How do you handle tantrums?
Replies
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Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.0 -
when you see a grumpy old man just blow a kiss and wink OP. It will confuse them enough to give you a chance to walk away.
freaking people are so amazing.
This is what I do to grumpy old men. Trust me, it works
As in, they are even more offended or now slightly confused?0 -
when you see a grumpy old man just blow a kiss and wink OP. It will confuse them enough to give you a chance to walk away.
freaking people are so amazing.
This is what I do to grumpy old men. Trust me, it works
I let my kids play on their lawn.0 -
when you see a grumpy old man just blow a kiss and wink OP. It will confuse them enough to give you a chance to walk away.
freaking people are so amazing.
This is what I do to grumpy old men. Trust me, it works
I let my kids play on their lawn.
0 -
I was spanked. My IQ is considered gifted.Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
So, I guess I could have been the next Einstein. Darn my parents!0 -
I was spanked. My IQ is considered gifted.Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
So, I guess I could have been the next Einstein. Darn my parents!
I'd love to read the details on this study and how they controlled for the correlation between following parenting trends and educational level. I tend to take claims like this with a grain of salt.0 -
This post is not a "balance sheet" which needs to be reconciled for the auditors.
If you don't have children.. you just don't know.... stop trying rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic.
(I do have children and they have been angels and devils on the same day; I love them unconditionally)0 -
when you see a grumpy old man just blow a kiss and wink OP. It will confuse them enough to give you a chance to walk away.
freaking people are so amazing.
This is what I do to grumpy old men. Trust me, it works
As in, they are even more offended or now slightly confused?
meh, as long as they're offended and leave0 -
When my very willful daughter was 5, we were in the grocery store and she thought it was a fun game to keep running off and hiding.
Yes, I agree. If you see a parent spanking, it's not done right because it should be done in private, not publicly. With small children, training at home is key; with my older children, I could tell them that their behavior had earned them an at-home spanking. Yes, follow-through is HARD, and a commitment of self-sacrificing love on the part of the parent.one of the problems with spankings though is (at least in my experience) parents very seldom do it right. Doing it out of anger, misplaced anger, doing it without an explanation to the child....etc.....
No matter how you choose to parent you really need to make sure you're consistent with your follow through. You threaten something? spankings, or time out...you make sure you do it. You say no one time? You better say no the next time.
that said...follow through is HARD.
I took her aside the first three times and explained to her about stranger danger, about bad behavior, you name it, I said it. On the fourth time, she got a spanking. In the grocery store, in public. And she didn't run off again.
I guess I did that wrong ...0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?0 -
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
Why does it matter to you? Because she will probably end up doing it wrong to you anyway...0 -
I was spanked. My IQ is considered gifted.Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
So, I guess I could have been the next Einstein. Darn my parents!
I'd love to read the details on this study and how they controlled for the correlation between following parenting trends and educational level. I tend to take claims like this with a grain of salt.
Ditto, except to add that I tend to take my grains of salt with Patron and lime.0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
I haven't decided. That is my ultimate decision to make. Well, unless I happen to need to go grocery shopping in an area where you live. God forbid my child throws a fit in your mighty presence.0 -
Ditto, except to add that I tend to take my grains of salt with Patron and lime.
I'll be right over!
ETA: I'll bring limes!0 -
Thank goodness we have a law that forbids any kind of physical abuse including smacking and spanking of children.0
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OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
Why does it matter to you? Because she will probably end up doing it wrong to you anyway...
Yup. If I were her, I'd probably need to try a few things before I found something that worked with that particular child.0 -
bump0
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I was spanked. My IQ is considered gifted.Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
So, I guess I could have been the next Einstein. Darn my parents!
I'd love to read the details on this study and how they controlled for the correlation between following parenting trends and educational level. I tend to take claims like this with a grain of salt.
Ditto, except to add that I tend to take my grains of salt with Patron and lime.
Knock yourselves out. From a quick search I think this is the page for the guy who lead one of the studies.
http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/#Papersavailable0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
I haven't decided. That is my ultimate decision to make. Well, unless I happen to need to go grocery shopping in an area where you live. God forbid my child throws a fit in your mighty presence.
Please come back and share when you figure out what works.
BTW, It wouldn't necessarily be near where I live. I travel the US extensively and I even shop at grocery stores occasionally in other states. I've been in grocery stores from New York to California and in between.
For what it's worth: if you met me in person, you would think differently of me. I actually spare death stares for when it gets really over the top or the kid is throwing things towards me or is running into me or trying to talk directly to me... usually screams annoy me, but I do not visibly react. The most common response I get from parents when I do show annoyance is an apology. And then I try to be nice in their time of struggle and say "it's ok," but I won't lie here: It annoys me much more than I let on. So if you do see me in a store, and your kid is being a brat yet I do not look annoyed... you should remember that I AM actually annoyed; I'm just trying to be nice. That doesn't mean I don't want you to do something about it.0 -
When my very willful daughter was 5, we were in the grocery store and she thought it was a fun game to keep running off and hiding.
Yes, I agree. If you see a parent spanking, it's not done right because it should be done in private, not publicly. With small children, training at home is key; with my older children, I could tell them that their behavior had earned them an at-home spanking. Yes, follow-through is HARD, and a commitment of self-sacrificing love on the part of the parent.one of the problems with spankings though is (at least in my experience) parents very seldom do it right. Doing it out of anger, misplaced anger, doing it without an explanation to the child....etc.....
No matter how you choose to parent you really need to make sure you're consistent with your follow through. You threaten something? spankings, or time out...you make sure you do it. You say no one time? You better say no the next time.
that said...follow through is HARD.
I took her aside the first three times and explained to her about stranger danger, about bad behavior, you name it, I said it. On the fourth time, she got a spanking. In the grocery store, in public. And she didn't run off again.
I guess I did that wrong ...
When my kid was two she ran out of a store while I was paying. I caught her, we had a talk about it as much at her level as I could manage, and she started to do it again another time we went out. So I said "Okay, bye!" and hid on an aisle. I could see her the whole time (yay security mirrors) and it scared the bejeebus out of her.
On the way home we had another conversation about why running away was bad. It ended with "Remember how bad you felt when you couldn't find me? It makes Mom feel bad when she can't find you."
Is your way wrong? I don't know. Spanking is better than losing your kid. But I think my way was better. She was scared for the right reason. It is scary to lose your family. She wasn't scared because she was caught and got a spanking.
I couldn't adequately explain to a two year old why running away was bad. I could find a consequence that demonstrated it.0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
I haven't decided. That is my ultimate decision to make. Well, unless I happen to need to go grocery shopping in an area where you live. God forbid my child throws a fit in your mighty presence.
Please come back and share when you figure out what works.
BTW, It wouldn't necessarily be near where I live. I travel the US extensively and I even shop at grocery stores occasionally in other states. I've been in grocery stores from New York to California and in between.
For what it's worth: if you met me in person, you would think differently of me. I actually spare death stares for when it gets really over the top or the kid is throwing things towards me or is running into me or trying to talk directly to me... usually screams annoy me, but I do not visibly react. The most common response I get from parents when I do show annoyance is an apology. And then I try to be nice in their time of struggle and say "it's ok," but I won't lie here: It annoys me much more than I let on. So if you do see me in a store, and your kid is being a brat yet I do not look annoyed... you should remember that I AM actually annoyed; I'm just trying to be nice. That doesn't mean I don't want you to do something about it.
How HELPFUL of you. I'll be sure to take that into consideration as I focus on my child, who actually truly does need my attention and assistance, at that moment.0 -
I'm a firm believer in spankings, to hell with all the bleeding hearts out there. It worked for centuries until the hippies created this time out nonsense.0
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I'm a firm believer in spankings, to hell with all the bleeding hearts out there. It worked for centuries until the hippies created this time out nonsense.
I know! And cutting off people's hands was a FINE way of dealing with theft. Freaking tampering with our traditions!!!0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
I haven't decided. That is my ultimate decision to make. Well, unless I happen to need to go grocery shopping in an area where you live. God forbid my child throws a fit in your mighty presence.
Please come back and share when you figure out what works.
BTW, It wouldn't necessarily be near where I live. I travel the US extensively and I even shop at grocery stores occasionally in other states. I've been in grocery stores from New York to California and in between.
For what it's worth: if you met me in person, you would think differently of me. I actually spare death stares for when it gets really over the top or the kid is throwing things towards me or is running into me or trying to talk directly to me... usually screams annoy me, but I do not visibly react. The most common response I get from parents when I do show annoyance is an apology. And then I try to be nice in their time of struggle and say "it's ok," but I won't lie here: It annoys me much more than I let on. So if you do see me in a store, and your kid is being a brat yet I do not look annoyed... you should remember that I AM actually annoyed; I'm just trying to be nice. That doesn't mean I don't want you to do something about it.
Oh my. I've read your comments, which are ignorant and uneducated at best. How "generous" of you to spare your death stares for the "over the top" behavior. If my child did something in a store that directly affected someone else, such as ran into them, messed with their shopping cart, or something like that I would apologize. Most conscientious parents would. However, if my child cries in the store because they're upset about something, you can be sure that no parent is going to get an apology from me because my child is doing something that a child of that age is neurologically wired to do. Are you also annoyed by special needs people who do not have control of their verbal utterances? Do their wheelchairs annoy you because you have to go around them? I have to wonder, because for all practical purposes little children can be like an older special needs person in that their emotional and cognitive functioning may be at a similar level. Young children's development is at a point where there is still a lot of growth necessary in order to control emotions, be considerate of others, etc...You are annoyed at children for being "brats" when they are behaving exactly as their developmental level would dictate them to behave.
Based on your posts midwesterner8, I question both your cognitive and emotional development in that you cannot seem to grasp such a simple concept as typical child development and reasonable expectations. Given your age you should be capable of a higher level of cognitive reasoning than what you have demonstrated.
I do hope you are serious in your intention to not reproduce. In fact, I would suggest you take care of that in a concrete manner as soon as possible. I'm sure we'd all be delighted if you'd report back and share the news once it's done!0 -
When my very willful daughter was 5, we were in the grocery store and she thought it was a fun game to keep running off and hiding.
Yes, I agree. If you see a parent spanking, it's not done right because it should be done in private, not publicly. With small children, training at home is key; with my older children, I could tell them that their behavior had earned them an at-home spanking. Yes, follow-through is HARD, and a commitment of self-sacrificing love on the part of the parent.one of the problems with spankings though is (at least in my experience) parents very seldom do it right. Doing it out of anger, misplaced anger, doing it without an explanation to the child....etc.....
No matter how you choose to parent you really need to make sure you're consistent with your follow through. You threaten something? spankings, or time out...you make sure you do it. You say no one time? You better say no the next time.
that said...follow through is HARD.
I took her aside the first three times and explained to her about stranger danger, about bad behavior, you name it, I said it. On the fourth time, she got a spanking. In the grocery store, in public. And she didn't run off again.
I guess I did that wrong ...
When my kid was two she ran out of a store while I was paying. I caught her, we had a talk about it as much at her level as I could manage, and she started to do it again another time we went out. So I said "Okay, bye!" and hid on an aisle. I could see her the whole time (yay security mirrors) and it scared the bejeebus out of her.
On the way home we had another conversation about why running away was bad. It ended with "Remember how bad you felt when you couldn't find me? It makes Mom feel bad when she can't find you."
Is your way wrong? I don't know. Spanking is better than losing your kid. But I think my way was better. She was scared for the right reason. It is scary to lose your family. She wasn't scared because she was caught and got a spanking.
I couldn't adequately explain to a two year old why running away was bad. I could find a consequence that demonstrated it.
That would work with my first kid and not work at all with my second.0 -
So,, have three children - 5,7,and 11 and went through this with all of them and each was different. The oldest, we would do one of two things. Either we would let him throw the fit and tell him to do better "saying come on, you can do louder than that" not recommended for all children but it worked for ours- he thought it odd that we were encouraging him so he would stop- or we would tell him "thats right- louder so everyone can hear you" - he would then realize everyone in the store was looking at him and stop. We would not act as if the fit affected us at all. We would tell him- everyone is looking at you- not us. He soon stopped and didnt throw fits anymore.
With the other two - this sometimes worked- sometimes didnt- its more appropriate for the older 3 year old tantrums. for younger tantrums- depending on severity- would just pick them up and find a corner to put them in until they stopped the fit- telling them when they can stop- they can get out of the corner. Or walk outside the store - and put them in an outside corner that way they werent throwing the fit inside the store.
Dont care about the looks- if people see you are atleast trying to handle it- most (those of us with kids) have been there and understand. The ones without kids or who never had kids dont and will never understand.
Just one- NEVER give into the fit-- yes it will make them do it everytime
two- Always make sure you remind them that it is unacceptable behavior- wherever you are and that it will not be tolerated
three- give consequences for inappropriate behavior- ie. standing in the corner, putting away something you were already getting that she wanted, etc.
Im not an expert, and no- having three still hasnt made me an expert- but this is what we did with our three-- but like everything else- you have to find what works for your daughter and then re-enforce good behavior -- ie- when she does not throw a fit - point out your happiness at her not throwing a fit or her behavior when you were in the (store, dr, dentist, insert place here) and reward her with a small - inexpensive reward. Also-- now that they are older- we sometimes give them talks before we go out or anywhere- "we are going here (insert place), your best behavior is expected (insert what you expect, ie- inside voices, no yelling, sitting still or quietly while we wait, not running around, etc) That way they know what is expected of them before we go to wherever it is we are going. We use this for mostly places like dr's and dentists offices-- places that cannot accomidate children roughousing. If we are going to the park-- its a freeforall and the only expectation is that they stay within our sight.
I am not an expert but have recieved many compliments on how well behaved my children are- even when they are not with me.
Just some ideas and what has worked for me0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
I haven't decided. That is my ultimate decision to make. Well, unless I happen to need to go grocery shopping in an area where you live. God forbid my child throws a fit in your mighty presence.
Please come back and share when you figure out what works.
BTW, It wouldn't necessarily be near where I live. I travel the US extensively and I even shop at grocery stores occasionally in other states. I've been in grocery stores from New York to California and in between.
For what it's worth: if you met me in person, you would think differently of me. I actually spare death stares for when it gets really over the top or the kid is throwing things towards me or is running into me or trying to talk directly to me... usually screams annoy me, but I do not visibly react. The most common response I get from parents when I do show annoyance is an apology. And then I try to be nice in their time of struggle and say "it's ok," but I won't lie here: It annoys me much more than I let on. So if you do see me in a store, and your kid is being a brat yet I do not look annoyed... you should remember that I AM actually annoyed; I'm just trying to be nice. That doesn't mean I don't want you to do something about it.
Oh my. I've read your comments, which are ignorant and uneducated at best. How "generous" of you to spare your death stares for the "over the top" behavior. If my child did something in a store that directly affected someone else, such as ran into them, messed with their shopping cart, or something like that I would apologize. Most conscientious parents would. However, if my child cries in the store because they're upset about something, you can be sure that no parent is going to get an apology from me because my child is doing something that a child of that age is neurologically wired to do. Are you also annoyed by special needs people who do not have control of their verbal utterances? Do their wheelchairs annoy you because you have to go around them? I have to wonder, because for all practical purposes little children can be like an older special needs person in that their emotional and cognitive functioning may be at a similar level. Young children's development is at a point where there is still a lot of growth necessary in order to control emotions, be considerate of others, etc...You are annoyed at children for being "brats" when they are behaving exactly as their developmental level would dictate them to behave.
Based on your posts midwesterner8, I question both your cognitive and emotional development in that you cannot seem to grasp such a simple concept as typical child development and reasonable expectations. Given your age you should be capable of a higher level of cognitive reasoning than what you have demonstrated.
I do hope you are serious in your intention to not reproduce. In fact, I would suggest you take care of that in a concrete manner as soon as possible. I'm sure we'd all be delighted if you'd report back and share the news once it's done!
All of that "it's impossible for kids to behave, so you should just let them throw a fit" garbage is what bothers me. I didn't throw stuff on the floor in the grocery store when I was 1, 2, or older. Don't tell me that kids are not capable of behaving.0 -
Bring toys for her to play with and try snack time at the store with home snacks.0
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Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.
Dude, you're giving parenting advice and your profile talks about hoping to find a girlfriend.
Honesty hurts.
Being childfree is a qualification for any girlfriend, and I'm up front about that from the beginning. I've turned down women who had or wanted kids in the past and will continue to do so.
Just out of curiosity...if you hate children so much, why come into a thread about children and then continue to post?
Since I also buy groceries, I'm as interested in getting children to stop throwing tantrums in a grocery store as anyone with or without kids.
You've also used this as a sounding block for how "good parents" are usually the ones with most problems, that there would be a holy war if there were child free restaurants, parents letting their "brats" get away with everything. You know, there really is only one issue that I had brought up...
I pointed out my observation. I never mentioned a "holy war" (who brought god into this?) but did bring up a specific circumstance with a bar/restaurant in GA that kicked out an unruly kid. You seem to be mischaracterizing what I've said.
I already responded to the original issue you brought up (as well as several others you brought up later). Many others (including lots of real parents, just like you) have also responded. So... after seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
At the end of the day, no one took your advice seriously, parents or non parents. I sympathize with people who have to be there when my 18 month old loses her cool over bubbles. Do I appreciate it being insinuated that she is a brat? No. Do I think you are in any position to be giving advice? No. Do I think you came here for cheap validation that not having kids is way better and now you get to judge parents? Yes.
OK, but you didn't answer my question: After seeing all of the responses, what have you decided to try next time?
I haven't decided. That is my ultimate decision to make. Well, unless I happen to need to go grocery shopping in an area where you live. God forbid my child throws a fit in your mighty presence.
Please come back and share when you figure out what works.
BTW, It wouldn't necessarily be near where I live. I travel the US extensively and I even shop at grocery stores occasionally in other states. I've been in grocery stores from New York to California and in between.
For what it's worth: if you met me in person, you would think differently of me. I actually spare death stares for when it gets really over the top or the kid is throwing things towards me or is running into me or trying to talk directly to me... usually screams annoy me, but I do not visibly react. The most common response I get from parents when I do show annoyance is an apology. And then I try to be nice in their time of struggle and say "it's ok," but I won't lie here: It annoys me much more than I let on. So if you do see me in a store, and your kid is being a brat yet I do not look annoyed... you should remember that I AM actually annoyed; I'm just trying to be nice. That doesn't mean I don't want you to do something about it.
Oh my. I've read your comments, which are ignorant and uneducated at best. How "generous" of you to spare your death stares for the "over the top" behavior. If my child did something in a store that directly affected someone else, such as ran into them, messed with their shopping cart, or something like that I would apologize. Most conscientious parents would. However, if my child cries in the store because they're upset about something, you can be sure that no parent is going to get an apology from me because my child is doing something that a child of that age is neurologically wired to do. Are you also annoyed by special needs people who do not have control of their verbal utterances? Do their wheelchairs annoy you because you have to go around them? I have to wonder, because for all practical purposes little children can be like an older special needs person in that their emotional and cognitive functioning may be at a similar level. Young children's development is at a point where there is still a lot of growth necessary in order to control emotions, be considerate of others, etc...You are annoyed at children for being "brats" when they are behaving exactly as their developmental level would dictate them to behave.
Based on your posts midwesterner8, I question both your cognitive and emotional development in that you cannot seem to grasp such a simple concept as typical child development and reasonable expectations. Given your age you should be capable of a higher level of cognitive reasoning than what you have demonstrated.
I do hope you are serious in your intention to not reproduce. In fact, I would suggest you take care of that in a concrete manner as soon as possible. I'm sure we'd all be delighted if you'd report back and share the news once it's done!
All of that "it's impossible for kids to behave, so you should just let them throw a fit" garbage is what bothers me. I didn't throw stuff on the floor in the grocery store when I was 1, 2, or older. Don't tell me that kids are not capable of behaving.
I call bull.
you didn't throw stuff on the floor at 1 or 2. Really? bull.
Kids do that, and it's not misbehaving, they are figuring out how things work. It is very possible for kids to behave. But a child throwing a tantrum isn't necessarily misbehaving, they are just acting like a child. Again a child under 2 does not have a grasp of their emotions. Everything is horrible to them. Or great! They are like tiny bipolar people! Thats how they are, that's how they are supposed to be.
Why don't you just stop? You clearly do not understand how children grow and learn and develop. You clearly do not know developmental stages or how children and people naturally act. Because clearly you are perfect and have been an adult since you were 1 year old.
And as an adult you seem just super.0 -
First, 2 and 5 are very different ages. Second, do you know how many times I walked away from her in public when she misbehaved -- was throwing a tantrum or didn't want to leave the toy store at the mall?
When my very willful daughter was 5, we were in the grocery store and she thought it was a fun game to keep running off and hiding.
Yes, I agree. If you see a parent spanking, it's not done right because it should be done in private, not publicly. With small children, training at home is key; with my older children, I could tell them that their behavior had earned them an at-home spanking. Yes, follow-through is HARD, and a commitment of self-sacrificing love on the part of the parent.one of the problems with spankings though is (at least in my experience) parents very seldom do it right. Doing it out of anger, misplaced anger, doing it without an explanation to the child....etc.....
No matter how you choose to parent you really need to make sure you're consistent with your follow through. You threaten something? spankings, or time out...you make sure you do it. You say no one time? You better say no the next time.
that said...follow through is HARD.
I took her aside the first three times and explained to her about stranger danger, about bad behavior, you name it, I said it. On the fourth time, she got a spanking. In the grocery store, in public. And she didn't run off again.
I guess I did that wrong ...
When my kid was two she ran out of a store while I was paying. I caught her, we had a talk about it as much at her level as I could manage, and she started to do it again another time we went out. So I said "Okay, bye!" and hid on an aisle. I could see her the whole time (yay security mirrors) and it scared the bejeebus out of her.
On the way home we had another conversation about why running away was bad. It ended with "Remember how bad you felt when you couldn't find me? It makes Mom feel bad when she can't find you."
Is your way wrong? I don't know. Spanking is better than losing your kid. But I think my way was better. She was scared for the right reason. It is scary to lose your family. She wasn't scared because she was caught and got a spanking.
I couldn't adequately explain to a two year old why running away was bad. I could find a consequence that demonstrated it.
She would get upset and follow once I got so far away, but she continued to do it.
Every child is different. They respond differently to different things. I swatted her bottom with my hand through her pants. I doubt it even hurt her.
People say spanking kids makes them afraid of their parents and violent adults. I was NEVER afraid of my parents. Not even a little bit. I remember a couple spankings I got and I deserved them. I did something I knew I wasn't supposed to do and I got caught and that was the consequence. I wasn't abused or beaten. And I am definitely not violent or a criminal as an adult. I'm actually quite well-adjusted, more so than a lot of people I know who weren't spanked.
I can't say spanking or not is the deciding factor, but I can say not being spanked didn't produce better adults.0
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