I prefer not get weight loss comments

If you're talking about in real life, I agree, it is extremely rude for people to comment on another person's weight.

Saying, "Hey, you look great. You look like you've lost weight!" is very insulting. It implies that the person didn't look as good at a higher weight.

I often have people say this to me, even though I have not lost any weight.
Essentially, they are making the faux pas that I do not look good at the weight that I am.

I am very tired of weight stigma.
It is harmful, and it causes much pain, and even eating disorders.
No one should EVER comment on another person's weight, unless asked. And then one should be very careful to not imply that being a lesser weight is any more attractive or healthy (it most certainly is NOT necessarily healthier, it can be even LESS healthy to be of a lower weight) than to be at a higher weight.

Even when someone has lost weight, it could be due to cancer, depression, an eating disorder, bulimia, compulsive exercise, self-hate, drug use for the purpose of weight loss, smoking for weight loss, etc., etc. It should never be presumed that weight loss is healthy, or that higher weight is less healthy. Plenty of people of higher weight have healthier lifestyles, and are healthier as a result, than people who are of lower weight.

All of us know of slim couch potatoes who chain smoke and eat ramen or fast food daily. And many of us know people of greater size who work out regularly, and who eat nutritiously most or all of the time.

Healthy lifestyle is PROVEN to be a greater predictor of health than weight.

I hear you. After about 4 months of working hard and a 30 pound loss, I'm going back to work tomorrow after the summer off (I'm a teacher at a small school with lots of catty, yenta-type women AND men.) I started losing the weight before vacation but now I have a totally different body shape and size, thank God. On the one hand, I'm prepared for comments but I'd prefer not to get them as well. Reason being, it can be a total mindf*ck when people notice and comment, especially if I don't really like the person commenting. On the other hand, it IS validating right? So I'm a little ambivalent because for me the journey's not over -- I'm still planning on working my food program, planning meals, counting calories, and getting to the gym. I really haven't "arrived" at where I want to be...either personally or professionally, so I'm just going to take any feedback with a grain of salt - being self directed, not dependent on others' feedback got me so far - so God willing, the same mindset is going to keep me fit.

Another problem with supposedly "complimenting" someone on their weight (or weight loss) is that they may very well gain back that weight. That is true of 85 - 95% of dieters.

So the compliment is temporary.

If someone gets a compliment when they've lost weight, it implies that they aren't as attractive or ok in some way when they gain the weight back, so they'll feel worse about the weight re-gain, knowing that people's approval of them is for when they are at a smaller size.

The most polite thing is to not comment. It's also healthier, because it isn't as likely to set off an eating disorder or unhealthy lifestyle practices to lose weight.

I think we all agree that comments that are meant to be flattering about our weight loss progress can go South if taken in the wrong way. People were really caught off guard when I lost 46 pounds. I had only gained 15 pounds as the weight I carried around most of my adult life was about 20-30 above where I am now. So on my body frame (small / long) it really is a big difference and most people in my new home town since 2005 never saw me any thinner. So for the first two years, I gave everyone a pass. Now that I am in my third year of maintenance, and am working on strength and endurance, I get the obnoxious questions of "Why are you doing that? You look great!" Seriously, this process has taught me to never, never, never, make a comment based on weight. Actually, my stock comment is "great to see you".

On the other hand, I have decided to make a point of telling people I know have lost weight, working out, to tell them they look great. No comment on noticeably weight loss.

[/quote]
"Sounds like you are just way to sensitive.
If a simple comment is going to cause you so much pain then you may need to work on your confidence. Simple words should not have such a great impact on you.

And if someone complimenting your weight loss is going to cause you to develop an eating disorder then you might have deeper issues."
[/quote]



There are lots of people with eating disorders, or who are on the verge of one (who have disordered eating. And dieting is considered disordered eating by many health professionals in the eating disorder community.) Hopefully you would not want to add fuel to that fire, yes?

I share the perspective that there is no such thing as over-sensitivity, just insensitivity

We can all benefit from learning ways to be more sensitive of others in various ways.

I would encourage you to visit the National Eating Disorder Association web site, and the ANAD eating disorder web site. They include discussion of how common it is for eating disorders to be set off by just one comment. it is actually quite common.

Also, please check out the story of Andrea Smeltzer, a young woman who died in the early stages of bulimia, as her story is relevant here. Her mother, Doris Smeltzer, has worked tirelessly to educate about eating disorders, ever since, and encourages weight neutrality. She has a beautiful web site and has written a book called "Andrea's Voice."

People with eating disorders frequently recall one thing someone said to them that stuck with them, that set off their eating disorder (something that added fuel to the fire within our already eating-disordered culture). That is why these national eating disorder organizations and other e.d. educators encourage people to not make comments about others' weight: and to be weight-neutral.

Also, years ago, Ann Landers addressed this from an etiquette standpoint, writing it is not polite or appropriate to comment on other peoples' weights: it really is no one else's business how much another person weighs, unless that person brings it up. One never knows why a person lost (or gained) weight, or how the comment might affect them.

It's just a way of being considerate and to avoid doing needless, even if unintended, harm.

If it's a sincere compliment, accept it with grace. If it's a backhanded compliment, tell 'em to f' off. Why would you put any more thought into it than that?

I accept compliments with gratitude, but definitely perfer comments not be made on my weight. I'm focusing on my health for me and having others weigh in (no pun intended) on it is just extra pressure to me.

The gym I go to asked me for before and after pictures to use in marketing materials. I nearly perished at the thought - LOL!

I love giving people compliments for encouragement and a pick-me-up, but I myself understand what it's like to feel uncomfortable about weight comments so I disguise my compliments such as "Hey, you look great in that top/skirt!" or "Is that a new foundation? You look glowing!" - playing oblivious.

You can't control other people only how you react to them. A compliment is that take it as such and move on. If you don't like the content ignore and move on. Problems then solved

I don't need other peoples validation of myself but I love when people notice. It reminds me that the work I do daily, although sometimes hard for me to notice, is paying off.

I never turn down a compliment.

This. Come on, lighten up! Most weight loss (now I said MOST not ALL) is a result of hard work that people are proud of. It is a visible sign that you've stuck to your guns and did the hard work required. And most people are just trying to acknowledge that because just about everyone knows how hard it is to lose weight. I can't understand why someone acknowledging your hard work is a bad thing. And if losing weight weren't healthier (or more attractive), why are so many people doing it?

People are going to talk, nothing is going to change that. Either graciously accept the compliment, or tell them how you feel.

Next time a woman compliments me on my physique I will knock her back by asking if she thought I looked unattractive before I started hitting the gym. :devil:

This. +1.

Maybe instead of taking it as a comment about how bad you looked before, take it as a comment about how all the hard work you've put in is now apparent to others.

I really don't get this victim mentality. If I spent all day doing yard work, trimming, edging, weeding, and somebody says, wow..."your yard is looking great", I don't take it as them saying my yard was wrecked before. But I see it as my effort has produced results that is now visible by others.

There will be plenty of opportunities to get offended by some person's backhanded comment about your appearance, so I suggest you take the genuine compliments when you get them, as they don't happen often.

If you're talking about in real life, I agree, it is extremely rude for people to comment on another person's weight.

Saying, "Hey, you look great. You look like you've lost weight!" is very insulting. It implies that the person didn't look as good at a higher weight.

I often have people say this to me, even though I have not lost any weight.
Essentially, they are making the faux pas that I do not look good at the weight that I am.

I am very tired of weight stigma.
It is harmful, and it causes much pain, and even eating disorders.
No one should EVER comment on another person's weight, unless asked. And then one should be very careful to not imply that being a lesser weight is any more attractive or healthy (it most certainly is NOT necessarily healthier, it can be even LESS healthy to be of a lower weight) than to be at a higher weight.

Even when someone has lost weight, it could be due to cancer, depression, an eating disorder, bulimia, compulsive exercise, self-hate, drug use for the purpose of weight loss, smoking for weight loss, etc., etc. It should never be presumed that weight loss is healthy, or that higher weight is less healthy. Plenty of people of higher weight have healthier lifestyles, and are healthier as a result, than people who are of lower weight.

All of us know of slim couch potatoes who chain smoke and eat ramen or fast food daily. And many of us know people of greater size who work out regularly, and who eat nutritiously most or all of the time.

Healthy lifestyle is PROVEN to be a greater predictor of health than weight.

Sounds like you are just way to sensitive.
If a simple comment is going to cause you so much pain then you may need to work on your confidence. Simple words should not have such a great impact on you.

And if someone complimenting your weight loss is going to cause you to develop an eating disorder then you might have deeper issues.

And for every one of these posts there are many more where people complain that nobody is commenting on their weight loss.

It's one of those things where people just can't win no matter what they do.