How do you handle tantrums?
I have a 1 1/2 toddler that loves to go wherever mommy goes. The problem is that she also wants to do exactly what she wants while we are out in public. Case and point being this weekend. I needed to go grocery shopping, and made sure my little one had a nap and a big snack before heading out. We get to the store, and everything is going great. About 15 minutes in, my daughter sees the rack that holds all the shiny plastic toys and starts screaming, "BUBBLES, MOMMA, BUBBLES!" I explained to her that we had bubbles at home, but obviously she did not understand that. Once we started pushing past that spot, she completely lost it. She started crying and trying to grab things to throw out of the cart. Even though I had a full cart, I was being given death stares by everyone in the store. I took what I had and checked out as fast as I could. I am a single mom, so going to do things like grocery shopping has to be done with my little one by my side.
My question is, what do you do when your child loses their cool? Simply leave? Wait it out? I am not inclined to just give her whatever she is crying for and expect her not to do it every single time she wants something. Is there something I am missing here? Also, there was no possible way of not walking by the toy isle, it was seated directly next to the baby/toddler section, those sneaky ...
My question is, what do you do when your child loses their cool? Simply leave? Wait it out? I am not inclined to just give her whatever she is crying for and expect her not to do it every single time she wants something. Is there something I am missing here? Also, there was no possible way of not walking by the toy isle, it was seated directly next to the baby/toddler section, those sneaky ...
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Replies
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Distract them with a toy or something to get their mind off the bubbles, while they're distracted, move away from the problem area.
Out of sight out of mind is a great thing, enjoy it while it lasts
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Distract them with a toy or something to get their mind off the bubbles, while they're distracted, move away from the problem area.
Out of sight out of mind is a great thing, enjoy it while it lasts
Maybe bring bubbles from home?0 -
i typically throw myself down on the floor and kick and scream til i get my way.
edit typo0 -
I think you did exactly waht you should have. You did NOT give in and give her what she was crying over (good job, Mom!), and you got her out of there as quickly as you could. Most people completely understand toddler meltdowns - don't worry about her having them in public, they're normal. Distraction IS a great thing (Darkguardian - super point), but even when they're young doesn't always work the way we want it to. If you keep NOT giving in, you guys will get past this stage. :flowerforyou: 0
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Distract them with a toy or something to get their mind off the bubbles, while they're distracted, move away from the problem area.
Out of sight out of mind is a great thing, enjoy it while it lasts
Maybe bring bubbles from home?
That's a tough one, because then she could freak out over something else she sees and wants. But if she has a favorite toy or thing she's obsessed with (maybe it's bubbles) I would definitely bring that to any store. My little girl is only 14 months so the tantrums haven't started... yet.0 -
Absolutely DO NOT give her what she wants.
Mostly the way to deal with tantrums is to just ignore. Any reaction to the behavior encourages it, even negative attention is attention. If a child sees that throwing a tantrum gets them absolutely nothing, including no response from you, they typically learn pretty quickly that tantrums are not worth the effort.
The problem is when you are in public you have to deal with the judgmental stares of all the people around you. And your child may be disturbing others (interrupting conversations, etc.) with the noise. When that happened with my kids I did exactly what you did. I wrapped up whatever I was doing quickly, and got my child out of there, all the while doing everything in my power to not encourage the tantrum in any way.0 -
I would make sure, as you did, that it wasn't lunch or nap time. Then just keep moving, maybe distract them with their own toys.
Honestly, when my son was 1 1/2 and my daughter was 3, we banned them from grocery stores for about a year. Drastic I know but everyone was happier, shopping was less stressful, we spent less money. Of course, I did lots of late evening shopping while hubby did baths and bed.0 -
Explain to your child BEFORE you leave home where you're going and what you're going to get - i.e. - 'We're going to the grocery store - ALL we are getting is healthy food for the week - NO toys, candy, or presents.'
Tell your daughter you KNOW she is a big girl, and she will behave herself on the trip.
If she has a melt-down - remind her of the trip - why you're there, what you're getting.
IF she continues - leave immediately - she gets a time-out at home.
My daughter had one melt-down in a Target when she was around 2 - I walked away from her.
I saw her get up - look around in disbelief - and run after me - no more tears.
Never happened again.0 -
I try to hold them in as long as possible, but sometimes I just can't help myself.0
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I have a 1 1/2 toddler that loves to go wherever mommy goes. The problem is that she also wants to do exactly what she wants while we are out in public. Case and point being this weekend. I needed to go grocery shopping, and made sure my little one had a nap and a big snack before heading out. We get to the store, and everything is going great. About 15 minutes in, my daughter sees the wrack that holds all the shiny plastic toys and starts screaming, "BUBBLES, MOMMA, BUBBLES!" I explained to her that we had bubbles at home, but obviously she did not understand that. Once we started pushing past that spot, she completely lost it. She started crying and trying to grab things to throw out of the cart. Even though I had a full cart, I was being given death stares by everyone in the store. I took what I had and checked out as fast as I could. I am a single mom, so going to do things like grocery shopping has to be done with my little one by my side.
My question is, what do you do when your child loses their cool? Simply leave? Wait it out? I am not inclined to just give her whatever she is crying for and expect her not to do it every single time she wants something. Is there something I am missing here? Also, there was no possible way of not walking by the toy isle, it was seated directly next to the baby/toddler section, those sneaky bast*$#s
You had the right instincts. If you quietly leave a couple times she will learn that her tantrum does not get her the bubbles.
Ignore the death stares, for some strange reason we tend to focus on those instead of the sympathetic people willing to help/empathize.
In the future, EVERY TIME you go inside TELL HER you are NOT buying bubbles today. Then load up your cart completely with everything you need before gettting to that point. Hand her a different thing like a toy from home right when you are ready to push past that part. Hopefully it will distract her during that part. If she does notice and begins a tantrum, STEEL YOURSELF and just safely handle her while you pay and ignore anyone's looks or judgement of you. Then leave immediately and tell her that you had to leave the store due to her behavior.
Even if you have to leave a couple of times WITHOUT your intended purchases, I had to do this with my older one and he soon learned that behavior does NOT work. Shopping became easier next time. It helps if there can be a reward upon returning to the car or home, sooner depending on how young they are and able to connect the behavior with the reward. Likewise if you have to leave the store due to bad behavior it must also be immediate and they must be explained that their behavior is the reason for your leaving. It accomplishes two things. It lets them know that their tantrums are not appropriate public behavior, and also you embarrass yourself in public less.
That being said, I know it doesn't feel that way when it's happening but MOST people who have been parents before or grandparents or aunts/uncles are sympathetic and understanding and are NOT judging you.0 -
Our rule of thumb is "we don't negotiate with terrorists."
I have left many a store to deal with improper behavior. I don't care what anyone else thinks, but I don't want to raise children who think the world revolves around them and their whims. I don't try distraction. I will sometimes talk with them about it. I.E. Yes, those are pretty bubbles! Then, let them tell me about it for a short while. However, when it is time to go. I tell them and then we leave. You have to decide what method of discipline you are going to do and than stick with it. Consistency is so important. Children need to know exactly what to expect. We also sometimes practice at home behavior expected. I.E. If we are going to the store and I want them to walk by me, we practice holding mommy's hand or skirt as we go for a walk around the yard, driveway, etc. Proactive training helps in so many areas. It is always easier to train ahead of time then have to deal with explosions in the most in opportune times which children are so good at picking. 
Best wishes! 0 -
Take her down the spatula isle. Grab one off the shelf and go to town. Replace spatula. Problem solved.0
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I have mixed feelings about the "Ignore" in public part. At home, it's ignore all the way, sometimes if it's bad she gets sent to her room to be alone and trantrum it out. Either way, I refuse to have my kid disrupt everyone around us when we are in public because that is NOT the way humans should behave while out and about. Unless your at a bar or something
That being said, I usually made a speedy exit, regardless of what we're in the middle of. The kid knows that she misses out on things if she starts getting uppity in public. She's 6 now, thank god, so the public tantrums have diminished almost entirely. hang in there Momma, sounds like you have a handle on it. It will pass soon.0 -
when my kids had tantrums I would walk away from them and ignore them. nine times out of ten they would stop to come look for me. IF it got too our of hand I would say nothing and just scoop them up and put them in their room and close the door. I never gave in. I would even do this at the store, of course I would just hide around the corner but kids wont do stupid crap for too long if only strangers are staring at them. Worked everytime for me. :laugh: There were many times that people would be like who's kid is that? and I would join them in their comments and be like I don't know, wonder where his mom is. Hahah... my kids hated that more than anything. Made them feel stupid when old ladies were all staring at them. Be patient, they wont be that little for long.0
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I will try distraction/redirection when it first starts up, but if that doesn't work I acknowledge that they are upset, reiterate that whatever they are screaming about isn't going to happen, stay calm, ignore it and finish what I am doing. I know it's frustrating having people glare at you, and even more irritating when they decide they need to "help" or offer "advice" (i.e. nasty comments), but it's a toddler, logic and reason do not apply no matter how well you try to prepare for the situation. I'm told this stage eventually passes. :laugh:0
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I once told a friend that a mothers 'No' is not always a no to the question but a way to avoid the next one! Plan ahead!
What I mean is that you may need to set boundaries at home for no other reason than to teach your daughter to respect them no matter where you are. If at home she is told no and guided to something else she will more than likely not have this issue when outside of the home.0 -
Being a single parent sure has its challenges. You did the right thing. Ignore the stares. 18 months is a hard age. They are learning how to control their parents but dont fully understand the word no. They want what they want and they want it now whether its bubbles or their lunch and they are going do what they know how to do to get it. CRY...
Ignore the behavior and aftef a few times of you being consistent it should settle down.
Maybe bribery will work...if you are good in the store I will give you a treat ie grapes, raisins, a cookie in the car. Make it seem like a special thing.
You will get thru this and the behavior will stop. Hang in there mamma. You can do it.
A mom of 3 grown ups...0 -
I finish my grocery shopping and ignore the glares from the sanctimonious one or two in the store. Most people have been through the same thing, and a lot of them just feel sympathy for you -- believe me. I don't give in to my kids, but I'm not going to let them think they can terrorize me out of a store, either. I don't get a lot of time to shop, and if there are things I need, I stay and get them. When my daughter was three, she threw a huge tantrum in a store. I ignored it. When we got to the car, not only did she not get the thing she wanted, she learned that we weren't going out to lunch to get the pho noodles she wanted, either. I will take away the discretionary treats, but I will get my shopping done.0
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I come loaded with a dum- dum's and fruit snacks 0
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What I did when my daughter was that age, (and yes, I was one of those "bad mommas" who didn't do what the doctor told them- she still had her paci and bottle) I kept a paci with me at ALL times, a bottle and/or sippy cup and filled it up with something if we were going out- water, milk, juice, had snacks (Goldfish, Cheerios, Gerber Graduates, ect.), and some type of toys in the diaper bag. These were ABSOLUTE necessities to make sure I could distract her at any given time. If she started raising hell over something, and the paci didn't work, it was the bottle/sippy cup. If that didn't work, it was a snack. If the snack didn't work, it was a toy. If a toy didn't work, we parked the buggy and took a trip the bathroom where we had a nice talk about how you behave in public and what would be happening when we got home. 9 out of 10 times, the distractions usually worked, but on occasion, we'd end up taking a trip to the bathroom. There were times we didn't even get halfway there and she'd stop. Because she KNEW going to the bathroom for a talk meant she was in big trouble, that momma was MAD. Even that young, they can figure out when you're angry and mean business.
As for people looking, let them stare, hate it for them, have they never seen a child before? Children have tantrums. Children have meltdowns. It's part of life. You're doing the best you can, don't sweat it.0 -
Our rule of thumb is "we don't negotiate with terrorists." I have left many a store to deal with improper behavior. I don't care what anyone else thinks, but I don't want to raise children who think the world revolves around them and their whims. I don't try distraction. I will sometimes talk with them about it. I.E. Yes, those are pretty bubbles! Then, let them tell me about it for a short while. However, when it is time to go. I tell them and then we leave. You have to decide what method of discipline you are going to do and than stick with it. Consistency is so important. Children need to know exactly what to expect. We also sometimes practice at home behavior expected. I.E. If we are going to the store and I want them to walk by me, we practice holding mommy's hand or skirt as we go for a walk around the yard, driveway, etc. Proactive training helps in so many areas. It is always easier to train ahead of time then have to deal with explosions in the most in opportune times which children are so good at picking. Best wishes!
I forgot about this.
It took me way too long to learn with my second one that all he really wanted was to explore the idea of the desirable thing. I was assuming he WANTED RIGHT NOW everything we passed because of remembering those 18 month old moments. lol. We now are able to go by any toy aisle and all we do is talk about how great that thing is or how "cool" it is and go on. Sometimes, of course he still will say he wants the thing but he doesn't really try to put his whole being into getting it right at that moment. We have those talks at home now, come to our understandings and he's heard "no" enough that it sounds like a real reality that he can accept knowing that at some other time, some of the things he wants will be provided. Just not everything...luckily as they get older and able to conceptualize things that are not in front of them and want them they are also able to understand that not everybody gets what they want all the time.
It seems hard while it's happening but it's constantly changing and as some things are getting harder others are getting easier so it evens out.:flowerforyou:0 -
I come loaded with a dum- dum's and fruit snacks
I wanna go shopping with you!
*throws sucker and fruit leather*
I WANT THOSE LOUBOUTINS MUST HAVE THEM NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.polyvore.com/christian_louboutin_so_kate_calf/thing?context_id=3856172&context_type=lookbook&id=112815961
now try explaining to me that they are sold out....0 -
I have a two year old, and when there is an incident out in public, I will let him have his moment, and then ask him a series of questions like "Are you upset?" or "Are you sad?". This is what his teachers do in daycare with all of the children in his class... (They have to use their words, and asking him things help him say something, even if it's a no, than cry)
I know, it's really embarrassing, so I try to make light of the situation and say something funny out loud like "Oh, great, we're THOSE people now"
When he starts to calm down, I'll usually give him my keycard from work for him to play with until it's time to leave... It'll pass...
But it's your kid, and everyone is different! Just because something worked for me, doesn't mean you'll get the same results...
But GOOD LUCK! And rest assure, IT'S NORMAL!0 -
I did the training at home, so hopefully things would go well at the store. At that age they are learning self-control (I'm teaching self-control), so sometimes they were great at the store, sometimes it seemed a disaster lol. Just be as consistent as you can at home, both of you are working hard!
Ultimately I expect my children to be respectful and obedient, but it's a process to get them there through that age until about 3 1/2 years old (in my own experience). And each child is different.0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.0 -
It helps that I really don't care what other people think so I let her throw her fit and eventually ask if she's done. Besides, old lady stares of disapproval are kinda fun. It's only happened a couple of times outside the house. Little kids have to be taught how to control their emotions and arguing with them or placating them during a tantrum are both self-defeating.0
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First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.0 -
I'm not a parent, but I do have two nieces that just love to come shopping with Aunt Sara. Obviously I don't know every little thing you do with your daughter in the store, but I see the tantrums a lot, and I sympathize with the parents. I think the kids are usually just bored. Even I get cranky when I've been shopping too long, and I'm 32. Do you let your daughter pull things from the shelf that you need and put them in the cart? It is not really fair to bring someone along for an activity and not allow her to participate. My nieces help me make the shopping list, then they are my little gofers at the store, pointing things out and helping me put things in the cart. I find they get really into searching for things on the list, and are less distracted by other things. I feel that when I keep them engaged in what we are doing, and am not just pushing them around in a frenzy, the tantrums don't happen. Also, if they see something early on in the trip that they like, I will let them hold it while we shop, but am clear we are not buying it. Usually by the time we are done, so is their attention span, and they've already forgotten about it. If not, then you are already at the check out when the wailing starts, so it's just pay and go.0
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Distract them with a toy or something to get their mind off the bubbles, while they're distracted, move away from the problem area.
Out of sight out of mind is a great thing, enjoy it while it lasts
Maybe bring bubbles from home?
I'm thinking blowing bubbles in a store is not a great idea - slippery...
Other than that, I don't have much to add. My boys are 5 and 3 and we are close to past the tantrum stage, now we are in the manipulation stage. I never found any great solutions. I do think they want their feelings to be acknowledged, and I think distraction is key. But even with that, there were some tantrums that were just not to be diverted - and I remember feeling the way you feel. I also remember a stranger saying to me, "don't worry honey, it bothers you a lot more than it bothers the rest of us". I used that exact same line on an airplane with a mother trying to comfort a screaming infant recently...0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
Yup. I always enjoy the spectacle of outspoken arrogance and blatant ignorance0
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