sabotagers... are real

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quietattheback
quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
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Replies

  • cookeylady
    cookeylady Posts: 147 Member
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    I can totally relate to this, it really hurts doesn't it. Or when they make fun of your meals, calling it bird or bunny food :(
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
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    It just really knocked me off balance, we had breakfast together so she knew I had eaten well... also she is slim so it's not that she wants me to stay fat with her... it really confused me
  • burningstorm
    burningstorm Posts: 79
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    I'd cut her brake lines.
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
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    Haha :) I will just be ready for it next time. Good thing is it really tested my resolve
  • burningstorm
    burningstorm Posts: 79
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    Bake her a cake laced with pcp and dump her in Mexico...just sayin :)
  • Foamroller
    Foamroller Posts: 1,041 Member
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    How good a friend is this person? The sabotage is probably more about her own stuff than you, if that's any comfort.
    You have to decide for yourself if that's a personality trait you can filter out or not.
    I avoid contact with people if I feel being around them makes sticking to my goals and journey is harder not easier. A friendly negative feedback or advice is usually meant well, but sabotage is a no-no for me.

    Remember no one makes you feel anything, you feel something because of this or that action. What you feel and how you handle it, is your responsibility. Cause we can't really change other people, only yourselves.

    Listen more to what people in your life DO than what they SAY.
  • Samstan101
    Samstan101 Posts: 699 Member
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    They're only sabotagers if they physically force you to eat. There'll always be temptations and its up to us to choose what and how much we eat. Quite why some individuals feel threatened I'm not sure but its also very satisfying to have the willpower to not over indulge but to just have a small amount if it fits your day's goal.
  • dammitjanet0161
    dammitjanet0161 Posts: 319 Member
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    It's only deliberate sabotage if she's lacing your food with lard while you're not looking!

    Seriously, it's probably more to do with her insecurity, and that odd sense of unspoken competition that so many women seem to have. Did you know her when you were both slim? She might not even be aware she's doing it.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    Ask her and see what she says?
    I must admit I have not encountered this type of person, only my mum keeps asking me to eat something.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
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    So she ate 2 ice creams.. told you to try a flavor probably cause it tasted good... yea sounds like a horrible friend to me. One of my favorite things to do is go in and out of the little shops and taste test everything, even better when I'm doing it with a friend.

    Stop thinking of food as good, bad, junk and any other label you want to put on it. If she ever holds you down and forces food in your mouth you can call sabotage. Until that happens, she offered, you have the choice to eat whatever it is or not. But it is entirely your decision.
  • shanitomorrow
    shanitomorrow Posts: 64 Member
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    They're only sabotagers if they physically force you to eat. There'll always be temptations and its up to us to choose what and how much we eat. Quite why some individuals feel threatened I'm not sure but its also very satisfying to have the willpower to not over indulge but to just have a small amount if it fits your day's goal.

    Sometimes people are threatened by the idea that you are changing - taking control, taking responsibility, deciding what you want for yourself and making it happen - all scary stuff, who knows how you might change as a person!

    It sounds like you are quite close, so you may be able to talk to her about how important this is to you and how you would like her support to achieve what you want to do. Sometimes I just ask outright, " is something worrying you about this?" People don't always even realise what they are doing.
  • Surreal2You
    Surreal2You Posts: 16 Member
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    Truth they do exist. I find myself at times avoiding hanging out with friends due to their constant urges pushing me to consistently eat out. They would like to lose weight but they do not track their macros and micros, or even exercise enough to try and lose weight. They continue to wish that I would meet with them but, they not only continue to eat unhealthy fast food but also do not even try and any add any sort of physical activity to go with just the meetup and food outings.
  • wubbykid
    wubbykid Posts: 60 Member
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    It's only deliberate sabotage if she's lacing your food with lard while you're not looking!

    Seriously, it's probably more to do with her insecurity, and that odd sense of unspoken competition that so many women seem to have. Did you know her when you were both slim? She might not even be aware she's doing it.

    Trust me, people aren't innocent. They know they are doing it.
  • wubbykid
    wubbykid Posts: 60 Member
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    It's the perverse human need to rebel and go against something, even if it's good. Like losing needed weight.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
    I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
    What is that all about??

    IDK. You didn't ask her?
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Truth they do exist. I find myself at times avoiding hanging out with friends due to their constant urges pushing me to consistently eat out. They would like to lose weight but they do not track their macros and micros, or even exercise enough to try and lose weight. They continue to wish that I would meet with them but, they not only continue to eat unhealthy fast food but also do not even try and any add any sort of physical activity to go with just the meetup and food outings.
    [/quote

    Lol or maybe they just miss having meals out with you??!
  • Patttience
    Patttience Posts: 975 Member
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    If it comes up again, you could ask her, " you know its almost as though you don't want me to lose weight, the way you are trying to entice me off diet with all these foods that you nearly never eat normally. What's going on? "

    She will of course deny everything. Maybe she's not totally conscious of what she's doing. Or maybe you don't normally notice what she eats as well as you think you do. anyway just bring this out into the open should nip any further attempts at sabotage in the bud.
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
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    If it comes up again, you could ask her, " you know its almost as though you don't want me to lose weight, the way you are trying to entice me off diet with all these foods that you nearly never eat normally. What's going on? "

    She will of course deny everything. Maybe she's not totally conscious of what she's doing. Or maybe you don't normally notice what she eats as well as you think you do. anyway just bring this out into the open should nip any further attempts at sabotage in the bud.
    This is a great idea, that's what I will do. She normally has only one meal a day, usually evening meal but yesterday was breakfast, ordinarily after having breakfast out she wouldn't eat again until the following day so the ice cream twice in one day is very unusual.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Did she tie you down and shove the food down your throat? No? Then it's not sabotage. You're overreacting IMO.
  • XX_Miss_RoseMary_XX
    XX_Miss_RoseMary_XX Posts: 274 Member
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    I feel you. My husband is on board with me getting healthy but he's all about me having "cheat days" ... Almost everyday.
    It takes a lot of self control to not give in to offers of Dairy Queen and chocolate bars everyday.

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