Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

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  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

    I am going to ask you to consider eating meat. It will do wonders to your body.
  • CA_Underdog
    CA_Underdog Posts: 733 Member
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    You aren't ugly. You aren't horrible. You did allow yourself to gain 80lbs and stopped being his idea of attractive. He deserves his right match as much as you. You're very pretty to me, and I'm sure many in your area will likewise find you attractive. Once you've accepted this loss, and taken some time to renew yourself, you will surely find the right partner for you. :)
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,324 Member
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    I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

    really?

    tell us more.

    what are the wondrous things that will happen if the OP goes raw vegan?
  • ShannonS921
    ShannonS921 Posts: 194
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    I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

    come_on_gtfo_now_gif.gif




    To the OP....you are beautiful. Our weight does not make us who we are as people. If he truly loved you 80lbs ago, he would love you and want to be with you now. If he had a problem with your gain, he could have gone about it in a different way or helped you to lose it more productively. Focus on yourself and being happy with you, the rest will fall into place for you.
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
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    OP: I thought you must be 18 by what you wrote. Nope. Please, it's time to stop revolving your life around pleasing someone else. All there is is YOU. Do everything for YOU, please YOU only. If you are unhealthy (I'm talking mentally) you will only attract other unhealthy people to you, hence the latest jerk boyfriend. You do not NEED someone else; learn to be whole and everything will fall into place on its own over time.

    Also, take ownership of your health (don't just blame the injury - you could still choose to eat healthy foods) and choose to do something about it. Feeling sad and putting yourself down is completely useless. Decide how you want to go forward from here and commit fully. Also, and most importantly, change your inner dialogue to only positive thoughts about yourself.
  • candacet36
    candacet36 Posts: 353 Member
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    Sounds to me like you lost about 200 pounds of worthless weight!! If a man doesn't love you for you he doesn't deserve you!

    Now I want you to pick yourself up and start fresh today! You can do this....do it for you and only you and one day he will be sorry....and it will be TOO LATE!

    You are a beautiful woman and the number on the scale does not define you!!!
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

    I am going to ask you to explain yourself.
  • rowlandsw
    rowlandsw Posts: 1,166 Member
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    It hurts but it sounds like you're going to be better off without him. Remember that he's the one who was wrong in all this and he'll be the one in the long run who regrets leaving you.
  • Mangogurl5
    Mangogurl5 Posts: 2 Member
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    I'm sure you are in love with him still but he sounds like a complete douche because of that. Any real man that really loved you would NEVER do that. So sorry he was so mean to you. You do not deserve that. Even if you lost it and he came back, I would think it would feel crappy just knowing he only loves you because you look good. Also, what if you were to get married and have kids and then end up heavier because of having kids? He won't be there for you then either. He will learn that looks fade and it's the person inside that counts. He will end up with some really fake chick that only has looks going for her. He will end up lonely later in life if he doesn't change. Love is not conditional when it's real love. You will meet someone else and probably someone much better than that. My advice, get freakin' HOT and when he comes back around asking you out, go on a date and then when he wants to get back together, just say "Oh, you aren't really man enough for me and it looks like you got fat. I gotta go. Don't call me." haha he deserves that. Good luck! Stay stong!
  • mrsduke2924
    mrsduke2924 Posts: 104 Member
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    I'm so sorry you're hurting right now - you seem a beautiful woman, and you deserve better than this.
    However much we all brandish our pitchforks and yell about what a moron this guy is, he mattered to you and because of that you feel devastated at the break up.

    However remember the old adage - time is a great healer. Start acting for YOU. Get yourself in shape, if that's what you want - trust me (and look at my profile) you won't do it until you're ready.

    Then get 12 months down the line and realise the best weight you dropped was this loser. Friend me if you need a bit of love and support - you're gorgeous. Don't forget it :flowerforyou:
  • joellendstokes
    joellendstokes Posts: 6
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    Honestly good for you! If he is dumping you just for putting on weight then he isnt worth a second of your time hun. Dont shed 1 more tear over someone that insensitive! Dumping someone because of their weight is not love. Now I know that has got to be extremely hard on your self esteem anyway, i know it would just destroy me. But you should just focus on you girl! Just make yourself happy and healthy, and dont do it for no man like him.
  • rbiss
    rbiss Posts: 422 Member
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    This is the type of guy that will leave you a number of superficial reasons. It hurts now, but it's better to get rid of him then keep him around. Good riddance!
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
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    I have been here, it's a painful experience and at the moment probably feels like the worst thing in the world. I have struggled with my weight since I was in my teens. In my early 20s I got involved with someone, we moved in together and I thought it was love. I had lost a lot of weight before we got together but when we were living in the same house I stupidly became comfortable; with extra hours at work to cover the rent and spending time with friends at bars/clubs/restaurants I started to gain it back...before we had been living together for 4 months he had actually told me that I was a) getting fat and b) he was putting me on a diet. I just smiled, thought that he was doing it because he loved me and followed 'orders'.

    I had low self-esteem, had never been in a successful relationship (I attract cheaters) and put up with the fact that he constantly compared me to his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend (the woman he left his ex-wife for). I made the mistake of trusting that he loved me (he said he did), I put up with his legal battle with his wife and the investigation into reasons for his not paying child support to her (he had left before the child was born and never saw him - but tbh I felt this lack of interest was wrong and had tried to help re-establish the fledgling relationship - something he did thank me for)...

    In the end it came down to the fact that he didn't love me for who I was; he wanted to marry an English woman so he could stay in the country, he wanted someone who would do what he wanted, when he wanted, and the fact that even though I was bullied, belittled and treated like crap I somehow managed to stand up for myself. In the end it was his constant cheating (see, attracting cheaters) that ended our relationship (on my brother's 21st birthday). He told me that he didn't want to tell me it was over because he felt it would make me want to kill myself, but that he had met someone else, they were moving into OUR house but he would like me to stay because he needed help with the rent!

    Anyway, the moral of the story is that I am better off without him. He was the one with the problem, not me. I needed to lose the weight for myself, NOT for him and the fact that he couldn't accept me with all my baggage (weight, self-esteem problems and lack of desire to become a mother - though this had NEVER been mentioned before the split) meant that however much the split hurt it ended up being for the best.

    To the person who said "you're not married, no commitment" that's not quite true, this couple were obviously together for years, living together etc, all the commitment (a piece of paper does not make a difference except for in the law courts - it certainly doesn't mean that the feelings are hurt any less, or promises of love aren't made) so the hurt when it breaks down is still going to be there.

    Get back on the treadmill/dive in the pool. You will find someone one day who is deserving of you and who you are. For now focus on you and making you who you want to be.

    These days, a lot of people are 'married' without ever actually getting legally married, so I get the bit above in bold. But frankly, until you are married, either legally, or at the very least have made a public commitment to each other in the same vein (having a kid together counts), the obligation to stay through thick and thin just is not there.

    The hurt is still there, though - like when a good friend decides to blow you off for whatever reason. Doesn't make him any less of an asshat. But, you are ultimately better off for discovering that this person is this way so you don't put any more faith in him than you already have.

    Take some time and grieve for what you thought you had. Then pick yourself back up, show him what's what, and find someone who deserves you - and make sure you treat your new partner as he deserves, too.
  • stephe1987
    stephe1987 Posts: 406 Member
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    Work on yourself. Eat at a deficit and work out as much as you're able to, even if you have to start out doing short walks or light swims. You need to do this for you and not for him.

    Please do not get back together with him even after you lose the weight because he's clearly not worth your time. 35 is not too old to find a decent man to spend your life with. Someone who will support you and encourage you in your weight loss because he's concerned about you and your heath and happiness. Not someone who will leave when times get hard.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    1. You're better off without him and when you feel better you'll realize that.

    2. You will meet someone else.
  • atorina21
    atorina21 Posts: 65 Member
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    A real man's love will not disappear once a variable in your relationship fluctuates; he will stand by your side and help you through your difficult times. He did you a favor; I'd like to see what his future wife would look like after 3 kids and how that would make him feel.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    You two were clearly not a good match. If you value him wanting you regardless of your weight, then he's not the one for you. It hurts for something like that to be the reason someone leaves you, but you are still in control and you have something to motivate you to succeed. Turn the negative into a positive.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    A real man's love will not disappear once a variable in your relationship fluctuates; he will stand by your side and help you through your difficult times. He did you a favor; I'd like to see what his future wife would look like after 3 kids and how that would make him feel.

    I can't agree with the "real man" statement. A real man does whatever a real man does. This particular real man happens to value an attractive appearance. That's like saying "you don't have a real job if they can't accept you in your sweatpants."

    If the physical wasn't as important to us as it is to others, none of us would be here.
  • Bownzi
    Bownzi Posts: 423 Member
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    DO NOT TRY TO GO BACK TO HIM!!!! Spine injuries are painful...I am recovering from one now..If he can't love you now he didn't love you then...Lose to weight...live your life...You are better than that...:noway:
  • fatboyliz
    fatboyliz Posts: 515 Member
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    You deserve SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.

    You don't want him back!!!! Sounds like he wanted to break up, and used your weight as a an excuse (people are rarely honest in break ups). He is a fud.

    Looking at your pic, you look beaut, and ultimately, personality is what counts, so I have no doubts that you will meet someone lovely.

    For now, don't speak to him, don't look at images of him - if you want to lose weight, it's for YOU and your health, not for him. He gets nothing, not your words, kindness, or oxygen.

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