How do you handle tantrums?

They may not understand that you have it at home. With my daughter I would get down to her level, look her in the eye and so no. When I got home if we had what she was asking for I would show it to her and say "that's why I said no, this was here" think simple terms but it's definitely good teaching her. Sometimes I just looked people back in the eye. For every negative comment I seem to get four telling me I was doing the right thing by not giving it.

Ah..I did think of something else. I did often allow my kids to bring one of their own toys into the store with them. Something small, cheap, and not super important if it was lost. This definitely kept them distracted from other things in the store.

There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..

Having a son on the autism spectrum makes for some additional challenges in that some children (my son for example) have meltdowns when things don't go as expected.

Then things get interesting when people give rude looks, and sometimes it becomes hard to ignore, but I do my best.

This experience in parenting has taught me to reserve judgement of other people in situations where I don't have all the information. Unfortunately many people don't do that though.


As far as the OP is concerned, I think distraction would be one reasonable thing you could attempt.

I've used the oops sorry its not on the list and continued on... You did good... said not today we already have them, finished quickly and left. It will get better as long as you don't give in. Some kids learn quickly and some take forever. Hang in there!

First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.

IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.

What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.

Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.

You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.

When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.

People are heckling you because you came off as an arrogant prick

But, I have 4 kids and I agree with you. If my kids act up, I spank them. So guess what? They don't act up very often and when they do I just tell them that they're about to get spanked and they straighten right up. It's not as hard as people make it out to be and a lot of parents are incredibly lazy and crappy kids because of it.

Birth control.
Oh wait, I suppose a bit too late...

rolled up newspaper and a squirt bottle?

I'm not 100% against spanking, but I am 100% against spanking a 1 year old. That is still a baby and they won't understand. Besides, I would never spank for something a minor as a toddler throwing a tantrum. My 3 year old has been spanked twice. Both times because he endangered his life.

1 time by not listening and running out into the street. The other for not listening and opening my oven when it was on.

If you spank for everything it loses its importance. My parents spanked me and by 5 or 6 it was no longer a huge impact on my decisions to misbehave.

First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.

IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.

What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.

All children are different, so ignoring won't work for all children in all situations. But ignoring does work in many if not most situations; it worked for all three of my children (and worked quickly).

You are thinking not only as a non-parent, but also as an adult. Toddlers do not think the same way we do, they are just learning how to react to situations and frustrations. The only time I have seen a child respond by throwing a BIGGER tantrum was when the parents regularly gave in. If you give in to a tantrum, you are teaching them that tantrums work. If you do not give in next time, you have already taught them that screaming will work, so they scream more and louder.

If you ignore a tantrum, the child will not think, "Well, it didn't work before, so let's try again louder this time". They just learn that it doesn't work. Ignoring a tantrum teaches them that a tantrum will get them NOTHING. No toy, no bubbles, no attention, nothing.

Distraction, as others have mentioned, works as well, especially at younger ages.

Punishing kids in public is not cool. At this age it's probably not as big of a deal, but as they get older you're no longer just correcting bad behavior, you're humiliating them.

I'm standing by "ignore the tantrum, and quickly remove yourself from the public venue". Or distract her, as others have mentioned. And non-parents who have no experience raising kids shouldn't be allowed to tell parents how they should parent.

*shrug* I'm not a parent.

The only thing I can offer is what my parents told me they did in those situations. I don't really remember that far back. They admit to spoiling me when I was 2 and they paid the price for it when I was 3. This is not to suggest the OP did anything wrong; it's just a little background as to why I might have thrown a tantrum at that age.

I'm told their solution was to just leave the store and let the tantrum run its course in a less public area, rather than placate me. And if that meant they had to go back at another point to get groceries because they left a cart behind, then that's what they did. They also kept a small stockpile of food reserved for those occasions.