Do i have the right to be upset?
Replies
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1) I have to agree with everyone else that ask why he is bailing because he was in a fight with his mama it looks like he would be happy to leave home for the weekend.
2) Not responding to your concerns or texint you back isn't OK
3) Seems like he has some growing up to do since he still lives with mama and bails on you at the drop of a hat
4) Just my thought.... I would find someone local that I didn't have to rearrange my schedule for and could see on a regular basis. And as someone else said. He's lying!0 -
I hate long distance relationships because they simply don't work. Yes, some people have made them work and have gotten married and lived happily ever after. However, I've never met a couple that survived that way. I even have a good friend who lives in NC in the military, and he's been married to a woman whose family is in GA. They were facing divorce because the distance was hurting their relationship. People have trouble not seeing their SO regularly, and although the cliche "absence makes the heart grow fonder" may work for some, I've never known anyone that it worked for. If you are the type of person who needs to see your man on a regular basis, then it might be a good idea to find someone closer. Then again, nobody knows your relationship except you and your man. Keep in mind, though, that long distance relationships take longer to reach milestones, and they take longer to end when things don't work out, simply because it can take time to even get the chance to work it out face-to-face.0
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Yeah. Hes totally a lying cheater.
For all those jumping to conclusions, you dont know what kind of relationship the OPs BF has with his mother.
Just sayin0 -
Story time!
Knew someone (lets call her Ember) who bailed on a birthday party once because her and her SO had an argument. The b-day girl had moved in from out of state (across half the country really) and Ember was the only friend she had made locally. B-day girl loves birthday parties and all things related; cake, balloons, noise makers, etc. B-day girl had made special arrangements for her party, to not have the balloons that she loved out, as Ember has a phobia of balloons. The morning of the party the b*tch (Ember) bailed on coming. Other guests from the b-day girl's SO's work still came, but she didn't really know them. The one "friend" that caused normal plans to be changed, just so that she could participate, bailed. There are lots more stories of Ember and how she treated people like this regularly, but this seemed the most relevant to the thread.
People are people. Perhaps if a tiff with someone prevents your SO from seeing past their own short sighted mood then they might not be a great person to be with. Either the story he states of why he isn't coming isn't true and maybe there is room to find out what the real problem is, or he just isn't worth your time. That is what life has taught me at least. Good luck.
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long distance relationships are terrible and you should break up right away0
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You absolutely have the right to be upset. You worked hard to make it so you could spend the weekend with him, and not only did it disrupt your schedule, but it also disrupted another persons normal routine.
In reading some of the other posts I agree with most, but my initial take on the situation (while reading) was ok, understandable, if it was a HUGE blowout and he was really upset, maybe some alone time to decompress is a good thing. I know personally, that is how I handle similar situations. But then thinking about it a bit, he is telling you on Wednesday that he cannot come see you Friday for the planned weekend.... was it really that bad? Does he really need that much time to decompress? Then I thought maybe he was trying to be considerate because you had moved so many things, telling you with plenty of time so maybe you could get things back on track, not have to work evening shifts next weekend..... I can give the benefit of the doubt.... well until I read that he won't return your texts or calls, that just seems a bit odd. But wait, if he is really that ticked off over this blowup with his mom, maybe he doesn't feel like talking at the moment.
Give it till the end of the day, then if you still don't hear anything back from him, I would rethink the entire situation..... And is this the first time he has done something like this? You should really stop and think if there is anything else that has happened recently to set off some alarm bells.
Best of luck!0 -
Based on the facts mentioned, the boyfriend certainly is a sh1tty communicator. And speaking as one who has been in a long-distance relationship, communication is key. Personally I think there's no room for drama queens in such a relationship, but if it survives being apart such long times, I think there's a really solid foundation built.
sounds advice on how to deal with *kitten*. this could very well be a legit situation with a nice guy, we have nowhere near enough info to assume either wayAlso, I notice that it is people who have had the worst relationships that offer the most relationship advice.
How To Be Miserable 101.
^ truth, though in this case the dude sounds like a weeny
And he may very well be a weenie. :laugh:
But we have little information and a majority of people projecting.
People who have had people **** on them offer sound advice. I am now happily engaged to an amazing man. You're very quick to judge, asshat.
you are very quick to judge her boyfriend, no?
Personally, the one person I'd want to be with would be my SO. I can't imagine a grown man being so upset by a fight with his mom that he would cancel a trip to see his girlfriend. Agree though that it's all guesswork here but my eyebrows are going up on this one, particularly since she changed work and he's not answering his phone.
Edit: typo. Damn phone. Agree on projecting though
Yep agreed,obviously all relationships are different and some people prefer alone time but speaking as someone who has been in a LDR communication is sooo important, probably even more so than when you are near each other. If he can't talk to you about stuff which he is upset about then you probably shouldn't be together any way.
Another thing I think has no place in a long-distance relationship is selfishness like this boyfriend has displayed. It's not just about you and your feelings, but there's another person, who has to make quite a few arrangements. Often there are airports, transportation issues, etc. involved and perhaps even shift work to consider, so if one isn't prepared to bend a bit more than usually (yes, it's really nice and comfy to just withdraw and be alone when there's been a fight with someone, ain't it), the consequences can be considerable compared to if the couple live close to one another.
I hope you will have a nice weekend once the dust has settled a bit, OP.0 -
the amount of projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much
Well he ignoring his calls. Maybe he is spending time with the boys so they can gather around drink and talk
A lot of people are assuming way too much but the past say a lot of people can be deceitful.
Every person is different though right? To show empathy just because If you were him and answer when your LD gf calls means that what you would do.0 -
Is he staying with his mom when he comes to visit you? Or does he stay with you?
If he stays at his mother's I could see it being a good reason to not want to come home, depending on what the fight was about.
I'd still be pissed about the shift thing cause I understand the whole shift trade/night shifts thing but I would make the best of it and plan something else this weekend.
He lives with his mom for now and I have my own place.so he will be staying with me0 -
He sounds immature, and possibly dishonest. Break it off now and save yourself further heartache.
yes what she said. very juvenile reaction and probably not true. good luck0 -
Did you actually tell him the trouble you went to? Because otherwise he has no way of knowing how inconvenient his cancellation was.
she clearly stated it in her post that she did and he ignored her calls and texts0 -
Did you actually tell him the trouble you went to? Because otherwise he has no way of knowing how inconvenient his cancellation was.
Why even reply to the thread if you aren't going to read the entire first post?
Pet Peeve: People that ask questions that are already answered had they just took the time to read before responding
strong this0 -
Sounds to me like the OP is a stage 3 clinger. He should break up with her.
but, what's her hotness level in relation to her clinger level??
I agree.how she clingy?i am assuming that's something you would do a well as you clearly see nothing wrong with it?0 -
Wait, he texted you on Wednesday to say he wouldn't be seeing you on Friday because of a fight with his Mum?
Does he tend to sulk for a long time otherwise how does he know he will still be in a bad mood a few days later?
I don't get it...
this is why I call BS. Most arguments with my immediately family are resolved in a day or two. Also, I agree with others when it comes to getting away from his mom for a few days and if he lives with her, that not being a good sign. Not to mention the fact that he's ignoring your texts/calls. Based on my previous experience, you are likely to not hear from him again; unless it's to spill more lies.0 -
i agree somethng just doesnt sound right... i would be the one to "suprise" him as well.. that way you will at least get an answer0
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Wait, he texted you on Wednesday to say he wouldn't be seeing you on Friday because of a fight with his Mum?
Does he tend to sulk for a long time otherwise how does he know he will still be in a bad mood a few days later?
I don't get it...
this is why I call BS. Most arguments with my immediately family are resolved in a day or two. Also, I agree with others when it comes to getting away from his mom for a few days and if he lives with her, that not being a good sign. Not to mention the fact that he's ignoring your texts/calls. Based on my previous experience, you are likely to not hear from him again; unless it's to spill more lies.
Just cause your fights are does not mean OP bf are over in a day or two. And she has the weekend off. Why does she not just go see him. At least you will find out where your relationship stands. That option would more likely piss him off even more though.0 -
the amount projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much
Seriously.
To everyone stating, "He's lying!" have you never had a fight with a loved one and been in a bad mood? Is that really so out of the realm of possibility?
A lot of people have had really bad relationships, and that is informing the advice they're giving.
Yeah, I do not understand the confusion people are having. If I am in a bad mood I want to be alone. I dont want to talk or see anyone, including my SO. It is therapeutic for me amd ensures that I dont say something that I will regret while upset.
So what happens if the relationship progresses into marriage? You can't just ditch your wife and kids just because you're in a bad mood...0 -
Wait, he texted you on Wednesday to say he wouldn't be seeing you on Friday because of a fight with his Mum?
Does he tend to sulk for a long time otherwise how does he know he will still be in a bad mood a few days later?
I don't get it...
this is why I call BS. Most arguments with my immediately family are resolved in a day or two. Also, I agree with others when it comes to getting away from his mom for a few days and if he lives with her, that not being a good sign. Not to mention the fact that he's ignoring your texts/calls. Based on my previous experience, you are likely to not hear from him again; unless it's to spill more lies.
Just cause your fights are does not mean OP bf are over in a day or two. And she has the weekend off. Why does she not just go see him. At least you will find out where your relationship stands. That option would more likely piss him off even more though.
I agree that not everyone is the same, but this is not the only factor here.0 -
the amount projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much
Seriously.
To everyone stating, "He's lying!" have you never had a fight with a loved one and been in a bad mood? Is that really so out of the realm of possibility?
A lot of people have had really bad relationships, and that is informing the advice they're giving.
Yeah, I do not understand the confusion people are having. If I am in a bad mood I want to be alone. I dont want to talk or see anyone, including my SO. It is therapeutic for me amd ensures that I dont say something that I will regret while upset.
So what happens if the relationship progresses into marriage? You can't just ditch your wife and kids just because you're in a bad mood...
Guys night out.0 -
the amount projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much
Seriously.
To everyone stating, "He's lying!" have you never had a fight with a loved one and been in a bad mood? Is that really so out of the realm of possibility?
A lot of people have had really bad relationships, and that is informing the advice they're giving.
Yeah, I do not understand the confusion people are having. If I am in a bad mood I want to be alone. I dont want to talk or see anyone, including my SO. It is therapeutic for me amd ensures that I dont say something that I will regret while upset.
So what happens if the relationship progresses into marriage? You can't just ditch your wife and kids just because you're in a bad mood...
Sure you can because your spouse will know you and how you are when you're in a bad mood. When I'm in a rotten mood for whatever reason my husband knows to back off and leave me alone.0 -
the amount projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much
Seriously.
To everyone stating, "He's lying!" have you never had a fight with a loved one and been in a bad mood? Is that really so out of the realm of possibility?
A lot of people have had really bad relationships, and that is informing the advice they're giving.
Yeah, I do not understand the confusion people are having. If I am in a bad mood I want to be alone. I dont want to talk or see anyone, including my SO. It is therapeutic for me amd ensures that I dont say something that I will regret while upset.
So what happens if the relationship progresses into marriage? You can't just ditch your wife and kids just because you're in a bad mood...
Guys night out.
He had Wednesday and Thursday to do that and still see her on Friday. Apparently with this guy, it takes more than a couple days0 -
the amount projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much
Seriously.
To everyone stating, "He's lying!" have you never had a fight with a loved one and been in a bad mood? Is that really so out of the realm of possibility?
A lot of people have had really bad relationships, and that is informing the advice they're giving.
Yeah, I do not understand the confusion people are having. If I am in a bad mood I want to be alone. I dont want to talk or see anyone, including my SO. It is therapeutic for me amd ensures that I dont say something that I will regret while upset.
So what happens if the relationship progresses into marriage? You can't just ditch your wife and kids just because you're in a bad mood...
Guys night out.
He had time for two guys nights out before the time he is supposed to come and see her. Sorry, it doesn't wash.0 -
Is he staying with his mom when he comes to visit you? Or does he stay with you?
If he stays at his mother's I could see it being a good reason to not want to come home, depending on what the fight was about.
I'd still be pissed about the shift thing cause I understand the whole shift trade/night shifts thing but I would make the best of it and plan something else this weekend.
He lives with his mom for now and I have my own place.so he will be staying with me
You still have not answered the question as to whether or not this is the first time he's done this to you.0 -
Maybe he's hiding a drug habit. Maybe the fight was about her finding his stash!
Break up
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Wait, he texted you on Wednesday to say he wouldn't be seeing you on Friday because of a fight with his Mum?
Does he tend to sulk for a long time otherwise how does he know he will still be in a bad mood a few days later?
I don't get it...
this is why I call BS. Most arguments with my immediately family are resolved in a day or two. Also, I agree with others when it comes to getting away from his mom for a few days and if he lives with her, that not being a good sign. Not to mention the fact that he's ignoring your texts/calls. Based on my previous experience, you are likely to not hear from him again; unless it's to spill more lies.
Just cause your fights are does not mean OP bf are over in a day or two. And she has the weekend off. Why does she not just go see him. At least you will find out where your relationship stands. That option would more likely piss him off even more though.
I agree that not everyone is the same, but this is not the only factor here.
Well this situations all comes down to trust. Does she trust him or is she going to jump to conclusions. BTW when some men I know including me get angry, pissed off about whatever and our gf call. If we don't want to talk we don't. Does not mean we are getting something on the side. It means go away. Then we see the pile on missed calls and texts. We don't get happier. We might get even more pissed like look why are you still calling after I did not answer miss call # 10.0 -
(you're beautiful) + [ (he's lying) OR (just a douche) OR (16) ] = (break it off now) + [ stop doing whatever you've done to (create OR sustain OR enhance) the "relationship" ]0
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the amount projection in this thread is ridiculous. have none of you ever wanted a weekend alone after having a sh*tty week? who the hell wants to spend 4 hours on a train in that kind of mood?
im not saying its 100% chance he's not lying, but jesus jump to conclusions much
Seriously.
To everyone stating, "He's lying!" have you never had a fight with a loved one and been in a bad mood? Is that really so out of the realm of possibility?
A lot of people have had really bad relationships, and that is informing the advice they're giving.
Yeah, I do not understand the confusion people are having. If I am in a bad mood I want to be alone. I dont want to talk or see anyone, including my SO. It is therapeutic for me amd ensures that I dont say something that I will regret while upset.
So what happens if the relationship progresses into marriage? You can't just ditch your wife and kids just because you're in a bad mood...
Guys night out.
He had time for two guys nights out before the time he is supposed to come and see her. Sorry, it doesn't wash.
He works Monday -Friday so when does he have time for guys night out. Maybe he has no PTO time to take personal days to handle whatever it is.0 -
i know i am going to come off harsh but i am telling u from personal experience long distance stinks..i been there. do u trust him how old r you guys. hes not putting any effort into u guys. break up with him, dont waste your life with someone who doesn't even have the guts to return your calls. you can do better. dont call him move on. how long have you guys been dating. you have every right to be mad. you dont know what hes doing, he could be lying or cheating...sorry just be strong. when i was in a abusive relationship for 7 years, i wasted time but you learn from it. i started up kickboxing 5 days a week concentrated on me and my goals, i couldnt believe how many guys wanted to date me. i felt very in powered and happy in my own skin. Do you change your number, if he cares he will come running back or would make a effort. please take care0
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"Oh My God! She's calling me AGAIN! What a b1tch! Wish she'd just stop calling me!"Well this situations all comes down to trust. Does she trust him or is she going to jump to conclusions. BTW when some men I know including me get angry, pissed off about whatever and our gf call. If we don't want to talk we don't. Does not mean we are getting something on the side. It means go away. Then we see the pile on missed calls and texts. We don't get happier. We might get even more pissed like look why are you still calling after I did not answer miss call # 10.
How horrible to have a girlfriend who cares about you and wants to talk, sort a situation out before it develops into something nastier. If you're so hellbent on not talking, be a decent human being and send an effing text message at least. Takes a few seconds and she has at least SOME kind of communication from you.
If you're in a relationship, you aren't single and that means you hopefully WANT to talk to your best friend. Isn't there any limit to how selfish people can be? I suggest you look up the definition of compromise, because we are still talking about a long-distance relationship where communication is the only bond between two people when geography keeps them apart.0 -
OP, just break up. That seems to be what the consensus is and your happiness does not necessarily concern me.0
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