How do you handle tantrums?

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  • jigsawxyouth
    jigsawxyouth Posts: 308 Member
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    There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..

    I guess I forgot that 18 month olds are old enough to be self entitled brats. LOL.

    Soon she's going to start stealing money out of your purse and sneaking out in the middle of the night if you don't get your **** together... GEESH
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..

    I guess I forgot that 18 month olds are old enough to be self entitled brats. LOL.

    Soon she's going to start stealing money out of your purse and sneaking out in the middle of the night if you don't get your **** together... GEESH

    I forced my 4 year old to join the Marines. Straightened her right up.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    You should have swallowed when you had the chance.

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  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.

    IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.

    What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.

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    Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.

    You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.

    When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.

    And you don't sound bitter or rage-y or hyper critical of what abouts to minor annoyances....
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    OP, I let me daughter hold whatever she wants while in the store. If she's not going to get it, I explain that she's just holding it and it isn't going home. I pry it out of her hands at the register after I've paid so the tantrum happens in my car going home.
  • TheArchyBunker
    TheArchyBunker Posts: 1,967 Member
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    I pick things up and put them down.... like a bottle of beer... I do drop sets on these until I can't feel my arms any more.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
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    You should have swallowed when you had the chance.

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    Ok it took me like 5 mins to get it but that was funny!! A
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
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    You should have swallowed when you had the chance.

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    Ok it took me like 5 mins to get it but that was funny!!
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    Start mocking the child. Everyone needs a healthy dose of mockery.

    Honestly thought that's what I always did with mine, and she'd eventually start laughing. She'd realize I had no intention of taking her seriously, then we'd just laugh about it.

    Mockery is great in any and all situations.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.

    Wait, what? Your child's father yells at a 7 month old?
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    I ignore them entirely.

    I am not and will not ever be under emotional blackmail of my child. Like the common phrase here on MFP, "Don't feed the troll."

    I have never once fed into a tantrum. I would quietly take my toddler by the hand, not make eye contact, not say a word, give him no attention and calmly put him in his crib, close the door and walk away. He is now 2 years old and NEVER has them. (He still cries, but never a full-blown "scream on the floor kicking and flailing" fest) If we are in a public place, I do the responsible good-parent thing and remove my child from public.

    edited for typos
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    There's not much more you can do at this age other than distract them a different way. Cause and effect is still something completely foreign to them and while they are slowly learning it, in a crowded place with so so much going on around them as well as being emotional distraught, they will have no freaking idea why you are punishing them there. WHICH I would could only imagine would lead to more confusion, more distress, and even fear for them. If you have to remove them from the entire situation than so be it. Just part of being a parent.

    I am getting a kick out of the "we didn't do that/would have gotten spanked/yelled at yada yada" answers from non-parents. Like you honestly remember being a 2 year old and what your parents did. Older and more mentally/emotionally developed, sure. 2 year old nada. Go ahead and spank a two year old and the ONLY reason they will be quite and stop is out of pure fear of you and that's messed up.
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.
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  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.

    Well, that's horrifying.
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
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    As a non-parent, all I can say is, if someone was giving you the stink eye for an 18 month old, that person is just a grouchy @ss and should be ignored. And keep in mind that could have easily been my husband, and I know for a fact that he is IS a grouchy @ss and has no patience for children (although they LOVE him for some reason :laugh: ).

    If the kid is five and still doing this, then I might be giving the stink eye too, and I've seen that unfortunately as well....
  • IPAkiller
    IPAkiller Posts: 711 Member
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    As a non-parent, all I can say is, if someone was giving you the stink eye for an 18 month old, that person is just a grouchy @ss and should be ignored. And keep in mind that could have easily been my husband, and I know for a fact that he is IS a grouchy @ss and has no patience for children (although they LOVE him for some reason :laugh: ).

    If the kid is five and still doing this, then I might be giving the stink eye too, and I've seen that unfortunately as well....
    Is his name Oscar?
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  • Lofteren
    Lofteren Posts: 960 Member
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    I'm not 100% against spanking, but I am 100% against spanking a 1 year old. That is still a baby and they won't understand. Besides, I would never spank for something a minor as a toddler throwing a tantrum. My 3 year old has been spanked twice. Both times because he endangered his life.

    1 time by not listening and running out into the street. The other for not listening and opening my oven when it was on.

    If you spank for everything it loses its importance. My parents spanked me and by 5 or 6 it was no longer a huge impact on my decisions to misbehave.

    Then apparently your parents weren't doing it right. I know I wasn't afraid to get spanked by my mom once I was about 5 years old but when I heard her say she was going to have my dad do it I was instantly a perfect little angel. Daddy spanked a lot harder than mommy did.

    I'm not saying that spanking is the only option for discipline but it definitely needs to be utilized. I see a lot of kids at Wal-Mart that could use a good spanking or 2!

    Edit: or 30

    Right at 12 months most kids wouldn't understand a spanking but my 18 month old knows what a spanking is and she knows to behave when her mother or I tell her she's fixin' to get one. At that age we don't spank her hard enough for it to hurt but it's an easy and effective way to communicate to her that she is now in trouble for doing whatever it was we told her to stop doing.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I'm not 100% against spanking, but I am 100% against spanking a 1 year old. That is still a baby and they won't understand. Besides, I would never spank for something a minor as a toddler throwing a tantrum. My 3 year old has been spanked twice. Both times because he endangered his life.

    1 time by not listening and running out into the street. The other for not listening and opening my oven when it was on.

    If you spank for everything it loses its importance. My parents spanked me and by 5 or 6 it was no longer a huge impact on my decisions to misbehave.

    Then apparently your parents weren't doing it right. I know I wasn't afraid to get spanked by my mom once I was about 5 years old but when I heard her say she was going to have my dad do it I was instantly a perfect little angel. Daddy spanked a lot harder than mommy did.

    I'm not saying that spanking is the only option for discipline but it definitely needs to be utilized. I see a lot of kids at Wal-Mart that could use a good spanking or 2!

    Edit: or 30

    Right at 12 months most kids wouldn't understand a spanking but my 18 month old knows what a spanking is and she knows to behave when her mother or I tell her she's fixin' to get one. At that age we don't spank her hard enough for it to hurt but it's an easy and effective way to communicate to her that she is now in trouble for doing whatever it was we told her to stop doing.

    I am finding that an 18 month old has the same understanding of spankings as a 1 year old. It is violent and scares them. Now, I am not one to judge older children being spanked. My plan is to teach my child that communication is more effective than fearing physical punishment. Other people spank their kids, that's fine. But I am not going to put my hands on a child that doesn't even know how to articulate punishment yet.

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