I prefer not get weight loss comments

Oh wait.....never mind........I just read the feminist line. Guess my opinion matters not because I'm a guy.

"I'm wearing a power suit to this meeting but don't look at my suit, how dare you look at my suit"

LOL! I might as well just say I'm a misandrist because that seems to be what feminist equates to in these parts.

And oh yeah, it would actually be expected for you to make a negative comment about my pictures because we're on MFP. I mean, I wouldn't like it, but it would be in the realm of possibilities because I'm here and we're here to talk about bodies.

Oh, for pete's sake! This reminds me of my favorite quote: "We live in the land of the perpetually offended".

Take the compliment in the spirit it was intended and move on with your life. There are way bigger things out there to worry about than someone who thinks you look great because you put in the hard work to make yourself healthy.

Lol yes! This whole discussion reminds me of the topic about men looking at females and it being sexual harassment. The whole world will end up being "dont look at, dont speak to, dont make eye contact with ANYONE" in fear of being sued by what seems to be a world full of angry granny types.

Can I be an angry granny type? I would like this very much. Especially if I get a cane.

Oh wait.....never mind........I just read the feminist line. Guess my opinion matters not because I'm a guy.

"I'm wearing a power suit to this meeting but don't look at my suit, how dare you look at my suit"

LOL! I might as well just say I'm a misandrist because that seems to be what feminist equates to in these parts.

And oh yeah, it would actually be expected for you to make a negative comment about my pictures because we're on MFP. I mean, I wouldn't like it, but it would be in the realm of possibilities because I'm here and we're here to talk about bodies.

No one has to say it for you, you're doing a good job at showing it. You capitalize the word MAN in your previous posts and it's okay for a woman to give you a compliment but the same compliment can't come from a man. It's pointless arguing with you as you've already solidified your preconceived views of men and I'm sure you've had more than enough practice battling every man on site so we really won't get anywhere.

Maybe as you complete your journey your views on the opposite sex might loosen up a little. Unless it's to late.

Are you confusing me with another person? That MAN comment was someone else. Also, I'm married.

I think I understand what the OP is saying, I find it harder (more uncomfortable) to deal with family than with friends etc. I try to accept it with the intent it’s given.
I think what the OP might be saying (not that I can speak for her) is that sometimes you just want to be who you are. For instance I described it like this a few days ago, sometimes I just what to be known as John, not John who’s lost 100lbs, I tried to explain it this way, if you’re friend Jim had an accident and lost his leg would he want or be known as Jim who lost his leg or just Jim?
I realize that analogy might be odd but it stems from wanting to just be “normal”, not to be the fat guy/girl, just wanting to be known for who you are and not what you’ve lost.
YMMV

I think I understand what the OP is saying, I find it harder (more uncomfortable) to deal with family than with friends etc. I try to accept it with the intent it’s given.
I think what the OP might be saying (not that I can speak for her) is that sometimes you just want to be who you are. For instance I described it like this a few days ago, sometimes I just what to be known as John, not John who’s lost 100lbs, I tried to explain it this way, if you’re friend Jim had an accident and lost his leg would he want or be known as Jim who lost his leg or just Jim?
I realize that analogy might be odd but it stems from wanting to just be “normal”, not to be the fat guy/girl, just wanting to be known for who you are and not what you’ve lost.
YMMV

This, so much.

I think I understand what the OP is saying, I find it harder (more uncomfortable) to deal with family than with friends etc. I try to accept it with the intent it’s given.
I think what the OP might be saying (not that I can speak for her) is that sometimes you just want to be who you are. For instance I described it like this a few days ago, sometimes I just what to be known as John, not John who’s lost 100lbs, I tried to explain it this way, if you’re friend Jim had an accident and lost his leg would he want or be known as Jim who lost his leg or just Jim?
I realize that analogy might be odd but it stems from wanting to just be “normal”, not to be the fat guy/girl, just wanting to be known for who you are and not what you’ve lost.
YMMV

I like that you've acknowledged that your analogy is a bit much. But let's now take it waay in the other direction: Would you want to be known as Jim, or Jim who used to be in a wheel chair, worked with doctors and the latest tech and now runs marathons?

Why?
That's nothing at all in line with what the OP was talking about. Of course you can spin it any way that you like, I was just trying to offer another explanation for what the OP might have meant.

I think I understand what the OP is saying, I find it harder (more uncomfortable) to deal with family than with friends etc. I try to accept it with the intent it’s given.
I think what the OP might be saying (not that I can speak for her) is that sometimes you just want to be who you are. For instance I described it like this a few days ago, sometimes I just what to be known as John, not John who’s lost 100lbs, I tried to explain it this way, if you’re friend Jim had an accident and lost his leg would he want or be known as Jim who lost his leg or just Jim?
I realize that analogy might be odd but it stems from wanting to just be “normal”, not to be the fat guy/girl, just wanting to be known for who you are and not what you’ve lost.
YMMV

I like that you've acknowledged that your analogy is a bit much. But let's now take it waay in the other direction: Would you want to be known as Jim, or Jim who used to be in a wheel chair, worked with doctors and the latest tech and now runs marathons?

Why?
That's nothing at all in line with what the OP was talking about. Of course you can spin it any way that you like, I was just trying to offer another explanation for what the OP might have meant.

My point is when we adjust your analogy, is it still wrong and uncomfortable to be known as someone who's accomplished a phenomenal task? Losing your leg = not so great and not the victory a ton of us feel after having worked extremely hard and lost weight. Walking again, well, maybe too fabtastic, but I'd say now we're getting close!

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I debated whether to answer this thread, but I keep thinking about it, SO...

Twice in my life I have lost significant weight not because I was getting my life together, but because it was falling apart. The first time, well-meaning compliments reinforced some self-destructive behavior I was engaging in. The second time, it was for medical reasons and compliments were very awkward and uncomfortable for me.

I know people mean well. I know a lot of people lose weight through hard work and want to have it acknowledged. But you don't always know what's going on in someone's life. I think you have to ask yourself if you want to risk doing any of these things inadvertently:

Do you want to compliment someone with bulimia for their weight loss?

Do you want to tell someone whose Crohn's disease is flaring and whose intestines start bleeding if they eat anything but white rice and steamed chicken or that they look great since they lost weight?

Do you want to compliment someone who chose to risk suicidal depression over taking medication that causes weight gain?

Do you want to compliment someone on their weight loss not knowing it's because they're puking their guts out from chemo every other week? Or, because they've reached the point where they're letting the disease take its course?

Obviously no one would do any of these things on purpose, but they happen when weight loss compliments are bandied about casually. I'm uncomfortable when I am complimented, because I don't want to encourage comments on people's bodies knowing that in some cases they can be terribly hurtful.

I think I understand what the OP is saying, I find it harder (more uncomfortable) to deal with family than with friends etc. I try to accept it with the intent it’s given.
I think what the OP might be saying (not that I can speak for her) is that sometimes you just want to be who you are. For instance I described it like this a few days ago, sometimes I just what to be known as John, not John who’s lost 100lbs, I tried to explain it this way, if you’re friend Jim had an accident and lost his leg would he want or be known as Jim who lost his leg or just Jim?
I realize that analogy might be odd but it stems from wanting to just be “normal”, not to be the fat guy/girl, just wanting to be known for who you are and not what you’ve lost.
YMMV

I like that you've acknowledged that your analogy is a bit much. But let's now take it waay in the other direction: Would you want to be known as Jim, or Jim who used to be in a wheel chair, worked with doctors and the latest tech and now runs marathons?

Why?
That's nothing at all in line with what the OP was talking about. Of course you can spin it any way that you like, I was just trying to offer another explanation for what the OP might have meant.

My point is when we adjust your analogy, is it still wrong and uncomfortable to be known as someone who's accomplished a phenomenal task? Losing your leg = not so great and not the victory a ton of us feel after having worked extremely hard and lost weight. Walking again, well, maybe too fabtastic, but I'd say now we're getting close!

LoL... Please feel free to spin it any way that you feel the need, as I've already stated I was giving another way to look at the OP's statement. Now if you want to change everything around and interject different parameters to what she was trying to say why stop there ? If we're going to "adjust" something why not say she grew another head?

I don't know, did you wish to make that point? Perhaps if you did I would find it an interesting read and respond to it as we're doing on a discussion forum. I thought the point was to exchange and comment on ideas, but if it makes you uncomfortable I'd be more than happy to make a note of your user name and just nod along quietly when next I read your post(s)

Last night a girlfriend's FIANCE said to me, "You look like you've slimmed down." I was so insulted. It came out of nowhere and I was not asking for his approval or his gaze. No thank you! I do not care about your objectifying thoughts on my body changes!

My punchline is - when my good girlfriends tell me I look good and healthy and glowing or strong/fit, I appreciate that. But when a MAN I don't know very well tells me I've "slimmed down", I get pissed. My body does not exist for his appraisal or approval! And I did not invite such a comment so I really was annoyed. I didn't want to say anything to anyone because I didn't want to start a drama, but you know how it is. Unfortunately the male gaze exists and we just have to deal with it, through all our weight fluctuations.

You cannot be serious. Please be trolling.


MFP rationality:
Comments on weight loss: creepy and/or judgemental, with the implication the subject looked like crap before
NO comments on weight loss: all your hard work has been for nothing, and everyone is a jealous hater.

Logic. Not even once

Wins the thread.

I debated whether to answer this thread, but I keep thinking about it, SO...

Twice in my life I have lost significant weight not because I was getting my life together, but because it was falling apart. The first time, well-meaning compliments reinforced some self-destructive behavior I was engaging in. The second time, it was for medical reasons and compliments were very awkward and uncomfortable for me.

I know people mean well. I know a lot of people lose weight through hard work and want to have it acknowledged. But you don't always know what's going on in someone's life. I think you have to ask yourself if you want to risk doing any of these things inadvertently:

Do you want to compliment someone with bulimia for their weight loss?

Do you want to tell someone whose Crohn's disease is flaring and whose intestines start bleeding if they eat anything but white rice and steamed chicken or that they look great since they lost weight?

Do you want to compliment someone who chose to risk suicidal depression over taking medication that causes weight gain?

Do you want to compliment someone on their weight loss not knowing it's because they're puking their guts out from chemo every other week? Or, because they've reached the point where they're letting the disease take its course?

Obviously no one would do any of these things on purpose, but they happen when weight loss compliments are bandied about casually. I'm uncomfortable when I am complimented, because I don't want to encourage comments on people's bodies knowing that in some cases they can be terribly hurtful.

I think this is a good illustration of why some people may be uncomfortable with comments.

Although according to some people it because we are ungrateful, over sensitive and easily offended. I have never been offended or upset by a well meaning compliment, I would just rather someone wasn't commenting on my body who doesn't know me well and when the reason I had lost the weight was illness. It made me a little uncomfortable, that's all.

That is a great idea. I know of a couple others at work that are losing weight and didn't want to say "Hey you look lost weight!" in case it came out as "Hey! You're less fat." I'll compliment the new clothes they get as they lose weight and hope they do the same for me.

This content has been removed.

I think I understand what the OP is saying, I find it harder (more uncomfortable) to deal with family than with friends etc. I try to accept it with the intent it’s given.
I think what the OP might be saying (not that I can speak for her) is that sometimes you just want to be who you are. For instance I described it like this a few days ago, sometimes I just what to be known as John, not John who’s lost 100lbs, I tried to explain it this way, if you’re friend Jim had an accident and lost his leg would he want or be known as Jim who lost his leg or just Jim?
I realize that analogy might be odd but it stems from wanting to just be “normal”, not to be the fat guy/girl, just wanting to be known for who you are and not what you’ve lost.
YMMV

I like that you've acknowledged that your analogy is a bit much. But let's now take it waay in the other direction: Would you want to be known as Jim, or Jim who used to be in a wheel chair, worked with doctors and the latest tech and now runs marathons?

Why?
That's nothing at all in line with what the OP was talking about. Of course you can spin it any way that you like, I was just trying to offer another explanation for what the OP might have meant.

My point is when we adjust your analogy, is it still wrong and uncomfortable to be known as someone who's accomplished a phenomenal task? Losing your leg = not so great and not the victory a ton of us feel after having worked extremely hard and lost weight. Walking again, well, maybe too fabtastic, but I'd say now we're getting close!

LoL... Please feel free to spin it any way that you feel the need, as I've already stated I was giving another way to look at the OP's statement. Now if you want to change everything around and interject different parameters to what she was trying to say why stop there ? If we're going to "adjust" something why not say she grew another head?

I don't know, did you wish to make that point? Perhaps if you did I would find it an interesting read and respond to it as we're doing on a discussion forum. I thought the point was to exchange and comment on ideas, but if it makes you uncomfortable I'd be more than happy to make a note of your user name and just nod along quietly when next I read your post(s)

Ohhhh no.... :sad: