Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

Sometimes it can be hard to hear, but he more than likely chose someone else. At the end of the day, it is his right to be or not be with you. No one should feel 'forced' into a situation that is no longer comfortable for them, and 80 lbs was probably past the limit of acceptable terms for staying in the relationship. The reasons are his own, and however shallow they may seem, everyone has free will. We can't just make people love us, that's a convoluted fairytale notion that we women need to extricate ourselves from.

Just be glad that you dodged a bullet. From the looks of it, you are a beautiful woman inside and out. Maybe he will be the one later to regret his decision to move on. But it would be ill-advised to lose weight to try and lure him back. Exacting revenge by looking good for a man who didn't care when you were down on your luck will just frustrate you even more and lead back to those comfort eating behaviors. Do it because you want to take control of your health, address issues of codependency on your part, keep a food diary so that you are accountable for your food choices, and focus on being your best self and living a life that is great regardless of whether there is a man involved or not.

I hope that you find your happily ever after. Like everyone else has said, he didn't sound like a real winner anyway. You didn't say you had any health issues that led up to the weight gain, but let's imagine that you did. Would you really want to marry someone who was not supportive? Did he ever offer to make lifestyle changes with you so that you could both be healthy? If the answer is 'no', then you really ought to make it a point to reevaluate why this person is taking such a precedence in your emotional life. That's all he is, is a person. No more, no less. Get back on track and do the things you love and enjoy. It'll be alright.

Honestly.m F*** HIM. if you really want to spend he rest of your life with someone who is has superficial to dump you for your weight, thats crazy. Kudos for beginning this journey to lose weight, but you are beautiful, you will find someone who will love you for who you are not what size you are. At least this is the motivation to make a change

To HELL with that guy! You don't need self-absorbed *kitten* like that in your life. Find someone who will like you for YOU, no matter how you look. He doesn't know what he's missing. His loss, really. Just stay focused and positive, and Mr. Right will come into your life, in time. Don't get discouraged!

shame on him. My ex wife is a nurse. She is in a similar situation. Stressed at worked, gained weight. I told her all the time how beautiful she was/is despite the weight gain. I didn't marry her because she had a banging body which she does and I'm sure you do too but her personality was too good to pass up. I lost in the end because she let her self-esteem get so low that she took it out on me. Go figure a guy who could care less how much you gained as long as a person has confidence within themselves. All others who have a problem with me whether I'm big, skinny, not tall enough, not white enough, not black enough can just go to H**ll. You can't please everyone and you shouldn't even try. Just be yourself and some guy is
gonna appreciate you for more than what you look like or how many extra pounds you have.

Peace

Antoniodean

good luck with the weight loss though. I find cycling to be a real stress reliever and you will lose a few as well

He's a coward for blaming it on your weight. I GUARANTEE that it's not what it is the problem. IF your relationship was rock solid and everything was perfect...and you gained weight...he would be concerned about your health but wouldn't dump you BECAUSE of your weight IF he truly loved you. I know it's hard to hear but....you don't need that kind of person in your life. IF he can't be there through THICK or thin....then he's shallow and does not truly love you. RESPECT YOURSELF AND LOVE YOURSELF enough to move on without him. Believe me, he is not the kind of person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Imagine if you have kids and one of them is born with a birth defect....he'd wanna ditch them because they aren't perfect too? My guess is....he's found someone else and finds it much easier to just blame it on your weight. Let that one go. Not worth it. Cut wayyyyy back on carbs & sugar and add tons of fiber and water to your diet and you'll start losing quickly. I've lost 6 lbs in the past two weeks by just cutting out crap in my diet. (triglycerides were 1282...supposed to be under 150) Good luck.

I'm sorry you feel so terrible - like lots of people on here, I've got a story or two about being dumped. It gets better, and (as many have already said) you will find the right person when you value yourself a little more and probably when you least expect it. And I echo the other comments about your profile picture, it is beautiful.

On an aside, (and the following does NOT apply to the OP as she had medical reasons for the weight gain) I just read the original post to my boyfriend - I have no doubt that he loves me and we have a great relationship - and he said "if you gained that much weight I would probably end up leaving too". I asked why and he said "it's not only because i wouldn't find you attractive any more. For a start, you wouldn't be YOU if you had let yourself put on that much weight, and also I would have tried to get you to do something about it a long time before it got to 80lb, so if you hadn't listened it would make me question how much you value me." I'm not in the slightest bit offended because I think he has a point. I don't think it is fair to automatically call someone an *kitten* if they have tried to get their loved one to make some changes, but they have continued to pile the weight on. If my boyfriend doubled his weight, for example, I know I would no longer find him physically attractive, and that does fundamentally change your relationship. I would, however, stick by him if he promised to lose it because I love him very much. We are both very active people and this was what initially brought us together - if one of us gained a great deal of weight and stopped being so active it would mean that person's entire personality and outlook would change, and who's to say the relationship would definitely survive that? Difficult one.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but he did you a favor. I gained weight in an unhappy relationship and so did my ex. Now that he is gone, the weight is leaving too. I have read several stories about people that have met a really great person during their weight loss/health transformation journey. My hope is you will find that supportive, compassionate person and find happiness.

I can understand why you feel so awful. He was quite the jerk, and his comments were very hurtful.

The only possible way I can think of to justify his actions is if he were trying to encourage you all along to get healthier, get active, eat less, etc., and you consistently refused his help.
Then I can see that he's tired of trying to help, tired of being concerned about you, tired of being ignored.
But it doesn't sound like that's what happened.

Sounds like he's pretty shallow, doesn't care about you, and you will benefit by not having him around any more.
I know right now that's going to make you upset, but look back in a couple months & see how you've improved.
And don't go back to him. He's shown what a cad he is, and you deserve better than that, even while you're heavy.

How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight?

To be fair, 80 lb is hardly "a little" weight.
I have 70 lb left to lose, and while I believe it's doable I wouldn't describe it as "a little".

Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else.

There are people dating and even marrying at much older ages.
Get yourself straightened out, enjoy life, have fun, and it will happen.
You'll meet someone & enjoy your time together.

Sweet heart he doesn't deserve you. He thinks you relationship is only worth how much you weigh, you can do so much better than that. I can only imagine how much it hurts, please don't let this man take away your self worth. Take care of yourself. x ((hugs))

I"m sorry he did this to you. What he did is a terrible reflection on him and not on you. You are likely better off without him.

I REALLY hope you don't try to get him back after you lose weight. I think by then your confidence will be so high you wouldn't even give him the time of day.

Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner. I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better. Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible. How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out. I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...

sounds like you have had a very hard time. i am sorry its clear he has no clue and he is not for you... losing weight feels great, use this as motivation... once you start the process of losing the weight you will feel great and will realize how pointless he was.. turn this into something positive for you... I hope you feel better... baby steps you know.. :flowerforyou:

You are in a lot of pain right now, but you are just fine. There is nothing wrong with hurting or being confused at a time like this. I'm glad you shared. Because it helps to get it out there.

His shame is about him, not you. If you find yourself taking on the his shame, get the help you deserve to let go and see this for what it is. He doesn't have what it takes to be the person you need and deserve. He is doing the best he can, but he hasn't dealt with his issues.

Friends don't shame, blame or criticize. The listen and support. I hope you will make some good friends in person and on the board. This experience is painful, but you can learn a lot about yourself and others as you feel, deal, and heal. It has the possibility of being a real gift

Sorry you hurt so bad right now. Yeah what she said and then some. You do deserve better. Please listen to all this great advise eveyone has been giving you.

I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

I am going to ask you to explain yourself.

No, no...let the vegan go back under the bridge, ok?

Dr. Mack does love spells and ZOMBIES. RUN!