"You MUST send me a message if you want to be my friend"

overzoelous
overzoelous Posts: 161 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I've stumbled on a few profiles of people with similar body type as me or just people around my age and have added a few as a friend. I've also noticed that some people have this *****IF YOU DON'T SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST I WILL REJECT YOUR FRIEND REQUEST***** notice at the top of their profile. If you're one of those people that only adds users who you know in real life on this site as a friend, I totally understand, but I've always noticed that people have 200+ friends, and all of them are not from the same area. It's the internet. I'm not about to show up on your door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks. Does anyone else find this a little funny? Like do I really have to explain myself to be your "friend" on a website when I'm probably never going to meet you and just comment "great job" when you have a 500 calorie burn workout and have it motivate me to get up off my butt and walk around the block?
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Replies

  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
    Leaving a message takes all of two seconds...is it REALLY that big of a deal not to send one. I happen to be one of those people and yes I do in fact like to know how the person found me. if we have mutual friends or they feel I can help them in some way.
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
    TL:DR

    yawns.....
  • _Tink_
    _Tink_ Posts: 3,845 Member
    I'm picky about who I accept on my FL, primarily because it's too easy to accept everyone and end up with a giant, unmanageable FL. I like to get to know people, so I set criteria. I keep my list small. If you're not mutuals with people on my list I probably won't accept; even if you are mutuals it doesn't mean that I will. If no message is included it doesn't even get considered. And even if you meet the criteria, if I don't feel like we'd be a good personality match I'll probably still decline. That may seem overly picky to some, but there have been weeks when I've gotten 60 or 70 requests. There has to be a limit, at least for me.
  • NYactor1
    NYactor1 Posts: 9,642 Member
    I usually run a credit check, criminal background and insurability screening prior to accepting any friend requests.
  • overzoelous
    overzoelous Posts: 161 Member
    Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Guilty. It's because I want friends who actually *interact* with me and have READ my profile before adding me. If they don't have anything to say, chances are slim to none that we will have much interaction after they have been added.

    If you're put off by it, that's fine, the 'x' button is right there at the top right. No skin off my nose.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
    I'm picky about who I accept on my FL, primarily because it's too easy to accept everyone and end up with a giant, unmanageable FL. I like to get to know people, so I set criteria. I keep my list small. If you're not mutuals with people on my list I probably won't accept; even if you are mutuals it doesn't mean that I will. If no message is included it doesn't even get considered. And even if you meet the criteria, if I don't feel like we'd be a good personality match I'll probably still decline. That may seem overly picky to some, but there have been weeks when I've gotten 60 or 70 requests. There has to be a limit, at least for me.

    its true took me weeks to get in :P
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    I usually run a credit check, criminal background and insurability screening prior to accepting any friend requests.

    Always consult an actuary as well... just to make sure your investment of friendship is worthwhile.
  • TheNewPriceIsLoading
    TheNewPriceIsLoading Posts: 2,135 Member
    FR me? ^ :)
  • LifeOfBrian78
    LifeOfBrian78 Posts: 397 Member
    I'm picky about who I accept on my FL, primarily because it's too easy to accept everyone and end up with a giant, unmanageable FL. I like to get to know people, so I set criteria. I keep my list small. If you're not mutuals with people on my list I probably won't accept; even if you are mutuals it doesn't mean that I will. If no message is included it doesn't even get considered. And even if you meet the criteria, if I don't feel like we'd be a good personality match I'll probably still decline. That may seem overly picky to some, but there have been weeks when I've gotten 60 or 70 requests. There has to be a limit, at least for me.

    ^ This. I got to the point where I had an unmanageable list. I had to cut some friends, some of them I didn't want to as they were great people, but I just couldn't keep up with my newsfeed.
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
    -Whatever-Ci-I-Do-What-I-Want-GIF.gif
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    Guilty too. I got a lot of friend requests from people who would just quit the site a few days later or who had eating disorders and I couldn't support in the way that they wanted. It makes it easier for me to know if that person genuinely wants to be an acquaintance or just wants to add fodder to their own friend list.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    I do wut I want.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I only add girls who have developed an ED and are in that "sweet spot" where they aren't bulky like some of the girls who like to lift weight but also aren't so super thin that I fear they might break. Just the right amount of thin and daddy issues. Also they have to be between 18-19. I don't need old girls on my friends list.
  • overzoelous
    overzoelous Posts: 161 Member
    I understand if you have 60-70 requests per day, that would be annoying to deal with in a news feed. I'm clearly not internet popular like everyone else.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    My diary is private so my friends can't see that anyway. I hate generic "WTG's" so I'm not looking for a friend to do that.

    I'm looking for people who are active, who have a good personality, who will communicate, and who will make me want to log in everyday just so I can interact with them. Oh and since I'm here, I can log my food too.

    Of course, I want to do the same for my friends. I can only maintain so many online relationships at once. That's just me. So I want to be sure that I have a friend's list full of people that meet the above criteria. I can't know that you meet those criteria without getting to know you first. So yes... a message is neccessary.

    I actually go one step further on my page and request that you have had some previous interaction with me in the forums or on a mutual friend's wall. I don't want a list full of complete strangers that aren't genuine when they applaud my victories.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    So I've stumbled on a few profiles of people with similar body type as me or just people around my age and have added a few as a friend. I've also noticed that some people have this *****IF YOU DON'T SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST I WILL REJECT YOUR FRIEND REQUEST***** notice at the top of their profile. If you're one of those people that only adds users who you know in real life on this site as a friend, I totally understand, but I've always noticed that people have 200+ friends, and all of them are not from the same area. It's the internet. I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks. Does anyone else find this a little funny? Like do I really have to explain myself to be your "friend" on a website when I'm probably never going to meet you and just comment "great job" when you have a 500 calorie burn workout and have it motivate me to get up off my butt and walk around the block?
    So, would you walk up to a random stranger on the street without having ever seen or spoken to that person before and just decide you're friends?

    We're all very personal on our pages and we say things there we don't share with anyone and everyone. Some of us are sarcastic, some are raunchy. Having compatible personalities here is as important as anywhere else.

    It's rude to send a friend request without a message. I only make an exception when I've interacted with someone elsewhere (boards, mutual friends' walls, PM or real life).
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Not gonna lie, I didn't read all of the OP... however, I don't like adding random people that I may or may not click with... point being, if I don't recognize your username and have never conversed with me ON TOP of having a totally locked down profile, chances are you probably won't be added... it's nothing personal, I just don't want people who are only trying to collect friends... I want people that I will mesh well with and that I know there will be mutual encouragement and tomfoolery.
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    BINGO!
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    0/10 would not FR.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    I'm picky about who I add too. I like to get a message with a FR request at least telling me why you want to add me - if we have a friend in common or something that motivated you in the forums. Saying "hey you're sexy" is NOT going to get you accepted. Not putting a message isn't either. Too random. I get dozens of requests and if I accepted all of them I'd have a thousand 'friends'. Too meaningless.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Don't add me. Problem solved.
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
    I understand if you have 60-70 requests per day, that would be annoying to deal with in a news feed. I'm clearly not internet popular like everyone else.

    I get maybe one a month.

    But if I've never seen you, and we've never had any exchange and no mutual friends...where did you even find me? Is the first thing I think.

    It's the polite thing to send a message.I mean you don't go up to random strangers and just poke them and say "FRIEND?" Or maybe you do, maybe you were raised in a barn, but I don't know that unless you tell me.

    Point is introduce yourself when sending a FR.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Meh- I just like to know- I don't have that on my profile- but I can tell if someone says "I want to stalk your food diary" or you lift that's awesome- or your sense of humor or whatever- gives me a clue.

    A handful of people I deny out and out- but meh- it's not a crisis- it's a forum and a calorie counting site- I don't live breath and die by it.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
    I accept on an extremely complicated scale and formula that is totally ignored based on hotness
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    So I've stumbled on a few profiles of people with similar body type as me or just people around my age and have added a few as a friend. I've also noticed that some people have this *****IF YOU DON'T SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST I WILL REJECT YOUR FRIEND REQUEST***** notice at the top of their profile. If you're one of those people that only adds users who you know in real life on this site as a friend, I totally understand, but I've always noticed that people have 200+ friends, and all of them are not from the same area. It's the internet. I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks. Does anyone else find this a little funny? Like do I really have to explain myself to be your "friend" on a website when I'm probably never going to meet you and just comment "great job" when you have a 500 calorie burn workout and have it motivate me to get up off my butt and walk around the block?

    So you want to use people. Gotcha.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    I'm picky about who I accept on my FL, primarily because it's too easy to accept everyone and end up with a giant, unmanageable FL. I like to get to know people, so I set criteria. I keep my list small. If you're not mutuals with people on my list I probably won't accept; even if you are mutuals it doesn't mean that I will. If no message is included it doesn't even get considered. And even if you meet the criteria, if I don't feel like we'd be a good personality match I'll probably still decline. That may seem overly picky to some, but there have been weeks when I've gotten 60 or 70 requests. There has to be a limit, at least for me.

    ^ This. I got to the point where I had an unmanageable list. I had to cut some friends, some of them I didn't want to as they were great people, but I just couldn't keep up with my newsfeed.

    Me too. When my list started getting bigger, I had to add the disclaimer. I can't cut anymore, because I like everybody too much!
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.

    I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    FR me? ^ :)

    What's in it for me?
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    Guilty. It's because I want friends who actually *interact* with me and have READ my profile before adding me. If they don't have anything to say, chances are slim to none that we will have much interaction after they have been added.

    If you're put off by it, that's fine, the 'x' button is right there at the top right. No skin off my nose.

    This is why I put that line in there too. It's like a test to see if you actually read about me or not. Also, reading my profile gives you a chance to know what you're getting into, and I am definitely not everyone's cup of tea.

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