Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

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Replies

  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    Not everybody is attracted to bigger people, just like not all people are attracted to people who have a lot of muscle, it is the same thing.

    I have been told that my tattoos make me look manly and that I look too tough lol. To each their own
  • klkarlen
    klkarlen Posts: 4,366 Member
    Screw him, the horse sounds like a better option.

    Amen. I have two horses in my barn, and one of them has been with me through two ex-husbands. The horses are never that shallow.

    In all sincerity, I have not read all the posts yet, but I wanted to say that you can do this, do it for you, the saying "looking good is your best revenge" is so true. It really does give you a great ego boost to look and be your best.
  • dcbird13
    dcbird13 Posts: 2 Member
    Hang in there, I know it hurts but if he really cared about you he would be there for you. My wife and I have been married for 24 1/2 years. It is not what is on the outside but who you are on the inside. As we have changed physically with age, we still care and love each other as the first day.
  • Smirnoff65
    Smirnoff65 Posts: 1,060 Member
    I haven't read through all the thread but read your story and seriously it seems to me you are better off without him, looking at your profile pic you look lovely, I'm sure you will have no problems finding someone who loves you for the lovely girl that you are
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
    Could he have been nicer about ending the relationship?

    Yeah, probably.

    Is he "vain" or "shallow" for ending the relationship?

    No. At an absolute minimum, random folks on the internet don't know enough about all that went on to make that kind of judgement. Was it really the weight? Was it all the stuff going on that lead to the weight gain? Was it the lifestyle/personality changes that often come with large weight gains (let's be honest, you didn't put on "a little weight", you added half a person)? None of us here can know.

    Bottom line, you've hit a life reset point. It's up to you how to deal with it.

    +1
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    Marriages used to have a "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health..." clause.

    I know you loved this guy. The fact he left over *this* is proof he was messed up, not ready for commitment. If not "fat", he would have found some other excuse. And he'll probably do the same thing a couple of years into his next relationship, for some other ridiculous reason, unless some year or other he grows up.
  • VeganGuy23061
    VeganGuy23061 Posts: 2 Member
    Look, I'm a young guy and I at one time in my life was a tad shallow and vain. If you end up going back to this guy after he broke up with you for a reason most would deam shallow and emotionless you would have lost all of his respect and he would just keep you around to smash. This is just honesty, I know the mentality of a man. The best thing you can do is get healthy and fit for your own satisfaction. Too often in life we do things for others that we should be doing for ourselves. Do this for you. Oh and this guy isn't worth your time so get over him too, easier said than done but don't be a statistic.
  • nykismile
    nykismile Posts: 198
    I was dating someone for a while; it was during a rather impressionable time for me, and I was dealing with an eating disorder on top of it all. I fell rather hard and eventually he left, but he never told me why. He just cut me out, almost effortlessly. I'll never know the reason why; maybe it was my weight, or my insecurity, who knows.

    I spent a lot of time trying to recover from that, but what hurt the most is when I was in the hospital for anorexia. I found out that he was trying to sleep with my VERY thin best friend (granted, we were broken up by that point, but I was the one who introduced the two). I was asked to recover from an ED after hearing that news. Kinda killed me, on the inside.

    I feel better now than I did before. But it still stings at me from time to time. I just have to note my faults and focus on my strengths. I'll never be as skinny or pretty as my best friend, but that's not her fault, nor mine. And his ways are his business. I'm just gonna do me. This is my world, not his.

    I'm sorry for what your ex did. All we can do is better ourselves for ourselves.
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  • benchsquad65
    benchsquad65 Posts: 147 Member
    Happens all the time. I lost weight when women said I was too fat, and then they told me I was skinny. So I bulked up and have guns huggin the sleeve and everything now looking absolutely jacked and they tell me I lift too much :(
  • chilly1470
    chilly1470 Posts: 178 Member
    I too recently had a breakup, although not for the same reason. Honestly, if someone is going to break up with you for being "fat" then you don't want them in your life. You should be losing weight for yourself, and no one else! I know it's hard to think about, but honestly that's just such a lame excuse that I bet he was already losing interest in the relationship. My advice to you would be to work on you! When everyone else fails, you're always going to have to depend on yourself! If you can't depend on YOU, then you can't depend on anything or anyone! Feel free to add me for emotional support and advice, my breakup was devastating but I am slowly picking up the pieces and moving on. Good luck!

    And this is why I am glad you are my friend!!
  • dlionsmane
    dlionsmane Posts: 674 Member
    I didn't meet my mate until I was over 40, 35 is not too old to find your love. The key is when you are happy with you and you now what you want in a partner you will get that. Until then, focus on you, make yourself happy, do what you like doing, live your life. Be you! If you happen to lose weight in the meantime, yay for you! When you find the right guy who will appreciate all of you - you will know it.

    (BTW - I gained all my weight AFTER meeting my guy... got to my highest weight with him and am now back to where I was when we first got together... he loved me the same all the way through it...)
  • disneygallagirl
    disneygallagirl Posts: 515 Member
    Sounds like you had a lucky escape. If he is so shallow that a bit of extra weight has made him run away then it obviously wasn't true love on his part. Better to find out now, have a little cry, dust yourself off, pick yourself off and get on with the rest of your life. Someone will come into it who will be there for you through thick and thin ('scuse the pun :laugh: ). Hugs to you, your heart will mend in time, I promise!
    +1
    You deserve better
  • melodiarentsen
    melodiarentsen Posts: 20 Member
    Good riddance! Even if you lost the weight, you would be crazy to take such a shallow person back. Find someone who loves you for you, not how you look. Absolutely pathetic. Your heart is broken. I get it, but I bet you know deep down that he is not worth it at all. You would be lowering yourself to EVER take him back. Be strong. Find your best friend. He's out there. Concentrate on you. Best of luck.
  • MyTimeNishka
    MyTimeNishka Posts: 23 Member
    I read that & first thought - he is an *kitten*!!!! to the nth power...& the Universe works in mysterious ways so you can thank the Universe for showing you his assininity before you made your love legal!
    Now to you ---Wooo!!! you are now free..yes FREE!!! to focus on making you stronger , healthier & more amazing than before -- you can do it! You are Worth It ! No MAN DEFINES YOUR WORTH - YOU DEFINE YOUR WORTH --therefore you ARE PRICELESS!
    You:1 LoserEX:0
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    I really thought we would end up together.

    Sorry to hear about this. He's a **** and doesn't deserve you. Focus on getting healthy, lose that weight, then when he comes a-knocking, tell him to do one. Or better still, get your new boyfriend to throw him off your land. :D
  • miriyummy
    miriyummy Posts: 37 Member
    I was dumped for a model with a 23inch waist. She will probably be dumped for someone younger. These guys only want what other people value. So they really only value the opinions of other men. Maybe they should just date those other men whose values they love so much?
  • Claire8614
    Claire8614 Posts: 157 Member
    I hope you manage to lose some weight for youself, and see your ex boyfriend in the street when you have a fitter boyfriend and then he will think wow look what i could of had :)
  • Jazz_2014
    Jazz_2014 Posts: 150 Member
    Congrats, however much he weighed, that's how much you've lost that you needed gone. Carry on losing whatever you want to lose for your own self, but the hard part is over.

    I love this reply!!
    So ditto.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    I really feel for you OP it's a painful thing to have to deal with. And it might not feel like it now but the guy has done you a massive favour! Far better to have someone like that out of your life than in it.

    My daughters dad left me at 6mths pregnant for someone else. And in his words "my body looked weird" and he told me he didn't want to sleep with me anymore. The truth is it was part of a pattern of his behaviour because he's a prat. The guy you were with sounds like one too.

    Move forward and make yourself a priority.
  • carnavore
    carnavore Posts: 65
    Don't worry what goes around, comes around. If he dumped you for this reason, do you really want him in your life? Probably not.
  • jillymarie101379
    jillymarie101379 Posts: 3
    Everybody here is speaking nothing but truth. Screw that guy if that's what he needs is a trophy to be proud of. And if that's the case, he probably wasn't all that into you for you in the first place. Take the high road and be done wit it.
    I am about to be 35, and there are plenty of men out there! Trust me. He isn't the end all be all. He is a ****ty dude with a ****ty reason to leave.
    My heart goes out to you. This happened to me when I was in my twenties. I freaked out and did everything I could think of to get that "hot" guy back. You know what? I made a huge fool out of myself for nothing. He was a jerk too, I was just too blind by the IDEA of love (fear) to see it. Live and learn.
    It may hurt now, but you'll see a better day. <3
  • evelyn150
    evelyn150 Posts: 6 Member
    great words of wisdom!! I love it!
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 992 Member
    Don't worry what goes around, comes around. If he dumped you for this reason, do you really want him in your life? Probably not.

    ^ this.

    Someone who doesn't want you anymore after you make mistakes and gain weight isn't cut out for a lifetime-long commitment.

    Take this time to do some self reflection on what YOU want in yourself and a partner, and focus on improving your health.
  • Wenchiness
    Wenchiness Posts: 126 Member
    If that is your face in the photo you don't have to worry that no one will want you. Welcome to MFP, and while you feel like you love that arseclown that just dumped you, ask why? Do you really want such a shallow loser in your life. Read the success stories here, come join us, be one of us. Get your life together, and in 80 lbs show that superficial craphead what he's missing, while you're riding high on life!
  • Coltsforlife
    Coltsforlife Posts: 124
    Dang I have been dumped via text message before ! so scandalous but now you can focus solely on yourself ! good luck
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    I was dumped for a model with a 23inch waist. She will probably be dumped for someone younger. These guys only want what other people value. So they really only value the opinions of other men. Maybe they should just date those other men whose values they love so much?

    This is so true. There are men out there who want what their friends consider a good looking woman on their arm so that their status amidst their male friends increases, not because of the rewards of intimacy with a woman. (aside: I imagine there are similar guys among the gay population--dating for status not intimacy--but I've only personally noticed the straight ones). They haven't outgrown the teenage "Bros before hoes" garbage.
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
    He has probably already picked out a new woman and was just looking for an excuse. He's not worth crying over and you will find someone better. He just doesn't want you to be able to see that he's already hooked up with someone else and has been seeing her for months. *HUGS* If he hasn't then he's very shallow and not worth having anyway.
    Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner. I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better. Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible. How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out. I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...
  • alereck
    alereck Posts: 343 Member
    And I thought my husband was an *kitten*.

    It might not seem like that now but stay strong, lose the weight for a better you, go on with your life, find someone worth being with and when you look back at this you will be thankful.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Use it for motivation to loose and get your sexy back and show him what he's missing out on. You will be able to find someone who will treat you right. You don't need negative in your life, no one does. Use it to motivate you. Instead of letting it hurt you, let it piss you off. Get angry, really angry and fuel your workouts with it.
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