Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

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Replies

  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    It's a blessing in disguise. You have different values to him.

    Better now than if you had put on weight during or after pregnancy.
  • mzbek24
    mzbek24 Posts: 436 Member
    I know how you feel, but at the end of the day there's no point, I feel, in you trying to do this for him to take you back. DO THIS FOR YOU.

    He has shown his true colours, and what he values. Attraction is important to a relationship, yes. But if he can't see enough worth or have enough patience to hold it together while you lose weight gained due to a fricken injury, then he does not truly love you for who you are. And at the end of the day you deserve a man who does. Do not be afraid of not finding someone else. That's no reason to want to stay with a man who makes you feel so bad about yourself. I hope that you find someone much better when you have had time to heal and improve for yourself! I bet you will, I mean look at that beautiful face! this guy has no idea lol.

    Above all else, you deserve to feel like your love is not contingent on your looks, and be on egg shells always trying to stay in perfect shape just to please him and keep him there. We are all going to get old and wrinkly one day. And who is to say that he wouldn't walk out on you again on something else, like getting older or gaining any weight or if you ever had another injury?

    They say the best revenge is success. So my recommendation is to move forward and use this as motivational fuel if you want to, but accept that he has chosen to leave. Who knows? it could be the best thing that ever happened to you. It was like that with my ex and at the time I felt I'd never love anyone as much. Now I'm like "Oh thank god!" lol.
    Take care of yourself, do what is going to make you happy in the long term. Try not to dwell on it, keep busy, explore hobbies and fitness goals, get adequate sleep and eat well, avoid excess alcohol and develop good supportive networks of friends, family, mfp friends around you. You can do it! believe in yourself and good luck :)
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
    Why is he a jerk or arsehole if he isn't comfortable with a fat person?

    Because he's SHALLOW. That might be ok for some people, but it's not a quality I would EVER want in someone I was going to date. But I guess my standards may be different than others'.
  • rodduz
    rodduz Posts: 251 Member
    Get ripped and stick to fingers up to him when he looks at you and thinks, 's*it... I f*cked up!'
  • logg1e
    logg1e Posts: 1,208 Member
    I think your weight is an excuse, not a reason, for him finishing you. Be prepared for another woman to suddenly appear very, very quickly.

    You have to move on, at least to the outside world. I know it's difficult but do not contact him, do not declare your love for him. It's not like he's exactly going to change his mind because your feelings are deeper than his, is it? You've already lost the biggest amount of unwanted weight you'll ever lose in your life.
  • mtnbluezgirl
    mtnbluezgirl Posts: 12 Member
    35? And afraid you won't meet someone else! Girlfriend....smile. You are young enough to meet the right one....as this jerk was obviously not it. Get healthy. I'm 46 and finally getting control of a life long weight problem. Healthy is the key. Looking totally hot is the revenge. NEXT!
  • amjmom
    amjmom Posts: 32
    If he dumped you for that then he did not really love you and was just looking for a reason to leave. I am 39. My husband has stuck by me for 20 years. And weights ranging from 160 to my heaviest 285. All he has ever said to me at that weight is that he wanted me to lose weight so I could be healthy and so I could be happy. I think you are better off without this guy. I know it hurts but the pain will ease with time. Make the weightloss something you are doing for yourself not for someone else.
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
    Get ripped and stick to fingers up to him when he looks at you and thinks, 's*it... I f*cked up!'

    Yep, this is part of my motivation to lose weight. I would NEVER take my ex back, but I sure can take pleasure in making him contrite when I sashay by. :bigsmile:
  • rachaelbeech
    rachaelbeech Posts: 10 Member
    totally agree with roduz!! let him see how much hes messed up with he passes you in the supermarket and your looking amazing!! that will show him :)
  • sweetiecorn
    sweetiecorn Posts: 115 Member
    Screw him, the horse sounds like a better option.
  • logg1e
    logg1e Posts: 1,208 Member
    Move on with your life, but don't make your health all about him. You being slim in 6 months is not going to win him back, and he's not actually that great a prize, is he?
  • _funrungirl
    _funrungirl Posts: 145 Member
    I have read through the comments - all of them and all the sentiments you should take in.

    Also the fact he left says more about him that it will every say about you. For me I think you have already lost the biggest amount of dead weight you can in the form of your ex.

    At this point in time - be gentle with yourself - put yourself first and look after number one (at least for a while). Weight is just 1 part of the self esteem puzzle, I hear you want to loose weight and get him back, but loose it for you, to be healthy. While your on this journey really think about what makes you happy and seek it out, become your own person again.

    If there is 1 piece of advice I can ever really stress though its this: Don't call/ text or otherwise contact him. If you really want to show him what you are made off leave him alone. This gives you back the control of your own life and shows you do not need him. Trust me its a powerful tool which will make you feel stronger over time.

    I wish I could give you a massive hug :(

    ^^^ Couldn't have said it any better.
  • mfp2014mfp
    mfp2014mfp Posts: 689 Member
    I'm sorry for your pain now, but in all reality you probably just dodged a bullet. You could have ended up spending your whole life with such an uncaring person, Id be thanking that 80 pounds :flowerforyou:
  • Veggie_mama
    Veggie_mama Posts: 77 Member
    Honey, do you want to be with someone that is basing his feelings and relationship on how you look?
    I, too, have been dumped for being "too fat" or "not thin enough" and currently am going through a situation now. It does hurt. And the person who says these things obviously MUST be perfect. (<---smell that? Ahhhh....sarcasm.)
    I'm of the opinion, and it is only my opinion, that you can do MUCH better than this person who has hurt you.
    You were injured and gained weight. That he hasn't supported you is disgusting. That when you are "down", he leaves. This, my dear, is NO Prince Charming.
    You are a beautiful lady and there are TONS of men out there that would LOVE to get to know you.
    If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, for your optimum health. Please don't waste your energies on a person who does not deserve you.
  • mooie70
    mooie70 Posts: 70 Member
    Sounds like this guy is an arsehole. You want to lose weight for yourself, not for him!

    By taking care of yourself you'll realise your own self worth and then you will realise that you don't need a guy like that :)

    This!!!
  • mooie70
    mooie70 Posts: 70 Member
    Sounds like you had a lucky escape. If he is so shallow that a bit of extra weight has made him run away then it obviously wasn't true love on his part. Better to find out now, have a little cry, dust yourself off, pick yourself off and get on with the rest of your life. Someone will come into it who will be there for you through thick and thin ('scuse the pun :laugh: ). Hugs to you, your heart will mend in time, I promise!

    and this!!!
  • arguablysamson
    arguablysamson Posts: 1,709 Member
    Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner. I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better. Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible. How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out. I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...

    I know what it is like to have a back injury. I struggled long with the pain, and in my case, the pain thankfully receded with the weight loss. Best of luck with that.

    In your case, just ask yourself:

    1) Do I want to lose the weight?

    And

    2) Do I want to be with someone who will only accept me if I lose the weight?

    There is merit in expecting a partner to take care of themselves, but what if you had been disfigured? Would he be the type to break up or divorce you if you were no longer attractive? Think about that. And of course, it is high time to move forward in your life--in every way. Something better will come along. It almost always does in these situations.
  • Jim_G10
    Jim_G10 Posts: 132
    Sounds like you had a lucky escape. If he is so shallow that a bit of extra weight has made him run away then it obviously wasn't true love on his part. Better to find out now, have a little cry, dust yourself off, pick yourself off and get on with the rest of your life. Someone will come into it who will be there for you through thick and thin ('scuse the pun :laugh: ). Hugs to you, your heart will mend in time, I promise!

    and this!!!

    I agree with this............time to think about you!
  • captaindle
    captaindle Posts: 30 Member
    First of all, I'm so sorry this is happening to you and that you're going through this. I have been there as well. It sucks!!! So cry, scream, feel miserable, and wallow in it for a little while. Then, pick youself up, throw on some Gloria Gaynor's I will Survive and Kelly Clarkson's Stronger and get motivated. In the beginning that motivation will be anger and rage and that's fine. Being angry is part of the healing process. But soon, that anger will turn into loving yourself and the acceptance that this "man" was just not right for you.

    Second, I'm 46 years old and I've also believed that in my 30's I was too old for anyone to want me. That is an absolute lie that we tell ourselves. At 41, I met my 26 year old signifcant other. We've been together for 5 years and he's truly the most amazing man I've ever met. Not to be silly about such a serious topic but, "Never give up! Never surrender!" (Quote form the movie Galaxy Quest. ) During the time that we've been together I've gained at least 60 pounds and do you know what he says to me EVERY DAY? That I'm gorgeous. And now that I'm working to lose weight, he tells me I'm gorgeous now and I'll be gorgeous then. There truly are great men out there so please don't give up hope and above all. love yourself.
  • DYELB
    DYELB Posts: 7,407 Member
    I think grammar may have been an issue as well.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner. I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better. Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible. How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out. I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...

    I would let him go. You can find someone better.
    What if you were seriously injured and couldn't exercise again? Or got fat from having HIS kids. He wouldn't support you.

    35 isn't the end of it. There are plenty of good guys out there.
  • laynerich15
    laynerich15 Posts: 1,918 Member
    Will start buy wishing you well on your fitness journey, you have taken the right step in joining MFP.

    As for your Ex, It is hard not knowing both side's of the story. But if he wasn't physically attracted to you anymore he does have the right to walk away (would you of preferred he cheated), that said there is someone out there for everyone. at 35 you are not "old" and I am sure there will be plenty of men wanting to take his spot.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    If someone dumps you because you gained weight, hes a total douche nugget. Forget about him. I know it stings, I do. But clearly doesn't care about you and is superficial and NO one deserves that. You deserve much better. First and foremost, someone who loves you for you!
  • jeannelabanane
    jeannelabanane Posts: 38 Member
    Congrats, however much he weighed, that's how much you've lost that you needed gone. Carry on losing whatever you want to lose for your own self, but the hard part is over.

    This is just perfect.

    OP - I've sent you a personal message.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    He's an *kitten*, screw him.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    He's an *kitten*, screw him.

    /thread
  • caracrawford1
    caracrawford1 Posts: 657 Member
    You just lost more than 100 pounds of useless weight. You got rid of him. Now, go on and lose the rest of your weight and find someone worthwhile.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    His loss. Why would you want someone like that in your life?

    And you're not too old to find someone else, you are NEVER too old for that. I have had back surgery too, I know what you're going through. Let him go find someone as shallow and superficial and STUPID as he is. You're better off.
  • peachmagic
    peachmagic Posts: 57 Member
    Why is he a jerk or arsehole if he isn't comfortable with a fat person?

    1. It's beyond shallow is why. Plus according to OP he had put on weight himself at one time.
    2. He broke up with her via TEXT after dating for over a year!!!!!

    I really don't think this requires much explaining???
  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
    I didn't read any of the comments but forget this kid, it obviously wasn't meant to be. There was probably more going on other than him being picky about your weight, but even so what would happen if you got married and had a family together? With someone that vain it's only a matter of time before a divorce. You dodged a bullet in my opinion.

    If you want to lose weight only do it for you, nobody else. I highly recommend that you check out this site and record your foods. Futher more I highly recommend that in addition to eating calories at a deficit to lose weight that you start a beginners heavy lifting program to hold onto muscle and improve strength. Once you get to your goal weight you can up your calorie intake and put on some muscle, and I don't care if you're a man or a woman heavy lifting will help you to look and feel amazing.

    Forget Mr. Vain, his jaw will drop when you start posting the after pictures later down the road.
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