Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

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  • joellendstokes
    joellendstokes Posts: 6
    Honestly good for you! If he is dumping you just for putting on weight then he isnt worth a second of your time hun. Dont shed 1 more tear over someone that insensitive! Dumping someone because of their weight is not love. Now I know that has got to be extremely hard on your self esteem anyway, i know it would just destroy me. But you should just focus on you girl! Just make yourself happy and healthy, and dont do it for no man like him.
  • rbiss
    rbiss Posts: 422 Member
    This is the type of guy that will leave you a number of superficial reasons. It hurts now, but it's better to get rid of him then keep him around. Good riddance!
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    I have been here, it's a painful experience and at the moment probably feels like the worst thing in the world. I have struggled with my weight since I was in my teens. In my early 20s I got involved with someone, we moved in together and I thought it was love. I had lost a lot of weight before we got together but when we were living in the same house I stupidly became comfortable; with extra hours at work to cover the rent and spending time with friends at bars/clubs/restaurants I started to gain it back...before we had been living together for 4 months he had actually told me that I was a) getting fat and b) he was putting me on a diet. I just smiled, thought that he was doing it because he loved me and followed 'orders'.

    I had low self-esteem, had never been in a successful relationship (I attract cheaters) and put up with the fact that he constantly compared me to his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend (the woman he left his ex-wife for). I made the mistake of trusting that he loved me (he said he did), I put up with his legal battle with his wife and the investigation into reasons for his not paying child support to her (he had left before the child was born and never saw him - but tbh I felt this lack of interest was wrong and had tried to help re-establish the fledgling relationship - something he did thank me for)...

    In the end it came down to the fact that he didn't love me for who I was; he wanted to marry an English woman so he could stay in the country, he wanted someone who would do what he wanted, when he wanted, and the fact that even though I was bullied, belittled and treated like crap I somehow managed to stand up for myself. In the end it was his constant cheating (see, attracting cheaters) that ended our relationship (on my brother's 21st birthday). He told me that he didn't want to tell me it was over because he felt it would make me want to kill myself, but that he had met someone else, they were moving into OUR house but he would like me to stay because he needed help with the rent!

    Anyway, the moral of the story is that I am better off without him. He was the one with the problem, not me. I needed to lose the weight for myself, NOT for him and the fact that he couldn't accept me with all my baggage (weight, self-esteem problems and lack of desire to become a mother - though this had NEVER been mentioned before the split) meant that however much the split hurt it ended up being for the best.

    To the person who said "you're not married, no commitment" that's not quite true, this couple were obviously together for years, living together etc, all the commitment (a piece of paper does not make a difference except for in the law courts - it certainly doesn't mean that the feelings are hurt any less, or promises of love aren't made) so the hurt when it breaks down is still going to be there.

    Get back on the treadmill/dive in the pool. You will find someone one day who is deserving of you and who you are. For now focus on you and making you who you want to be.

    These days, a lot of people are 'married' without ever actually getting legally married, so I get the bit above in bold. But frankly, until you are married, either legally, or at the very least have made a public commitment to each other in the same vein (having a kid together counts), the obligation to stay through thick and thin just is not there.

    The hurt is still there, though - like when a good friend decides to blow you off for whatever reason. Doesn't make him any less of an asshat. But, you are ultimately better off for discovering that this person is this way so you don't put any more faith in him than you already have.

    Take some time and grieve for what you thought you had. Then pick yourself back up, show him what's what, and find someone who deserves you - and make sure you treat your new partner as he deserves, too.
  • stephe1987
    stephe1987 Posts: 406 Member
    Work on yourself. Eat at a deficit and work out as much as you're able to, even if you have to start out doing short walks or light swims. You need to do this for you and not for him.

    Please do not get back together with him even after you lose the weight because he's clearly not worth your time. 35 is not too old to find a decent man to spend your life with. Someone who will support you and encourage you in your weight loss because he's concerned about you and your heath and happiness. Not someone who will leave when times get hard.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    1. You're better off without him and when you feel better you'll realize that.

    2. You will meet someone else.
  • atorina21
    atorina21 Posts: 65 Member
    A real man's love will not disappear once a variable in your relationship fluctuates; he will stand by your side and help you through your difficult times. He did you a favor; I'd like to see what his future wife would look like after 3 kids and how that would make him feel.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
    You two were clearly not a good match. If you value him wanting you regardless of your weight, then he's not the one for you. It hurts for something like that to be the reason someone leaves you, but you are still in control and you have something to motivate you to succeed. Turn the negative into a positive.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
    A real man's love will not disappear once a variable in your relationship fluctuates; he will stand by your side and help you through your difficult times. He did you a favor; I'd like to see what his future wife would look like after 3 kids and how that would make him feel.

    I can't agree with the "real man" statement. A real man does whatever a real man does. This particular real man happens to value an attractive appearance. That's like saying "you don't have a real job if they can't accept you in your sweatpants."

    If the physical wasn't as important to us as it is to others, none of us would be here.
  • Bownzi
    Bownzi Posts: 423 Member
    DO NOT TRY TO GO BACK TO HIM!!!! Spine injuries are painful...I am recovering from one now..If he can't love you now he didn't love you then...Lose to weight...live your life...You are better than that...:noway:
  • fatboyliz
    fatboyliz Posts: 515 Member
    You deserve SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.

    You don't want him back!!!! Sounds like he wanted to break up, and used your weight as a an excuse (people are rarely honest in break ups). He is a fud.

    Looking at your pic, you look beaut, and ultimately, personality is what counts, so I have no doubts that you will meet someone lovely.

    For now, don't speak to him, don't look at images of him - if you want to lose weight, it's for YOU and your health, not for him. He gets nothing, not your words, kindness, or oxygen.
  • atorina21
    atorina21 Posts: 65 Member
    used your weight as a an excuse (people are rarely honest in break ups).

    So true.
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
    Hello, so sorry this is going on right now. Have you seen how beautiful you are????? Don't think about yesterday, but tomorrow. He obviously is not the one. Today is my 33 rd wedding anniversary. Mu husband has seen me thinner, fatter, hair standing on end, no makeup, puke in my hair and every other bad scenario. Love isn't about your body, but your heart. Absolutely there has to be a physical attraction, but do you want someone is is obviously so insecure himself that he tries to make you look bad,???life is about choices... Do this for yourself, no one else. You are responsible for your own happiness. Dont forget how beautiful you are. Hugs
  • michaeljacksonfan333
    michaeljacksonfan333 Posts: 56 Member
    Congrats, however much he weighed, that's how much you've lost that you needed gone. Carry on losing whatever you want to lose for your own self, but the hard part is over.

    YES! Couldn't have said it better myself!
  • NZnative_Girl
    NZnative_Girl Posts: 30 Member
    What a ****... I think you deserve better. You deserve someone who will like you no matter what size you are. What i've learned is that you should not do this for anyone else but your self. If you want to change, then you do it for you.

    Forget about him, concentrate on you :-)

    Take care.
  • morethenjustmum
    morethenjustmum Posts: 170 Member
    You can lose the weight, he unfortunately will always be an a** hole.
  • Tal_Kyrte
    Tal_Kyrte Posts: 38 Member
    Even though this left you feeling completely horrible, this experience brought out his true colors. You can now see him for who he truly is, a shallow, self absorbed douche who ditches the people he loves. You deserve to be with someone who will love you in thick in thin, in sickness and in health. He doesn't deserve you. What if you had stayed with this guy? At some point or another, we all become less attractive. Would he have dumped you if you had stretch marks after having his baby? Would he have left you when your hair went gray? What about when your boobs sag? Or when you start getting wrinkles? Sooner or later, our love has to transcend physical attraction, or else it wastes away.

    It may not seem like it now, but you dodged a bullet. When you lose the weight, don't you dare get back with him. He doesn't deserve anyone so fabulous. Find someone who loves your wonderful inside just as much as your beautiful exterior.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    Bump
  • reneeot
    reneeot Posts: 773 Member
    No matter the reason there is a breakup it feels bad. Don't focus on the reason, it will just make you feel worse. Grieve all you need but don't let your grief stop you from moving forward. Feel bad...but eat right. Feel rotten,,,but hit the gym. When you finish grieving you will have something positive already going on in your life.

    It's easy to say be glad he's gone, just move on and all the other cliche's one hears. But the bottom line is it feels crappy right now!

    Yes you are feeling no one else will want you and that having him is better than nothing. That's just the grief talking and it will subside, as I know that you know. Just hang in there!! And start dating! Invite a guy to coffee, and then move on to the next with no expectation. Maybe one of them will come running after yah! How exciting would that be! Go out and have some fun, with people who accept who you are! bigsmile: Go to a dance school and take a dance lesson where you don't have to bring a partner. Go with friends to a wine tasting. Go to the theatre and watch a play or opera! Just do things, while you wait for the pain to subside! Go places where you can interact with other people. :flowerforyou:

    This will be hard to do, but just keep trying. Some days will be better than others, and some days will be worse. But just keep doing positive things for yourself.

    These are words coming from someone who has been dealing with a unrequitted love with a very dear friend. My heart goes out to you!

    Hugs!
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    A real man's love will not disappear once a variable in your relationship fluctuates; he will stand by your side and help you through your difficult times. He did you a favor; I'd like to see what his future wife would look like after 3 kids and how that would make him feel.

    I can't agree with the "real man" statement. A real man does whatever a real man does. This particular real man happens to value an attractive appearance. That's like saying "you don't have a real job if they can't accept you in your sweatpants."






    This

    If the physical wasn't as important to us as it is to others, none of us would be here.
  • lukewind
    lukewind Posts: 177 Member
    Sounds like you got rid of a grade A douchbag from your life. I would look at it as a good thing and move on sweetheart.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Unfortunately some people are not attracted to bigger women, even if there was history before. It sucks and I'm sorry, but he did what he felt he had to do to find his own happiness and fulfillment in life.
  • w734q672
    w734q672 Posts: 578 Member
    ^ yeah, what he said. To summarize his point, sometimes reality sucks
    Unfortunately some people are not attracted to bigger women, even if there was history before. It sucks and I'm sorry, but he did what he felt he had to do to find his own happiness and fulfillment in life.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    ^ yeah, what he said. To summarize his point, sometimes reality sucks
    Unfortunately some people are not attracted to bigger women, even if there was history before. It sucks and I'm sorry, but he did what he felt he had to do to find his own happiness and fulfillment in life.

    Yup. And I'm not going to blame him for it either. It beats the hell out of not being attracted to your partner and one or both becoming bitter over it.
  • Elizabethgulick93
    Elizabethgulick93 Posts: 46 Member
    I too recently had a breakup, although not for the same reason. Honestly, if someone is going to break up with you for being "fat" then you don't want them in your life. You should be losing weight for yourself, and no one else! I know it's hard to think about, but honestly that's just such a lame excuse that I bet he was already losing interest in the relationship. My advice to you would be to work on you! When everyone else fails, you're always going to have to depend on yourself! If you can't depend on YOU, then you can't depend on anything or anyone! Feel free to add me for emotional support and advice, my breakup was devastating but I am slowly picking up the pieces and moving on. Good luck!
  • SEAFOODMAN
    SEAFOODMAN Posts: 342
    he's definitely a loser, you're better off. you're beautiful!.................alot of guys like that, also alot of women like that lol............least there will be no distractions if you want to focus on dropping weight.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    It makes me sad that this guy is getting blasted.
  • w734q672
    w734q672 Posts: 578 Member
    ^yeah, what he said
    It makes me sad that this guy is getting blasted.
  • evelyn150
    evelyn150 Posts: 6 Member
    i was 130 lbs when i got married but weigh over 220 lbs. now. My husband does not like fat women so we are like roommates now. We get along but I know he doesn't like the way I look. I have lost over 25 lbs but our relationship will always suffer. I believe that if a man doesn't like overweight woman, you are better off without him even if you lose all the weight.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    i was 130 lbs when i got married but weigh over 220 lbs. now. My husband does not like fat women so we are like roommates now. We get along but I know he doesn't like the way I look. I have lost over 25 lbs but our relationship will always suffer. I believe that if a man doesn't like overweight woman, you are better off without him even if you lose all the weight.

    :noway:
  • sheiscute22
    sheiscute22 Posts: 10 Member
    I know you are hurting. And I'm sorry. I hope it doesn't take you too long to feel the gratefulness that will come because he is no longer in your life. He actually did you a great favor. What if you married him and he shamed your children the way he shamed you. I know you would not allow that for one minute.

    I remember a male family member (in politics) lecturing my 85 year old mother about her weight. He had her in tears, she was just getting dementia, and trust me, he didn't care. She was confused and hurt. Of course, I interceded and threw him out of the house. Apparently he was concerned that his potential voters would not vote for him because of his mother's weight. So you see how crazy and stupid this sort of thing is. I told him that rational adults do not judge others based upon someone elses weight. I also encouraged him to seek therapy to address his shame issues. It was long overdue.

    In spite of all of that, I felt compassion for him. We were both raised in an alcholic home and all emotionally crippled. I was the only one who got professional help, thru the kindness of strangers and groups of people like this who are committed to living the best life they can.

    Keep up the good work and keep blogging. You'd be surprised at how many people you help. Thanks for everything.
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