that word, I don't think you know what it means" gif.

    Trust isn't snooping through your partner's phone to see who they've been talking to. You say it's not malicious, there's a ton of trust, etc. But if there were you wouldn't be looking through their phone.

    You would just ask them and believe what they tell you.

    But everyone's relationship is different and I only wish you all the best with yours.

    It's not malicious and there is trust between us. And I appreciate you not finding that gif because that's condescending, thanks.

    What works for one couple won't work for another. You can't pass a judgment on our relationship as a whole based on one fact that is insignificant.

    We all have our reasons for doing what we do. If you were to snoop your partners phone maybe it's because you don't trust them. However, me looking at my boyfriend's text messages doesn't mean that I don't trust him. I do, very much so, and he trusts me as well. Plus, I feel like by me admitting that I look at his phone, you think that I'm constantly checking out his internet history or his chat conversations that he has with his friends online. I don't. And it's not like he's hopping onto MFP to check out what I've been saying in the message boards.

    I'm just a bit of a nosy person and so is he. Nosy-ness doesn't inherently coincide with suspicion.
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    Phone, computer, internet history, facebook, email, whatever...My husband can access any of it if he wants. We each have our own computers but we use each others if it's more convenient and he could easily access any of my accounts/browsing history or whatever. We lock our phones to prevent butt dialing but we both use the same code to unlock and even answer each other's phones if it happens to be next to us. I've been in his email account and he's been in mine (looking for information we needed, not to check for cheating)

    The only thing he still won't do is go in my purse. Even if I ask him to get something out of it he will just bring the whole thing to me. He simply REFUSES to put his hand in there like if he does it will get bit off or something.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
    No way. It's MY phone. If she feels the need to check up on me or my email or whatever, then she can hit the bricks.

    I have nothing to hide but I'm not giving up my right to privacy.

    ^ A lot of trust you have built there. You're obviously hiding something.

    Obviously. Guilty unless proven innocent.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    My boyfriend has my password (he got miffed because I gave it to my friends while on vacation and not him so I understood and told him), but if I ever catch him snooping through my phone there will be a problem. He gave me his password but I've never even wanted to go through his phone. If you have to go through someone's phone, you don't trust them.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
    I think it depends on how the other person feels about it.

    I snoop through my bf's phone and he snoops through mine. Neither of us expects to find anything so we're not doing it because we're suspicious of the other person (believe me, we've been together 7 years, there is a mountain of trust between us). It's just out of curiosity. We're separated during the work day so I'm just interested in how his day went, who he's been chatting with, etc. It's never in a malicious fashion.

    Maury_zps00891363.jpg

    While I like your use of that Maury meme, I'm not lying. You can't have a successful, long-lasting relationship without trust. We have trust.

    Now I'm tempted to fish out the, "You keep using that word, I don't think you know what it means" gif.

    Trust isn't snooping through your partner's phone to see who they've been talking to. You say it's not malicious, there's a ton of trust, etc. But if there were you wouldn't be looking through their phone.

    You would just ask them and believe what they tell you.

    But everyone's relationship is different and I only wish you all the best with yours.

    It's not malicious and there is trust between us. And I appreciate you not finding that gif because that's condescending, thanks.

    What works for one couple won't work for another. You can't pass a judgment on our relationship as a whole based on one fact that is insignificant.

    We all have our reasons for doing what we do. If you were to snoop your partners phone maybe it's because you don't trust them. However, me looking at my boyfriend's text messages doesn't mean that I don't trust him. I do, very much so, and he trusts me as well.

    I'm just a bit of a nosey person and so is he. Nosy-ness doesn't inherently coincide with suspicion.

    See, the thing is you're using the term "snoop":

    1.
    investigate or look around furtively in an attempt to find out something, especially information about someone's private affairs.

    noun
    noun: snoop

    1.
    a furtive investigation.

    If you're "snooping" around in your SO's phone then that means h/she doesn't know you're doing it and you are doing it because you want to find something out.

    If you're simply looking at their phone because you need something from it then that's different. I never have just picked up my husbands phone and started going through it "because I felt like it". The only time I will access his texts, answer his phone, check his email etc. is if he's busy, left his phone upstairs and it went off, or he's driving.

    But then again I know what he's getting on his phone because he shows/tells me and vice versa. No "snooping" necessary.

    (oh and FWIW: adjective: nosey

    1.
    (of a person or their behavior) showing too much curiosity about other people's affairs.

    verb
    verb: nosey

    1.
    pry into something.)

    So yeah. You are prying.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Honestly, the only thing I keep on lock down is my MFP account, that's the only place you can find my long conversations about relationship troubles.

    My phone is technically locked, because I don't want my daughter to get nosy and see dirty pics. But I have tons of push-through, and notifications, and if it beeps while I'm busy "Baby who's messaging me??" So he can see a lot of things but not the deep hidden MFP conversations about my inner frustrations about certain relationship topics.

    Not wanting someone to see your messages because you've been chatting about relationship issues is a far cry from infidelity, but both can cause someone to want privacy on their phones.

    Since the Facebook pops up on the other's computer once or twice a month to log on, I have ample time to sift through messages there if I need too, but I don't. I just close it.

    We both run groups that require an offensive amount of social networking, his swords, mine a discussion group.

    I promise from the bottom of my heart, both phones/FB/etc are filled to the brim with conversations with members of the opposite sex, and I'm secure that he's not cheating on me with any of them, and he's secure in me as well.
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
    See, the thing is you're using the term "snoop":

    1.
    investigate or look around furtively in an attempt to find out something, especially information about someone's private affairs.

    noun
    noun: snoop

    1.
    a furtive investigation.

    If you're "snooping" around in your SO's phone then that means h/she doesn't know you're doing it and you are doing it because you want to find something out.

    If you're simply looking at their phone because you need something from it then that's different. I never have just picked up my husbands phone and started going through it "because I felt like it". The only time I will access his texts, answer his phone, check his email etc. is if he's busy, left his phone upstairs and it went off, or he's driving.

    But then again I know what he's getting on his phone because he shows/tells me and vice versa. No "snooping" necessary.

    (oh and FWIW: adjective: nosey

    1.
    (of a person or their behavior) showing too much curiosity about other people's affairs.

    verb
    verb: nosey

    1.
    pry into something.)

    So yeah. You are prying.

    I know what I'm doing, thank you.

    And when I look at his phone, he's always sitting right next to me. He sees that I'm doing it. We both always have our phones near us. I can see him looking at mine, he sees me looking at his. It's not a secret.

    I probably should have said that to begin with, maybe that would've made a difference.

    But I don't need to be told the definition of words, thank you. I don't use them unless I know what they mean.
  • bunbunzee44
    bunbunzee44 Posts: 592 Member
    He could access it anytime he wanted. or my computer ,I don't keep them locked. I've got nothing to hide from him.
  • ten5039
    ten5039 Posts: 19
    We're always on each others phone. We both know that the other has nothing to hide. That the awesomeness of being a relationship with someone who values the relationship.
  • mimieon
    mimieon Posts: 182 Member
    If he wants to sure. I would find it odd and a bit rude though if he would specifically wanted to go through my phone to check on me.
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
    We're always on each others phone. We both know that the other has nothing to hide. That the awesomeness of being a relationship with someone who values the relationship.

    Thank you.
  • melissafaith24
    melissafaith24 Posts: 251 Member
    I dont keep my phone locked nor does he. We occasionally pick up each others phones if it rings or dings if the other isnt where we can catch it. I have all his passwords (i didnt ask, he volunteered) and he has mine (again, volunteered). The only thing I keep from him is my # on the scale lol...and hes horrible at guestimating my weight. Not sure if he truly believes I weigh around 145-150 or hes trying to be nice but he continually guesses since I wont tell.

    After being married (and divorced of course) to someone who habitually kept their phones and computers locked and scrambled to minimize or flip screens when i walked even 5 foot from him, it is refreshing to have this kind of trust. (and yes the ex had numerous affairs and shennanigans).
  • Rogiefreida
    Rogiefreida Posts: 567 Member
    We've always kept our phones unlocked, same with computers and ipad. Nothing to hide here. It would be a huge red flag if either one of us suddenly started locking our phones, etc.

    I think I've snooped through his phone once or twice in over 7 years. He has nothing to hide, neither do I. I have no idea how many times he's gone through my phone, nor do I care.
  • heidispideymfp
    heidispideymfp Posts: 179 Member
    Phone, computer, internet history, facebook, email, whatever...My husband can access any of it if he wants. We each have our own computers but we use each others if it's more convenient and he could easily access any of my accounts/browsing history or whatever. We lock our phones to prevent butt dialing but we both use the same code to unlock and even answer each other's phones if it happens to be next to us. I've been in his email account and he's been in mine (looking for information we needed, not to check for cheating)

    The only thing he still won't do is go in my purse. Even if I ask him to get something out of it he will just bring the whole thing to me. He simply REFUSES to put his hand in there like if he does it will get bit off or something.

    I've been with my DH for 20 years and he STILL refuses to go through my purse. He says he's scared it may look like the interior of my car :noway:
  • arnostbilej
    arnostbilej Posts: 56
    It's not about having something to hide, it's about privacy. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that I give up my right to privacy and allow my SO to sift through every aspect of my life. That smacks of disrespect and co-dependency, both of which are no bueno for a healthy relationship.
  • Joy_Ryder
    Joy_Ryder Posts: 21
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  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    I don't lock my phone and neither does my partner.
    Neither of us look at each others phone on the sly and we have no inclin to either.
    We trust each other 100% and I know this because if the our phone rings while one of us is driving, the other will answer it.

    If there is no trust there is no relationship. But sometimes, it is not as sinister as it seems.
    I once had a friend who accused her boyfriend of cheating bacause he locked his phone and was secretive. I told her not to worry but she didn't listen. It all came to a head when he split up with him, turns out he was planning a suprise marriage proposal!!
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
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    It's Gene!

    I'd let him snoop through my phone any day :)
  • FeraFilia
    FeraFilia Posts: 4,664 Member
    My husband knows the unlock code for my phone, which is only there because I've got a bad habit of pocket dialing.

    His phone isn't locked.

    Neither one of us asks to see the others phone to "check up" on them for any reason. The only time we use each others phone is if one of ours is dead and we need to make a phone call or if one of us is driving, the other will answer the incoming calls or texts.

    The only time I have anything to hide from him is when I'm planning a surprise for him and texting with his family.
  • I_need_moar_musclez
    I_need_moar_musclez Posts: 499 Member
    It's not about having something to hide, it's about privacy. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that I give up my right to privacy and allow my SO to sift through every aspect of my life. That smacks of disrespect and co-dependency, both of which are no bueno for a healthy relationship.

    ^^^This.

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